Smolder (Georgia Smoke #6)

• Thirty-Eight •

Bring it on, Boss.

Royal

I paused outside the restaurant in Little Rock, Arkansas. Sebastian’s hand squeezed mine. He was with me. I could do this. Face her. The woman who’d left me at six months old, never looking back. No calls. Not even a birthday card. Nothing.

I hadn’t decided to do this because I wanted to know her. It was more of a need for closure. One I’d never had the chance to have. Sebastian hadn’t questioned it when I told him that I wanted to meet her. He asked me how, where, when and handled it all. He’d even made the contact with her. I just … I just couldn’t do that.

Some hurts were too deep. This was one that had been a part of me all my life. It was like finally looking under the bed to confront the monster hiding there—or at least, that was how I was looking at it.

My dad was currently in prison. When Blaise Hughes had handed over Merce to the Feds and all the proof they needed that he was the one behind the distribution of the laced drugs, Merce had listed everyone who had been involved. Merce’s father had been innocent in it all, but his reelection was going to take a hit. The family seemed happy about that and already knew who they intended to take his place. Although I was sure it was Merce who told the college about my sitting in on classes and writing papers for money, along with the illegal gambling ring and the pool hall he hadn’t tried to lie and include me in his drug trafficking. He did hand over my dad but there had been plenty proof of his involvement.

Grams was happily back in Haven House with her own suite. I visited her daily. I never had to worry about her well-being when I wasn’t there anymore.

“If you change your mind, we leave. Your choice, Ace,” Sebastian said beside me.

He’d been wonderful through all this.

I took a deep breath. “I’m ready. This is a door I need to close.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Then, let’s do this,” he agreed.

Let’s. Us. I was part of an us . I wasn’t alone anymore.

He stepped up and opened the door to the restaurant, not letting my hand go. I walked inside, and he stayed close to my side. The warmth from his body was reassuring. I’d not relied on anyone since my Grams had started losing her memory. Now, I wondered how I had ever managed.

After I had told Sebastian I wanted to do this, I had also asked to see the picture he had of her. He had a couple. She had aged well, but she was no longer the younger woman in the only photo I’d seen of her.

Sebastian led me toward the far back right of the dining room, telling the server we were meeting someone when she asked if we would like a table.

I recognized Jill’s face from the photos as she stood up slowly. Her eyes were locked on me, and the emotion in her expression almost sent me turning and running out. She didn’t get to look at me like that. Like she cared. Like she … she felt something.

Sebastian’s hand tightened on mine again, as if he knew what I was thinking. If I left, he’d not question it and handle everything. But he had gone to all this trouble, and I was here. There was no turning back.

When we reached the table, no words came to me. What did I say to her? Why hadn’t I thought this out more? Planned this moment in my head?

“Jill,” Sebastian said in greeting. “I’m Sebastian Shephard. We spoke on the phone.” He turned to me then. “And this is Royal.”

The woman who had given birth to me stared at me anxiously. “You’re beautiful,” she said as a smile broke across her face.

Did I say thank you for that? No. That seemed stupid.

Finally, I pulled myself together and decided to treat her like I would any stranger.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jill,” I replied.

Sebastian pulled out a seat for me, and I took it as Jill sat back in hers.

“I was surprised when I got the call from, er, Sebastian,” she said with a small nod in his direction. “I’ve wanted to reach out to you, but I was scared that you’d reject me or that I’d cause drama in your life.”

Was she serious? Cause drama in my life?

I tensed, and Sebastian released my hand to lay his on my thigh. His calm reassurance helped.

“You lived with my dad. Do you truly think you could have made it any more difficult?” The question came out harsh, but I’d meant it to. She was the monster under my bed after all.

She tensed, and a pained look flashed in her eyes. “I guess … well, I hoped that Maude would make sure you had a good life.”

“She did,” I replied. “Grams is the best mom a girl could have. But she started forgetting things my senior year of high school. She has full-blown dementia now.”

Jill’s eyes widened. “Oh no,” she whispered. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. She was the only reason I thought I could stay there. But I was young and selfish. And Vinson made it difficult. I found out later—years later, in fact—that I’d been suffering from postpartum depression. I hadn’t known that was a thing or anything about it when I had you. But when I had Alvie, my son, I had a very bad case of it. The doctor diagnosed me and gave me medications to help. I knew then that was what had been wrong with me after you were born. I think … at least, I want to believe that if I had known that, I’d have stayed or taken you with me. No. I know I would have taken you with me. I was just scared that I couldn’t be a good mother. It was the postpartum doing that to me. I felt the same way with Alvie.”

I sat there, knowing I should respond—or at least that she was waiting for me to. She had a reason for why she had left me. Somehow, that helped. A weight eased inside me that I hadn’t realized was there.

“Grams was great. Really. Dad didn’t make life easy for her, but she handled him just fine until she couldn’t anymore. By then, I was old enough to step in and take over.”

The server appeared at our table, and I turned to look at Sebastian.

“What can I get y’all to drink?” she asked as she barely glanced at Jill and me. Her main focus was Sebastian. It was something I had gotten used to with him.

He looked down at me. The concern in his eyes, the understanding, made me want to curl up against him and let him handle all my problems. I wouldn’t ever do that, but it was so tempting.

