Spite Crush (Rock Hard #2)

Chapter Eight

~Zak~

I must have been out of my mind to be considering this, but as the elevator opened onto the ninth floor, I forced myself to step into the hall. Checking the numbers on the plaque on the wall, my feet felt heavy as I trudged toward his room .

It was ridiculous to be so nervous. He’d invited me up here. And no one had seen me, the corridor was deserted. No one would know but me and him.

And Josh, if I didn’t come back to the room that night. But that was a later problem.

When I reached his room, I was surprised to see it propped open, the latch for the manual lock sitting between the door and the jamb. I pushed it open and found Kellen sitting at a small desk, his feet resting on the top of it and his gaze locked on me.

The only lights in the room were the bedside lamps, which cast a deep shadow over one side of his handsome face, but I could still see the smile that tipped his lips as our gazes met across the room.

I stepped inside and closed the door fully behind myself, then gazed back at him, my heart hammering in my chest. I’d never done anything like this before…meeting a man in a hotel room. And I wasn’t even sure what I wa s here for. Talking? Fighting? Sex? We hadn’t discussed any of it.

“I figured it would be easier with the door open,” he said, getting to his feet but not moving toward me.

“Afraid I’d chicken out?” There was no anger in the question, I was honestly curious now which one of us might be more nervous about the situation.

“A little,” he admitted. “You want a beer?”

“Sure.” I walked over and sat down in a second chair that looked completely out of place in the small room, as he grabbed two bottles from the mini bar then returned and slid one over to me before retaking his own seat, leaving his feet planted on the floor.

“Why are there two chairs at this desk?” I asked after a minute of awkward silence stretched too long between us.

“I borrowed one from Ford’s room,” he answered with a shrug. “I figured it would be better than making you sit on the bed the minute you walked in. ”

“So…he knows I’m here?” I hated how fucking pathetic I sounded, but I just wanted to know what I was getting into. Who was going to know what about whatever happened between us.

“No. I just took the chair,” he said with a grin. “For all Ford knows, I’m building a fort in here.” He tilted his head, his eyes glazing over for a moment as he stared at the chair I was in.

“Are you…thinking about building a fort right now?” I asked him, unable to keep my amusement out of my tone.

“No,” he said, a little too quickly. “What am I five years old?”

“You certainly act like it,” I snapped.

“Look who’s talking,” he shot back. “Man, have you ever had a conversation with someone without insulting them?”

He was right. Even when I wasn’t trying to come across as an asshole, it still managed to seep into my entire personality .

“I don’t mean to,” I admitted, my shoulders slumping as I forced myself to relax. “I spend my life in a room full of guys who’s part time job is to run our mouths. And I’ve made it a whole persona. Sometimes I don’t know how to turn it off.”

“If that was an apology, it was terrible,” Kellen said, but he couldn’t seem to hold back the smile that jumped back to his mouth. “But we’ll work on it.”

It hadn’t been an apology at all, more like a half-assed explanation, but he could take it however he wanted to.

I still had no idea what we were doing here, and it was making me nervous, which was making me stupid. I knew the easiest thing to do would be to just ask for clarification of the situation, which was what I opened my mouth to do…unfortunately, once again, it didn’t come out quite how I wanted it to.

“So, are you gay?” I blurted .

“What was your first clue?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

“I meant…shit…I don’t know what I meant.” I blew out a sigh and forced myself to just keep talking. Eventually I was going to get to my point. Maybe. Probably. “I just, I didn’t find anything online about your dating history or your orientation, so I didn’t know what you were into. ”

“Does it matter?” he asked, thankfully not teasing me for Googling him.

“I guess not.” It shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help being curious about it. Maybe he was bi, or experimenting, or maybe he just hit on everything that moved. I didn’t know much about him and I didn’t know what it meant that I wanted to. “Except it kind of determines what I’m doing here, doesn’t it?”

