Spare Me

Chapter 15

A s November turned to December, the halls at Winfield House were thoroughly decked. The Stewarts hosted a grand tea where a selection of American expatriates in London were invited to come help decorate the lavish tree that had appeared in the grand salon, and a children’s Christmas party where children and their families came, ate, drank, and received a small gift from the ambassador and Mrs. Stewart. Maddy was simultaneously loving all the merriment and also starting to get exhausted. Her weekends had been completely scheduled with festive events, and she hadn’t had a full day off in several weeks. Between the embassy’s busy slate of events and the royal ramp up to the holidays, finding even stolen moments to see Alex was getting harder and harder. They’d had late-night carryout followed by making out at Kensington a few times, but real dates had been hard to schedule.

One Tuesday afternoon a few weeks before Christmas, Maddy’s phone vibrated on the long oak table in the formal dining room that was currently serving as the embassy’s conference room.

Mr. Martini

What are you up to, gorgeous?

I have a problem I really need your help with…

[img4589.jpg] Image could not be delivered because the content has been blocked.

Yowza! What was in that picture that made the work firewalls block it?

Sorry, I’m in work meetings all afternoon

Mr. Martini

You’ll just have to come over and find out…

Call out sick!

Hah, I wish, but I have to work, Alex. Sorry.

Mr. Martini

Tell them someone is having a medical emergency and that you have to come for him. Immediately.

Maddy rolled her eyes and flipped the phone over on the conference table after putting it on “Do Not Disturb” mode. She hoped her cheeks weren’t as flushed as she was afraid they might be. She tried valiantly not to think about what other scandalous texts Alex might be sending her as she refocused on the meeting she was sitting in where they were discussing a cocktail reception the Stewarts would be hosting for visiting senators just after the new year.

Alex’s texts were flattering, of course. Her relationship with Evan had morphed so gradually from childhood friendship to more that there had never really been a period where they were so desperate to be together that they were sending each other salacious texts. And regardless of how their relationship had progressed, there was no planet on which Evan would have abandoned his duties for any reason, up to and including sex. But even though Maddy was flattered, she found herself fighting down irritation. In so many ways Alex was considerate, thoughtful, and attentive. But occasionally there would be times when his complete ignorance of normal life things like jobs and finances was glaringly obvious. And kind of annoying.

By the time her meeting ended at four, she’d missed another few texts from him. Although the first few had been in the same NSFW vein as the ones she’d seen, he’d taken a quick left turn into contrition when he’d realized she was serious about not responding and had even tried calling her. Twice. Maddy sighed. It had already been a long day, and she didn’t really feel like calling Alex back, but felt bad leaving him on read.

After changing out of her work clothes into leggings and a worn long-sleeved shirt, she tapped the button to call him, putting the phone on speaker as she started pulling ingredients out of cupboards and boiling water for pasta.

“Hi there,” he said, answering on the first ring. His voice was warm, but he also sounded a bit guarded. As if he knew that he was probably in trouble.

“Hi,” she said, rinsing a head of broccoli to throw in with the pasta.

“How was your day?” he asked, sounding a bit cautious.

“Long,” she said. “Busy. How about you?”

“Fine. Boring.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“I think I may have gone a bit too far today…”

“You think, Alex?” Maddy tried to temper the irritation in her voice, but struggled. She was tired. She’d had a long day of being the problem-solver at work, and her energy for explaining things to people was running very low.

“So I did?”

“Alex.” She halved the head of broccoli slightly more aggressively than was strictly necessary. “I am flattered that you were thinking of me today. But I have to do my job.” She struggled not to talk to him like he was five. But in this particular area, it kind of felt like he was. “If I don’t work, I don’t have money. If I don’t work, I don’t have a visa. If I don’t work, the ambassador calls my parents. I know you’ve never had to rely on a job to make money, but it’s like you don’t even realize that other people do.”

“I mean, I could get you a new visa,” he said flippantly.

“ Alex .” Her frustration bubbled over. “If you want to continue to spend time together, you have to at least pretend to figure out what real life is like for mere commoners like me. I can’t just rely on you for everything. I’m supposed to be figuring out how to live as an independent adult. When I go back to the States, I can’t have just spent the year living as your kept woman. Not to mention, this is supposed to be casual. Offering to get someone a new visa isn’t casual.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and for a moment Maddy wondered if she’d gone too far.

“You’re right,” he finally said. “I’m sorry.” She could hear the real regret in his voice, could tell he was finally starting to get it.

“Alex.” She made a real effort to gentle her tone. “Spending time with you is so much fun, and I really appreciate how generous and caring you are. It’s just hard sometimes that you can see the way your privilege shows up on a Commonwealth-wide macro level, but that you can’t see it on this level.”

She heard him sigh through the phone. “You’re right. You are. I’m so sorry. I know doing things for yourself is important to you. I really like taking care of you, but I also need to respect that you want to take care of yourself. I’m going to get better about this.”

“I appreciate that.”

