Spare Me

Chapter 14

A fter hastily closing up the remaining dinner food and putting their dishes in the sink, Alex grabbed the container of pastries and headed upstairs. He found Maddy curled up in the corner of his couch, sipping her wine and scratching Bertie’s ears contentedly.

He flipped a switch next to the door, and a gas fire sprang to life in the fireplace across from the sofa. “Oh, lovely!” Maddy said, smiling brightly. “I always loved it when our houses had fireplaces growing up.”

“I wish it was real wood, but once a building gets to be this old, they’re pretty reluctant to let us introduce any more significant fire hazards than is truly necessary.” He shooed Bertie off the couch so he could sit down next to her. He reached for her feet, pulling them across his lap, and starting to knead one gently.

“Mmmm,” Maddy sighed, “that feels so good.” He suppressed the decidedly adult images that raced to the front of his brain as he thought about other ways he could make her say that and tried to focus on her feet. Toes, ball, arch, ankle. And then the other one. Toes, ball, arch, ankle. They were quiet for a few minutes. “A girl could get used to this,” she said, her voice relaxed, her eyes gazing at the blazing fire.

He fought the urge to think about what else they could get used to: romantic nights in, putting away grocery orders together, walking Bertie around Kensington Gardens. But no. They’d said casual. He couldn’t take this further than she wanted to, or he’d wind up with his heart stomped over.

Needing to distract himself from the things he couldn’t have with Maddy, he forced himself back into the present and, taking her wine glass from her hand and placing it safely on the coffee table, cradled her jaw in his hand and kissed her. She tasted like wine and cranberries, and he’d never tasted anything better.

Kissing Maddy was almost surreal, unlike anything Alex had ever experienced. And that was, frankly, saying something. He hadn’t ever been a real relationship guy, but at some point as a teenager he’d realized that “proficiency in bed” was a viable skill to make a priority for him. His first sexual encounter had been with the daughter of a baronet four years his senior who had—kindly, gently, but in no certain terms—told him afterwards that his technique was shoddy, to say the least. Ever the people-pleaser, Alex had immediately set about rectifying the situation. He had already known that asking someone to commit to the life that would be expected of the wife to the Spare was likely asking too much. But if he didn’t want to live a life of celibacy, which he was already certain he did not, the least he could do was offer his partners a pleasurable experience. So while Ben had been busy learning how to greet the king of Bahrain and parse the government memos that would one day show up on his desk each day, Alex had set about spending his spare time at Eton and on long summer weekends at various country homes learning exactly how to please a partner. He never spent more than a few nights with each one, and he made very sure that they knew what they were getting into, but also made sure that his partners left satisfied.

Over the years he’d developed a quiet reputation among the upper crust of British society. And then when he went to New Zealand he’d had even more opportunities to hone his craft. It made him feel accomplished, powerful, and like he was finally the best at something. And it turned out, having something that was “his thing,” even if that “thing” was being the orgasm whisperer, was highly motivating for Alex.

As he worked his way down to the spot where Maddy’s jaw and neck met, he nuzzled against her, alternately licking and nibbling gently. Her hips were writhing beneath him on his couch, driving his own arousal even higher. Her hands raked through his hair, her head thrown back. Her cheeks were deliciously flushed, her lips slightly parted and bee-stung from their kisses. The sensations of kissing her, and the sweet needy noises she was making, combined with the incredible softness of her clothes and her skin, were almost overwhelming. He had one hand buried in her hair and the other started to drift from where he’d been running it aimlessly up and down her back towards the curve of her breast.

He could see that she was wearing some kind of lacy bra under the tank, but it was thin and her nipples were clearly visible beneath. She moaned quietly as he grazed her nipple. “Is this alright?” he asked, desperately needing to hear her say yes.

“Yes,” she exhaled, her breaths growing ragged. “Oh my god, yes.” She pulled his head back to renew their kiss while he busied himself teasing her. He’d never wanted anyone like this and he was struggling to restrain himself. All he wanted was to rip her clothes off and worship her body, slowly and very thoroughly. But he was also acutely aware of wanting to be sure he was giving Maddy what she needed. She protected this part of herself so much that it was sometimes hard to tell what it actually was that she needed. Although, the way her pelvis was moving against his thigh made him fairly confident that she was a fully willing participant.