“I am. Gay, I mean. Exclusively men for me. But I haven’t dated much, and the guys I’ve been with never seemed to feel the need to run their mouths about it. It’s not a secret or anything. I guess no one really cares.” I winced and he must have noticed because his tone softened and he reached over to grip my wrist in his hand. “About me, I mean. I don’t know what it’s like for sports stars. And you know, everyone’s journey is their own to take. At the end of the day, it’s not really anyone’s business, is it?”

“So you’re okay with this being…private?” I asked .

“Zak…I don’t even know what this is,” he admitted with a soft smile. “But no, I don’t mind. We can be whatever you need us to be. Up to and including sniping each other in public.”

“And in private?” I hated how shy my voice sounded. But I was nervous.

The few times I’d hooked up with guys in the past, hadn’t been in brightly lit hotel rooms. They’d all been messy, fumbled affairs in locker rooms between me and another player that was borderline ashamed or scared of what we were doing together.

Kellen didn’t seem to have that issue.

It was difficult to reconcile this calm, confident man with the guy I’d helped through a panic attack a week ago. I knew I’d be hesitant, but I guess I’d expected him to be nervous as well.

But he just sat there, drinking his beer, holding my arm, gazing into my eyes. His body seemed completely relaxed, his expression holding no judgement or anticipation. He was just…there. Just Kellen.

“In private…whatever you want.” He shrugged as he released his hold on my wrist. “I don’t have an agenda. You’re the one who said you can’t get me out of your head. Not that you explained what you meant by that, but I’m hoping that I guessed correctly.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” I reminded him.

“You are indeed.” He took a sip from his bottle before setting it down on the desk. “So, what do you want to do?”

I wanted to do a lot of things, ranging from bolting like a rabbit out the door to dragging his scrawny ass to bed and fucking him until sunrise.

“You know,” he continued, a small smile spreading over his lips. “For someone who runs their mouth a lot, you don’t have much to say tonight.”

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

“Of scrawny little me?” Kellen let the grin spread over his face as he stood up. “I’m not that scary.” He climbed into my lap, his legs straddling my thighs as he slid his hands up my chest. “What are you afraid of, Zak?”

“I’m afraid of people finding out.” I swallowed thickly and watched as Kellen’s gaze drifted to my throat. “I’m afraid of losing my team. Losing my career. Becoming a public spectacle.”

“You’re already a spectacle,” he murmured as he traced his fingers lightly over my jaw.

“You know what I mean,” I snapped .

“I do,” he whispered, not rising to the bait in my tone. “But Zak…who’s going to tell?”

He leaned closer, moving slowly as if giving me time to push him away, but I couldn’t. I wanted to kiss him. Maybe more than I’d ever wanted anything before.

“Is that a phone vibrating in your pocket or are you just really excited about this?” Kellen whispered, his face so close to mine that his breath ghosted over my lips.

“Shit,” I hissed as he climbed off of me and I jumped to my feet. I’d been so focused on him that I hadn’t even noticed the buzzing of my phone. “What?”

“Where are you?” Josh asked.

“I stopped to get a drink somewhere quiet,” I said, purposely not meeting Kellen’s gaze. “Why?”

“Would you mind tripling up tonight?” he asked, and I could hear the grin in his tone.

“Seriously?” I forced my tone to sound like a whine, but honestly…this might have been the best thing that could have happened .

“Come on man,” he pleaded.

“Fine,” I barked. “But you owe me.”

I disconnected and dropped my phone on the desk before looking back at Kellen.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“It would appear that I’m roomless for the night,” I said, forcing my feet to take a step toward him. “You wouldn’t happen to have any idea about where I could stay, do you? ”

It was as if the final barrier had just been removed. If Josh wasn’t expecting me back, then no one had to know where I was. Or what I was doing. Not that I’d have to explain myself to anyone anyway. But such was life in the public eye. You never knew who was paying attention to what.

“I don’t know.” Kellen moved forward as well, stopping with about an inch of air between our chests. “How do you feel about blanket forts?”