Sorrow (Cape Frost #1)

24

The warmth of the shower should’ve helped me stop shivering, but I think I’m in shock. Fumbling my chance to get out of here, losing my virginity in an alley, and being pelted by freezing rain for the better part of an hour really seemed to fuck with my nervous system — so when I catch Hayes staring at me expectantly, I’m still bracing for something terrible to happen.

“What?” I ask, maybe a little sharply. “I’m fine.”

“You’re trembling,” he says unhelpfully, then pulls out one of his hoodies for me. “Put it on.”

Bossy, bossy. The forest green tent falls nearly to my kneecaps, but I immediately feel better. No wonder he wears these all the time. “Thanks. I really am fine, though. I’m not gonna get all weird on you if that’s what you’re worried about. ”

“You? Not weird?” He chuckles quietly. “Now that’s weird. Get in the bed, Samara.”

The way the humor vanished from his voice with that command almost scares me. This is uncharted territory for us now — our bargain is technically over. At least... it should be. So why is he looking at me like it’s not?

Curiously, I climb into his bed and tuck my knees up under the hoodie. Let’s see if Carhartt can protect me from being vulnerable the way their clothing protects from everything else. “You seem tense. Are you tense?”

Climbing in after me, Hayes leans back against the headboard before giving me an answer. “No, actually. I mean, maybe a lit— what happened tonight? Before I found you.”

It’s so rare that Hayes Sarro stumbles over his words.

I just wish I could enjoy it a little more.

“You know, the usual. Girl tries to seduce boy, boy tells girl they have to be quiet because his girlfriend might hear. Girl decides she doesn’t care but then forgets absolutely everything she learned and completely blows it... boy’s girlfriend comes in and that was pretty much that. ”

“Did she attack you?”

Ew, what? Screwing up my face, I shove his arm. “Does it look like I’m in jail? If that bitch would’ve come anywhere near me, she’d be dead. She just yelled a lot and he followed her out like a lost puppy.”

Something about my response makes him smile, but it’s gone in a flash. “So did you forget everything you knew... or did you just not actually want it with him anymore?”

He had to ask, didn’t he? Fucker. Exhaling hard, I remind myself that we promised not to lie to each other. “The second one. You were right, he did nothing to get me in the right headspace before he tried to choke me to death on his cock, and I was wrong about being able to handle it.”

His hands tighten into fists on his thighs, but aside from that, I can tell he’s trying not to react. “He shoved his cock into your mouth?”

“It’s not like he didn’t have permission,” I remind him. “I just... froze.”

I don’t miss the deep growl that rumbles his chest a beat before he tugs me against his body. Almost like he needs the reminder that I’m here. That I’m not with him. “Hope his girlfriend chops his fucking dick off. ”

“She didn’t seem nearly mad enough,” I comment. “I’d have killed him right there if it was me... but no one ever taught me how to share.”

“I know the feeling,” he mumbles, but speaks up louder with his next question. “So we’re done wi — you’re done with him?”

My stomach sinks. “Yeah. It’s done. Thanks for trying, I guess.”

“Good. Fuck that guy, he doesn’t deserve to own any piece of you anyway.”

I don’t know what to say. I have a million questions and I’m too scared to ask even one of them, so for a moment, all I do is cuddle closer. “I don’t know what to do, Hayes. I fucked it all up.”

“You didn’t. You just realized a little too late that he wasn’t your path. Doesn’t mean anything needs to change.”

“It means everything changes. Boo can’t move on The Sons until I’m safe and out of this town, and how do I do that now? Maybe I should start dealing for you,” I mutter. “I don’t see how else I’ll make enough money to get out on my own before The Sons kill my only sibling.”

“Dealing, no. I haven’t moved much since you started staying here anyway, and you aren’t going to start that shit. Are you saying you’re done being my personal little whore?”

He looks almost offended as he awaits my response, but I barely understand the question. “I didn’t say that. I wasn’t sure if our deal extended beyond what happened in the alley or not, but either way... you’re really gonna keep paying me for something you already had?”

“You thought some alleyway quickie would be where this ended?” Hayes snorts. “Nah. There’s still so much to do, Hurricane. So many things to... explore.” Slowly, he ghosts his finger along the vein in my neck with his eyes transfixed on the beating of my heart. “Things I believe you’d enjoy too.”

Blood, it has to be. He wants to hurt me, to watch me bleed. Goosebumps spread like wildfire over my skin as I meet his eyes — those cold, calculating, gorgeous amber eyes — and all I can say is, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeats. “You’re sure?”

What does being sure have to do with it? I was sure Nate was the answer, I was sure my house wouldn’t burn down for no reason, and I was sure I hated Hayes Sarro. I was wrong about all of it, so what the hell do I know?

“What do I have to lose? ”

The look in his eyes tells me it’s already far too late for me to back out anyway. “Freedom. I don’t know any other way to say this, but I have a feeling I might become a bit... obsessive once we start. I’ve never actually done this before, but every time I imagine crimson droplets sliding along your pale skin, I want to lock you up like a piece of forbidden art that exists only for my eyes.”

Fuck. My stomach flutters as I swear the room temperature rises at least five degrees. Can I handle him controlling me like that? What kind of a buffer will Boo be? I can cycle through every what-if my brain is capable of producing, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. I need this, and shockingly enough, I think I might want it, too. “From sun down to sun up, Hayes. You can have all the control you need.”

“What if that’s not enough?”

There’s a hint of uncertainty in his expression, mirroring my own.

This feels dangerous.

“What are you thinking?” I ask softly. “Just tell me.”

