Somewhere New (Isle of Doughnut #1)

Chapter Thirty-Six

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

CALLUM

I heard Aster and the goat approaching before they came into view. Taking deep breaths, I eased onto my knees and wiped the tears off my face. By the time Aster bounded up the hill, I was on my feet, my face the blankest mask I could make it.

‘Callum.’ The way Aster said my name before he threw himself into my arms was infused with such joy. It broke my heart all over again. ‘I have news.’

‘I heard.’ My voice was flat. That, along with the stiff way I was holding myself, alerted Aster to the fact his news wouldn’t necessarily be good to me.

‘Aren’t you pleased?’ His face scrunched as he stepped back.

I swallowed. Even in the depths of my despair at the prospect of Aster leaving, I’d been determined I wouldn’t ruin this for him. My movements wooden, I squeezed his shoulder.

‘Of course I’m happy for you.’ I didn’t attempt to smile. It would look far too strange. ‘You’ll be incredible.’

Aster’s face hadn’t changed. ‘You don’t seem pleased. You’re doing the thing where you think you’re hiding how you’re feeling, but because you’re so closed down I know you’re feeling something super big.’ Aster entwined his fingers with mine. ‘Talk to me, Cal.’

I closed my eyes, biting down all the emotions threatening to overspill. ‘I’ll miss you when you’re gone.’

That was reasonable. Aster and I had grown close during his stay. He didn’t have to know how deeply he’d embedded in my heart for it to be understandable I would feel his absence.

‘Gone?’ Aster squeezed my hand. ‘I thought you said you heard? I don’t have to go. I can stay right here.’

I opened my eyes to stare at him. ‘What?’

Aster’s face cleared. ‘I’m guessing you heard the first job offer, then stopped listening?’

I nodded mutely.

‘Callum, the second one is so much better. You won’t believe it. Honestly.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’m going to explain myself now. Use my words. Yeah.’

‘Aster.’ His name came out strained. I loved his inability to say anything quickly, but right now I needed him to be clear. I needed to understand.

‘Okay. The second job offer means I get to stay here. With you.’ Aster beamed at me. ‘I’ll basically be doing the same stuff I’ve been doing. Roaming around looking at plants and stuff. But Cal. I can stay. I don’t have to leave.’

Happiness definitely shone from every part of him. It made his scent soft and bright, like roses on a warm summer evening. But I couldn’t find the same emotion inside myself.

Aster had been so excited about the job at the university. This second job didn’t offer half the intellectual stimulation or career opportunities of the first. My lovesick heart wanted to grab on to Aster with both hands, but I couldn’t let him stay here just to make me happy. The second job was a consolation prize. Aster couldn’t live like that.

I twisted my hand free and took a step back. ‘You should take the job at the university.’

Aster looked less shocked when I told him I was a werewolf. His face paled, his brow furrowing. ‘I thought you would want me to stay.’

I do. My heart begged me to say it. But I wouldn’t let Aster compromise his dreams for me. ‘Why would you stay here when you can go home?’

It was underhand to suggest London was his home more than here, but if I had to make Aster feel unwelcome to help him see sense, then I’d do it. I’d do anything for him.

He bit his lip. ‘I’d stay for you.’

He wrung his hands together, always so much braver than I would ever be. In the face of such stony rejection, I couldn’t have bared myself in that way.

I tried to gentle my toneless voice. ‘This thing between us has always had an expiry date. I wouldn’t expect you to change your plans for me.’

Aster blinked furiously. ‘Bonnie sorted it all out. She obviously doesn’t think me staying is a problem.’

I shook my head. ‘Bonnie doesn’t always realise when she’s overstepping.’

Aster’s chin wobbled as he looked away. I wanted to gather him in my arms, make the pain disappear, but a little hurt now would keep him from a lifetime of resentment. That’s what awaited if he stayed here. He would enjoy being with me for a while, but then he would think of all he was missing, all he’d given up. I couldn’t compare to everything he’d lose if he stayed here.

‘That’s it then,’ Aster said, his voice unsteady. ‘You want me to go.’

No. It was a howl in my chest.

My heart tearing in two, I said, ‘It’s for the best.’