A few weeks later Maddy was summoned to Ambassador Stewart’s office just before five p.m. When she arrived, the ambassador was seated behind his large desk, poring over a report, a cut-crystal glass of whiskey at his side.

“Ah, Maddy, thanks for coming,” he said, standing when she entered.

“Of course,” she said, somewhat uncertainly. Despite Ambassador Stewart being one of her father’s closest friends, she still didn’t see him that often, and certainly not alone. She could only think of one or two times when he’d asked to see her in the nearly six months she’d worked at the embassy.

“How are you doing?” he asked kindly, retaking his seat. “The embassy staff is very pleased with your work, and Delia says you seem happy.”

Maddy relaxed slightly. She hadn’t actually thought she’d been about to lose her job, but she also couldn’t have ruled it out based on the zero information that came with her summons to see the ambassador. “I’m fine,” she said, trying to figure out what other kind of information he might be looking for. “I enjoy my work, and of course living in London is a dream come true.”

“Good, good,” he said, smiling broadly. “I’m so glad it worked out for you to come.”

“Thank you, me too.”

There was a pause that felt awkward to Maddy. “Maddy, I talked with your father last night.”

Ah, there it was. She should have guessed this was what he wanted to talk with her about. She sighed. “Let me guess,” she said, before he had a chance to go on. “He wants you to convince me to go home for Christmas.”

“Well.” The ambassador looked a bit sheepish. “Yes, that’s exactly what we discussed.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking at the ceiling in exasperation. “He shouldn’t have put you in that position.”

“Maddy, it’s a fair request. You’re their only child. The idea of you spending Christmas rattling around this place by yourself while they’re back in Kansas, just the two of them… your mama can’t bear it.”

She sighed, “I know they want me to come home, but?—”

The ambassador interrupted her gently, “Why don’t you want to, Maddygirl?” he said, using the nickname she hadn’t heard since she was a child. “If it’s the money—” He knew she hadn’t wanted to touch the death benefits she’d received from the Army when Evan died.

“It’s not the money. I just…” Her voice trailed off. “I just feel like I need something different this year. Doing the same old routine was so hard last year—it just reminded me of who wasn’t there. I don’t think I can do that again.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say Evan’s name out loud. “It’s been so nice to get away from all the sympathy and the stares and… I just think staying here is the right thing for me.”

He sighed and looked across at her. “I understand,” he said quietly. “The Christmas after I lost my first soldier, the idea of just celebrating as normal felt terrible. Pointless, even.” He seemed lost in his own recollections for a moment. “I think your dad gets it too. He just hates to see your mama so broken up about it.”

She bowed her head. “I know. I feel bad. I don’t want to hurt her, I just… I really think this is what I need to do.”

“Ok, sweetie. If you’re sure.”

She nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Well if you change your mind, you just let me know and we’ll get you there before you can say ‘Self-Licking Ice Cream Cone.’”

She giggled at the Army slang. “Thank you, sir.”

“You betcha, Maddy.”

She stood and walked out of his office, slipping her phone from the pocket of her navy-blue suit pants as she headed back towards her office. The workday was over, but she was going to bring her laptop down to her rooms to confirm details for the last big Christmas event that the Stewarts would be hosting before their own flight back to their home in Birmingham, Alabama, on the twenty-second.

Glancing down she saw that she had a text from Alex, confirming their dinner plans for that night. She was meeting him at a French bistro in Mayfair for dinner at 6:15. Looking at the time, she realized she didn’t really have time to do her work. In fact, at almost 5:30, she was starting to run short on time. Abandoning her idea to get her laptop, she hurried back to her room to run a brush through her hair and reapply her lipstick before shrugging into her long winter coat and slipping out the kitchen door to head for the tube.

Maddy’s nose and cheeks were delightfully flushed from the cold when she rushed into their private room at Aubaine. She’d already given her coat to the staff out front, so Alex was free to drink in the sight of her in her navy-blue pantsuit with a cream-colored blouse and black heels. He stood and went to her, leaning down to give her a lingering kiss, using his hands to try to warm her cheeks. She pressed her nose into the side of his throat, and he jumped back, laughing, at the icy sensation over his already heated skin. “I love seeing you in your work clothes,” he murmured, leading her to their table and pulling her chair out for her. As she sat, he pushed her hair to one side, exposing her neck, so he could whisper right in her ear, “It’s so sexy imagining you bossing the entire embassy around.”

Her cheeks flushed, this time from his words and the sensation of his breath on the shell of her ear, not from the cold. “I don’t think anyone would refer to my job as ‘bossing around the entire embassy,’” she said dryly, “but if that’s what gets you off, I’d never deprive you of that mental image.”

Alex felt himself rapidly growing hard imagining fucking her in just her black heels. Or finding an office to defile. He turned toward the table, eager to sit before he embarrassed himself. Their server came in as Alex took his seat again, carrying the bottle of C?tes du Rh?ne he’d ordered. Alex waved off the formality of being offered a taste and just asked the server to pour them each a glass. Another member of the waitstaff came in carrying the butternut squash and burrata appetizer he’d also ordered, and he smiled as he saw Maddy’s eyes light up. “Mmm, my favorite. I’m so hungry!”

