Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Emerson

I walked into the holiday party at Max Dawson’s house at Ben’s side, keeping space between us like friends would. Because we were friends. The sleeping together part was literally just a benefit of that friendship and our temporary circumstances.

“Come on in,” Max called out as he walked toward us.

“Hello, llama savior,” I said, handing over my coat.

Ben handed him a bottle of whiskey. “Yeah, thanks. Yet again.”

“The things we do for a little libation.” Max laughed and took it from him. “Happy I could help. Grab a drink and some food.”

“Thanks for having me,” I said as I made a point of separating from Ben.

I smiled warmly at everyone in the vicinity, greeted Harper and her business partners and friends, Cambria and Dakota, who stood nearby welcoming guests, then scanned the room for drinks. I was going to need at least one, stat.

My nerves were on edge from the challenge of being with Ben in public, acting like the best of friends but not slipping too close.

My body wanted to be too close.

The crowd was bigger than I’d expected, with the open-area living room, kitchen, and dining area all filled with people, most of whom I knew. It appeared there were more guests out on the deck despite temperatures that hovered around thirty-five degrees.

Anna and Ava, Cash and Seth and his singer wife, Everly, were in my immediate view, with another three or four dozen scattered throughout.

“Emerson!” Olivia called out from a corner between the dining area and kitchen.

I waved and headed that way, taking in the details of the former NFL player’s home as I went, finding it down-to-earth and homey. I wasn’t too surprised since I knew Max to be humble and unpretentious. Harper was one of the easiest people to like as well.

My pace quickened as I got closer to part of my girl tribe—Olivia, Chloe, and Maeve—particularly when I caught sight of three partially full wine bottles on the counter next to them.

“Hey, ladies,” I said when I reached them.

Chloe gave me a side hug, and Maeve squeezed my hand in greeting. Olivia plucked an unused wineglass from the kitchen counter and held it out to me.

“Red, white, or bubbly?” Maeve asked.

“Yes,” I said and laughed.

“If you don’t care, then you’re getting champagne. We’re celebrating how gorgeous you look with your sparkles,” Maeve said.

“Seriously hot,” Olivia said.

“You all look fantastic too,” I said as I held my glass up and Maeve filled it.

The girls raised their glasses for a toast, so I clinked with them and relaxed. These girlfriends made me feel better even without the alcohol.

The invitation had specified holiday casual, and the house was filled with cute dresses and sparkly, blinged-out black, gold, silver, and green. I’d decided on leather-like black pants and a glittery, golden tunic-style sweater. Festive but comfortable.

“There’s a table over there overflowing with finger foods,” Chloe said, pointing.

When I glanced in that direction, what caught my eye instead of the food was Ben. Just seeing him made my heart speed up.

“And more importantly, another one over there with sweets,” Olivia said, gesturing to a different side of the room.

I coached myself to turn my gaze from my hot roommate and keep up with the conversation.

“Half of them baked by Olivia herself,” Maeve said. “So you know they’re killer.”

“Aww, thanks. I’ve had a little practice.” Olivia had worked at the bakery since before I’d moved back to town.

“This was my priority,” I said, holding up my glass of champagne. “But sweets? A close second, especially if you brought chocolate cherry bombs.”

“Of course I did,” Olivia said.

“So tell us what’s up with Ben,” Chloe said, closing our circle even more tightly.

My brows popped upward, and I lifted my glass for another drink, this one less sip, more gulp.

“You could let her arrive for a minute first,” Olivia scolded, laughing. “But yes, we’re dying to know.”

“Why beat around the bush?” Chloe said, grinning. “We won’t have this corner to ourselves all night.”

“He and I are friends ,” I said, inspecting my short, gold-glittered nails as if they were the most interesting things ever. When I lifted my gaze, all three women were leaning forward as if I were about to impart the secret of life. I laughed and shook my head. “Surely there are more interesting topics?”

“Nope,” Olivia said.

“Uh-uh,” Maeve agreed.

