Sprinkle All The Way (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 18

eighteen

NOAH

Last night Violet and I fell asleep the second we crawled into my bed. She immediately curled into me and felt so right tucked to my chest. I kept waking up, worried I had dreamed everything and would find her gone. I still can’t believe I spent eight years not talking to her over a misplaced card. I should have texted her, but I didn’t want to overstep if she didn’t want to hear from me.

Now I resemble a zombie trudging through the market with Violet. We managed to get everything we needed into two boxes, which I was able to fit on a wagon I found in the basement. I remember Ginger raving about it and how the tires were perfect for the winter. Violet follows behind the wagon, making sure the cookie warmer doesn’t fall off. This morning I decided to test it one last time and it was still acting up, so now we are running late.

The market is already in full swing, with kids running around high on sugar and the promise of presents from Santa. I almost run into one because I’m staring at the map Bernice gave me with our stand circled. It’s like everyone’s eyes are on us as we walk by, and there’s a pit of anxiety deep in my gut. The sound of the wagon grows louder with each step until my stomach threatens to empty itself despite the lack of food in it. Finally reaching the end of the stands I see ours, stopping dead in my tracks. I hear Violet swear as she runs into the wagon, but I’m too busy taking in the disaster in front of me.

The stand is empty with a piece of printer paper taped to the front with “Gingerbreads” written on it, but it’s blocked with a giant ‘get out’ in spray paint that covers the majority of the wood. It’s exactly something my friends and I would have done in high school if we heard the rumors circulating like the ones about me. Emotion floods through me and I can’t tell if I want to cry or scream, maybe both at the same time. My vision starts to blur and the air I’m breathing isn’t entering my body anymore.

“Noah, take a lap. Cool down,” Violet says, her hands cover my face, forcing me to look at her instead of the stand. I’m not sure when she got in front of me, but I focus on her eyes and those deep blues that I could get lost in. She’s right, I need to not be here right now.

“Vi—” I try to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Listen, you know that stuff isn’t true. I’m going to take care of it.” Her voice is confident and determined. “Go get us some hot chocolate, okay?”

I’m only able to nod, passing the wagon off to her before I head the other way. This must’ve been the reason everyone was staring at us. They all knew the stand was like this and didn’t bother to do a thing.

How am I supposed to prove I’m worthy if they won’t give me a chance? How could Violet ever accept me when everyone else is determined to push me away? It’s embarrassing to be associated with me, so why would she stay? She’s probably going to take back everything from last night, and I need to prepare myself to be alone again .

I want to go back to the shop and lock the doors. This town doesn’t need Gingerbreads. I don’t know why I thought coming here and doing this was a good idea. I should’ve stayed in New York where I was fine living my unlovable life. It’s not like I deserve to be loved anyway, I always find a way to ruin things like I’ve ruined this. Coming here only opened me up to more disappointment.

Something hot burns my hand and I realize I must’ve spaced out while buying hot chocolate mid-spiral. Part of me wants to leave and crawl into bed, but I can’t leave Violet alone. I need to at least say goodbye this time. I notice an empty bench nearby and head there first. I need to work up the courage to go back to the stand. Maybe I could go get paint from Hanson’s and paint over it, though, I’m not sure how well that will work in the cold. I could stand in front of it to hide the writing, that’s always an option. Either way, I’m sure I’ll have to figure it out once Violet leaves.

After several minutes of talking myself out of bad fixes to the problem, I finally calm down enough to return. There are less eyes on me this time as I weave my way through the crowd, but that doesn’t mean they’re all looking away. I focus on the crunch of snow and salt under my feet and try not to overanalyze every look directed my way.

Looking up from my feet, I see Violet standing behind a completely different stand. Jacob and Ava stand next to her, placing various cookies in the warmer now setup at the front of the stand. There’s a blanket draped over the front covering the spray paint, and tinsel wrapped around the sides. The Gingerbreads sign she made hangs above her head, and I can’t even tell this stand looked like shit.

“Stop staring and get back here,” Violet calls, snapping me out of it. Her bright smile pulls me toward her, and it takes everything in me to keep myself from pulling her to me and losing myself in her lips.

There’s so much going on in my head right now between whatever this is with Violet and this stand, and I’m experiencing so much more emotion in this one month than I have for the past several years. I can’t believe she did all of this for me when I’ve given her nothing but work in return. All I can do is hand her the hot chocolate and hug her, hoping she can sense the overwhelming amount of gratitude I feel.

“Thank you,” I whisper into her hat.

“Of course, now let’s sell some cookies,” she says, taking a sip.

The small high I had when I returned to the stand slowly fades as the night goes on and no one shows up. No one looks our way as they walk by, and mothers pull their kids in the other direction. I’ve been on the verge of tears all night, but I don’t want to cry in public. Violet does her best to get people’s attention, with no luck besides one kid who almost came over until he saw me. It’s like I’m wearing a monster mask that’s scaring everyone away.

By the end of the night it’s our families and Sydney, my only friend in this town, that end up being our only customers, but that barely counts since those people already know me. Sydney came with the deputy, and there was definitely some tension between them. Violet asked me about it when they left, but I didn’t have the energy to unpack that tonight.

She rolled her eyes at me with something about how, “Boys are useless. I’ll see if Iris knows.”

I didn’t have any reply, too focused on how utterly stupid I must have been to think this could ever work.

I’m trying to pack all the cookies to bring them to the shop instead of leaving them here, but all I want to do is get back as fast as I can so I can cry in peace. Violet comes up behind me as I load the last of the cookies on the wagon, setting her hand on my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” her soothing voice is a whisper, but it’s not enough to fix this disaster. “Tomorrow will be better, I promise.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I snap, mad she can’t say this was a total shit show. “I’m done. Go home.”

She quickly pulls her hand away from me, and I instantly regret snapping.

“I’m sorry,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I just want to go home and to bed. I don’t know if I want to do this tomorrow. I don’t want help taking this stuff back, I need to be alone.”

She nods. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything?”

“Will do,” I say, and then she walks out of the stand. I feel awful, but I need some time to be alone.