Sorrow (Cape Frost #1)

21

It doesn’t take a detective to realize something just happened with The Sons. The way Hayes shoved me back in the room, the cursing, tires squealing, and the two of them running off without saying much of anything to me? Yeah, The Sons did something, or maybe just Tristan. I might obey Hayes when the sun is down, but it’s early evening right now and the house is still illuminated with daylight, and that means I answer to no one but myself.

Once I’m sure they’re gone, I head out to the living room to see what happened. Nothing seems out of place in here or the foyer. The doorbell rang, so that’s my next stop. My blood runs cold when I see the charred remains of pink lingerie. The same one I bought for Nate but wore for Hayes .

Tristan doesn’t have the balls to do something like this, though he’s the one who saw us at Pandora’s Box. Maybe he doesn’t hate his older brother quite as much as I thought.

A little sick to my stomach, I clean up the mess and head back to the kitchen to figure out what to do. I could wait patiently here for Hayes to come back, beg him to fuck me, and then deal with the consequences after... or I could fake it. Chances are I won’t bleed again, and even if I do, I have a couple of ideas on how to deal with it without Nate ever knowing. I can do this. The faster I seal this deal, the more protection I’ll have and the less Boo will have to worry about me. We’re getting into dangerous territory that I fear will only end one way unless I take myself out of the equation.

It’s time.

My fingers tremble as I pick up my phone to call Nate, deciding the quicker I get an answer, the better. It’s so loud when he answers I can barely hear him.

“Sammy, what’s up?”

Music blares and people laugh loudly at some joke I can’t hear. “Hi. I uh... was wondering what you were doing. I’m not a virgin anymore. ”

Straight to the point.

“What?” he yells. “Sorry, it’s crazy here. What’d you say?”

God, this is embarrassing. “I said I’m not a virgin anymore!”

He drops his phone, scrambling to pick it back up. “Shit. Sweet, you wanna come over? I’m a little drunk, but I can still get it up.”

Charming. So, so fucking charming.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in ten.”

Hanging up, I move before I can talk myself out of it. I can’t look at the pink lingerie now without thinking of The Sons, Hayes, and everything wrong with my life, so that’s exactly what I choose. It’s a little wrinkled but I don’t see any stains, and it fits under a loose t-shirt and athletic shorts without too much fluff. At least this way, I won’t forget for a second why I’m doing this.

It’s way too cold out for shorts as I start my truck and drive over, but I’m so overheated from anticipation, adrenaline, and pre-emptive embarrassment that I don’t feel the chill at all. It’s not until I pull onto Nate’s street and realize there’s nowhere to park that I start to regret the choice.

I end up parking two streets over and cutting through backyards to get there. I’m shivering when I let myself in, ignoring the throng of people so tight I brush up against almost all of them in my search for Nate. It’s a bit early for a party like this. It’s not a holiday or anything like that, and it’s not quite close enough to the date he’s leaving for it to be some kind of farewell bash. Maybe this is just how people like him live. People with friends, with family. With futures. People with absolutely nothing better to do than get drunk as hell on a fucking weekday.

Must be nice.

I’m stopped twice by people I sort of recognize, though I excuse myself quickly and find Nate by a table full of ice buckets, bottles of liquor, two kegs, and a pitcher of what looks like jungle juice. These guys really aren’t fucking around.

“Sammy,” he grins, throwing a meaty arm over my shoulder and nearly crushing me. “You need a drink or twelve. What do ya want?”

I want to get this over with.

“Ah, I was pregaming earlier,” I lie. “For a different party. I want something else right now.” Sliding my hand down, I cup his dick and squeeze lightly, making sure he knows exactly what I’m talking about. “Don’t you? ”

His eyes flutter as he nods quickly. “Yeah, yep. Let’s go upstairs.”

The noise around us fades as I follow him. That was almost too easy, underwhelming even. Hayes would’ve made me beg. I bet even in a room full of people like that, he’d have had me on my knees kissing the head of his cock to prove I wanted it.

Nate just... caved.

I suppose that’ll make my life easier once we’re out of here. I can keep him in line, keep him interested. Keep him happy just long enough to land a good job and get my own place. It hits me as he closes his bedroom door behind me that I’m setting him up for heartbreak if this works — he’ll fall for me thinking we’re truly together, and then I’ll leave him because he never meant anything to me. But maybe I’ll surprise us both before it’s over. Maybe I’ll fall for him too.

“You ready?” he asks, stumbling as he kicks his shoes off and tries to get out of his jeans. “Take your clothes off, I’ve been dying to see what your body looks like.”

Okay, I can work with this. A little desire and a lot of delusion never hurt anyone .

I strip down to that lingerie and expect him to love it, but he just shakes his head. “No, no. You look great, but keep going. I wanna see all of you.”

Well, at least I didn’t pay for it. Huffing quietly, I slide it off my body and stand there like a zoo animal as he gawks at me.

