Spare Me

Chapter 30

T he next six weeks passed in a bizarre combination of whirlwind speed and unbearable torpor. But no matter what she did, the slow, inexorable fact remained: Maddy was leaving. She’d given Ambassador Stewart her notice, and he’d accepted the news with clearly mixed emotions. Nadia had cried when she’d told her, but had jumped at the excuse to make her first visit to the United States and promised to plan a trip.

The queen had been released from the hospital three days after Maddy had kidnapped Alex from the hospital. She was recovering in the relative privacy of Windsor, the king steadfastly at her side. As a result, Ben, Hannah, and Alex had all had to quickly step up to maintain even a facsimile of the royal family’s normal slate of appearances. Among a busy schedule of more local appointments, Ben and Hannah had taken a week-long visit to the Caribbean on the king’s behalf, and Alex had been sent to France, Germany, and Austria on a diplomatic whirlwind.

As much as she missed him, Maddy was happy for Alex. Yes, he’d been dumped into the deep end of life as a real working royal. And yes, the circumstances were far from good, but he was finally getting to show his family and the world that he could do this. And he was excelling. Maddy found herself waking up and checking tags on social media first thing to see clips from his appearances. He politely dodged questions about the end of their relationship while artfully turning the topic of conversation back to the cause he was supposed to be promoting. She assumed he’d undergone an intensive crash course on How to Royal before being deployed on the family’s behalf in the queen’s absence, but to Maddy, it seemed like he’d been doing this for years. As if he’d been born for it. Which he had.

Was keeping up with Alex and his career the best thing for her emotionally? Absolutely not. By two weeks after their last walk at Windsor, she could make it through a workday without having to duck into the bathroom to cry, but lying in bed at night, sometimes the ache overtook her. She knew it would be better to block all mentions of him from all of her various apps, but somehow she couldn’t stop herself from checking. Just to make sure he looked okay, she told herself.

Maddy tried to remind herself that she was excited for her new adventure, that she was making the right choice for her . She was thrilled when she found a furnished apartment she could afford tucked into the side of a hill. It was small, but had been recently remodeled and would be big enough for what she needed. She tried to throw herself into thinking about what she might need, thinking about how her wardrobe might shift as she transitioned from working at the embassy to going to class. But a small part of her kept wondering if she was actually doing the right thing. Wondering what it would be like to stay and make a go of it with Alex. Wondering if the decision that was currently actively breaking her heart was really going to make her happier in the long run .

The end of June came, and so did Maddy’s last week in London. She was going to visit her parents in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, before flying to DC to move into her new apartment at the beginning of August. A few weeks earlier over cocoa in the kitchens, Nadia had asked, “So wait, your last day of work is June 23, but you aren’t leaving until the first of July?”

“Yeah,” Maddie had replied, feeling slightly despondent about the whole thing. “I figured I could use some time to pack and wrap up loose ends.”

“Pack?” Nadia had exclaimed incredulously. “You have clothes and nothing else. Your rooms have fewer personal items in them than a university boy’s dorm room. On what planet would it take you a week to pack?”

“That’s… fair. Harsh, but fair,” Maddy admitted.

Nadia looked thoughtful. “You got here, put your nose to the grindstone, and then before you had a chance to come up for air, started dating Alex. Did you ever really see any of London?”

“I mean… I went to Buckingham Palace. Twice!” Maddy was feeling a little defensive.

“Okay, but did you take the tour? Have you been to the Tower of London? Did you ride a double-decker bus? The London Eye?”

“Well no…” Maddy said, drawing out the vowels.

“Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do. I’m making a list, and you’re going to pick one thing for each of those days and we’re going to do them. I’m not letting you leave London without having actually experienced London.”

“Don’t you have to work?” Maddy asked, touched that Nadia was trying to give her a good send off.

“Don’t worry about that,” Nadia said, and immediately pulled out her phone to start a list.

Which is how Maddy found herself sitting on the top level of one of the many ferry boats that traversed the Thames the day before her departure. The sun was warm on her face and arms, the wind ruffling her hair, and the sounds of other boats and seagulls echoed around her. Nadia sat next to her, snapping pictures like a proud mom. They’d taken the Tube out to Greenwich that morning and, after touring the observatory and posing for photos with their feet on either side of the Prime Meridian, had grabbed sandwiches to eat on the ferry on the way back down to the center of London.

“Thanks, Nadia,” she said, opening her eyes and smiling at her friend. “You were right—I really did miss out on a lot about London.”

Nadia shrugged, the corner of her headscarf wafting gently in the breeze. “You had a few other things on your mind.”

“I did,” Maddy said with a reluctant chuckle. “I hope you know how much I’m going to miss you.”

“It’s okay, you can say you’re going to miss my food.’’

“I mean, that too.” She giggled. “But mostly you. You’ve been a really good friend to me at a time when I really needed it and wasn’t able to give much in return. I won’t forget that.”

“You better not, woman! I’ll be coming to visit as soon as you get settled!”

“I’ll hold you to that!”

“Has anyone else talked about coming to visit?” Nadia asked, looking at Maddy pointedly over her hot-pink-framed sunglasses.

Maddy sighed. “No. I haven’t heard from him since the week we broke up.”

“Remind me why you broke up again? Hadn’t you just finished telling each other how in love you were?”

“I mean, yes, I love him. But we just don’t make sense. His life is here, his job is here. His family needs him now more than ever. I came here to be out of the public eye. I was supposed to be living my independent woman era, not falling in love with a prince. Which is the opposite of staying out of the public eye. Plus, I owe it to myself to really follow my own dreams. I’ve wanted to go to grad school for years. This is finally my chance. I need to at least try it.”

“And he didn’t want to come?”

“Nadia, I can’t ask the second in line to the British crown to move to another country! That’s practically treason.”

“Really? I think I must have missed that line in the Magna Carta…” Nadia’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Plus, you seem to be forgetting that he lived in New Zealand for like five years.”

“Yes, well… that was different. For one thing, it was a Commonwealth country. He was practically doing diplomatic service.” Nadia rolled her eyes, but Maddy went on. “Plus, with the queen’s health the way it is, he and Ben and Hannah have been working like crazy. And he’s working on this really important new initiative around reparations. He spent years trying to show his family that he wasn’t a shy kid who needed to be protected. Now that he’s finally proving himself, I could never ask him to leave. His work is too important, and his family needs him.”

“But you don’t think you’re important to him?”

Maddy gazed at the row houses that backed up to the Thames as they glided past. “Well, for one thing, I think I might have broken his heart a little bit. But also, I could never ask someone to choose between me and their duty.”

Nadia hummed skeptically, but their conversation came to an end as the boat pulled up to the dock.