Spite Crush (Rock Hard #2)

Chapter Twenty

~Zak~

“I thought we agreed you two weren’t going to appear publicly together.”

“We weren’t together,” I reminded Sutherland. “He was in the crowd. Besides, you guys agreed to that shit. I was never on board with it, and I don’t think Kellen was either.”

We were sitting next to each other on the bus on the way back to Michigan after having swept the first round against Chicago. The rest of the team were crowded at the front, celebrating loudly enough to give us some semblance of privacy, but I still would have preferred to have this conversation somewhere else.

Or not at all.

“So what?” he asked quietly. “You’re ready to just come out? Now? In the middle of our first playoff run?”

“I didn’t say that,” I snapped. “Look, we told you from the beginning. No one is going to assume we’re together just because he comes to a couple of games. And if that does become the assumption…then so be it.”

I was still scared about what coming out might do to my career. But I knew that I was an instrumental part of taking the Inferno to the playoffs. So if they dropped me for coming out, I’d just sue the shit out of them for discrimination.

“Are you in love with this kid or something?” Sutherland asked.

“Yes.”

The stunned look on my coach’s face was absolutely worth the insanity of this conversation. I’m not sure what he thought was happening with me and Kellen, but it certainly wasn’t this.

“Well, I can’t stop you,” Sutherland said. “But I’m begging you to think carefully about when you decide to come out.”

“Afraid I’m going to bring shame on the Inferno during the playoffs?” I asked coldly.

“No.” He stared at me and I think there was actual hurt in his expression. “Christ, Zak. I really am thinking about you. You’re a free agent after this season and while I’d like to think management aren’t total homophobes, I can’t promise they won’t find a legitimate way to let you go.”

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay. I hated the way the entire organization had treated me through this. And while it was easy to think I could sue for discrimination, God knows I’d probably done things in my career that would give them grounds to drop me. And since I didn’t even have an agent to protect me…

“Look, we haven’t even discussed coming out together,” I admitted. “But I don’t think we’d deny anything if rumors started cropping up. Which, again, and I cannot stress this to you enough, I don’t think they will.”

“So he’ll be coming to more games?”

“Probably.” We hadn’t actually talked about that, either. I’d called him before the game the previous night but we hadn’t made plans to see each other again. He had his own stuff going on with his band and I wasn’t interested in asking him to rearrange his life for me .

“Okay.” Sutherland let out a sigh as he stood. “Kellen seems like a good kid. And it’s your life. And your career. So whatever you want to do, I’ll support it.”

“Really?” I asked incredulously.

“Really.” He reached out and patted my arm. “You’re a good kid, too.”

He walked toward the front of the bus and Josh immediately dropped into his vacated seat, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and shaking me roughly.

“Was that about the rock star? ”

“Yeah.” I huffed out an irritated breath. “Say it a little louder, though, why don’t you?”

“As if anyone on this team would give fuck all about any of that,” he said, drawing his arm back to his side. “Did you see how excited they were when him and those other guys came in the locker room the other night?”

Other guys? I couldn’t remember seeing anyone but Kellen. But then again, he generally pulled all of my focus, so he could have walked in with a mariachi band and I might not have noticed.

“I must have missed it,” I admitted. “How are things with you and Naomi?”

“Way to change the subject.” He laughed. “Things are good. I might ask her to marry me after we win the championship.”

I tried to keep the shock off my face, but from the grin Josh gave me I failed. They hadn’t been dating all that long, I couldn’t help being surprised that he was already thinking about marriage .

Then again, I’d fallen in love with Kellen after only knowing him for a few weeks, so really I had no room to judge anyone for their relationship decisions.

“That’s great,” I finally told him. “Congratulations.”

“Well, we have to win, first,” he said. “I can’t believe we swept that first round.”

“I know, right?” It had felt pretty incredible. But now we had to face a tough round two and while we might all be outwardly cocky and sure of ourselves, I think we all had a glimmer of doubt inside of us about facing the reigning champions.

The Portland Panthers were an incredible team, and the few times we’d faced them in the regular season, they’d shut us out every game. It was going to take everything we had to get past them to make the finals.

“Is Kellen coming the game Tuesday?”

Why the hell was everyone so concerned with what Kellen was doing ?

“I don’t think so,” I told him. “We aren’t up each other’s asses, dude. I don’t know what his plans are.”

“Are you doing it wrong?” Josh asked, barking out a laugh.

“You know what I fucking mean.” The minute it came out of my mouth I regretted it. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Sure,” he agreed. “You want to talk about the fact the Panthers swept, too and we’re going to have to face them at three away games in a row after the opener at home? ”

“I don’t want to talk about that either,” I said firmly, my stomach clenching a little. I dropped my voice and leaned toward him. “Are we going to win this?”

“I really want to say yes,” he said.

Yeah. No one wanted to go into a game expecting to lose. But God, they were so fucking good. We just needed to stay hungrier than them and maybe we’d have a chance.

“Let’s just sit and think inside thoughts,” I suggested, slumping down in my seat .

I was supposed to be celebrating. We’d swept the first round, I’d found an incredible man who I loved more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone else, and he loved me back. I should have been the happiest I’d ever been.

But between the stress of knowing I’d have to come out eventually, and the knowledge that we were about to face the best team in the league, I just felt sick.