Spare Me

Chapter 16

C hristmas morning Alex was up early. They didn’t have to arrive at church until eleven, but the old plumbing meant that hot water tended to run out at Sandringham early when the whole family was in residence and he didn’t want to miss his chance. As he headed down to breakfast after his shower, he found himself thinking of Maddy. Wondering what she was doing. Imagining her waking up alone in her drafty space.

When he arrived in the dining room his brother was its only other occupant. “Morning, Ben,” he said, helping himself to a cup of coffee from the antique silver urn on the sideboard.

“Happy Christmas, mate,” Benjamin said, looking up from a plate loaded down with eggs, toast, and bacon and setting aside the newspaper he’d been looking over.

“Happy Christmas,” Alex said, setting his own breakfast down and leaning over to give his brother a half hug. “Is Hannah still asleep?”

Ben barked out a laugh. “She’s been getting ready for the Merry March for hours,” he said, referring to the family’s traditional walk from Sandringham to the local church. Their route was always lined with fans and well-wishers, which meant that the family had to be perfectly cheery and “on” for the entire walk, no matter what. “I brought her a cup of coffee and some toast and then beat a hasty retreat. She’s up there with Mum and Colette and Elise, and the hairspray fumes are deadly. Seems like a bloody nightmare.” He shuddered and turned his attention back to his food.

Alex grunted his agreement and tried not to imagine what it would be like to have Maddy upstairs with his mother, aunt, and cousin, all getting ready to walk to church together. How well she’d do greeting all the people who came out to see them. How pretty she’d look in a coat dress, her cheeks flushed from the cold, walking next to him from the house to the church. And then he wondered what she was doing now. He glanced at his watch. It was just gone eight, so she might still be asleep. His mind wandered, imagining surprising her in bed. Creeping up the ridiculous stairs to her lofted bedroom, climbing under the covers with her, and kissing her awake…

“Alex?” His brother’s voice cut into his daydream.

“Sorry, what?” he asked, shaking himself back to the present and turning to face Ben.

“Where’d you go?” his brother asked, an inquiring look on his face.

“Sorry, not enough coffee yet,” Alex said, trying not to look guilty. His brother was five years older and had always been able to tell when Alex wasn’t being straight with him, and Alex knew he wasn’t being terribly convincing, so he tried to take control of the conversation. “What were you saying?” He forced himself to concentrate on his brother, keeping his mind firmly in the present.

“I was asking how long you were planning to stay at Sandringham. Hannah and I will be here until lunchtime tomorrow, and then we’re heading out to spend a few days with her family in the Cotswolds. ”

“Oh, very good,” Alex said. He’d been planning on staying several more days, but suddenly found himself saying, “Do you think anyone would be terribly put off if I left after tea today?”

“Today?” Ben asked, recoiling, surprise written across his face. “Where would you possibly go? And why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Alex said, unconvincingly. “Just wondering about getting back to the city. Bertie does better in his own space,” he added, hoping that it didn’t sound as if he’d just made the last bit up on the spot. Which he definitely hadn’t.

“Mm-hmm,” Benjamin said, eyeing him suspiciously. “Who is she?”

“She’s… wait, what?” Alex tried not to let the panic show on his face.

His brother looked over his shoulder to make sure they were well and truly alone before saying quietly, “Who are you fucking right now that you’re so eager to get back to London for?” He hadn’t said it unkindly. If anything, he seemed maybe a little eager for gossip in the way that people who have been in long-term committed relationships often do. And really, Alex rationalized to himself, trying not to unleash fury on his brother, it wasn’t an unfair assumption. Alex’s previous “relationships,” if one could even call them that, had, with one notable exception, all been short, transactional, no strings attached.

But despite the rational knowledge that it wasn’t a totally off base logical leap to make, Alex found himself offended that his brother would think he’d actually ditch his family on Christmas for a random hookup. “It’s not someone I’m fucking!” he hissed fiercely, keeping his voice low to avoid being overheard by the servants or anyone else. The rest of the family would be trailing in for breakfast any minute.

“Oh ho! So it’s more than that!” Ben crowed .

