Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Ben

T his thing between Emerson and me was unofficial, difficult to label, and no obligation.

Frankly, I hated it.

Not the thing itself, not Emerson, but the lack of definition.

It was supposed to be that we’d hook up when opportunity arose or when the mood struck, but I was aching for more.

Literally aching tonight.

Two hours had passed since we’d left the party together. Casually, hands-off, just friends.

What I’d wanted to do was put my arm around her, hold her hand, whisk her away, park along the side of a dark road, and ravish her in my truck like a desperate high school kid.

I still felt the desperate part in my blood. In my dick.

In the week and a half since the snowstorm, since our first time together, she’d sneaked down to my room each night after all the kids were asleep, blown my mind with that body of hers, then crept back up to her room. With the kids home, she didn’t allow herself to fall asleep in my bed, and I understood her reasons.

That didn’t mean I had to like it.

So far tonight, when I was half expecting her and fully needed her, she hadn’t appeared.

About an hour ago, I’d heard a floorboard creak above me, probably one of the kids going to the bathroom or maybe even Emerson. I’d held my breath to see if she made her way down to me, but she hadn’t.

I’d rolled over and told myself to go to sleep. If she showed up, I’d wake up to bliss. If she didn’t, I’d catch up on sleep.

But here I still was, wide awake, hard as hell after watching her from afar all night at the party and not being able to touch her or get my fill of her.

I’d considered texting her something sexy to lure her down, but I’d held off in case she had a kid with her.

I’d thought about going upstairs to check on the kids myself, maybe slipping into her room if everyone was asleep, but that felt like changing the unspoken rules and invading her space.

I already knew she wasn’t as into me as I was her. I didn’t want to pressure her, push her, or crowd her. Didn’t want to do anything to scare her away or endanger what we did have before she moved out.

In other words, I was doing my best to take what she’d give me and not ask for more, but tonight, my body was throbbing for more.

I turned over to my opposite side for the hundredth time and fluffed my pillow, as if that would do a damn bit of good for the heat raging through my blood. As I settled back into the pillow, a faint tapping came from my door. I froze and listened.

Tap, tap, tap, tap.

It was deliberate, and it was human.

I popped out of bed, went to the door, and opened it a crack, preparing myself for a kid with a middle-of-the-night crisis, afraid to hope…

Emerson jumped backward, gasping, pressing a hand to her chest.

Opening the door farther, I tugged her into my room, against me, my arm banded around her while I closed the door with the other one. She wore a robe that hit her midthigh over short pajamas.

“I thought you were asleep,” she whispered. “It’s late, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

I moaned, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and said, “You can always wake me.” I lined our bodies up so she wouldn’t miss my erection.

“Yeah?”

“Always.”

Our lips met in a kiss—a slow, tender one, full of gratitude on my side. Everything felt better when I was touching her. When she was in my arms.

“I didn’t think you were going to come tonight,” I eventually said between kisses.

“Xavier had a nightmare. I let him crawl into bed with me and got him calmed down.”

“Poor kid. Did he say what it was about?”

She chuckled quietly. “He’s worried he’s not going to finish whatever you and he are working on.”

“We’ll finish it,” I reassured her.

“What are you working on?”

“Top secret.”

It wasn’t the first time she’d asked. I’d given the same answer each time. This was Xavier’s surprise first and foremost, and I wouldn’t be the one to spoil it.

“You’re no fun,” she said.

“If I ruined your boy’s surprise and broke his heart, you’d be as upset for him as I would.”

“I guess that’s true.” She ran a finger along my jaw. “I’m so curious though.”

“Your curiosity will be assuaged at the parade next weekend. That’s all I’m saying.”

She sighed as if I was the cruelest, meanest guy in town.

“Did you come down here to learn your son’s secrets, or did you come down here so I could make you scream my name?” I asked, trailing kisses along her jaw, toward her ear.

Emerson laughed quietly. “You’re mighty cocky.”

I pressed my cock against her again. “Yes, I am.”

With another laugh, she kissed me. “No screaming allowed,” she whispered. “You know that.”

“Watching you try to keep quiet as you shatter is my new favorite thing.”

