Spare Me

Chapter 26

M addy tried to keep her mind blank as the Range Rover made its way through the throngs of photographers at the gates to Kensington Palace. She remembered what Eric said and kept her cap pulled low, her head down. Tried to force herself to think practically: she’d need to call her parents. Evan’s family. Her college friends. She’d more or less stopped using social media after the last time this had happened, so she didn’t need to worry about that. She kept the mental list running, trying to keep her mind off the reality of what was happening. Again.

The driver wasn’t Graham, and Maddy was almost relieved that it was a silent stranger. She wasn’t sure she could have abided Alex’s normal driver’s kindness and loyalty. It would have broken her. All too soon, the car approached Winfield House, and she calmly directed the driver to the side entrance that would take her to the kitchen. There were still photographers lining the sidewalk on either side of the less obtrusive gate, but at least the kitchen door was slightly more protected from prying eyes than the main entrance.

As they pulled up to the door, she gathered her things and pulled down her hat again, as if the canvas might protect her further. “Please wait for me to let you out, Ms. Cartwright,” the driver said, clearly sensing that she was planning to make a dash for it. She sighed and nodded, and allowed him to at least slightly block the view as she darted from the open door of the Range Rover into the Winfield House kitchen. She could hear the faint calls of the paparazzi as she went, but it was over in a second and then she was slamming the door behind her and leaning against it, trying to catch her breath.

When she opened her eyes, Pierre and one of his sous-chefs were staring at her with a mix of confusion and pity, but she gave them a small smile and breezed past them. She wanted nothing more than to turn down the stairs into her room, but knew putting off the inevitable wasn’t going to make what she needed to do next any easier. She headed toward Ambassador Stewart’s office.

Most of the staff were still observing the bank holidays given around the royal wedding, so when she approached the ambassador’s office, his secretary wasn’t there and the door was ajar. She could hear murmured voices inside and knocked with as much confidence as she could muster.

“Come in” came the ambassador’s booming voice from the other side of the door.

Maddy took one more deep breath before straightening her shoulders and walking in. Ambassador Stewart was sitting behind his desk wearing a pale-blue button-down shirt, unbuttoned at the collar. Mrs. Stewart was mid-pace in front of his desk when Maddy entered. There was a moment of awkward silence before Maddy finally said, “Hi.”

“Madeleine—” Mrs. Stewart began, and Maddy could tell from just the one word she got out that she was furious.

“Delia.” Ambassador Stewart also only had to say one word, his voice kind, but stern, stopping his irritated wife both mid-sentence and mid-stride. “Can I have a moment with Maddy, please?”

“Andrew, I really think—” his wife began again, not one to be easily cowed.

“Delia, I’d like a word alone with Maddy first.” His tone brooked no argument.

She sighed and nodded, glaring at Maddy as she walked past.

“Have a seat,” he said, gesturing at one of the chairs across from his desk.

Maddy sat in the same seat she’d taken four months earlier when the Ambassador had called her in to ask her to reconsider going home for Christmas.

“Ambassador Stewart—” Maddy began, but he held his hand up.

“Maddygirl,” he said, looking at her searchingly. “Are you okay?”

His question surprised her. So much so that it took a second for her to respond. Her instinct was to say that yes, of course, she was okay. But the look on his face told her that he wasn’t interested in her stock answer. “I… I don’t know,” she said simply.

“Have you talked to your parents?” he asked.

“Not yet, sir.”

“And what about the Grogans?”

Maddy blinked back tears as she shook her head no, remembering Evan’s sweet parents who absolutely didn’t deserve the renewed media attention their son’s death was about to get.

“Is this a fling? Or is this real?” he asked. Maddy was, again, surprised by the genuine empathy in his voice. She’d expected to come in and be fired immediately, not to have a conversation about her relationship. “I know the prince has in the past had… a reputation,” the ambassador went on tactfully.

“It’s real,” Maddy whispered. “Or at least, it was.” She paused and then figured in for a penny, in for a pound. “I love him.”