“You two looked cute together when you came in the door,” Chloe added.

“Friends,” I said again, because that was the truth. Just maybe not the whole truth.

Maeve, who was on my left, leaned into my side and said, softly, thank God, “With bennies?”

I looked around the circle, meeting their eager, curious gazes one by one, unable to get the hint of a smile off my face. “Maaaybe,” I said simply, which elicited laughter and a “Yessss!” with a victory fist from Olivia.

My smile faded. “Please,” I emphasized quietly. “Keep it between us?”

“Absolutely,” Olivia said.

“Your secret’s safe,” Chloe added.

“Of course, Em.” Maeve’s eyes were lit with joy. “I was hoping for that news.”

I laughed again. “Why?”

She shrugged. “You deserve some sexy times.”

“We all do,” Olivia said. “Even those of us who are getting it on the regular.” She gave Chloe a lighthearted, accusatory look.

“A ten-month-old makes it trickier,” Chloe said, “but”—she shrugged—“guilty.”

Olivia threw a wadded-up napkin at her, then lifted her glass. “Here’s to all of us having Chloe’s luck.”

There were clinks and laughter all around, but the party was so loud and crowded no one took any notice, which was how I liked it, particularly considering the topic.

“So…” Olivia’s grin widened as she zeroed in on me again. “How did it happen?”

“Olivia London, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so nosy,” Chloe scolded.

“Don’t lie,” Maeve said to Chloe. “You’re dying to know too.”

“I am,” Chloe admitted.

All eyes turned to me. My closest friends waited expectantly. I wasn’t one who’d ever give them graphic details, but I said, “Five words for you.” I glanced around to make sure we hadn’t captured anyone’s attention. “Snowed in without the kids.” I counted the words on my fingers as I said them.

All three of them laughed, and Olivia held up a hand for a high five.

“That’ll do it,” Maeve said. “Or so I’ve heard.”

“It just proves your attraction was off the scales,” Chloe said.

That was the truth.

I took another swallow, glancing around, worried about being overheard again. Kemp Essex, Chloe’s husband, Holden, and Max’s brother, Levi, were engrossed in a conversation nearby but paying us no mind.

“So are there feelings involved here?” Olivia asked in a hushed voice.

“No,” I answered quickly. “It’s just the bicycle thing. Getting back on with someone I trust.”

An uneasiness rooted in my gut, but I shut it down.

“The bicycle thing is legit,” Maeve said. “I might need to find a guy to help me back on the bike one of these days.” She laughed.

“What’s going to happen when you move out?” Olivia asked me.

“Nothing.” My answer came automatically, but I couldn’t help but imagine a flash of living in a different house with my kids but without Ben and his girls. It would be…different. Quiet. Another adjustment.

Lonely.

Especially at night.

“You don’t think you’d keep seeing him on the sly?” Olivia asked.

“For booty calls?” Maeve added.

I laughed. “It’s hard enough to rendezvous in the same house with four kids involved. Two separate addresses?” I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s what either of us has in mind.”

“I guess you better get it all out of your system now then,” Maeve said. “How much sex can you have in, what, a month?”

“Any luck on houses?” Chloe asked as she refilled her glass with white.

“Zero luck.” I told them about the one place Darius had taken me to. “That’s exactly the full list right there. It’s depressing.”

“Well…” Chloe, who was starting to show signs of tipsiness, put her arm around my neck and leaned in. “I’m sorry to hear that. Something will eventually turn up and be perfect. In the meantime, here’s to riding bikes!”

We laughed and toasted yet again and drank.

“I need a trip to the dessert table,” I said. “And I should probably say hi to more than just you three. I’ll be back in a few.”

I walked off, registering a kernel of unease blossoming in my gut. Then the reason for it hit me. It was the thought of moving away from Ben. I would miss him way more than I’d ever imagined. I’d miss the naked gymnastics, of course, but even more, I’d miss his company. Not because of feelings that had gotten too deep. Just because he was a good friend and a partner with the kids.

