Spite Crush (Rock Hard #2)

Chapter Sixteen

~Zak~

“Honey, I’m home,” I called as I walked in the front door, tossing my bag aside as I looked around the empty living room. “Where are you?”

I knew Kellen had arrived while I’d been gone, because there was a bright red Porsche parked in front of the house. I’d advised my security team to give him full access to the place, and to keep an eye out for any media that might be skulking around the area .

Kellen knew that we had to be discreet, but I hadn’t thought to ask him how he’d planned to get to Michigan. I got the feeling that most of the people in his life treated him like a child, and I’d vowed to myself I would never do that to him if I could help it.

“I’m in here!”

I walked into the kitchen to find Kellen sitting barefoot at the island eating pickles out of the jar. Glancing around the room I noticed that almost every cupboard door was sitting open along the wall .

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said. “I was starving.”

“I’m amazed I even had food in here,” I admitted, sliding onto a stool next to him and leaning forward to kiss him. “Though it looks like you searched for a while before finding something.”

His brow furrowed as he looked over toward the cupboards, and then he actually blushed, his pale cheeks tinging the most adorable shade of pink before he stood up and walked over to reclose the cabinets .

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he worked his way down the wall. “That happens sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” I insisted, motioning for him to sit back down. “I wasn’t complaining. When did you get here?”

“A couple hours ago. I hopped a plane with some friends to Chicago then borrowed their car to drive the rest of the way. I figured that would be the easiest way to avoid attention.” He smiled. “How was practice?”

“Sucked,” I answered with a sigh. “But Josh and I cornered Sutherland and reminded him that if he keeps working us this hard, we’re going to be tired and sore by time the game rolls around Tuesday. He agreed and now I’m all yours until game time.”

“All mine.” He raised an eyebrow. “I like the sound of that.”

He leaned toward me and I captured his lips in a real kiss, my tongue tracing the seam of his mouth before he opened and allowed me to delve inside. The sharp taste of brine hit my taste buds and I cut the kiss short, pulling back with a grin spreading over my face .

“Did you eat that whole jar of pickles?” I asked him, staring down at the empty container.

“I told you, I was hungry.”

“Well, I won’t be sucking your dick for like a week. Just so you know.” I reached for the empty jar but he picked it up and tilted it, drinking the juice as he held my gaze. “Two weeks.”

He continued drinking, a thin rivulet of liquid running down his chin and dripping onto the counter until the jar was empty and he slammed it down again .

“Three weeks.”

He smiled as he leaned forward, his tongue darting out to lick the pickle juice directly from the island.

“Never again.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or throw up. He really drank a quart of straight brine just to be a smartass.

He was kind of amazing.

“Again? Have I forgotten when you did the first time?” He chuckled before letting out a soft belch. “Ugh. Excuse me. ”

“You’re so gross.” I shook my head. “Please tell me you brought a toothbrush.”

“No.” He rolled his eyes. “I went on tour with a month’s worth of lube and underwear but didn’t think I’d need toiletries.”

“Nice to know you have priorities.”

“You’ve got to get real food in this house.” He let out another belch and grimaced. “That was a mistake.”

“You’re right on both counts,” I agreed. “Let me grab my phone and we’ll do a grocery delivery. ”

“I can just run to the store. I don’t really trust other people to pick out my produce.”

“There’s no way you do your own grocery shopping.” I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me he was kidding.

“I’m not that out of touch with reality,” He insisted. “Of course I do my own shopping. I do my own laundry. I cook. I clean my own house. I even brush my own teeth.”

“Happy to hear it. I do my own laundry, too, by the way. But how can you go out in public and not get mobbed by fans?”

“I live in Los Angeles. No one cares about me thumping melons. Not when Hugh Jackman is two aisles over picking out creatine.”

“Well, people will care here. And if you’re seen walking around Meijer you’re going to get recognized and people will wonder what the fuck you’re doing in Michigan.”

“Why are you angry with me?” he asked.

“What?” I felt my brows furrow together as I looked at him. “What are you talking about? I’m not mad at you.”

Damn it. I’d just promised myself that I wouldn’t treat him like a child and that was exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t angry, I was frustrated. And I wasn’t even really frustrated with him, just with the situation.

How was it possible that I’d allowed my life to become like this? Almost thirty years old and still hiding from the world when I was happier than I could ever remember being .

“I’m sorry,” I said, blowing out a sigh. “I’m not mad, I promise. I think I’m just stressed about the playoffs and I shouldn’t be taking that out on you.”

“It’s fine. You’re right about the store. I wasn’t thinking.” He reached over and grabbed my hand. “You know that I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you, right?”

“Neither do I,” I promised him. “And I want you to be yourself around me without worrying about my reaction all the time. God knows I’m not perfect. I’m hot-headed and I’m not always going to react to things the right way. But if this is going to work between us, we need to be honest with each other.”

“Especially since we have to lie to everyone else.” He nodded. “Are you sure you’re willing to risk everything for me?”

I suddenly had a choice to make that I wasn’t sure I was ready to make. But I’d literally just stressed how important honesty was going to be. And hiding the truth was just as bad as lying .