“More than what?” their father asked, coming around the corner and into the breakfast room, looking at them with fond curiosity.

“Erm…” Alex frantically searched for something that made sense to say.

“More than just the rubber chicken he gave me yesterday. I knew there had to be a better present than that,” Ben filled in smoothly. “I’m just trying to get it out of him.”

Their father chuckled affably as he set about filling his breakfast plate. “You boys and your practical jokes.”

“How’s it going up there?” Alex asked, thinking of anything possible to change the subject.

“Cousin Charlotte has entered the fray,” his father said with a meaningful look. Cousin Charlotte was Alex’s grandmother’s cousin who was about eighty-five years old and nuttier than a Christmas cake. “When I came down, your mother was trying to convince her that lighting her cigarette in a room with that much aerosol in it was likely to burn down one of the most important buildings on the National Registry of Historic Buildings.” He set his plate down and went back for a cup of coffee muttering, “Bloody nightmare.”

Maddy answered on the second ring. “Hey, Merry Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas,” he said. “What are you doing?”

He heard the sound of a utensil scraping against a dish. “Eating mashed potatoes and watching TV.” What she was actually doing was watching coverage of the king’s Christmas day speech, His Majesty’s pre-recorded annual message in a small video inset over footage of Alex and his family walking to church earlier that day. But it felt weird to say that. “What about you?”

“Why don’t you come open the door and see?” he said, grinning ear to ear even though she couldn’t see him .

“Wait, what ?” she shrieked. He heard the clatter of a utensil against a dish. “What do you mean, open the door?”

“Mads, come open the door,” he said, patiently, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You can’t… you didn’t…you’re supposed to…” He heard shuffling as she sputtered in disbelief. He stood outside the side door to Winfield rocking back and forth on his heels, trying not to think too hard about how excited he was to see her after only a few days apart.

When she finally opened the door, phone still to her ear, her eyes were wide in utter shock. She was wearing red tartan flannel pajama pants and a well-loved oversized Vassar crewneck sweatshirt. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a droopy bun. Alex drank in her appearance as if she was wearing head-to-toe La Perla. “Alex,” she gasped in what appeared to be half shock and half horror, “what in god’s name are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at Sandringham with your family!” She was so stunned, she was still holding the phone to her ear, even though he’d long since hung up.

Alex moved closer and gently took her phone from her hands and, after giving a quick look around, leaned forward, took her face in his hands, and kissed her gently. “But I’m not at Sandringham. I’m here.”

The kiss seemed to pull Maddy out of her state of shock, and she quickly pulled him into the Winfield kitchen.

“Alex, what are you doing here?” she asked again.

“I’d sort of hoped you might be happy to see me?” he said, suddenly starting to wonder if maybe he’d made a mistake.

“No, I mean, of course I’m happy to see you!” she said. “I’m just confused. You’re supposed to be with your family. It’s Christmas! You spend Christmas with your family!”

“Well, at the risk of pointing out the obvious, you’re not,” he began, “and really, we do most of it on Christmas Eve. We did presents and the big dinner last night, church this morning, and then boatloads of more food at teatime, and now they’re all sitting around in a food coma. Ben and Hannah are leaving to go to her family tomorrow, so it’s not like I’m really going to miss much. Plus, my cousin Charlotte and Bertie don’t really get on…” He shuddered a bit, thinking about the hideously expensive shoe Bertie had somehow managed to steal and mangle. “And when I thought about what I wanted to do with my time, I realized I really just wanted to spend it with you.”

“So, you… left your family. The king and queen of England. To spend time with me?” Maddy still seemed to be in shock. “Weren’t they upset?”

“Really, once you’ve watched my father make a Christmas speech once, you get the gist. And I’ve seen like twenty of them. Honestly, I’m the quietest one in my family by a pretty significant margin. If it weren’t for Bertie being such a menace all the time and the fact that I announced our departure, I’m not sure how long it would have taken anyone to notice I was gone.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“No, really,” he said, “my family is great. Truly. We all love each other. But when being the ruler of a country is your birthright and you also happen to be extremely extroverted and you’re surrounded by a whole bunch of other weirdos who are just like you, it’s easy to be benevolently self-centered. I’m the only introvert in the whole bunch. I love them, but when the whole family gets together, it honestly gets exhausting. It’s so much nicer to be here, where it’s quiet.” He paused, fighting past the vulnerability that threatened to choke him. “Where you are.”