“Then by all means”—she ran her talented tongue along my lip—“you should do that.”

I locked the door, shed my pajama pants, and got her naked in less than a dozen heartbeats. She crawled under the blankets, and I followed her in, covering her body with mine.

As I rubbed my shaft over her soft core, she moaned. “Make me shatter, Ben.”

“I will,” I promised. “Eventually.”

I’d waited so long for her tonight, I wasn’t going to let this be over in a few minutes. I set out to make her as desperate for me as I was for her.

Before this, we’d had plenty of urgent, hot, hard sex. We’d gotten our respective years-long dry spells out of our systems. All of it had been stellar, and I’d be up for that again any time.

That wasn’t how tonight was going to go though. I kissed her thoroughly, then trailed my lips to her neck, tasting her, nipping her, suckling as I moved lower. I spent a luxurious amount of time on each of her breasts, then slowly, torturously according to her, worshipped every inch of her body with my tongue, my fingers, my own body.

By the time I spent myself inside her, Emerson had come apart four times. Every last orgasm of hers had turned me inside out and made my blood pound that much harder.

Now I lay over her, coming down from a life-altering climax of my own, my first coherent thoughts once blood began trickling back into my brain: wishing she was mine forever and that nights like this weren’t limited.

There wasn’t a doubt in my mind I’d never feel for someone else what I felt for Emerson.

“I might be dead,” Emerson said quietly, sounding spent and satiated.

At least I wasn’t the only one.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around me, leaving no question whether she wanted me to move off her. That was handy since I wasn’t sure I could move yet.

“Heck of a way to go,” I managed, then summoned the strength to raise off her enough to find her lips again. When I rolled to the side, I took her with me, unwilling to lose the glorious feel of her heated skin against mine from head to toe.

We lay there quietly, my mind circling over what Chase and West had said tonight about leveling with Emerson about how deep I was in. At the time, I’d been sure that was a bad idea. I didn’t want her to feel like there was any pressure. Absolutely didn’t want anything to ruin what we had going. But my emotions were in the stratosphere, my chest light with the high of loving this woman. Love was more powerful if it was shared instead of nestled away as a secret. I could let her know how much I treasured her and still ensure I wasn’t pressuring her for anything. Keeping my feelings to myself seemed nearly impossible at this moment.

I traced my finger over her jawline and looked into her eyes, just able to see them gazing back at me affectionately.

“It’s been a while since I told you how incredible you are. Beautiful…” I kissed her. “Sexy.” Another kiss. “Irresistible.” And another.

She let out a drowsy, satisfied laugh. “You already had your way with me. I thought sweet talk was supposed to come before?”

“It’s not sweet talk. Just the truth.” I propped myself up on my elbow, becoming more serious as I weighed the right way to say this. “Ems…” I found her hand and wove our fingers together. “I know you’re moving out in a few weeks. I know this is casual. No strings. No commitments. I just need to level with you about something.”

“Okay.” She drew the word out as if scared of what I was about to say.

I took a slow, silent inhalation, hoping this wouldn’t be the wrong move. Giving myself every chance to come to my senses and let it be.

I couldn’t let this be. I needed to speak my truth.

“My feelings… They’re deeper.”

“Oh…”

“I love you, Emerson. I’m in love with you. I know that wasn’t our agreement,” I rushed to say. “I’m not asking you to change anything, not trying to pressure you. I’m not asking you to stay forever, although if you said you wanted to, I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

“I can’t?—”

“Please,” I whispered. “You don’t have to say it. I know where you stand. I respect that completely.”

Had I hoped maybe she’d laugh in relief and say she loved me too? Maybe a little part of me, but I knew. She’d been honest. This was me being honest.

“I’m not asking you for anything at all, except…I hope this doesn’t scare you away from our nighttime trysts.”

“Trysts,” she repeated, and I could hear the smile in her tone. Thank God. “That’s such an evocative word.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I like it.” She let go of my hand and burrowed her fingers into my hair. “The word and our trysts. Our no-obligation trysts,” she said meaningfully. “That’s all I can manage, Ben.”