He pulled back, looking down at her. Her eyes were glassy with desire as she blinked up with him. He moved his hand away from her hard nipples to rest just below her clavicle. “God, you are stunning,” he breathed. She flushed and pushed an errant lock of hair behind her ear, breaking their eye contact. “Your reaction makes me think that you haven’t been told that enough.” A blush creeped over her cheeks, and she looked away but didn’t say anything. “Hey,” he said gently, “eyes up here.” When she complied immediately he wasn’t sure whether his heart or his cock swelled more. “Maddy, I don’t know our future. And even if I wanted to, I can’t change your past. But you deserve to believe how beautiful you are. You deserve to feel sexy and cared for and to experience pleasure. Will you let me try to do that for you?”

She hesitated for a second, but then nodded again. “I need to hear you say it,” he said gently.

“Yes,” she exhaled. He reclaimed her lips, trying to channel words that were too hard for him to say—and also, he suspected, hard for her to hear—into his actions. Her hands were raking up and down his back, making his entire body break out in goosebumps with the feel of her fingernails through his shirt. He needed more and he hoped she did, too.

He pulled back and ran a finger tantalizingly around the curve of the neckline of her tank top. “Can I take this off?” he asked in a low voice.

“Yes,” she practically groaned. “Please.” He helped her sit up and peeled the cardigan off her arms, applying his lips to her neck and then, as they were exposed, her shoulders, before relieving her of her shirt. She lay below him, panting as he took in the sight of her in those skintight yoga pants that he couldn’t think about if he wasn’t in private, and a lacy pale pink bra. His system was going to overload if he didn’t get her naked in his bed soon.

“I’m not sure those are legal in the UK,” he said raggedly, his eyes greedily drinking in the sight of her.

“My boobs or bralettes?”

“Yes,” he said. She giggled as he resumed his place on top of her, their legs tangling together again as he palmed her breast through the item she’d called a “bralette.” He wasn’t exactly sure what made it different from a bra, but at that moment he couldn’t care less. She arched into his hand as he leaned down and started placing kisses around the lacy edge of the band of fabric that was the only thing keeping him from tasting her nipples. Pulling back to look at her, he found desire mirroring his own in her brown eyes. “What if we…?” he said, looking towards the door to the hallway and his bedroom, hoping his intention was clear.

“Yes,” she replied immediately.

He stood, taking her by the hand and, making sure to quickly flip the switch to turn off the fire, led her swiftly from the room and down the hall.

They tumbled back onto his bed in a tangle of limbs. Maddy was frantically, yet futilely, working at the buttons on his shirt as he kissed and licked his way down her neck, stopping to lavish attention just above the curve of her collarbone.

“Alex,” she gasped, still fighting the uphill battle against his shirt buttons as he thwarted her with his mouth at every turn.

“Yes, darling?” he asked, seductively, not looking up from the task at hand.

“If you give me a hickey, I will not hesitate to cause an international incident,” she managed to get out, before a moan overtook her as he began inching the fabric of the bralette down over her breasts at a glacial pace, his lips following closely behind the thin material.

“Duly noted,” he said, finally sitting up and taking mercy on her, unbuttoning a few more buttons before pulling the partially unbuttoned shirt over his head.

Maddy’s eyes were almost cartoonish as she eagerly took in the planes of his chest. He was fit, but not obnoxiously so, with enough definition in his biceps and abs to show that he worked out, but not so much that it screamed “gym rat.”

Leaning back on his haunches, he ran his index finger slowly under the waistband of her yoga pants. “May I?” he asked, his eyes glowing with arousal, but also seriously asking for her consent. She’d never felt so cared for—or so turned on—in her life. That was a weird feeling, and not entirely a good one, but she forced that thought back into the furthest recesses of her brain and refocused on the incredibly attractive half-naked prince who was asking permission to undress her.

“Y-yes,” she rasped out. “Please.”

There was heat in his gray eyes as he smiled up at her wolfishly and started to ease her pants and her underwear off. When he’d finally freed her ankles—really, there was no sexy way to remove yoga pants—he nestled himself between her legs and smiled up at her. He gently pushed her thighs apart with his hands and let out an almost pained exhale.