Her face softened a bit. “Oh, Alex.” She smiled up at him and then reached up to kiss him. “Thank you. I…” Her voice trailed off a bit and he saw her swallow before she continued. “I still know that staying here was the right thing to do. But I won’t lie and say I wasn’t having the slightest bit of a pity party for myself.” She kissed him again. “It’s so good to see you.”

The relief of knowing his instincts to come to her combined with the sweet smile on her face just about made Alex’s heart explode. “Come here, you,” he almost growled, locking his arms beneath her ass and lifting her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he almost lost his balance before coming to lean against one of the stainless steel countertops in the Winfield kitchen. They were both laughing, and he savored the moment. Their shared mirth. The sound of her completely free laughter. It was intoxicating. He wanted to bottle that sound and then figure out all the ways to make her do it over and over again.

Another thought suddenly intruded into his thoughts. “There’s no one else here, is there?” he asked.

“Nope, just you and I.”

“Really? They actually left you entirely alone in this huge place?” He couldn’t decide if he was relieved to hear that there was no chance that they’d be interrupted or aghast to realize that she had truly been here all by herself for god knows how long.

“I mean, I’m a grown-up, Alex. They’re not worried I’m going to burn down the embassy or something.”

“No, I just meant… I worry about you being here all alone.”

She smiled at him. “Really yesterday and today are the only days I’ve actually been alone. It’s been a skeleton crew for sure, and the chefs haven’t been here since the Stewarts left a few days ago, but at least a few folks have been coming in to work at least part time every day until Christmas Eve. And there are security guards who make rounds outside periodically. ”

He relaxed slightly. “Good.” He looked past her towards the door that led to her rooms. “Shall we take this somewhere more comfortable?”

“Oh! Yes, of course, sorry!” Maddy said, adorably flustered. “I should have invited you past the kitchen ages ago.” She turned towards the stairs, then stopped. “Are you hungry? The cooks did leave some?—”

“Maddy, I ate enough to last me three days like two hours ago. There’s only one thing I’m hungry for right now and it’s. not. food.” He punctuated the last three words with kisses as he herded her gently towards the stairs. She smiled up at him with a sassy glint in her eyes.

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to go hungry.” She took his hand and led him through the door and down the stairs to her sitting room. When they got to the bottom, she turned and pinned him to the wall, leaning against him on tiptoe, kissing him as if she was dying of thirst and the only way to quench it was his mouth. Not that he was complaining. Without breaking their kiss, she unzipped his leather jacket and pushed it from his shoulders onto the floor.

She ran her hands down his chest before pulling back, a puzzled look on her face, to look at what she was feeling beneath her hands. He groaned, realizing that in his urgency to leave Sandringham and get to her, he hadn’t changed his clothes. When he managed to force himself to open his eyes, she was giving him a quizzical look. “Sooo, after church on Christmas we have this tradition of an ugly sweater lunch…”

Maddy burst out laughing. And, to be fair, Alex couldn’t blame her. He’d outdone himself that year, finding a chartreuse crewneck sweater festooned with green and gold tinsel, miniature globe ornaments, and a huge applique rendering of the abominable snowman, complete with large googly eyes. Realizing that he looked utterly ridiculous, Alex pushed off from the wall, held his arms out, and did a little spin. “That’s it, drink it in,” he said, smiling at her, enjoying her reaction, even if it was at his expense.

“That is truly hideous,” she said, finally stopping laughing for long enough to gasp for air. “And I think I only have one choice,” she said, mock regret filling her voice. “I’m going to have to take it off of you.”

He heaved a fake sigh. “Well, I suppose, if you must, you must.”

She approached him and gingerly removed the offensive garment, being careful not to scratch him with any of the many absurd ornaments that dangled from it. When she’d safely gotten it over his head and tossed it on top of his abandoned jacket, her eyes went dark with desire and immediately went after the tight white undershirt he had on underneath. “I mean, while I’m at it, I might as well,” she said, pulling at it until they managed to work together to get it off.