“Lemonade?” he asked me.

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

He motioned for Jill to order. The server asked him if she could get anything else for him, and he asked for bread to be brought to the table as he looked at me. When she walked off, I wanted to grin because she was clearly not happy that she hadn’t held his attention.

“Can I ask how you two met?”

I turned my gaze back to Jill. There was a soft smile on her face as she watched us.

“I witnessed her hustle two men at a game of pool one night while having a drink. Couldn’t take my eyes off her. Then, she made me work for it. Took me stalking her to get her to agree to a date,” Sebastian replied with a smirk on his gorgeous face.

Jill’s eyebrows shot up, and I wanted to laugh at his summary of how we had begun.

“That’s not exactly how it happened,” I told her, biting back a laugh.

He slid his hand over my back and leaned closer to me. “Yes, it is. I’m not embarrassed by my instant obsession.”

Jill chuckled. “Well, I can understand why he did it. I’m sure you’ve had boys falling at your feet since puberty. Now, tell me about this hustling men at pool thing.”

I shrugged. “My best friend, Anya’s, soon-to-be brother-in-law owns a pool hall. He used to let me go there, and I’d make some money.”

“Hustling men at pool, you mean,” she urged.

I nodded. “Yep.”

“She’s quite the entrepreneur,” Sebastian told her. “I’ve convinced her to come work on my family’s ranch with me though. I don’t much care for other men flirting with her.”

The server returned with our drinks and a basket of bread. Sebastian told her to give us a few more minutes to decide on food and sent her on her way.

Jill picked up her water and took a sip. Other than telling me about the postpartum depression, she hadn’t mentioned her son. My half brother. I was curious. I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet him yet, but I found I’d like to know about the only sibling I had.

“I’ll admit,” Jill informed him, “after we spoke on the phone, I googled you. I wanted to know who this man was, calling me about my daughter. It was impressive. The Shephard Ranch, that is. You’ve won a lot of horse races.”

Sebastian took a drink before responding, “Yes. We’ve been in the business for decades.”

She turned her gaze back to me. “And you’re not in college.”

I wanted to laugh—and not the amused kind either. “No. I’m not. With Grams’s dementia and Dad drinking away all our money, it wasn’t something that worked for me. Even with the scholarships I received, I couldn’t move off and leave Grams.”

She winced. If that made her wince, she had no idea about the other ugly truths in my life.

“You had scholarships?” she asked.

“Several. She’s fucking brilliant.”

I glanced up at Sebastian. The pride in his eyes made my heart flutter. I wasn’t brilliant, but the fact that he thought so made me happy.

“I hate that you weren’t able to take one of those. That’s unfair to you. I’d hoped that Vinson would change with fatherhood. It seems that’s not the case.”

“He’s in prison for drug trafficking,” I informed her.

She paled slightly, and I could see she hadn’t known that either. I guessed, when she had been googling, she hadn’t googled him.

“Oh my God,” she breathed. “Where is Maude?”

“She’s in a luxury facility that caters to those with dementia and Alzheimer’s. The best doctors and nurses on hand daily. Activities to help with her memory or at least make the last years of her life easier. She’s only fifteen minutes from where we live, and I see her every day.”

Jill’s gaze shifted to Sebastian. “And you are the one paying for that?” she asked.

“My family owns the building it is in. I was able to get her in there at an affordable price.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

Sebastian turned to look at me. “It’s not kindness. I’d find a way to walk on water if that was what Royal needed me to do.”

I loved this man.

“When you called me to set this up, I assumed you were more than casual. This is love then. I mean, I could tell that the moment you walked in the door and I saw you together. I just … ” She paused, and I could tell she was nervous. Unsure. “I had planned on asking you to come stay with us. I have a guest bedroom, and I wanted to get to spend time with you—”

“No,” Sebastian interrupted her.

She swung her eyes to him.

“She’s staying with me. If she wants to get to know you, that’s fine. But”—his jaw clenched as he looked at me—“she’s aware I don’t respond well when I don’t have her close.”

Maybe I should get mad at him for taking control and making my decisions for me. But I didn’t want to go live in her house. I was grown now. I wasn’t a child anymore. She was Jill. The woman who had given birth to me. My mother was Grams. I wasn’t looking for a replacement.

“I didn’t mean to step on toes,” she said.

I shook my head. “You didn’t. But I didn’t come here today to make that connection. I needed to see you. It was closure for me. I, uh … I’m not ready for more. Not now. Perhaps in time. I would like to know about Alvie though.”

I could see my words had hurt her, but they were the truth. I wasn’t ready to just forget that she’d left me and never come back twenty-one years ago. I had forgiven her, I realized. But if she wanted more, it would take me time to move forward with that.

She began to tell me about Alvie, and I listened, asking questions with Sebastian beside me. He stayed quiet, his hand on my thigh. The meal went smoothly, and I found myself relaxed and enjoying the conversation. I knew when I left here today, not only would the monster under my bed be gone for good, but the mark she’d left me with wouldn’t haunt me anymore.

There was only one person I couldn’t live without in my life. Sebastian was my future. He had become the center of my world. I knew that one day soon I’d be tested again and I looked forward to it. I was going to ace the test with flying colors. Bring it on, Boss.