“What I’m saying is nighttime might not be enough anymore. Having to hold myself back from fucking you all damn day — I think we need to tell Boo.”

Well, that’ll wake a person up.

“Are you high?” I blurt. “You really think he’s going to be okay with you just casually fucking his little sister? We’re not even in a relationship, Hayes. We’d have to lie about that for him to even consider it.”

“Is it even a lie at this point?” he argues. “Bitch boy is out of the picture. I haven’t even spoken to another chick since you moved in here, and you sleep in my bed every night. Is it so much of a stretch to tell Boo you’re my girl now? I mean, he knows how this story goes. Girl moves into guy’s house. Oh shit, there’s only one bed. Guy and girl argue, tension builds, they eventually fuck. You think he’s really going to be surprised?”

Is that all a relationship entails these days? Just proximity and lust?

Something about that doesn’t surprise me, but it does make me want to die just a little. “And what do we do when you’re done with me, or when I leave? Tell him our little love story just fizzled out?”

“One bridge at a time, Hurricane. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself here, and it’s impossible to predict the outcome. We just won’t tell Boo about the money part of it, and if you want to wait a bit to tell him, we can. I’m just saying we might have to eventually. Now that I’ve fucked you I can’t stop thinking about how your pussy felt squeezing my dick, and I won’t make it twelve fucking hours without having it again.”

Oh, I think the outcome is pretty obvious, but what alternative do I have now? If a little white lie is gonna do the trick, then okay. “Fine, we can tell him. But you’re doing the talking.”

“Whatever, sissy. I’ll do the talking.” Hayes sticks his finger in my ear annoyingly, bringing me back to when I was younger and he always seemed to find a way to mess with me. “Instead of nightly payments for different activities, I’m just going to give you a weekly allowance or some shit though. That work with you?”

Weekly. Fuck, this is going to take too long. “Okay. Beggars and choosers, you know.”

“Pick the amount.”

“What?” I ask, balking a little. That’s not how this is supposed to go. “That’s not fair. I don’t know what you’re gonna do to me. ”

“I thought it was fair to let you pick the price of your own body. I’m not paying you for different activities anymore, I’m paying you so I can own your body. All of it. But alright then, if you don’t think it’s fair, then what about $800 a week?”

Quick math tells me I could get out of here in two or three months if I save most of it, so I’m not gonna argue with him. But that does seem a little low for having total control of another human being. “Sold.”

“Damn, I thought you’d haggle me a little before we came to an agreement. Alright.” He takes my hand and shakes it before I can back out. “You’ll basically own my body too, you know? I won’t touch anyone else, and if you want to try anything, just speak up about it.”

How can I haggle when I have no idea how much someone is willing to pay for sex? I’d have absolutely lowballed myself if I’d have thrown a number out first, and I’ve never known Hayes to be reasonable or malleable. “I’m not sure it’s quite the same, but I appreciate you saying it anyway.”

“Is there anything you would want though? What did you imagine your relationship with Nate would look like before you considered him just a meal ticket?”

“Bold of you to assume he was ever anything but a ticket out of here,” I mutter. “He’s not exactly my type, y’know? I didn’t want someone loud and obnoxious. But my choices around here are painfully slim, so I don’t know. I guess it depends on what you’re asking me. Like what did I envision my future sex life would be like? Or an actual romantic relationship?”

“Both. I’ve never had a real relationship, so I’m curious what women think about when they picture it.”

Me too, because I never fucking bothered.

“I don’t know. I guess I hoped my sex life would be fun and passionate, like everyone does. And the rest... never mind. I don’t know what women think about so I decline to answer.”

“Say it,” he commands, lifting my gaze to his. “Tell me.”

Ah, hell. He’s already seen me in more embarrassing situations than I’d ever care to remember, so what’s one more?

Shakily, I study the lighter flecks in his eyes to distract myself.

“I just wanted to be loved. To be with someone who didn’t see me as a cursed girl or a burden, but as someone worth protecting and giving a shit about. Stupid, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think it’s stupid.” He leans in closer like he wants to kiss me. “I’ll protect you, Samara. Do you believe that?”

He’ll protect me, but all the other shit? Forget it. One out of four ain’t bad. “I do. You already have, even if you weren’t happy about it.”

“I have my reasons and I don’t expect you to understand them. But we’re here now, and I won’t kick you out on your ass. You are someone worth protecting. You’re just also a pain in the ass.”

“Why?” I push. “I cook, I clean, I stay out of your way unless your cock is in my mouth. What’s so bad about that?”

“That wasn’t the case not long ago. It didn’t matter how much I tried not to imagine your mouth around my cock, I always failed. Then I’d go over and see you, and you’d just run your mouth at me knowing I couldn’t do anything to silence it. I don’t mind the shit talking now that I can punish you for it, but back then, it was brutal.”

My, how things change. The fact that he can admit that at all with a straight face is astounding — and also kind of fun. “So you’re telling me I can still bully you, huh?”

“No,” he growls, only there’s an amusement in his tone that wasn’t there a second ago. “You misheard me.”

“Oh? Sorry, must’ve been breathing through my ears again. What’d you say?”

“You do that a lot. I said obey me or get spanked.” He grips my chin and gives it a little squeeze. “Brat.”

Oh, that’s the goal. Fuck, he’s hot. “Hurricane,” I correct. “Get it right.”

“So you like that one now, huh?”

He leans in to kiss me like he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, and I have to admit, it feels different. Like he’s not trying to prove something, he’s just... kissing me because he wants to.

Yeah, I’m sure fake dating him so I can keep getting paid to fuck him is going to have a stellar ending. Can’t fucking wait.