Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Emerson

O n the surface, things were back to normal—whatever normal was—when we put the kids to bed. They seemed to have forgotten about the earlier trauma of Skyler taking off.

I hadn’t, of course.

I’d put on my happy face for the rest of the evening, but this afternoon had taken a toll on me. Bone-tired didn’t begin to cover it, and my limbs weighed a hundred pounds each.

Evelyn had had the brilliant idea of pushing her bed and Skyler’s together so Sky wouldn’t feel alone. I hoped it would be enough to keep my daughter in their room tonight, as I needed real, deep sleep—the kind you couldn’t get with a four-year-old hogging your space. It’d be a while before I could test the theory though.

I’d told Ben I’d help him bake pies for tomorrow, so after kissing my babies good night, I went down to the kitchen. My holiday spirit was in the negative numbers, but the least I could do was put on a brave face and not ruin Ben’s excitement.

“Sous baker, reporting for duty,” I said as I entered the kitchen, mustering up as much cheer as I could fake. There was a heavenly aroma permeating the main floor. The oven was on, and I suspected something was already baking.

Ben turned from the counter and focused all his attention on me as I washed my hands. “Hey.” His voice was low and caring, in contrast to my loud bluster. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m good,” I lied, fighting to keep up my nonchalance. It was that, or…I didn’t know what. Tears? Breaking down? Blubbering all over him? “Evelyn’s got a heart of gold.”

“She’s a pint-sized mother hen,” he said, his affection audible. “Bossy on the surface, but that little girl cares deeply about her sister and your kids. She was all business during the search and had Xavier and Ruby marching from one end of the east property line to the other and back, right at her sides. The three of them came running when I told them I had Skyler.”

My nonchalance shattered as I imagined Ben returning to the house with my precious girl, the other kids rushing to them to dole out hugs. “Thank you,” I managed, my voice only cracking a little.

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, fighting for control over my emotions. I hadn’t had a moment to myself yet, by design. I just needed to make it another hour or however long pies took. Then I could disappear to my room, close my door, and sob into my pillow until I fell asleep.

Except Ben slid his arm around me from the side and squeezed my shoulders, his large palm strong and gentle at once.

It’d been a long, long time since I’d felt that kind of masculine touch from anyone, the kind that infused strength and support, that said, you’re not alone . Not romantic, not sexual, though it’d been just as long since I’d experienced those. They weren’t what I needed right now.

I hadn’t thought I needed anything from a man, as I had a tight circle of strong women in my life, the most supportive girlfriends I could ask for. But something about Ben’s quiet strength and his unselfish offering had tears plummeting over the rims of my eyes and down my cheeks. I wiped them away, slid my arm around his waist from the side, and allowed myself to lean into his shoulder for a few seconds.

“I don’t think Skyler will ever try running away again,” he said. “She was scared out there, so scared she wouldn’t come to me when I called at first.”

My heart squeezed even harder for my little girl. “She was hiding?”

“Behind an old, thick tree trunk.”

“How’d you get her to come out?” I asked.

“Promised her a cookie.”

An emotional laugh burst out of me. “Brilliant.”

“It was the first thing she asked for when we walked in the door. She devoured it before you got here.”

I couldn’t help a slight smile in spite of all the fear and sadness circling my head. “You know her well already.” I swallowed hard, determined to get the pie making over with so we could both go to bed. “Thank you doesn’t seem sufficient, but it’s all I’ve got.”

He pulled me closer into his side for a moment. “No thanks necessary, Emerson. She’s as close to being my own kid as she could be. Blake and your kids are basically family, even more so now that you’re staying here.”

I sniffled a final time and wiped away any remaining tears, still determined to wait until I was alone to unleash my fear, relief, and worry. After a deep, leveling breath, I stepped away and turned my attention to baking. “What needs to be done here? Where do we start?”

“The pies are finished,” Ben said, snapping back into kitchen mode. “Pumpkin’s baking and french silk’s in the refrigerator.”

“What? We’re supposed to do pies after the kids go to bed.” The aroma coming from the oven finally registered in my brain. Cinnamon, cloves, and pumpkin.

“You’re exhausted. I got them done while you were reading to the kids.”

“Wow. You’re fast and sneaky. What else do we need to get ready?”

“Thanksgiving dinner is locked and loaded. Nothing else to do tonight. I just have to finish cleaning my mess.”

