Stars May Fall (Stars May Burn #2)

38. Kasten

KASTEN

D awn started to lighten the windows. I sat in an armchair in Highfair, watching Lyrason sleep, his words turning over and over in my mind. My mother had invented the halfsouls? Could it be possible? I was more convinced that he’d have said anything at all to make me spare his life in that moment.

But then, when I’d tried on the bracelet that disrupted the link between haemalcomy poles, I’d instantly felt weaker. What if…what if I was like Prince Stirling? What if I had haemalcomy inside me that had been sucking vitality from others since before I could remember? What if I really was the monster everyone had made me out to be?

If that was the case, I had no right to be alive. Not if my worthless life came at the expense of others. Even Sophie had said that I was a monster. But why would I have needed more vitality in the first place? I’d never had a serious illness. And all my near-death experiences had come from the hands of the king or in battle long after my mother had been banished. And if my mother had invented the halfsouls, how had Lyrason and Gregane ended up with the art?

I tentatively explored what faint memories I had left of her, bracing myself for the complicated emotions that always accompanied them. I’d last seen her when I was three years old, the morning before she’d failed to come home. My nanny had held me while I cried, waiting for her to come back. But she never had. And my life had utterly changed. It had been cold ever since. Well, until Sophie had come and broken through all my defenses.

I couldn’t think about Sophie right now. My anger, frustration, guilt, and sorrow were too much to process on too little sleep. She was safe, sleeping upstairs. For now, that was enough. I had checked in on her once after Beatrice told me she was fast asleep, just to see for myself that she was well. A large bruise was blooming across her cheekbone, which only made my anger toward the man in front of me more potent. Right now, Sophie needed to rest and not to argue with me. I shouldn’t have blamed her for any of my actions. I alone was the monster. I regretted everything I’d said to her.

I tapped the arm rest as I waited impatiently for the sedative in Lyrason to wear off. When Sophie had been convinced the loss of vitality wouldn’t kill him, Tara had wrapped the haemalcomy-disrupting bracelet around Lyrason’s wrist before she had retired for the night, letting Sir Philip take over guarding my wife. And now I’d given Lyrason a stimulant, it shouldn’t be long until he was conscious again.

I almost wished he’d died already. Some information was not worth hearing.

Sir Chase entered the room and bowed. “The scouts have confirmed there are no more loose halfsouls, General Batton. Tyler Gregane’s body was taken to the palace as ordered. Princess Annabelle requested your presence at once. She wishes for Lyrason to be handed over for questioning.”

I grunted. “Tell her he’s still unconscious, and I’ll bring him as soon as I’ve finished my own business with Lyrason.” She owed me that much at least.

The guard bowed and left. Once again, I was alone with Lyrason. The silence was oppressive. It suited my mood.

The minutes ticked by before Callum slipped into the room, a bandage wrapped around his head and a foul-smelling tonic in his hands. He opened his mouth, saw my expression, and closed it again. He eased himself into the chair next to mine and sipped his drink.

I hadn’t told him how I felt when I’d worn the bracelet. I didn’t want to strengthen my worries before I could confirm my fears.

Lyrason stirred. I’d tied his hands and feet to the bed, but he had enough room to roll onto his side. I held up a hand to warn Callum to keep back in case he tried anything.

Callum stood but kept his distance. “Hey! Lyrason! Can you hear me? Hello? Wakey, wakey! Nap time is over.” I almost expected him to prod him with a stick.

Lyrason groaned in response. I was glad Sophie wasn’t in the room. This man was toxic, and I was already wary of what I was about to hear. And I didn’t yet know what lengths I’d have to go to get the information I needed. I didn’t want Sophie to have another excuse to call me a monster.

I waited for Lyrason’s eyes to flicker open and for him to glare at Callum before clearing my throat and leaning back, crossing my ankles. “Lyrason, I don’t have much patience remaining. You said my mother invented the halfsouls. You have five minutes to explain what you meant before I decide to simply execute you for innumerable crimes.”

His eyes darted in my direction. His glasses had been knocked sideways, and the bonds on his wrists were just loose enough to allow him to adjust them. He squinted toward me as if his eyes were struggling to focus. “Where…am I?”

I leaned forward with a dangerous smile and rested one elbow on my knee. I knew that smile made people uneasy. “My house in Highfair where nobody can stop me doing exactly what I wish to do with you. Gregane is dead. Princess Annabelle has control of the palace. Your plan has failed. Now tell me what you meant about my mother.”

Lyrason looked up at the ceiling and dragged in a few sharp breaths. “This feels strangely familiar. Do you always do your negotiations while threatening death?”

I scoffed. “Maybe this is a little familiar. But this time there is no mediator. Annabelle’s not here to hold me back.”

Lyrason forced his face into a calm mask, and I could see the effort required. “I’ll tell you about your mother if you agree to let me live.”

I scowled. “I don’t even know what your information is worth.”

He blinked but that was as much of a promise as I was willing to make.

I sighed. “If you don’t tell me now, I will lose my patience and kill you. And because you hurt my wife, I’m tempted to use Gregane’s haemalcomy sword. It looks like it channels pain very, very effectively.”