He tried not to preen as he enjoyed the way she was ogling his chest. Lots of women had looked at him that way, their eyes full of desire, over the years. But nothing compared to the way it made him feel when Maddy looked at him like that. As if she was unwrapping the best present she’d ever received and it was something delicious to eat. She ran her hands up his bare chest, the combination of the slight chill in the air and her fingernails causing his nipples to jump to attention. Her warm breath felt incredible as she drew nearer, pressing almost timid kisses up his sternum toward his throat. She started pushing him gently toward the couch and, when his calves found it, he sat, pulling her down to straddle his thighs.

Their mouths met in a searing kiss and he moaned as she ground her hips against the rapidly growing bulge in his jeans. He ran his hands under her sweatshirt and almost lost control when he realized she was completely naked underneath. He reached one hand around her lower back to anchor her to his lap while the other slid up to cup her breast, his thumb brushing over her nipple. They kept going until Alex wasn’t sure he could take it anymore. “Upstairs,” he finally said, his voice dark, sultry, demanding. “I want you naked in that bed before I get there.” Her cheeks flushed with arousal as she almost tripped over her own feet in an effort to do his bidding.

When Maddy reached her lofted bedroom, she frantically tore off her clothes, dumping them on the far side of the bed in an attempt to make things look neat. She clicked on the bedside lamp, pulled back the covers, and slid under, her skin hot and tingly against the cool sheets. She’d been blindsided by the force of her emotional response to their first time being intimate. She supposed she shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t a small thing to be intimate for the first time since the death of your husband. Especially when that husband was the only person you’d ever been with. And yet she still hadn’t expected it. Even though it had been somewhat embarrassing to totally lose it in that context, the emotional release had also been cathartic. She certainly hadn’t gotten over what had happened to Evan, would probably never really get over it. But allowing herself to really engage with the gnarled mess of conflicting emotions she had about their relationship, even the ugly ones—especially the ugly ones—and having Alex validate them. Having him hold her and comfort her. That had been healing. It felt productive when she looked back. She’d held so much in for so long, that she supposed there needed to be some ugly catharsis before real progress could be made. She made a mental note to add that to the list of things to discuss with her new therapist in the New Year. She obviously still had work to do, but now, as she laid there, her body nearly vibrating with need for Alex, she knew that she was on the right track.

She was practically humming with arousal and didn’t think it was possible for her to be more turned on, but somehow her desire grew more intense as she heard him climbing the stairs, his steps heavy and intentional.

When Alex ducked behind the curtain that separated her bedroom from the steps, his eyes were dark with want. He stalked to the bed like a predator contemplating his prey and, without a word, whipped back the covers to reveal her naked body.

Alex put one knee on the side of the bed, his dark gaze drinking her in. Maddy felt like she was going to combust. She tried to be still, tried not to fidget, fought against the urge to cover herself.

Leaning over her, he grazed a hand from the curve of her hip up to tease her breast briefly before cupping the back of her neck and taking her mouth with a groan. She moaned into his mouth, running one hand up the close-cropped hair along the back of his head, enjoying the slightly prickly sensation against her overheated skin. Her other hand snaked down his spine before grabbing his ass and squeezing.

Alex kissed his way sloppily down her neck before turning his attention to her breasts, laving one nipple with his tongue while he plucked at the other with his fingers. “Alex,” she breathed, her head falling back on the pillow, running her hands through his hair as she writhed beneath him. He took his time in a way that Maddy had never experienced. Every time she thought she couldn’t get more turned on, he did something new— tugging on her earlobe with his teeth, pinching her nipple just hard enough to hurt in a way she never could have imagined would be pleasurable, running his tongue up the underside of her breast along a pathway that seemed to have a direct line to her pussy.

When she couldn’t take it anymore, one of her hands snaked past him, seeking to take the edge off, but he grabbed it and pinned it above the pillow next to the headboard. She soon found her other hand there too, both wrists clasped in one of his hands in a way that wasn’t painful but made his intention clear. “Is this okay?” he asked, taking a break from the exquisite torture he was carrying out on her breasts to look up at her, searchingly.