“I know.” I took her hand and pulled it to my lips, kissed it, then held on to it. “I understand your fear of getting in too deep. You know I do. I’m not asking you to change. It just felt…wrong not to tell you how I feel about you. Full disclosure.”

I pressed my forehead to hers, relieved she didn’t pull away.

“There’s zero pressure,” I repeated. “Just know that if you ever change your mind, if you ever want more…” I pulled my head back to look her in the eyes again. “I’m here. I’m so fucking here.”

Her eyes fluttered closed, and her lips tipped up at the corners in a smile. I exhaled, relieved she didn’t seem too spooked.

“Thank you,” she said. “For being honest. And even more, for understanding.”

“You’re not going to be scared off?”

“I’m not scared of you,” she said lightly. “And I’m not dumb enough to deprive myself of another few weeks of mind-blowing trysts either. As long as we’re open with each other, as long as you really have no expectations beyond that…”

“I don’t.”

Maybe it was wrong of me to hope for more, to wonder how I could get her to let go of her fears and give herself over to loving me. Maybe I was the dumbest man alive. But I was pretty sure I was having better sex than ninety-eight percent of the population, and for now that would have to be good enough.

“Thanks for not running away,” I said.

She kissed me, which reassured me we were okay.

“I am running away,” she said. “Bathroom. I’m sorry.”

I nodded, knowing this was it for tonight. She always went to her room after making what she called the long trek to the bathroom from my bedroom.

I sat up and awakened my phone to give her enough light to find her pajamas. She stood and pulled on her boxers and long-sleeved sleep tee, then slipped into her robe. I crawled out of our warm love nest and walked the short distance to the door with her.

Before she opened it to sneak away, I pressed her back into it and kissed her one last time for the night, hard, intently, like an exclamation point. With my forearms bracketed on each side of her head, I looked into her eyes in the dimness. “Sleep well, Ems. Dream of me.”

I winked, then let her sneak out, biting down on the urge to make her promise to come back again tomorrow night.

Emerson

I closed Ben’s door silently behind me and crept through the dining room and kitchen. The floor was ice-cold under my bare feet, but I barely noticed. I was too absorbed with Ben’s confession.

Did it scare me? Oh, hell yes.

It turned our fun, fast fling into something more serious, even though we agreed it wouldn’t change the outcome. I couldn’t help but be aware the chances of one of us getting hurt had just skyrocketed. One or both.

I shoved all that aside for now. Instead I closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth and elation of knowing Ben Holloway loved me. Was that self-indulgent? Maybe. I’d worry about the cons later.

I couldn’t deny how good it felt to be loved. I hadn’t thought I needed or wanted that, but between it and the things that man had done to my body, I was warm and buzzy inside, like when you drink just enough alcohol for inhibitions to slip a notch and you veer toward feeling quietly ecstatic.

He’d taken a risk by confiding, but I intended to keep our nighttime trysts going until the kids and I moved out. They were too good not to. As long as Ben knew where we stood, it wouldn’t hurt anything. I felt sure of that because I took him at his word and trusted him.

When I finished in the bathroom, I headed toward the stairs as had become my routine, but at the foot of them, I paused.

I’d be sleeping alone soon enough. It would hurt nothing if I went back into Ben’s room for an extra few hours.

I went to his door, let myself in, and climbed under the blankets next to Ben.

“Hello,” he said, his voice a low purr. “What’s going on?”

“It’s freezing out there.”

“It’s warm under here.” He rolled toward me and wrapped me in his arms. I reveled in the heat and his scent and the feel of his solid body against mine.

“I haven’t changed my stance,” I said. “About long-term anything. I just…didn’t want to go up to my cold, lonely bed.”

“I didn’t want you to go up to your cold, lonely bed.”

I relaxed into him and inhaled deeply, content and tired and incredibly comfortable. “I just want to sleep.”

“Do you want to go back to your room just in case?”

I shook my head. “Not tonight. Can you set an alarm for, like, four?”

“You got it.” He rolled away and set the alarm on his phone, then came back and put his arms around me again.

I shoved away any worries about the future. I was going to relish the next couple of hours sleeping in this man’s arms.