“You’re a lot like both your parents, you know—your mother and your father.” He didn’t elaborate but swallowed and looked up at the ceiling before flicking his gaze back to me. “Your mother, Eloise Moore, invented the kryalcomy that channels vitality.”

I didn’t show any emotion, but Callum moved to my side, his arm lightly brushing mine, as if to reassure me that he was there. I waited.

Lyrason swallowed, noticing I was waiting for more. “Your mother was a kryalchemist. The king and queen forbade anybody from talking about her once she was exiled but…I knew her well. She was outstanding at her work. She invented a system for crop irrigation when she was young, which helped farmers and made her famous at the time. During a presentation of her invention to the Maegistrium at Ilustran University, she met the king and became his mistress. I was there. He was enchanted by her at once, despite her being a few years his senior. She was very lively, always buzzing with energy, and had these large dark eyes.” He had the audacity to smile at the memory. I tightened my fists but didn’t interrupt. Lyrason sighed and closed his eyes as if trying hard to remember through his exhaustion. “As far as I could tell, the king completely captivated and fascinated her. And of course, he spoiled her with lavish riches and even held a ball in her honor. It was quite controversial back then. Mistresses were meant to be much more discreetly kept. I think he genuinely believed he would eventually marry her.” Lyrason shook his head. “Such naivety. He must have been about twenty, maybe twenty-one, she was a few years older. She moved into the palace and joined the court, but your mother continued experimenting with different types of kryalcomy, despite the expectation placed on her to stop working. I think it was a distraction from everything else. She was scared by her enemies at court, I think, and became increasingly withdrawn. Her situation wasn’t easy—most of the royal family hated her, eligible women saw her as unwanted competition, and many disapproved of her presence as a mistress in court. Though she was always quick to smile when I spoke with her, it must have been hard. She became pregnant with you after about a year with the king.

“Tyler Gregane was a first-year student at Ilustran struggling to make ends meet. She hired him to help her in the workshop, mostly with hammering and heating the metal. She struggled to do that in the later stages of pregnancy since the heat would make her pass out. She was progressing with her experiments to purify blood from toxins or infections.”

Callum became more alert at his words and gave me a sideways look. I’d never imagined Sophie and my mother might hold similar passions.

Lyrason licked his lips before continuing, still looking up at the ceiling. “I decided to sponsor Mister Gregane’s studies, and in return he let me know how she was and what she was making. I encouraged him to help her as much as he could as she became increasingly alienated in the palace.” He turned his head to me. “When you were born, her interests changed, and she rarely visited her workshop. Her attention was completely taken up by you, and she spent most of her time in her small but grand house in Highfair. She no longer accompanied the king, but he would ask for you to be brought to him every few months. Gregane continued working under her, but it was only my money that kept him there. Their work was no longer progressing. She was too preoccupied, and Gregane didn’t have the knowledge or skill to progress without her constant direction. All her experiments almost went to waste.”

My chest tightened, despite my desire to remain emotionless. She had loved me enough to even lay her kryalcomy to one side to look after me. She hadn’t even done that for her lover. She had loved me. I had never quite dared believe it before. Nobody had ever spoken about her openly like this. The king had forbidden it as soon as she’d been banished, and my nanny had acted as if she’d never existed.

“Then the king declared his intentions to marry Charlotte DeReal from Cerith, a far more suitable match that he was under considerable pressure from the court to make. Of course, any mistresses had to disappear. Your mother went to Kollenstar, and her kryalcomy lab became Gregane’s, and so mine. Gregane finished his final year of studies and made a living using her workshop to fulfill orders from the Maegistrium, but in his spare time, I encouraged him to continue looking over Eloise’s old notes and experimenting. In return I cleared up some old debts and relationships of his. The problem was, she had taken many of her notebooks with her.

“Then one night, about eight years later, the king’s guards brought Eloise back, cloaked and in an unmarked carriage. The king had exhausted his attempts to treat his son of chronic lung disease that had lingered since his previous bout of pneumonia. The king knew Eloise had been experimenting with using kryalcomy to cure people of disease before she had left. He wanted her to continue her experiments and find a way to cure Stirling. Mister Gregane hadn’t even come close to advancing her studies. Nobody else in the Maegistrium had expressed any interest in this area, and the king knew her brilliant mind all too well. He also knew he could control her. She wouldn’t have the chance to spill his secrets or let the world know of Prince Stirling’s weakness.

“The surprise to me was how much she had learned in her time in Kollenstar. She had learned how to bind metals so they traveled in the blood. She worked under guard in her old workshop with Gregane, forbidden from entering the rest of the city. The king paid them handsomely. She remained like that for a year before she managed it. She invented a new form of haemalcomy, one that channels vitality, life itself.”

My heart plummeted. “No.”

Lyrason tried to sit up, but his bonds held him in place. “Eloise Moore was the greatest kryalchemist the world has ever seen. It’s a shame you inherited none of her talents. But she was like you in other areas. She would do anything, sacrifice anything to save the person she loved. Just like you would burn the world for Sophie. Morality is merely a matter of perspective.”