“Then it seems like you have a decision to make,” he said. Maddy nodded silently. There was another pause. “You haven’t asked for my opinion,” the ambassador said, “but this feels an awful lot like the circumstances that brought you over here in the first place.” Maddy nodded again, miserably. “And, much as I hate to say it, unlike the way they would have died down if you’d stayed back home, I don’t think the interest will die down here. Prince Alex has been a topic of great interest to the British public for years, and especially now that that wedding is over, they’re going to be gunning for something new to rip into.”

Maddy sighed. “You’re right.”

“I don’t envy you that decision, Maddygirl,” he said. Another pause. “I wish you’d told me.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, finally looking at him.

“Take some time for yourself. You’ve got a lot of thinking to do.”

“Thank you,” she said, standing and picking up the bag she’d brought home from Alex’s.

She walked numbly back through the main wing of the embassy towards the kitchen and slipped down the stairs, grateful that she didn’t run into anyone on the way. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she dropped the bag and collapsed onto the couch.

Before she’d even had a chance to fully relax onto the couch there was a knock at the door, and without waiting for Maddy to answer, Nadia appeared at the top of the steps, a tea tray in hand. She pulled the door closed behind her and descended the steps. She set her tray down on the table and perched on the end of the sofa next to Maddy’s legs. “Well, you’ve had one hell of a morning,” she said matter-of-factly.

Maddy let out the first half of a watery laugh, but midway through it turned into a sob and before she knew it, Nadia had gathered her in her arms and was holding her as her whole body shook with the emotions she’d been valiantly holding in since Eric had woken them a few hours earlier. Nadia rubbed her back gently, murmuring comforting words as Maddy cried, letting out the feelings that had been choking her all day: guilt, shame, embarrassment, the trauma of the flashbacks to Evan’s death, and, most of all, the utter devastation that she was going to lose the love of her life again. And this time he was the real love of her life.

She cried for what felt like hours, and when the tears had finally petered out, Nadia passed her a box of tissues from the end table. Maddy accepted them and set about cleaning up the metric ton of snot that had escaped her as she sobbed. “So Mr. Martini is Prince Alex, eh?” Nadia said wryly.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said, her eyes welling up again.

“Don’t apologize! I assume you’ve signed all kinds of things saying you won’t blab about it.”

“Actually, I haven’t. At least not yet,” she said, wiping at her nose. “But we promised to keep it secret. It wasn’t supposed to be for real. It was supposed to be a casual fling.”

“But it’s more than a casual fling,” Nadia said, filling in what Maddy had left unsaid.

Maddy nodded. “Nadia,” she said, taking a deep breath. “There’s something else I should have told you a long time ago.”

“What else can there possibly be?” Nadia asked in astonishment.

“I was married,” Maddy began. “Before I came. That’s actually why I came. He was a soldier. He was killed in action two years ago.”

“Oh, I know all that!” Nadia said, her hands flapping in dismissal.

“You do?”

“Of course I do! You showing up out of nowhere all suddenly like that? I Googled you the day we met!”

Maddy gaped at her for a second and then burst out laughing. “I should have known,” she finally said as her laughs subsided into misery again. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”

“I knew you’d tell me when you were ready,” Nadia said simply.

“Well, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner,” Maddy said. “I should have. You’ve been a good friend to me, and you deserve better than this.”

“I have to imagine,” Nadia said, pouring them each a cup of tea from the pot on the tray she’d brought down, “that going through what you went through would make it a bit hard to trust people.”

Maddy nodded. “But still.”

Nadia shrugged at her and sipped her tea in silence.

“There’s more,” Maddy said. She went on quickly before Nadia could respond or Maddy could lose her nerve. “I wasn’t in love with him anymore. With Evan, my late husband, I mean. We were childhood sweethearts and he meant a lot to me, but I wasn’t in love with him anymore. I was planning to ask him for a divorce and then he died,” she blurted out.

Nadia let out a long breath. “That’s… a lot” was all she said.

“Yeah.”

