Somewhere New (Isle of Doughnut #1)

Chapter Twenty-Six

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CALLUM

I paused after the cabin’s front door clicked shut. Almost everything inside of me screamed to go back inside. But that was the trouble; almost everything wanted to fall into Aster’s arms. A little part, much quieter now Aster had broken me out of acting on instinctual fear, would be wondering.

Was he hiding something else? Was he an exceptionally good actor? When would he hurt those I loved?

I couldn’t trust myself. My judgement had proven faulty before. The only thing that would quiet the lingering voice of terrified doubt was hearing from someone else that Aster was good and trustworthy. The only person whose judgement I cared about was the one who’d been to hell and back with me.

I patted my pockets as I walked to the quad bike shelter, but they were empty. Retrieving the keys was a legitimate reason to go back into the cabin, but then Aster spoke. Not to me, but I wasn’t so far away that I couldn’t hear his words clearly .

Turning from the cabin, I sprinted down the first hill. I couldn’t go inside to get the keys when I couldn’t stay to comfort Aster, when I couldn’t undo the damage I’d done with my initial fear-filled reaction to finding out he was a witch.

My breath misted in regular puffs as I ran. I didn’t care that Aster was a witch. Not in the way he probably thought I did. Magic was off limits to werewolves, but I had no particular aversion to it. I’d love to hear about all the things he’d learnt today.

That had to wait until Bonnie confirmed trusting Aster wasn’t going to blow up in my face. That was what I desperately needed her to do. I so wanted to believe Aster was kind and had lied because his magic was something he habitually kept secret. I wanted to run back up the mountain and press my face into his skin with no hesitation or reservations.

I didn’t have a watch, so had no way of knowing how late it was when I made it to the village. The waning moon hung low over the harbour in an inky black sky. I walked the last distance along the narrow road to Bonnie and Joshua’s cottage.

She yanked open the door before I could knock. ‘Did you know that normal individuals call ahead when they’re going to drop by? Or, better yet, they come to the meals they’ve actually been invited to rather than showing up unannounced like some untrained heathen.’

Joshua appeared behind her. ‘Shall I translate?’ He flicked imaginary hair over his shoulder and carried on in a high-pitched voice that sounded nothing like Bonnie. ‘Hello, brother who I care about deeply. I heard you coming down the mountain and I’ve been pacing a valley into the living room floor waiting for you to arrive because I’ve been so worried about you.’ He dropped the voice and patted Bonnie on the shoulder. ‘My work here is done. I’m going to bed.’

Bonnie’s mouth pinched but she ushered me inside, shooting Joshua the finger as he climbed the stairs. ‘What’s so important that you came running down the mountain like an overgrown man-child? Trouble in paradise?’

I hadn’t been inside Bonnie and Joshua’s house for years. Not much had changed. A different blanket rested over the back of the sofa, and a new photo perched on the mantle above the fire. It was of her and Joshua, their faces smeared with dirt as they held up handfuls of carrots.

I followed her through to the kitchen-diner and sat on one of the chairs cluttered around the table. Underneath the lingering scents of the council members and the enticing smells of whatever masterpiece Joshua had cooked was a gentle hint of Aster. Calm seas and ground coffee and the soothing smell of his homemade soap.

‘Come on, Callington.’ Bonnie leant against the kitchen counter while she waited for the kettle to boil. ‘Spit it out. Something major must have happened up in your love nest to send you careening down here to see me.’

I clasped my hands, zeroing in on Bonnie’s heartbeat. ‘Did you know Aster was a witch?’

Bonnie’s movements didn’t falter as she added teabags to mugs and clattered through a drawer to find a teaspoon. ‘Oh yeah. Frank suspected something when he arrived. He asked me to send Aster over this afternoon. Kit popped in after he’d dropped Aster off to report the good news.’

‘You didn’t know before you invited him to the island?’