“Oh god, yes,” she gasped, her hips writhing, seeking friction. He smiled, devilishly, shifting her wrists to his other hand. She felt his fingers running sensuously down her side, before two fingers pushed into her dripping pussy, just for a moment, before spreading her open, massaging, rubbing rhythmically up and down on either side of her clit. “Alex,” she groaned, her eyes rolling back in her head. “Just like that… Fuck, yes.”

He smiled seductively and pressed her hands against the underside of the headboard. “Grab this and don’t let go.” She did what he asked and was rewarded with a husky “Good girl,” which was somehow so sexy that she thought his words alone might push her over the edge.

Alex made his way back down her body, stopping to press kisses along the way—the side of her neck, her sternum, one hip, the crease at the top of her thigh—before settling between her legs. “God, Maddy, you’re soaked. You’re so ready for me, aren’t you?”

“Yes, fuck, Alex, please!”

“Yes, that’s it. I love hearing you scream my name,” he said, looking up at her with hooded eyes, his pupils blown wide with desire.

And then— finally! —his lips were there. At first, just featherlight kisses up and down her sex, but then his tongue was dipping into her, spreading her wetness up and around, his hands pushing her legs even wider, thumbs massaging her inner thighs.

“Alex, I’m close, I’m so close,” she panted.

“Good. Come for me, Maddy. ”

“No,” she choked out. His head stilled immediately, and his eyes flew to hers. “I want to come on your cock this time.”

He pushed up onto one elbow. “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” She knew this was a big step, and this time, she was ready. She didn’t think she was going to cry again, but she was prepared, and more importantly, she knew that she was safe with Alex. That he was a safe place for her emotions to let loose. It was one of those moments where, without being able to pinpoint the reason, she was confident, self-assured even. She looked straight in his eyes to show him how ready she was. “There are condoms in the bottom drawer,” she said, indicating the nightstand. “And”—she wavered momentarily before fighting past the awkwardness—“I have my test results downstairs if you want to see them.”

“I trust you. I have mine on my phone, too,” he said, “but Maddy, I need you to know that we don’t have to do this. I can wait until you’re ready. There are plenty of other?—”

“I appreciate that so much,” she interrupted, leveling him with a serious look. “Truly, I do. But if you don’t suit up and put it in, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.”

Alex snorted, shaking his head. “The mouth on this one,” he said, almost to himself, as he pushed himself to standing and unfastened his pants. When he looked at her again, his eyes were full of lust and something that almost looked like awe. His gaze never left hers, even as he tore open the packet and slid the latex up his impressively erect cock.

He eased back onto the bed, lying next to her, one finger teasing at her entrance, holding her on the edge of pleasure. He looked at her, his pupils flared with desire. “Get your favorite toy.”

“My… I don’t... How did you… We don’t have to…” she sputtered.

“Maddy,” he said, looking at her knowingly. “You're a twenty-first-century woman who’s been without a partner for quite a while. I’d be shocked if you didn’t have one, and I want to make this good for you. So good. Why would I set myself up for anything less than smashing success when I know there’s a battery-powered accomplice somewhere in this room that could make it that much better for you?” He added, “When it’s better for you, it’s better for me. If it’s too awkward, you can tell me and we’ll ditch it.” She finally nodded and was rewarded with an approving “That’s my girl,” as she pushed back towards the head of the bed, opening the top drawer of her nightstand and withdrawing an oblong purple silicon toy.

“Show me how you use it,” he said, his eyes never leaving her.

“Alex,” she started, blushing.

“Please, darling. I want to see what you do when you’re here alone.”

She was so turned on that she quickly overcame her shyness, pushing a button and filling the small space with the sound of vibration. She eased the toy down her pelvis, running the side of it next to her clit, alternating between sides, getting closer and closer. Through half-closed eyes she could see him watching her intently, his hand running up and down his sheathed cock gently. After a moment, he put his hand over hers and said, “May I?” his voice deep and raspy.

She nodded. “Alex, I need you.”