“But you are in love with the prince?”

“I am.” Her eyes welled up again.

“So what now? ”

“I don’t know,” Maddy said, staring miserably into her tea. But as much as she hated to admit it, she did know. In her heart, she knew that the reason she came to London no longer made sense. She couldn’t let herself lose agency again. The answer became clearer by the second. She had to leave. And the perfect reason was sitting in her inbox, waiting for her answer.

Alex took a deep breath and fidgeted with the button at the cuff of one of his sleeves before striding into his family’s private sitting room at Buckingham Palace. Much as he didn’t want to have this conversation, he couldn’t put it off any longer. He pushed the door open and walked in.

His parents were sitting in matching armchairs watching news coverage of the royal wedding. “Alex, darling!” His mother said, sounding thrilled to see him as she muted the TV and stood to greet him. She enveloped him in a warm hug before relinquishing him to his father.

“Dad,” Alex said, accepting his father’s hug, quieter, but no less warm.

“Son,” his father said with a smile.

Alex hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect. He was fairly certain his parents wouldn’t be furious about his relationship with Maddy, but he also didn’t expect quite the warm welcome that he seemed to be receiving. His parents had never pried into his personal life. He’d been as discreet as possible about his… activities with romantic partners, but he couldn’t be sure that they’d never heard whisperings. He wasn’t naive enough to think that the gossip in their tiny social circle wouldn’t have made it back to the king and queen. But either out of ignorance or out of respect for his personal life, they’d never said anything to him. He leaned toward the former si nce, as loving and caring as his family was, they were not inclined to mind their own business.

“So tell us about Madeleine!” His mother crowed as she and his father resumed their seats and Alex sat on the sofa, his mother’s black cat Anne of Cleves opening one eye to glare at him from the other cushion before tucking her nose back under her tail and going back to her nap.

“I…” Alex paused for a second as his parents looked at him, expectantly. “Well, as I guess you probably know she’s American.” He began, unsure of what to say or how to tell them. “And well, I…” He tried to be self-assured, tried not to stumble over his words or give them any reason to doubt his capability, his confidence. “I think she might be the one.”

“Really?” His mother sounded positively delighted. “That’s wonderful, darling!”

His father looked skeptical. “What makes you think she’s the one?”

“Because I love her. And she loves me. And she loves me for me, not for my family or my title. She’s kind and smart and funny and I’ve never met anyone like her.”

“From what I’m hearing, she’s been married before.”

“Yes,” Alex said, “so I assume you also know that her husband was killed in action serving in the American Army.”

“So terrible,” his mother interjected.

“Do you think she’s up to the job?” his father asked bluntly.

Alex sighed. He knew that Maddy could do the job. She’d be bloody fantastic at it. Her warmth, her empathy, her concern for others came through in everything she did. She was practically the perfect candidate to be a working royal. The question was would she do it. And he was afraid of what the answer to that question was.

When he didn’t respond, his father went on. “My sources tell me that when her husband was killed she was hounded by the American press. That she moved to London to work for the embassy a year later.” Alex nodded silently. “The British press aren’t the American press.”

“I know—” Alex started.

“They’re much worse.”

Alex sighed. “I know.”

His father looked at him kindly. “I want you to be happy, son. And if Madeleine is the right person for you, we will back you absolutely. But you both have to be very clear on what she’s getting into if you bring her into this family. She has to be okay with what happened this morning being her everyday normal level of scrutiny.” The king glanced at the TV, and inset over a wide shot of the crowds outside his brother’s wedding, Alex saw footage of a black Range Rover leaving the gates of Kensington Palace. He realized it was video of Maddy leaving his apartment that morning. Through the gap in the front seats, he saw her, head down, dark sunglasses on, baseball cap pulled low. And she looked like a shell of the woman he knew. The woman he loved. Could he ask her to endure this every day for the rest of her life? Especially knowing the memories it must trigger for her? Could he be that selfish?

When he looked up from the television he saw both of his parents looking at him carefully. He had a nearly impossible decision to make.