That was all I could let it be.

Ben

Emerson proved to be fucking impossible to keep my eyes off at Max and Harper’s party.

No matter who I was talking to, my Emerson radar was tuned in to her, knew where she was at all times. At first I didn’t even realize I was keeping an eye on her, but then Max came up to me, handed me a Rusty Anchor IPA, and said, “If you don’t want people to know your secret, you might want to stop staring at her.”

I snapped my gaze to his amused one as his meaning sank in. I hadn’t told him how things with Emerson had evolved, hadn’t talked to him since the single dads’ party nearly a week ago. I realized I’d just given up my secret to him without saying a word.

“Fuck.” I made a point of looking at everyone but her.

He chuckled. “I don’t think anyone else noticed. Yet.”

“Yeah. Thanks, I think.”

There was a part of me that wanted the world to know I was with Emerson. She’d picked me to play naked games with. I suspected that was the seventeen-year-old boy inside me though and not the responsible father or town veterinarian.

Ty Bishop, the high-school basketball coach, joined us, as did Finn and Cade McNamara. I forced myself to get lost in the conversation about last night’s college basketball game, the Anchor’s holiday beer flavors, and Max’s kittens, who were closed in a room for the duration of the party.

I fought hard to stop scanning for Emerson. There were solid reasons we were keeping our new closeness private. Reasons number one through four were our kids.

I filled up on finger foods and bite-sized desserts as I mingled with the half of the town that was here tonight. Many of them were clients, so I spent a chunk of time catching up on my furry patients. Cash Henry cornered me to get my input on surprising his pregnant wife, Ava, with a puppy for Christmas.

“Are you sure she’s up for caring for one more being?” I asked him.

“I’ll take care of the pup,” Cash assured me. “I just want someone to keep her company when I’m working late. Need a dog that’ll be good with a baby.”

“Goldens or Labs are great with kids,” I told him.

“Kemp’s are Labs, right?”

“That’s right. Talk to him. He doesn’t have babies around, but he can give you an idea of how much work they are.”

“You trying to talk me out of it?”

“Never,” I said, laughing. “I fully support informed pet adoptions. It’s just a lot to take on a few months before a first child.”

He nodded. “I hear you. It’s terrifying, but I can’t wait for this baby. Ava and I’ll make it work. You know of anyone with puppies available?”

“I’ve got a couple of reputable people I can check in with. I’ll call you this week after I’ve asked around.”

“Thanks, Ben. Hopefully you’ll have a new patient soon.” He moved on, searching for Ava, I suspected.

We’d been at the party for close to two hours, and it had only gotten more crowded. The football coach and his artist/business owner fiancée knew how to throw a good party.

I went out to the deck, where there were two heaters running, to get some fresh air. When I saw I had it to myself, I breathed a little more deeply and took in the view.

Max’s home was lakefront. The water was frozen around the edges, the docks all removed, boats put away for the season, giving it a lonesome but beautiful look.

I stood at the railing of the deck, soaking in the relative quiet, although I could still hear the din of the party, and wondered briefly how Berty was doing with the kids. Likely just fine, but the further into December we got, the more revved up they became. Emerson’s kids could hardly wait for Kizzy and her wife’s visit a few days before Christmas. Though the newlyweds were staying at the Marks Hotel, our household would definitely level up in chaos. I couldn’t wait.

Needing to lay my eyes on Emerson, I turned away from the lake, took a swallow of beer, and scanned the party through the windows. It didn’t take me long to spot her, talking to Anna, Ava, and Cash just off the kitchen. She laughed, and even though I couldn’t actually hear it, I could hear the sound of her in my head.

The door opened, and Chance and West ambled out to the deck.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Chance asked when he saw me.

West turned and followed where my gaze had been. “Creepin’ on his lady friend’s my guess.”

I laughed. “I’m not creeping on anyone, just getting some air. It’s louder than a full kennel of barking dogs in there.”