“Christ, you’re so gorgeous,” he said, pushing up on one elbow as he used the first two fingers of his other hand to gently trace the outlines of the curve of her sex. “So smooth,” he rasped, stroking her tantalizingly with his index finger.

Maddy writhed and tried not to whine, desperate for his fingers to find where she was wet for him, the bud that was screaming for his touch. He was clearly a prince with a plan—to drive her completely mad. His unhurried strokes explored the sensitive crease between her thigh and her pelvis before taking another lap around her sex and up to the other hip. “So smooth,” he repeated, almost reverently.

“Don’t get too used to it,” she said self-consciously. “It’s pricey and painful.” Having had some inkling that he might be seeing her naked that weekend, Maddy had found a sugaring salon in Chelsea and paid a small fortune to have most of her pubic hair removed earlier that week. Although it had hurt like crazy at the time, she had to admit that she’d felt uncharacteristically sexy for the last several days, reveling in the unfamiliar sensation of being very aware of the friction of her panties against her newly smooth skin, luxuriating in the sexy secret of what she’d done.

Alex pushed up on both elbows, looking her squarely in the face. “I need to make one thing very clear,” he said, resting his palms firmly on the tops of her thighs. “You are sexy as fuck, no matter what. If this,” he said, two of his fingers returning to stroke where she was smooth and so hot for him, finally easing one finger into her hot, tight pussy and drawing her wetness up to circle her clit, “makes you feel sexy, then by all means. I love it. If you want to grow it all out, fine by me. Or maybe you’ll let me take care of it myself,” he said with a seductive quirk of his eyebrows. She moaned, so turned on she wasn’t able to form coherent sentences. “But I mean it when I say that you are stunning, no matter what.” He slid a second finger in, pumping languidly. Slowly, he lowered his head. “May I?”

He looked up at her, awaiting her response, and Maddy swore she’d never seen anything sexier. “Oh my god, yes, Alex,” she hissed.

Withdrawing his fingers, he used his thumbs to spread her open, his shoulders coaxing her thighs even further. “Fuck, Maddy, you’re so wet for me,” he said, seconds before his tongue made contact with her opening, teasing her entrance before gliding north. She writhed beneath him, one hand gripping his hair, the other holding on to the sheet for dear life as he licked her everywhere except the one place she needed it most.

“Alex,” she was practically begging and too turned on to even care. “Please.”

When his lips finally closed around her clit she nearly screamed. “Ohmigod, Alex, I’m close. Jesus Christ, I’m close.”

He backed off almost immediately before looking up at her sternly. “Don’t you dare. I’m not nearly done with you yet.”

“Alex.” She was almost whining, dripping for him, begging for release.

He shifted, moving up to bring his lips to hers again in a searing kiss. She’d never been particularly keen on kissing after oral, but somehow with Alex, it was unimaginably hot. The way his damp, slightly stubbly skin ravaged her, how he alternated pumping two fingers into her and circling them around her clit while he kissed her. She arched her back, desperate for more, and he finally relented, resettling himself between her legs, his lips and tongue driving her absolutely wild with need while his fingers continued urging her towards her climax.

Maddy’s brain was on the verge of short-circuiting. The sensations were overwhelming. It had been so long since she’d been with anyone, and even longer since she’d been with anyone new. The novelty combined with the excitement and, frankly, the anxiety about her ability to perform after so long kept threatening to distract her from the exquisite pleasure Alex’s mouth was bringing her.

Just then, Alex simultaneously found that particular spot inside her with his fingers and sealed his lips around her clit, ravishing both at the same time and pulling her squarely back into the present. Her hips bucked wildly, stars clouding her vision. Alex’s strong hand anchored her hips firmly to the mattress as his lips and fingers coaxed the last drops of pleasure from her.

When she came back down, he was still idly pumping two fingers in and out of her, lavishing light kisses and licks on her overheated skin. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand with a deeply satisfied grin and crawled up to cradle her in his arms.

“That was outrageous,” Maddy panted, barely conscious. “I’m not sure that’s legal in the States.” She sighed contentedly and then reached for the prominent tent in his pants. Her fingers had barely grazed the outline of his erect, fabric-imprisoned cock, when he grasped her hand and pulled it first to his lips, then to nestle between their chests.