Bonnie scrunched up her face. ‘How would I have known that? It’s not the kind of thing you add to a grant proposal, especially not if you don’t want to come across as a nutter. Most people don’t know about supernatural stuff, Cally.’

I pressed my thumb into the other hand. ‘You don’t mind that he lied to us?’

Bonnie stopped her tea making. She turned to look at me, eyes sharp. ‘What did you do?’

‘I was shocked when Aster came back to the cabin and I didn’t express that shock very well.’ I hurried on when Bonnie’s frown became even more impressive. ‘Doesn’t it scare you, that he hid something major from us?’

Bonnie’s frown cleared, a complicated mix of concern and exasperation taking its place. ‘No one could be scared of that marshmallow dressed up as a human you’ve been sharing your cabin with.’ Bonnie hooked the teabags out of the mugs, then added a dash of milk. ‘Anyway, it’s not like you’re not hiding something pretty damn major from him, is it?’

Not a single skip in Bonnie’s heartbeat. She trusted Aster, through and through. Her belief in his gentle kindness loosened something inside of me.

Then she placed one of the mugs of tea on the table, and all the knots bound right back up. Because only one person left in the world knew exactly how I took my tea.

‘I’m guessing you haven’t told Aster your furry secret?’ Bonnie prompted, sitting down across the table.

I stared at her. This was one of those moments when it became manifestly clear that Bonnie didn’t know what happened directly before our whole family was murdered. I couldn’t claim I was to blame any more, but I wasn’t sure Bonnie would see it that way.

I couldn’t miss this opening. Bonnie and I didn’t have a relationship to ruin. If she hated me after I confessed, then I would go back to hiding in the mountains.

‘I haven’t told him,’ I said slowly, and Bonnie rolled her eyes while she took a sip of scalding tea. ‘The last time I told someone about the pack, they killed our family shortly afterwards.’

Bonnie blanched. ‘What?’

‘I told.’ I stumbled, unable to say the name. ‘I told her about us, that we’re werewolves. And a few days later, she and her grandad murdered almost everyone I loved. So that’s why I’m reluctant to tell Aster about us.’

Bonnie gaped at me. The only other time I’d seen her speechless was when we’d stared out at the stormy sea to the place where a boat had been. Before she could hurl insults at me, I forged on.

‘I don’t expect you to forgive me, and you’re allowed to blame me. I blamed myself for a long time. Aster helped me see that wasn’t right. I might have shared my secret with the wrong person, but I couldn’t control what she did afterwards.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I know you don’t like talking about this, so we don’t have to again. But I’ve always wanted you to know the truth.’

Bonnie made a small, hurting sound. The same sound she made when May dropped a pot of paint over her record collection. The anguish of something precious and irretrievable being lost.

‘Callum,’ she breathed. ‘You blamed yourself?’

‘Yes. I don’t any more, but it’s fine if you do.’

She pressed a hand over her mouth. When she lowered it, her lips trembled. ‘I always thought it was my fault.’

My turn to gape at her. ‘What? How?’

She dashed a hand across her eyes. ‘You know she kissed you? I talked to her afterwards.’ Bonnie blinked, and the tears she’d tried to bat away fell over her cheeks. ‘Your face after she kissed you was horrible; you were blindsided. My protective older sister mode kicked in when I realised she’d stolen your first kiss.’

That was how I remembered it as well. The tiny handhold that accusations held crumbled away. I hadn’t forced her to kiss me, hadn’t been an active participant at all.

‘What did you say to her?’

Bonnie sniffed, rubbing her face with her sleeve. ‘Horrible, horrible things. I was so angry. You always thought she was sweet, but I saw how manipulative and mean she was. And I told her that. I threatened to tell you exactly what she was like. Promised I’d never let you two be together. Said she wasn’t good enough for you.’

I could imagine Bonnie’s rant. If possible, she had even less of a filter as a teen. There would have been a lot of name-calling and insults thrown in.

