Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Ben

H appy fucking Turkey Day, I thought to myself as I put out kibble for the barn cats then headed toward the house, the three dogs playing tag with each other and getting their morning stretch.

Thanksgiving had dawned cold but sunny while I was tending to the horses and llamas. Arguably a gorgeous morning for late November, but I wasn’t feeling it.

I was feeling more like the proverbial turkey and in a foul mood, no pun intended. Sleep-deprived, worried, and pissed at myself. For once, the dogs’ antics weren’t pulling me out of it.

I never, ever should’ve kissed Emerson.

After a fitful night, I still didn’t know what the fuck I’d been thinking. Obviously my brain had shut down, and my body had done whatever the hell it wanted to, consequences be damned.

I wasn’t sure what those consequences would be, but I’d soon find out.

“Daddy we’re done!” Ruby called out.

She and Xavier had decided to help Evelyn with the chickens today, probably because they’d sensed I wasn’t in a fun-loving mood the second I’d woken them up.

“Everything go okay?” I asked as the three kids made their high-energy way toward me, the dogs racing to greet them.

“We got seven eggs!” Xavier hollered.

“That’s a decent haul,” I said halfheartedly, making a point of smiling when they caught up to me.

I wasn’t in the mood for company, too mired in regret and self-disgust, but alone time was a luxury for a single dad and not happening anytime soon. Barn time was usually it, and that hadn’t lasted nearly long enough today to put a dent in my mood.

I didn’t need to worry about making more chicken conversation though because the three of them ran the rest of the way to the house, the dogs at their heels, leaving me in the dust.

I slowed my steps, trying to make the walk from barn to kitchen last a little longer, nervous about facing Emerson.

Upon entering the house, I found a fully cooked breakfast on the dining table, three kids pouring themselves juice and digging into bacon, eggs, and toast, the dogs at their water bowls, and no sign of Emerson.

She’d obviously cooked, as she’d been doing daily while the three oldest kids and I handled chores. Skyler was still adapting, most days sleeping until breakfast was ready.

“Where’s your mom?” I asked Xavier as I walked into the dining room.

He shrugged. “Must be upstairs getting ready or helping Sky,” he said, unbothered. He was the most easygoing kid I’d ever known.

Back in the kitchen, I poured myself a second travel mug of coffee and wondered if Emerson was avoiding me or if she was doing what her son had suggested.

When Skyler came down alone a couple of minutes later, fully dressed and looking more animated than the past few days, I had my answer.

Emerson might very well be avoiding me.

“Morning, Sky,” I said. I suspected she’d dressed herself as she wore a pink leopard-print shirt, blue leggings with rainbow unicorns, and a red-and-white-striped skirt. “How are you today?”

“Hungry!” she said, her eyes lighting up as she took in the spread on the table. Nugget pranced up to her, tail wagging.

The other kids greeted her and passed the food her way as soon as she climbed up on her chair.

“Is your mom coming?” I asked.

She looked at me with wide eyes and shrugged with her arms spread. I cracked a grin in spite of myself because she was such a cutie. I was relieved to see her excited about food and not fixated on where her mom was. It seemed like progress.

I eyed my place setting and the food, knowing I should sit down with the kids and act like everything was fine. I couldn’t pull it off though. I needed to resolve things with Emerson. I set my coffee on the table.

“Everybody have what they want?” I asked.

I got four positive answers as Skyler stacked bacon on her plate next to a large heap of eggs.

“Help Skyler if she needs it,” I said to Evelyn. “I’ll be right back.”

“I will, Daddy,” she said.

I jogged up the stairs, my head down in concentration, trying to figure out what to say to Emerson. As I reached the top, she rushed out of the bathroom at the same moment, and we collided hard in the narrow hall.

I caught her upper arms to steady her and realized she wore nothing but a towel. Her long hair was wet, cheeks slightly pink, and drops of water beaded on her chest above the towel, drawing my gaze downward. I popped it right back up and swallowed.

“You okay?” I asked.

With a nod, she said, “Forgot my clothes in my room,” and crossed an arm over her chest to hold the towel in place.