“Just relax,” he said, stroking his hand gently up and down her back.

“But you didn’t—” she began.

“And you just did,” he interrupted gently. “Let me hold you for a moment. Take care of you. Then maybe I’ll let you show me what you can do.”

She sighed and snuggled a bit closer to his naked chest, allowing herself to fully relax after her intense release. After a moment she realized a tear was rolling down her cheek. First just one, then a second followed, and soon her face was flooded with silent tears.

“Hey,” he said, pulling back to look at her. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, suddenly crying so hard she couldn’t speak.

“Did I push this? Did we go too fast?” he asked, starting to look almost panicked. She shook her head vehemently as small sobs wracked her body, her breath catching and coming in gasps.

Looking slightly relieved but still concerned, Alex pulled her more tightly to his chest, wrapping his arms around her snugly, like a weighted blanket. He started running his hands through her sex-mussed hair and down her back, murmuring comforting nothings into her ear, shushing and soothing. After several long minutes her sobs started to abate, slowing to hiccups, and then ragged sniffles.

She squirmed, and he eased his grasp on her so she could roll onto her back, scrubbing at her swollen, tear-streaked face with her fists. “Wow. That was supremely unsexy.”

“Hey.” He placed his hand on the side of her face, turning her gently to look at him, and offering her a tissue from the box on the nightstand. “It’s okay. That was a really powerful release. And sometimes powerful releases of one kind can lead to powerful releases of other kinds as well.” He used the side of his thumb to wipe away an errant tear that was drifting towards her neck. “But I would very much like to confirm that it wasn’t anything to do with anything I did,” he added.

Maddy inhaled deeply, wiped at her eyes one more time, and then looked at him again, pushing herself up onto one elbow. “Alex, no. You were… you were perfect. That was… just, wow. Truly.” She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Did I tell you I never cried?” she asked. “After Evan died?”

He let out a lungful of air. “Oh, Maddy.”

She nodded. “I was just so… numb, at first. And then so eaten away with guilt. Like… I don’t know, but like I didn’t deserve to be sad when I was ready to leave him?” He looked like he was about to interrupt her, but she lifted her hand to stop him. “I know. I’m working on those feelings.” She’d finally forced herself to start combing through the therapists that took her insurance and had an appointment lined up with one for the following week. “But grief isn’t rational, right?” He nodded and waited for her to go on. She swallowed and then continued. “And then of course, that’s the first time I’ve been with anyone since Evan. And Evan had been depl oyed for over a year before he died.” She swallowed again, but kept going. “And, well… I’d never been with anyone else. I had virtually nothing to compare it against until ten minutes ago. And you fucking blew my mind. Literally.” She let out a watery laugh before sobering again. “And I think all of that combined with the fact that it kind of confirmed that our sex life wasn’t that great and the fact that you were so wonderful and caring and—holy shit how do you make consent so sexy?” She paused again. “I just, I think you broke the dam a little bit.”

Alex sat up enough to draw her into his arms again. He kissed the top of her head. “Thank you. Thank you for trusting me with that.” Her body shuddered with an emotional aftershock, and he shifted them back, tucking her under his arm and pulling the duvet up to cocoon them.

A few minutes passed in silence before Maddy said, “Sorry I kind of killed the mood. This feels like a very one-sided evening.”

He turned his head to look down at her. “You’re really not good at letting other people take care of you, are you?”

She bristled a little. “I mean, that’s just not how it works,” she said, somehow simultaneously defensive and dismissive. “I’m the one who takes care of other people. That’s just what I do.”

“And how do you feel when you take care of people?”

“Good,” she answered promptly. “Needed, helpful.”

“And has it ever occurred to you that other people might enjoy that feeling too?”

“I mean…” she trailed off.

“Exactly,” he said, slipping out from beneath the covers and tucking them more firmly around her. “So what’s going to happen is that you’re going to stay here, I’m going to go make you a cup of tea, and then you’re going to drink it while I cuddle you and we watch absurd videos on TikTok. ”

She looked up at him, her eyes going a bit watery again and gave a small nod.

“Alex?” He turned back from where he was headed toward the door. “Thank you.”

The only response she got was the hundred-watt smile that he flashed her as he left the room and she snuggled down into the duvet.