“Yeah, you’re fucking hot, Sammy. Knew you would be. C’mere, show me all the shit you learned getting ready for me.”

I wish I could say his arrogance is a turn off, but it’s not really arrogance if he’s 100% correct. I did learn for him, no matter how pathetic that seems right now. Compared to Hayes, Nate is... soft. Not in a bad way, it’s just different. Years of playing football have given him muscle, for sure, but not in the same way. Hayes is cold, lean, powerful. Nate looks like a gym bro who eats a few too many carbs to ever be cut. He’d be great to cuddle with, but... okay. I have to stop comparing him to Hayes. That’s over with now, as it should be.

The pang in my chest says otherwise as I sink to my knees in front of the wrong man. My heart pounds too fast, my fingers don’t want to work. It feels like the first time all over again, just in a soul-crushing, terrible way.

I don’t want to do this .

I have to do this.

Leaning in, I have the tip of his unpierced cock two inches from my mouth when he stops me. “Wait, wait. We need to be quiet, okay? My girl’s out there.”

His fucking what?

Pausing, I meet his eyes from the ground. “Sorry? Who?”

“Annalise, my girlfriend. We just started dating like a month ago, it’s not serious.”

“Does she know it’s not serious?” I push.

The look in his eyes tells me no. “I’ve wanted you too bad to say no, Sammy. It’s not my fault. Just come on, put it in your mouth.”

His girlfriend is downstairs. Maybe I should be the type of person who should care about that, but I don’t think I am. No one in this town has ever given a fuck about me, so why should I care about them? I’ve learned enough to know I’m good at this. I’m probably better at it than she is. How hard could it be to steal him from her?

It takes me a second too long to filter through those thoughts.

“Fine, I’ll put it in for you. Fucking tease.”

He grabs the back of my head and shoves his cock in my mouth, gagging me so badly I nearly throw up. It’s easily two inches shorter than Hayes and shouldn’t be a problem for me, but everything about this is wrong. It’s the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong man. The wrong headspace. He’s done nothing to ease me into it. Nothing to make me want him too. Nothing to make me want to sacrifice the air in my lungs to bring him pleasure.

Hayes fucking Sarro ruined me.

“I thought you said you were good at this?” he snaps, and I realize in that moment that I really, truly am cursed. I can bring Hayes to his knees with a single flick of my tongue, but I can’t suck the cock of some random fucking loser to literally save my own life. All those carefully laid plans, lowering myself to ask someone I hated for help, the ways I’ve bent and twisted who I am just to have a chance to get out and I blow it in the fourth quarter.

Funny choice of words, given that blowing it seems to be my problem right now.

Fucking cursed.

Pulling off, I stand quickly and shove him back on the bed in one last-ditch effort to save this. My whole body is shaking, I can barely breathe, and the tears in my eyes have almost nothing to do with the pressure that was just in my throat, but I can do this.

I can fucking do this.

“Let’s just fuck, okay? ”

“Yeah, yeah. Imagine that, another chick who doesn’t like sucking cock. Just c’mere.”

Oh I like it, just not with you.

I don’t see how he can even blame me when he starts rutting like a dog in heat trying to find my hole. His dick bounces off my thigh, my lips, my clit, missing its mark every time. I can’t bring myself to help him.

“Shit. Hold still. I—”

“Nathan fucking Jackson!”

He jerks so violently he nearly throws me off as he looks toward the door, but I think we both know who just screamed his name from the other side. Sure enough, the door flies open and some pretty little brunette comes stomping in.

“Are you shitting me?” she asks, eyeing me with disgust. “When Greg told me you came upstairs with the virgin bitch, I didn’t believe him. Guess she’s the town whore now.”

“Baby, wait,” Nate rushes out, scrambling out from underneath me and following her out into the hall. I listen for a moment until their voices fade into the pulsing, blaring music, then fall back against the pillows in defeat.

That was it. That was my chance at freedom. I blew it, he blew it, she blew it. If I’d have gotten out of my own head like Hayes taught me, I could’ve had everything I ever wanted.

Instead, I’ve somehow become the town whore and the funniest thing is, I really am still a virgin. She’s not entirely wrong, though. I prostituted myself to Hayes for money. I was about to fuck Nate not because I wanted him, but because I wanted something from him I could only get with sex. I’ve made nothing but bad decisions, and for what? All I’ve learned is that I can obey Hayes Sarro without question and the thought of touching anyone else sends me into the early stages of a fucking panic attack.

I can’t leave, I can’t stay. Hayes will never want me full time, he thinks I’m a hurricane. This was just fun for him, maybe even something primal knowing he was secretly making a dirty little slut out of his best friend’s little sister. But for me? It was altering. I’m not the same person I was when we started. I’m no longer as frozen as the town we live in, willing to do whatever it takes to get out.

I just want to be loved, and maybe that’s the greatest curse of all.