‘Then, days after I’d basically told her that she was beneath us, she killed everyone.’ Bonnie shook her head. ‘She smiled at me when the judge passed the verdict.’

I hadn’t watched. I’d been so wrapped up in guilt that I’d barely felt an ounce of relief that my family’s murderer would be in prison for the rest of her life.

‘That’s why I didn’t want to talk about any of this.’ Bonnie’s lower lip wobbled. ‘I didn’t want you to realise that me being an unstoppable arsehole ruined our lives.’

I stood up and rounded the table. Bonnie rose to meet me, braced for a shove. I pulled her tight to my chest, and she collapsed into my arms.

‘We need to stop blaming ourselves,’ I whispered into her hair. She would hear me over her heaving breaths. ‘Neither of us could have known what was lurking inside of her. You saw her more clearly than I did, and you didn’t think she was capable of what she did, right?’

Bonnie shook her head, smearing snot across my jumper. I hugged her close despite her leaking nose. We’d both been so consumed by guilt that we hadn’t been able to reach out to each other. We’d wasted years feeling responsible for something neither of us had any power over.

‘Does this mean you’ll stop avoiding me now?’ Bonnie hiccupped as she stepped back. ‘I miss you.’

She sat down and wiped more snot onto the sleeve of her jumper, which I realised was one of Joshua’s. She was determined to mess up the clothing of all the men who loved her.

‘I miss you too.’ I sat down heavily in the chair beside her. Our knees bumped as I leant to grab my cup of tea. ‘I never wanted to avoid you. I thought you knew deep down that I was to blame, and that was why you didn’t want to talk about any of this stuff.’

Bonnie shook her head. ‘Nah. It was my fault. I couldn’t bear for you to find out and hate me even more than you did already.’

I knocked her shin as I took a sip of perfectly made tea. ‘I never hated you.’

‘Good to know.’ Bonnie sniffed and wrapped her hands around her mug. ‘At least the first person I told about the pack didn’t freak out too badly.’

I huffed a laugh. ‘Joshua did immediately tell his twin.’

‘They’re practically conjoined. Except for when one of them swans off to the mainland on some poxy bakery tour.’ Bonnie grinned. ‘Now we’re going to be close as well, can I challenge you about how determined you are to stake your claim on Aster by covering him in as much spunk as possible?’

I thumped my mug on the table and stood up. ‘I’m leaving.’

Bonnie cackled as she followed me to the front door. ‘Having to endure the stank of your jizz is a small price to pay to see you happy.’ I wrenched open the door. She stopped me storming off with a strong hand at my elbow. ‘It is good to see you happy, little bro.’

I swallowed, then nodded jerkily. ‘I need to go back to the cabin and make sure I haven’t messed things up too badly.’ Aster had been kind as I’d left, but maybe time alone had awakened his rage at being so heartily mistrusted.

‘Just give him a blowjob and all will be forgiven.’ Bonnie released my arm. ‘Works a treat for me.’

I scrunched my face, fighting the image of my sister and Joshua engaged in any kind of sexual activity.

‘See you soon,’ I called over my shoulder, already breaking into a jog.

‘It had better be soon.’ Bonnie’s quiet voice followed me down the road.

Even though I was sprinting uphill, I felt lighter as I made my way home. Not only was Aster someone I could trust, but the impenetrable barrier between me and my remaining family member had been torn down. Despite Bonnie’s tendency to overshare and poke her nose in, I wanted to spend time with her soon.

Beneath the guilt and pain of what happened ten years ago had always lurked the sorrow of losing her too. Now, all of that had been stripped away.

I was a different man to the one Aster met when he first came up the mountains and got lost in a snow flurry. He couldn’t take credit for all the changes, but he’d gotten the ball rolling.

I pushed myself to run faster up the dark road. All I wanted was to be with him. I wanted to hear about his afternoon with Frank, and I wanted to tell him about this conversation with Bonnie.

I wanted to be with him for as long as we had left.