Gratitude rose in every one of my cells. I’d thought I knew Ben through and through, but living with him temporarily, I was seeing yet another side of him. An amazing one. A guy who could cook? Who could make french silk pie? Who could sense when I was about to collapse and shorten my to-do list accordingly?

“You are rare, Ben Holloway.” I let out my breath and nearly wilted with relief that my bedtime was considerably closer than I’d thought. “Thank you for that too. My debt load increases even more.” I kept my voice light for the last bit, not wanting to incite yet another debate of whether I owed him or not. I did. No question. “I’m helping you clean though. You need to sleep too.”

“If you insist.” He turned on the sink and poured in dish soap. “The pans need to be hand-washed. I’ll wash; you dry?”

“Deal.”

As he stacked pans and mixing bowls by the sink, I wiped down the counter. “You really think Sky won’t run off again?”

“I’d put today in the not-a-good-experience category for her. I really don’t think she will.”

She’d been extra clingy and full of hugs this evening, which I didn’t mind at all. I’d needed them as much as she had.

“Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving. It’s going to be special,” he said.

I held in a groan.

Ben glanced over at me and chuckled. “It is. You’ll see. My kids love it, and I think yours will too. Then we’ll go to the tree-lighting ceremony in the evening.”

My kids did love the ceremony, but I hadn’t even thought about going yet. We’d had too much happening for me to be able to plan more than one day at a time. “Yeah,” I said on an exhalation. “Good idea.”

“That kicks off the holiday season. We’ll keep the kids so Christmased up, Skyler won’t have time to think about her worries.”

“Ugh.” The word slipped out before I could stop it.

“I know you’re not feeling it,” he said as he rinsed a saucepan. “I understand that more than you know.”

That made me laugh. “Okay, Ghost of Christmas Present.” I took the pan from him and dried it.

Instead of grinning, he went serious. “After Leeann died, the last thing I was up for was Christmas cheer. For years.”

I nodded. Blake’s death had definitely had that effect on me, but that was only a fraction of why I wasn’t busting out the red and green.

“When I bought this place, I very deliberately decided to make the holidays a magical time for my kids, even though I wasn’t feeling it.”

I eyed him sideways because I had a suspicion his “not feeling it” was different from mine.

“Really,” he insisted. “My heart was still heavy from Leeann’s death. My parents started their tradition of cruising over the holidays. I was overwhelmed from moving out here, being a single dad, building the clinic, all the things.”

“All the things,” I repeated, grasping on to something I felt in my soul. “Yes. What did you do? How’d you make yourself be holly jolly?”

“Faked it.”

I shot him another skeptical look as I put a pan in the cabinet.

“I made a list of holiday activities. Tree ceremony on the square. Cutting our own tree down and decorating it. Christmas concert at the high school. Cookies and candy making. Letters to Santa. Gingerbread houses.”

The thought of adding even half of those to my to-do list made me want to curl up in a ball and weep. During this time of year, making sure my kids had a reasonably nutritional dinner was almost more than I could handle. To me, the holidays meant a filled-to-the-brim schedule at the salon, requisite holiday parties and dinners, school programs, and gift buying. This year I’d be managing it all for the first time without Kizzy’s help.

I kept my concerns to myself and tried to put a lid on my bone-deep dread. “That’s a big list. Obviously you made it through.” I forced lightness into my voice.

“A weird thing happened. About halfway through, I didn’t have to fake it anymore. Seeing my kids’ joy?” He shook his head and chuckled. “There’s nothing better.”

“How do you handle all of that on top of your clinic? And, you know, feeding them and getting them to school on time.”

“I get help when I need it. Colby, my office manager, goes above and beyond when I ask her. Berty’s a godsend year-round but especially in December. She loves it as much as the rest of us, so that helps.” He scrubbed the last pan. “I suspect Skyler will get so caught up in all the holiday stuff, she won’t have time to think about Kizzy’s house or the way things used to be.”

“I hope you’re right.”

As Ben handed off another pan and I took it, he bumped his hip into mine. “We’ll get you into it too if you just give it a chance, Ems.”

“That sounds like a threat,” I said, but I couldn’t help smiling. Maybe it was the nickname. I’d been called Em plenty but never Ems.

“It is. You’re going to have fun or else.”

That made me laugh. “I didn’t know how scary you are when I agreed to stay here. You should come with some kind of Christmas-obsessed warning.”

“Now you know.”

As I dried the last pan, he wiped the sink down. When the kitchen was sparkling, Ben took out the dwindling cookie supply and offered me one.