Chance turned to see Emerson as well and raised a brow as they came up to the railing next to me. “It is loud. A lot of people came out.”

“I’ll show up to any party Max throws if he does the food like tonight,” West said.

Max and Harper had it catered, probably by Henry’s Restaurant. I agreed with West’s assessment. “Did you try those sausage and cream cheese croissant things?”

“Try?” West scoffed. “I had a half dozen. And the maple caramel bacon things?” He made a noise of appreciation.

“I liked the little egg roll ones best,” Chance said.

We spent another few minutes discussing the top-notch food before Chance said, “So why are you out here staring in the window at Emerson instead of by her side?”

I’d been taking a drink and nearly spit it out at his bluntness. I covered my reaction with a laugh. “Why would I do that? We’re not a couple.”

“But you want to be,” Chance said.

I’d already told the guys as much, so I didn’t bother to deny it.

“You out of condoms yet?” West asked.

“You gave them to me a week ago. There were thirty-six. I’m no math teacher, but that’s something like five a day. I do work for ten hours a day.”

We all chuckled.

“You said were ,” Chance said. “So how many are you down to?”

West cackled at that. “Good point, buddy.” He fist-bumped Chance. “Somebody’s having a good week.”

I drank another gulp of beer, neither confirming nor denying.

“Sounds like you two are a couple after all,” Chance said.

I shook my head, expelling a breath that came out as a white burst in the cool air. The heater in the middle of the deck didn’t reach this far. I turned toward the lake, and the other two followed suit, not getting the message that I didn’t want to discuss this.

“You going to let her get away?” West asked.

I scoffed. “You’re assuming it’s my choice. You know what they say about assuming.”

Chance hummed a sound of comprehension. “If it were up to you, you’d be all in,” he guessed.

My silence must have given them their answer.

“Have you told her how you feel?” West asked.

I shook my head. “She’s not interested in a long-term thing.”

“Maybe she would be if she knew where you stand,” Chance said.

“She wouldn’t.” I gulped down more beer. “She’s pretty cautious. She’s had a lot of losses in her life.” I didn’t figure I was giving away anything private since everyone knew her husband had been killed in combat, and her mom’s and grandma’s deaths years ago had been common knowledge.

“You have too,” Chance said.

“Which means I understand where she’s coming from,” I said. “You of all people should get it.” He’d lost his wife as well, though it’d been even longer ago than Leeann’s death.

“I saw you two together a couple of days ago when I was heading to pick up cookies for my girls at the bakery,” West said. “You have a connection, man. It was tangible.”

I hadn’t noticed West when Emerson and I made a bakery run. We’d had all four kids with us, but thinking back, I’d likely been more focused on Emerson. I’d have to be a lot more careful.

“Connection or not, she’s expressed her fears, and I respect them,” I said.

Both of them shut up for a while. I was happy to no longer be the topic of conversation and considering heading back inside when West spoke again.

“I still think you need to tell her how you feel. You love her?”

I grunted. Fuck this conversation.

“Tell her,” Chance drew out.

“That’s not what she needs,” I said.

“What about your needs?” Chance asked.

“Yeah. You’re the giving type,” West said. “You nurture the hell out of your kids and animals and, it sounds like, Emerson. But your needs count too.”

“He’s right.” Chance leaned forward to look at West on my other side and nodded emphatically. “You’ve got a soft heart under all that badass, don’t you?” he asked West.

It was West’s turn to grunt.

“But back to you,” Chance said. “Your needs are just as important as hers. Especially on this. Tell her.”

“Not going to do that,” I said, then finished off my beer.

“You sure?” West asked.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Chance said. “Your call. If you’re sure, you’re sure.”

“I’m going back inside. It’s cold as balls out here, and I’m out of beer.” I turned and left those two asses outside.

I was sure I was doing the right thing by not pressuring Emerson. It wouldn’t work and would likely ruin the short-term thing we did have, to say nothing of our friendship.