Against all odds we were here. Starting from fighting and sniping to fucking to sneaking around to eating pickles in my kitchen. Two grown ass men constantly doing what the world expected of us while denying what we actually wanted for ourselves.

Was I ready to launch a grenade into everything? Ready to risk saying words I’d never said, let alone felt for another person? When I had no idea if he even felt the same way?

“I’m not doing this for you,” I whispered. “I’m doing it for me. Kellen, I— ”

“Don’t!” He jumped to his feet and took a step back from me. His eyes were wide and suddenly bright with moisture. “Please. Zak, just don’t.” He shook his head violently, the motion causing a tear to run down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, standing as well but leaving distance between us. “It’s not like I expect you to feel the same way.”

“You’re so stupid,” he said, huffing out a chuckle that cracked in the middle. “You think I don’t? How could I not? But if you say those words to me, how can I possibly bear going back? I respect your right to privacy, to secrecy. And I understand that you have way more to lose than I do. And I’m fine with it. I swear I am.”

“But if you hear me say it…” I nodded, suddenly understanding what I was doing to him. I hadn’t asked him to come here expecting to admit how I felt about him. But we were doing so well, and I was so happy to have him here that I slipped and didn’t take his feelings into account .

“If I hear you say it, I’m going to want things I can’t have. So let’s…” He sniffed and swiped angrily at the wetness on his cheek. “Let’s put a pin in that.”

“What if you could?” What the fuck was I saying? “What if you could have the things you deserved from me?”

“This was a mistake,” he said softly. “We’ve already had this conversation. You’re not the only one who has to hide, Zak. ”

“But you don’t want to,” I reminded him. “You were forced into this.”

“That doesn’t change our situation,” he insisted. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve never been in a relationship before. If that’s even what we’re doing right now.”

“If that’s what we’re doing?” I shot back, anger rising in my chest. “I’m ready to throw everything away for you.”

“I’m not asking you to!”

This had gotten so far out of hand it was ridiculous. What the hell were we even fighting about? Whether or not we loved each other?

Was this how it was always going to be between us? So quick to anger and arguments? Yeah, that shit had been fun at first. But it wasn’t how I wanted to live the rest of our lives.

I was on the verge of suggesting that he maybe he should go. Maybe he was right and I was moving way too fast. He hadn’t asked me for that kind of commitment. And if I’d been reading too much into what was happening between us, that was my fault. Not his.

But when I focused back on him, my stomach dropped. He’d gone pale, his pupils blown wide and his chest was heaving as he gripped the back of the stool with a shaking hand.

“Fuck,” I growled, walking over to him and holding him tightly against my chest. “Kellen, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” he hissed. “I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“I know you’re not,” I insisted. Jesus Christ. Did anyone in his life ever just support him? When I got him calm, we were going to have a different kind of serious conversation. “What can I do? Did you take your meds today?”

“Yes,” he answered softly. “But it’s a pill, not a miracle. Sometimes if I get myself too worked up there’s nothing I can do but work through the attack.”

“Deep breaths, babe,” I murmured against his ear. “Remember? Like I showed you. In for four, hold for four, release for four, hold for four. We’ll get through it together, okay? ”

He nodded against my chest as we breathed together, my fingers carding through his hair, holding him tightly as his heart hammered against me.

The trembling stopped first as his anxiety started to release its hold over him, and when he finally raised his gaze to mine again, his pupils were still darkening his eyes, but the look on his face was no longer panic.

“You’re not serious?” I asked incredulously.

Instead of answering, he leaned forward and kissed me, his tongue thrusting between my lips as he climbed my body, wrapping his legs around my waist and his arms behind my neck.

My cock went rock hard in an instant and I turned us back toward the island, sweeping my arm across the surface to send papers scattering to the floor before setting him on it.

We broke the kiss long enough to tear each other’s shirts off then crashed back together, Kellen’s finger digging into my back as I pressed him down against the cool marble and sucked his tongue back into my mouth.

If this was how he wanted to avoid having the discussion, I wasn’t going to fucking argue with him.

I undid his jeans and he lifted his hips, allowing me to pull them off completely before sitting back up to cling to me as he kissed me again.

“Tell me what you want,” I demanded.

“I want you. ”

I slid my hand over his throat, squeezing gently as I held his gaze. “Tell me.”

“Zak, please.”

“Tell me!” I couldn’t have explained why I needed to hear the words, but I wanted him to say it. Needed him to, just fucking once, say exactly what he wanted.

“I want you to fuck me,” he answered. His eyes widened slightly as if he couldn’t believe he’d actually said it.

“Good boy,” I whispered, releasing my hold on his throat and leaning down to kiss him gently. “I’m so proud of you, Kellen. Stay there, okay? Just like that, spread open for me. You’re so fucking sexy.”

I stepped back from him and stripped quickly, then walked over to the counter to grab the bottle of avocado oil from next to the stove before returning to stand between his legs again.

“Always unprepared,” Kellen said, shaking his head. “You don’t even have lube in your house?”

“I don’t want to walk upstairs naked and leave you down here looking like a snack all alone on my island,” I said. I popped the cap and poured a small amount of the slick liquid over my fingers. “Do you have a problem with this?”