“You’re sharing the llama’s stash?” I greedily accepted the cookie, llama be damned.

“Sugar’s closed tomorrow, but I’ll have Friday and Saturday to buy more.”

I leaned against the cabinets and ate the cookie, thinking about the guaranteed insanity of the next few days. The next few weeks.

In theory, I agreed with Ben that an overdose of holiday events could be just what my kiddos needed, especially Skyler. Xavier was already settling into the Holloway routine. He loved living with his buddy, Ruby, taking the bus to and from school, and helping with the animals. He’d taken to the changes like a duck to water.

“So…tomorrow’s Turkey Day on steroids, then the tree-lighting ceremony in the evening?” I asked after devouring the last bite.

Ben opened the oven to check on the pie, then closed it with an approving nod. “I’ll take the kids shopping downtown on Friday. They love the scavenger hunt the shops on the square put together.”

“Friday’s Black Friday. We have a product sale at the salon. There’s no way I can get away.”

“I’ll take Xavier and Sky with us. The clinic is closed until Monday, barring any emergencies. They can pick out gifts for you.”

I’d planned to take them to work with me. Shopping and scavenger hunting with Ben and his kids would be so much better. “You’re sure you’re up for double the children?”

“I can’t wait.” He was grinning like a kid in a candy store, his eyes lighting up, leaving me no doubt that he was into this and he wouldn’t mind my kids tagging along.

Damn, did that get to me deep in my chest. I was overcome with a mix of relief and gratitude. Add that on top of the fatigue and stress of the day, and I found it hard to get words out. With my stupid eyes tearing up yet again, I merely nodded, pressing my lips together to hold it all in.

“Hey.” Ben stepped in front of me and peered down at me. “Emerson?”

I wiped at my eyes before they could spill over, then met his gaze. “I’m okay. Just…overwhelmed. Your idea to keep the kids busy is probably exactly what they need. I need to figure out how to fit it all in.”

In spite of my efforts, one traitorous tear plummeted down my cheek.

Ben caught it with his finger and wiped it away. He took a gentle hold of my upper arms and leaned down to force eye contact. “We’re in this together this year. You don’t have to do it alone. Partners in Christmas mayhem.”

I couldn’t help a laugh. “Mayhem might be an understatement.”

“We’ve got Grandma Berty on our side too. The three of us will tag team. If there’s something you can’t make because of work, we can cover and vice versa.”

“I have Mondays off,” I said, thinking that might be a day when I could pull my weight.

“It’s all going to work out,” he said. His eyes held kindness and determination. “We’ll get Skyler through this tough time together. Partners. I already love your kids, Ems. I want what’s best for them too.”

I studied him closely, those compassionate, handsome blue eyes. What I saw was straightforward honesty. He meant what he said.

“You’re a good man, Ben Holloway,” I whispered.

“We go way back. We dissected frogs together. Come here.”

He pulled me in for a hug, and I surrendered to it. I wound my arms around his middle and held on, breathed in. I couldn’t help noticing his scent, masculine and clean with a hint of pie. It made me feel comfortable, secure.

We held on for several seconds, a silent shared moment where we seemed to come down from a traumatic day as well as gird our loins for the coming chaos.

With my head nestled against his shoulder, I could feel his heart beating. Gradually I became more aware of him as a man, his strong arms, solid chest, and that alluring man scent that awakened something different in me.

Without pulling away, I looked up at his face again, and he gazed down at me. The air changed, became charged, and my pulse picked up speed.

I saw him lowering his head, coming closer. On some level I recognized he was going to kiss me, and I wanted that too. I didn’t stop to think about it, just went with it as his lips touched mine.

My eyes fluttered closed as everything female in me responded to him, his lips soft but demanding. I wanted to give him everything he needed.

He pulled me even closer, flush against his body, as we explored each other’s mouth. His hands trailed down to my hips, and my sluggish brain registered his erection pressing into me. I moaned, loving that I could still have that effect on a man.

Ben put a little space between us and moved one hand to my face as he lightened the kiss, then kissed my forehead.

My senses were reeling, still trying to catch up when he spoke, his voice gravelly.

“It’s been a hard day. We both need to get to bed.” He hugged me again, his chin resting on the top of my head as I burrowed into his chest.

I nodded, still going with sensation more than thoughts, loving how it felt to be in his arms. Warm, safe, not alone.

Only later, when I was tucked into my bed by myself, would I wonder what the hell I’d been doing kissing Ben.