“Shhh, I know, darling, I know,” he said, taking the toy from her and kneeling between her legs. He ran it around her mound, looking at her, something akin to reverence on his face, as he eased a finger into her, and then another.

“Maddy, fuck,” he bit out, “you’re so wet, so tight.”

“Alex, I swear to god, if you don’t stop torturing me and put it in—” He huffed out a laugh and withdrew his fingers, never breaking eye contact as he sucked them clean. He set the toy on the mattress next to her hip. The sound of the vibrations against the firm surface of her bed felt deafening. But in the next moment, she couldn’t think straight as he positioned himself at her opening and started to gently ease into her. Reaching for the toy again, he returned to his slow torment, moving close enough to her clit to drive her wild with pleasure, but not close enough to send her over the edge. And then he kept doing it, again and again.

Maddy felt her eyes rolling back in her head. The exquisite stretch as he entered her coupled with the skillful way he kept her just on the brink of pleasure with her vibrator was masterful. It was her first time using a toy with a partner and she was stunned by how different it felt, ceding that control to someone else. Nothing about the toy itself had changed, but when Alex controlled the way it was deployed, it was an entirely new experience.

“Maddy, god, you feel so good.” He was finally fully in, his eyes closed momentarily, clearly trying to maintain control. His eyes found hers. “Are you okay?”

“Alex,” she begged. “Please, I need more.”

And with that, he finally started moving. Slowly, at first, and then faster, at her urging, her fingernails gripping at his ass. She was completely overwhelmed by sensations. The steady vibration of the toy, the unfamiliar fullness, the intense intimacy of their steady eye contact. After the emotions of their first time together and the way she’d struggled to get out of her head, Maddy had been slightly concerned that when they were together again the same thing might happen. Alex shifted slightly on his knees, using his free arm to bring her hips closer and simultaneously finding a new, deeper place inside her.

“Yes… ohhh… Alex!” she panted, chasing her orgasm.

After a few moments he passed her the toy so that he could lean forward, bracing himself with one hand on the mattress next to her head and the other on the headboard behind her. The new angle and his closeness only served to heighten both the emotional closeness and the physical sensations. She held the vibrator to her clit, grinding into him. “Not yet, Mads,” he said, even as she could tell by the way his eyes were losing focus that he was close too. “Don’t end this too quickly.”

She eased her hand back slightly, unquestioningly. She didn’t want it to end either. He slowed his strokes slightly and smiled down at her. “Christ, you feel amazing, so hot and wet for me,” he rasped, leaning down to kiss her.

“Alex,” she moaned, as he moved to pull one of her legs up over his hip. “I can’t hold on much longer.”

“Maddy,” he bit out, his grasp on control clearly fraying by the moment. His hips were pumping furiously, the gentleness gone, and instinct taking over.

“Fuck, yes, Alex!” she called as she went flying over the precipice, her body clamping down on him, riding her orgasm as it went on and on. She felt him let go as well, still pumping into her, chanting almost unintelligibly as she rode out what had to be the longest orgasm she’d ever had.

When it finally ended, he collapsed on her, pulling the vibrator from between them and tossing it to the other side of the mattress after turning it off.

They lay there, panting, for a moment, before he gingerly eased out of her and rolled to the side. “Oh my god,” he gasped. “I think I’m dead. You killed me.”

She chuckled, catching her breath. “I should probably get dressed then if Interpol is about to show up.”

He grabbed her and cuddled her against him, reaching down to pull the sheet up to cover them. “Don’t you dare, you absolute vixen.” He kissed the top of her head. “That was unreal.”

“It was,” she said, slowly running her finger up and down his chest. “I…” She trailed off. “It was,” she said again, her voice slightly thick but steady. He just held her closer, tighter.

“You are remarkable,” he said, squeezing her closer and kissing her again. “So brave,” he said, trailing his fingers up and down her arm, “and fierce… beautiful… sexy… perfect.”

She pushed up on one elbow to look him in the face, her eyes shining with tears, but a smile spreading across her face. “Thank you.” She took a breath.

He pulled her down to kiss her and then tucked her head against his chest, under his chin again. “Happy Christmas, Maddy.”