He returned several minutes later, as promised, with not only a cup of tea, but also the box of desserts Nadia had packed and proceeded to feed her bites of pastries while they watched inane videos on his iPad. A few times she tried to turn the topic back to his unmet sexual needs, but Alex always shot her down, insisting they had plenty of time for fooling around later and that all he wanted to do was hold her and enjoy spending time together. And so, even though Maddy hated feeling like she hadn’t reciprocated, she allowed him to take care of her and even, if she looked deep, found herself enjoying it. His sheets were unbelievably soft, the pillows were plush and plentiful, and the way he cuddled her close to him, the iPad leaning against their bent knees in front of them, made her feel precious in a way she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt before. It was a gentle domesticity that would be easy to get used to. Too easy to get too used to, even.

At some point she realized Alex was gently shaking her awake, pressing kisses along her temple. “Sorry,” she said, blearily, “I fell asleep on you again.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, smiling at her tenderly. “I liked it. But it’s late. We should get ready for bed.”

She glanced at the clock on the iPad and realized it was almost midnight.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s so late!” she cried, tangling herself in the bedsheets in her hurry to get up.

“You can stay if you want,” he said, smiling in a way that almost looked shy .

She closed her eyes, thinking for a moment of how nice it would be to go back to sleep in his arms. And his amazingly comfortable bed. “Alex, I’d love to,” she said wistfully, “but I should really go sleep at Winfield.”

“Okay,” he said, pulling back the covers and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“Really, I want to,” she said, trying to make him understand. “But we agreed to keep this casual. And low-key. And spending the night definitely doesn’t count as casual. And me trying to explain sneaking into Winfield house tomorrow morning probably doesn’t constitute low-key.”

“I know, you’re right.” He sighed. “It just feels so good to have you in my bed.”

“And it feels so good to be in your bed,” she said, circling the bed to where he still sat on the side, shirtless and in a sinfully good-looking pair of gray sweatpants that he’d slipped into when he went to get dessert. She ran her fingers through his hair and he leaned into her touch. “But this is just the beginning,” she promised. “Don’t think you’re going to be able to keep me away from that bedding. Or”—she leaned down and licked the shell of his ear seductively—“your mouth.”

He groaned. “Don’t you dare tempt me, Madeleine Cartwright, or I will have you back in that bed and screaming in ten seconds flat.”

She giggled and fled the room, making her way back towards the entryway. She’d gotten dressed when she got up to use the bathroom during their TikTok scrolling session, so all that remained was to slip on her booties and shrug into her coat. Alex came padding down behind her, Bertie at his heels. He’d put on an old hooded sweatshirt and reached for Bertie’s leash as she finished zipping her coat and threw her purse over one shoulder.

“Dinner one night this week?” he asked, tweaking the pom-pom on the top of her hat fondly. “There’s a French place I think you’ll love that I’ve been dying to take you to.”

“Sure,” she said. “Text me.”

“Graham will just be a sec,” he said, slipping his feet into a hideous pair of athletic slide sandals.

“What?” she asked, turning to him in confusion.

“To drive you home.”

“Alex—”

“No, Maddy,” he interrupted her. “Look, I know what we’re doing isn’t serious, but I am serious about you getting home safely, and I hate the idea of you traipsing across London at this time of night.”

“The Tube is perfectly safe!” she insisted.

“Please, Mads,” he said. “Just humor me on this one, okay? I don’t want to be worrying about you.”

The stubborn determination that had settled across her face softened. “Okay,” she said. “But only because it’s late, and frankly it looks cold out there.” The idea of walking to the Tube stop was definitely not appealing.

Alex opened his front door just as Graham pulled up in a dark Range Rover. Alex and Bertie walked Maddy down the walkway, and he opened the back door for her. She stopped and looked up at him. “Thank you,” she said softly, her voice slightly husky with emotion. “Tonight was…” She paused, looking for the right word, and then started over. “I really needed that. All of it.” With a quick look behind them to make sure nobody was around to see, she reached up on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his lips. Worried if she didn’t stop they’d wind up back in bed, she ended it quickly and then slid into the back seat without another word. She blew him one more quick kiss as he shut the door behind her and Graham steered them away from the curb and into the night.