“No,” he answered, smirking. “No problem.”

“Good. Lay the fuck down.” I shoved his chest with my dry hand until he leaned back against the marble once more. “Show me how much you want me.”

I slowly slid two fingers inside of him, watching as his hole stretched wide to take them. His breath hitched and I looked up to make sure he wasn’t in pain, but his eyes were glazed as he looked back at me and nodded.

Starting with gentle motions, I moved my fingers, gliding in and out, alternating between meeting his gaze and staring at his ass.

“Do you have any idea how fucking pretty you look like this?” I asked him, increasing the speed and pressure as I stretched him wider. “Open and ready for me. You’re incredible. ”

He moaned, his eyes wild as his hands clawed at my arms.

“Tell me what you want,” I said.

“I want you.” His voice was almost a whine as he said it. “Please. Zak. Please fuck me. Now. Right now.”

I removed my fingers from his body and leaned forward to kiss him. He shifted, pressing his cock against mine as his tongue delved into my mouth and a whimper escaped his throat.

“Right now?” I asked, gripping his legs behind his knees and pulling him closer to the edge of the island. “Like this?”

“Yes,” he hissed, laying back down against the marble as I positioned myself at his entrance.

Pushing forward slowly, his ass swallowed my tip, drawing me inside as if his body needed me just as much as the rest of him did. When I was fully sheathed inside of him, I paused, reveling in the gentle pulse of his muscles adjusting to my girth.

But I couldn’t hold back for long and soon I was slamming inside of him. Fucking him hard and fast, just as he’d asked me to.

“God, you’re so hot,” I told him as I raked my gaze down his body and my hips pistoned into him over and over and over again.

“More,” he growled, his fingers digging into my forearms as his back arched off the island.

“More of this?” I asked, thrusting harder into him. “Or do you need to hear how fucking perfect you are? How hard you make my cock every time I think about you. How pretty you are. How perfect. How much I love the sounds you make when I tell you how perfect you are.”

Because I did love those sounds. The ones that started in his chest and escaped his lips as if they were against his will, like he wanted to hold back how much he needed to be praised, but he just couldn’t because it made him so happy.

“You are perfect,” I promised him, slamming into him over and over again, trying like hell to hold back my orgasm because I wanted this to be for him, not for me. “I’m so glad we found each other.” I had to physically bite my lip to keep from blurting out what he’d asked me not to say. But fuck…I really did love him.

He turned his hand to grab my wrist, moving my hand from the counter to his weeping cock.

“Are you ready to come for me?” I asked, gripping his shaft in my fist and jerking up slowly toward his tip. “Are you sure? Because I swear to God Kellen, I could fuck you like this forever.”

Except I couldn’t, because the moment he screamed beneath me, his release arced up his chest and his muscles clenched around me, sending me over the edge with him.

I released my hold on his cock so I could grab the counter to keep from falling to the floor as my knees tried to go out from under me.

“Holy fuck, Kel,” I hissed. “You’re incredible, do you know that?”

“I don’t know anything just yet,” he said, chuckling softly while he sat back up.

“Can I just say that I really do enjoy the way you change subjects,” I teased him as I backed away from him and grabbed my jeans, tugging them back up my legs as I watched him slide from the counter to the floor.

“That wasn’t my intention,” he admitted as he got redressed as well. “But I can’t help the way that I want you all the time.” He let out a soft sigh as he turned back to me. “Zak—”

“Nope.” I snagged a finger through one of his belt loops and tugged him into my chest. “You were right. It’s been three weeks. If it’s real, it will still be real when we’re both ready to have the conversation.”

“Thank you for that. And for that.” He motioned toward the island with a soft smile. “But now I think I should go.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do. You need to focus and I need to think and if I stay here…” He shook his head. “I need to go. Just please understand I’m not running out on you.”

“I get it,” I promised him.

And I did. It just sucked that he’d come all the way out here and now he was going to turn around and leave again. Because of me. It was my fault for pushing him toward something he wasn’t ready for .

“I’m going to clean up and hit the road. Can I…I’ll call you later?”

“Okay.” I released my hold on him and took a step back. “Make sure you do.”

His whole body seemed to relax and he finally gave me a wide grin before stepping closer and kissing me gently.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” I’d almost detonated our relationship, what the fuck was he thanking me for ?

“For meeting me where I am,” he said. “For accepting me. For…I don’t know, just for being you, I guess.”

“When we’re ready to have that talk,” I told him, gripping his chin between my thumb and my finger and forcing him to hold my gaze. “We’re also going to talk about the way you’re treated by other people. And how to fix that.”

“I can take care of myself,” he insisted, pulling away from me.

“I know you can.” I nodded. “Have a safe trip. ”

“Good luck on Tuesday.” He hesitated for a moment as if he were going to say something else, but then he turned and headed down the hallway and I went upstairs, not wanting to have to go through another awkward goodbye.

Plus I was afraid if I saw him again I wouldn’t be able stop myself from begging him to stay. He needed some space, and that was my fault.

I had no right to stand there and make it any worse for him than I already had.