Somewhere New (Isle of Doughnut #1)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

ASTER

I ’d gotten it wrong. Again.

I had no idea I would wake up the morning after losing my virginity to find the girl I was obsessed with had used me to get back at her ex. I had no inkling Mark was cheating. I was blindsided when Jamie ended our casual thing.

That was all nothing to my shock as Callum continued insisting he wanted me to go back to London permanently.

I thought he would return my love. I’d read into all his lingering looks and allocated feelings to them he clearly wasn’t caught up in. I’d taken his words and twisted them to fit my agenda.

Which was falling head over heels in love with him.

But he wasn’t in love with me.

I wanted to slap myself. If anyone should have seen this coming, it was me. I had a proven track record of being a monumentally bad judge of character and situations as soon as my dick got involved. I thought Callum was different, but the truth was I’d managed to repeat the same mistake I’d already made three times before.

Maybe it needed to be this freaking painful so I would finally learn.

Callum stood before me, his face a weird, blank mask. Before, I would have assumed that was him hiding big feelings. I wasn’t sure any more. I’d told him I would stay here, that I wanted to be with him, and he’d shut me down. He’d reminded me we’d gone into this knowing there was a clear and immovable end date.

I dashed away the tears spilling onto my cheeks. If I’d needed confirmation things between us were broken, then him standing still while I cried gave it. That hadn’t been the deal. His arms should be around me.

But they weren’t. Whatever had been going on between us was over. A bitter voice in my head insisted Callum had explored all he wanted to sexually and now he was casting me aside like everyone else did.

‘Maybe I’ll go stay with Kit until I leave the island.’

Callum’s face twitched. I wanted to read into that spasm, but even I wasn’t that stupid. I had to respect Callum’s wishes. He wanted me to leave. He wanted this to be over.

‘If that’s what you want.’

Everything was wrong. This conversation should have ended with joyous mountain sex. Callum should have been smiling though relieved tears. His voice shouldn’t be a robotic murmur.

I swallowed the knot of humiliated sadness welling up in my throat. ‘I’ll sort out my stuff and give him a call.’

Callum didn’t move a muscle as I turned towards the cabin. My embarrassment was already maxed out, so I didn’t feel any additional shame when I looked back before he passed out of view. Seemingly, me walking out of his life a week and a bit before I had to had no effect on him.

Part of me thought that wasn’t likely. Callum felt things deeply. I knew that. I’d seen that. But he was also an intensely private person. Maybe he looked forward to reclaiming his own space. Maybe he’d enjoyed our brief fling, but was ready for his life to go back to normal. Maybe he would remember this time with fondness, with no regrets.

I wished I would be able to do the same, but I’d made a total fool of myself. Somewhat enabled by Bonnie—who also thought the idea of me staying was stellar—I’d let myself believe Callum and I could have more than a few short months together.

He didn’t want that. He’d made that clear.

Tears fell freely as I stumbled into the cabin. I texted Kit before packing. Getting his Mini up the mountains would take a couple of hours and it would take about that amount of time to extract my stuff from the three small rooms of the cabin. No wonder Callum was looking forward to having his own space back; my junk had spread everywhere.

Our clothes intermingled in the chest of drawers. That couldn’t have been helpful to Callum, as he was too big to wear anything of mine. It had been a selfish move on my part. I’d loved throwing on his thick jumpers. I thought Callum liked that too.

He’d told me he enjoyed my smell. Said he’d never smelt anyone like me. That had to mean something.

‘Stop it, Aster.’ I rubbed my face with my sleeve, then jolted when I realised I was wearing one of Callum’s jumpers. I tore it off and threw it on the bed. ‘You need to forget all the nice things he said. They didn’t mean what you want them to. ’

I’d pulled the meaning I wanted from them. I’d fallen hard for Callum, and had convinced myself he’d done the same.

‘Celibacy from here on out,’ I muttered as I pulled the last of my boxers from the drawer and set about folding my clothes into the correct configuration to squish them inside my suitcase. ‘Apparently, my brain takes a holiday as soon as I have sex. That’s the only explanation for how epically I’ve fucked up every single relationship I’d ever been a part of.’

I was much better at friendship. If I hadn’t been attracted to Callum—seriously, who could manage that?—then we could have been buddies this whole time. I wouldn’t now be fleeing down the mountains in disgrace.

Occasionally mopping up the stubborn tears that refused to stop falling down my face, I collected my things from the bathroom and living room. I did try to stop crying, aware Callum could come in any moment, but I couldn’t. It didn’t matter anyway. I cleared the cabin of any trace of my stay, and Callum didn’t appear.

I heard the whine of Kit’s Mini long before it came into view. I realised I was dithering when I’d been standing in the middle of the living room for five minutes, the handle of my suitcase clutched in one hand and my backpack hanging from the other.

I rushed over to the kitchen sink and splashed water across my face, then pushed my feet into my boots and pulled on my coat. One last look around the cabin, and I stepped outside.

Only to be confronted by a pair of agitated goats. I hadn’t realised I’d closed Tim and Albert outside. I dropped my bags and fell to my knees.

I’d trained them well in the art of slightly-more-violent- than-was-comfortable cuddles. They nuzzled under an arm each, nudging my ribs with their horny heads.

‘I’m really going to miss you.’ I scratched their coarse fur.

I looked up. Apart from the Mini chugging along the road, nothing moved. There was no sign of Callum.

Even though he wanted me gone, I hoped he would come to say goodbye.

Kit hadn’t asked any questions when I’d asked him to collect me, but startled inquiries jostled behind his wide eyes as he climbed out of his car and saw me tearfully cuddling a pair of goats.

I stood up after one last squeeze. ‘Can I please stay with you until it’s time for me to leave the island? It’s only a week or so.’

Kit nodded and stepped forwards to pull me into a hug, but I pushed him away.

‘Please.’ I sniffed and shook my head. ‘Can we do that once we get to yours? I’m just about holding it together.’

‘You’re getting the mother of all hugs once you’re in my home.’

I raised a watery grin. ‘I’m counting on it.’

‘And you’ll tell me what happened?’ Kit carelessly lifted my bags and chucked them into the boot of his car. If I hadn’t suspected he was a werewolf already, I had pretty clear evidence now.

I looked around again. Still no sign of Callum. ‘So long as you promise not to judge me.’

Kit slammed the boot shut. ‘Why would I judge you?’

‘I’ve been a colossal idiot.’ I walked over to the car.

Kit pursed his lips. ‘I’m fairly certain there’s more to it than that.’

He climbed into his Mini. I stood on the passenger side. Desperately, I searched the rolling hills. In the distance, the sea raged in one direction and the still waters of the loch glittered in the other. Except for wind-bent trees swaying in the ever-present breeze and goats frolicking in the long grass, there was nothing.

‘Bye, Cal.’ I didn’t know if he was in listening distance, but I hoped his wolfy skills were powerful enough that he’d be able to hear me. ‘I’ll miss you.’

I couldn’t say anything else. I cried so much in Kit’s car as we drove down the mountains that he grabbed a spare scarf from the back seat and passed it to me. He only cringed a little when I blew my nose on one corner.

He couldn’t have been too disgusted. Once he bundled me into his red cottage and up the stairs to the cosy flat above the bookshop, he held me. The comfort was good, but reminded me of whose arms I really wanted wrapped around me.

That wouldn’t happen again. No matter how painful it was, I had to face that things with Callum were over. We’d had fun, but that was all it was to him. He wanted me to leave the island. Only I had caught feelings.

I hadn’t learnt my lesson in the way I’d planned when I came to Doughnut, but I finally accepted that romantic relationships would only result in heartbreak for me.