I took a step back, but there wasn’t far to go before hitting the wall. “I was afraid you were avoiding me.”

She darted her gaze down the hall. “Where’s Skyler?”

“All four kids are stuffing their faces in the dining room.” Their chatter was audible.

Emerson nodded once, then said in a low voice, “This is awkward.”

“Doesn’t have to be,” I said, unsure whether she meant because she was nearly naked or because of what had happened last night.

I was about to ask if she wanted to get dressed and then talk when she barreled right in.

“Last night… Ben, that can’t happen again. I’m sorry if I led you on?—”

“You don’t owe me an apology. I’m sorry.”

She frowned. “Yesterday was nuts. We were exhausted and wrung out emotionally.”

I nodded. “I only meant to offer comfort, companionship, a partner through Skyler’s struggles. I didn’t mean for that kiss to happen.”

She surprised me with a slight smile as she met my gaze directly. “No premeditation?”

I chuckled, thankful as hell we were able to joke about it. “None. Temporary insanity.”

“Same.”

“I won’t do it again,” I said with conviction. Blake might be gone from this earth, but it still felt wrong to kiss the woman who’d been married to him.

For the dozenth time, I shut down the thought that the kiss had also, in other ways, felt very right. That was me being all kinds of wrong.

“We’re okay then?” I asked.

She nodded. “We’re okay.”

I breathed a little easier, still making a point of keeping my gaze on her face, not letting it drop to where cotton met cleavage. Hoping to lighten the moment, I said without thinking, “But you at least liked it a little bit, right?”

She laughed. “Oh, my God, really?”

“Save a guy’s ego. I’m fragile.” I was full-on teasing, trying to bring us back from the awkwardness even as I flirted with making it worse.

Emerson shook her head and scoffed, but there was still a smile on her face. In a quiet voice, so there was no way the kids could overhear from downstairs, she said, “You’re good at kissing. Just don’t let it happen again.”

I laughed, relieved. “Deal.”

Inside, I was a little too pleased with the compliment.

“Get dressed and join us,” I said. “An amazing breakfast fairy cooked us a hell of a meal to start the day.”

“Breakfast fairies are the best,” she said. “I’ll be down in a few.”

As she walked toward her room, I lost the battle to keep my gaze in check and drank in the sight of her long, bare legs from behind, noting the towel hung just barely low enough to hide her ass from my prying eyes.

Proof positive that I was a fucking idiot and a glutton for punishment.

Emerson

I’m fine. This is fine. Everything is fine.

As soon as I closed my bedroom door, I leaned my back against it, still holding my towel in place.

If you were to measure my heart rate, you’d find out I wasn’t quite fine.

After a deep breath to try to level myself out, I stepped away from the door and hurriedly dressed.

Ben had so totally called it right. I had been avoiding him. Normally I showered first thing and got ready, then cooked. Today I’d cooked first then retreated upstairs before he could finish chores.

My head was a messy place after last night.

When Ben had kissed me, it had just…happened. It’d felt almost like an extension of our friendship. Almost. But then it’d awakened something inside me that’d been dead for years: desire. I hadn’t felt a twinge of it since Blake died. As a grieving single mom, I didn’t have energy for more than getting through the day. It was like my hormones had died with my husband.

Except now I knew they hadn’t.

Something about being in Ben’s arms had made me feel my femininity again. His kiss had affirmed that I was still desirable and still had working woman parts that might eventually want some attention. Though I hadn’t missed any of that, hadn’t let myself miss it, I couldn’t deny it was reassuring to know it might be a possibility.

Maybe someday I’d want sex again. Maybe there’d be room in my life for a casual fling. Eventually.

It wouldn’t be with Ben, because we were too good of friends. It wouldn’t be a serious thing, because I’d promised myself I’d never go there again. But maybe someday, when my life was more stable and my kids were more secure and everything lined up, I’d let myself cut loose and get my “lady needs” met.

For the time being, my life was anything but stable. At least one of my kids was struggling big-time, and I needed to focus on getting us all through the next couple of months unscathed.