“Did you skip lunch again?”

“No!” she cried defensively. “I had half a sandwich between meetings and a few peanut butter crackers around four!”

“Mads, that’s not enough to keep you going all afternoon.”

“Okay, Dad ,” she said, rolling her eyes and turning her attention to the dinner menu. “Mmm, the burger sounds divine,” she said. “Oooh, and they have truffle parmesan fries!”

Alex ordered a steak and something called “pomme puree” that he sincerely hoped was going to turn out to be normal mashed potatoes and not some avant-garde interpretation, and the server left them in peace.

“So, how was your day?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine. He had trouble understanding the question, completely entranced by the way she savored the red wine, a tempting drop lingering on her lip. His brain almost short-circuited as her tongue darted out to clear the errant wine.

“Sorry, what was the question?” he asked, somewhat dazed.

She gave him a Look. “You inveterate horn dog,” she chastised. “I asked how your day was.”

“Oh! Fine,” he said, trying to refocus on the woman in front of him and not the things he wanted to do to her later. “I had a few meetings about the new environmental initiative they want me to support in the new year, and then I went to Westminster Abbey with Ben to talk about…” he trailed off, thinking for a moment. “I honestly don’t have any idea what that meeting was about or why my presence was required, but when you’re the best man and the groom says he needs you to come meet with the archbishop, you don’t say no.”

Maddy laughed. “No, I suppose you don't.”

“So when’s your flight?” he asked. “How long will you be gone?”

“What flight?” she asked. He could see the moment she realized what he’d meant and noticed a shift in her demeanor. As if she were steeling herself for an argument. “Oh. I’m not going back for Christmas.”

“You’re not?” he asked, stunned. “But what are you going to do?”

“No,” she said. “I need a change of scenery. I’m going to stay here. Check out the Christmas lights in Regent Street. Maybe go to the Leadenhall Market.”

“Maddy, I can take you to do those things and be done in like three hours. What are you going to do for the rest of Christmas?”

“Relax? Watch The Sound of Music on TV? Read some cozy romances? I haven’t had a real day off in weeks. I’m honestly looking forward to having nothing to do.”

Alex frowned. He hated the idea of her rattling around the huge ambassadorial residence by herself at Christmas. Especially her second Christmas alone. He sighed. “I wish you could come to Sandringham with me.”

She barked out a laugh. “Oh yes, because that’s the epitome of casual. ‘Hello, yes, did I mention I have a secret girlfriend? Well, she’s not really my girlfriend, but she’s not not my girlfriend. Anyway, here she is! Oh, and she’s American! Merry Christmas!’”

He sighed. “I know, I know. I just hate the idea of you being alone on Christmas.”

She gave him a small smile. “You and everyone else in my life. The ambassador hauled me into his office today to try to convince me to go home. Because my father asked him to. Nadia even invited me to go home to Oxford with her. It’s all very kind and well-intentioned, but it’s not what I need.” He could see the conviction in her face and knew she wasn’t going to change her mind.

Sighing, he tried to resign himself to the idea and move on. “Alright. What would you be doing if you did go home?” he asked.

“Church on Christmas Eve. Quick presents on Christmas morning and then off to volunteer somewhere on post. My father serves food at a Christmas luncheon for servicemembers, and then my parents host dinner for the other officers somewhere. It’s all I’ve ever known, but sometimes I wished Christmas could just be our family. That instead of having to smile for picture after picture with people I didn’t know that we could just have a relaxing day at home celebrating just the three of us.”

“I see,” Alex said. Just another time when everyone else came before her.

“What about you?” Maddy asked. “What does your family do for Christmas?”

Alex smiled. “Well, we go out to Sandringham. My parents host a fancy dinner one night, and we have to parade past a bunch of people to go to church on Christmas morning, but other than that, I think it’s closer to normal than you’d expect. We open presents at teatime on Christmas Eve. There’s usually a handful of completely absurd joke gifts.” He gave a cheeky smile. “I got Hannah The Corpse Bride on DVD this year.”

Maddy giggled, “Will she think that’s funny?”

“I think so? I hope so. I got her a nice necklace too.”

“That’s bold,” Maddy said. “I hope you know her taste in jewelry.”

“I mean, I didn’t pick it out,” he said. “I had help.”

“Okay, so please, yes, go back to telling me how normal your Christmas is with people who help you do your shopping.”

“I said close to normal!”

“Mm-hmm.” She smirked into her glass of wine.

Just then their server returned with the food and the conversation turned. They enjoyed the rest of the evening, talking, sharing stories about holidays of the past. After dessert was served, Alex found himself with a slightly wine-tipsy Maddy in his lap kissing him, which he enjoyed thoroughly, only managing to hold himself back when he realized that a public indecency charge would definitely blow their cover. But in the back of his mind, he couldn’t stop imagining her alone at Winfield, curled up on her old couch, alone on Christmas. He hated it.