Dread grew in my stomach, though I kept it from my face. “So she saved Stirling?”

Lyrason sighed. “Yes. She invented the two poles, one that took life, the other that gave it. It was less effective back then. Only a small amount of vitality could be transferred, and Stirling had to have a disk of metal sewn to his skin. Anyway, I get ahead of myself. The king wanted to test if it was safe. He didn’t trust his former mistress, and the queen positively hated Elosie, so they asked for two lots of the haemalcomy. Then they poisoned you, a twelve year old boy. It was a slow acting but fatal poison, and it caused the biggest waste of talent this world has seen.”

I concentrated on my breathing to keep calm, dreading what I was about to hear. I didn’t want to be the same monster my father was.

Lyrason seemed to be enjoying my suspense. “Your mother attached one pole to herself, and one pole to your unconscious body to prove that her haemalcomy worked and was safe for Prince Stirling. You needed more vitality transferred than Stirling, so it was far more dangerous. Why she couldn’t have chosen a prisoner or somebody else to harvest vitality from, I don’t know. The concept of halfsouls never seems to have crossed her mind.

“Anyway, the haemalcomy slowly transferred vitality from her to you. Gradually, you improved. The king and queen were then comfortable enough to use the other set on Stirling, especially as he needed less energy transfer. Queen Charlotte used one end, Stirling the other. The queen didn’t trust anyone else and they believed it to be relatively safe. As long as they were linked, Stirling’s lung condition improved, but he wasn’t cured. He constantly took a low level of vitality from his mother to cover his disease, not that he was aware of any of this. It’s why the queen was frequently sick and weak, though her life was only in true danger more recently, after she contracted heart disease. The king always knew this wasn’t a permanent solution, which is how he and I came to an arrangement. Gregane had kept me well informed, so I approached the king fourteen years ago, and revealed that I knew his predicament. I suggested that Gregane and I could potentially solve it by continuing Eloise’s experiments with haemalcomy to find a better way to harvest vitality from other sources. Gregane had learned a lot under her leadership that past year. I just needed the king to authorize our experiments on other people and keep us out of the Maegistrium’s sight. He agreed and gave me land and a much higher station in court. He even hinted that if I was successful, I might become family when his infant daughter was old enough.”

I heard the annoyance in his voice but ignored it. He had never deserved Annabelle. My mouth had gone dry as I processed the news. I licked my lips and barely dared to ask. “And my mother?”

“Initially, when she was connected to you, she was conscious and her mind remained sharp, though she used a wheelchair most of the day. She wanted to stay close to you, and there was no way she could return to Kollenstar. The king let her stay in the workshop, but within a week, she became far weaker than the queen due to your greater need for vitality. It happened quicker than I think she had expected. She was terrified for your safety. She worried that if she died or was taken far away, you would die too.

“So I helped her. We made a deal. She would transfer all her remaining research and documents and experiments to us as well as answer any of Gregane’s questions. In return, he would keep her in Adenburg and hide her existence. We never told a soul where she lived while she continued to feed you her vitality. To the outside world, including the king and queen, she simply disappeared.”

I stepped forward, my hands becoming fists. “Where is she now?”

Lyrason gave a slight smile. “I kept my bargain. I have always been a man who keeps his promises. She’s safe under my house, beneath where we house the Originals. She’s been unconscious for over a decade as you slowly suck the life from her. Who knows if you still need it. I once cured Duke James’s son with a single dose of vitality when he had measles as a young child. He only needed that one dose to recover. As far as I’m aware, in your case there’s no way to tell if there’s chronic damage from the poison that needs ongoing treatment. Maybe Eloise would’ve been able to tell if she’d managed to keep awake. But as it is, you drain her whether you need it or not. Like a parasite. You’re very like your father.”

Anger and horror bloomed in my chest. I had to put an end to this. I should have died sixteen years ago from that poison in my drink. I’d always labeled that as the first time my father had tried to kill me. I’d thought it was because Stirling had seemed more vulnerable and the king had wanted to remove any threat from his claim to the throne. I’d never imagined it had been a way to manipulate my mother. I’d thought she was hundreds of miles away.

The poison had been diagnosed by the palace physician, and I’d believed it was his skill and my strength that had saved me. He had certainly taken the credit. How much had he known about what was going on?

I turned for the door, but Callum pulled on my sleeve. “Wait, Kasten. This is not the time to act on impulse.”

I stopped, turning to him in annoyance, but he was still looking at Lyrason. “So what happens if we block the bond between them? Will Kasten die?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. But he will certainly be less than the man you know. Even though he only takes a small amount of vitality a day, it makes a difference. Have you really never thought, Kasten, about why you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than your peers, even when you weren’t using kryalcomy? Why it was so hard for the king to kill you? How you could keep going after injuries that would have killed other soldiers? Did you really think it was all natural?”

I gripped my hair, wishing I could remove his words from my skull. “But if I was using haemalcomy constantly, others would have heard it on their detectors.”

If Lyrason was ignorant of our device, he didn’t show it. He shrugged. “Others probably assume you’re always using kryalcomy devices, Kasten. And you’re only receiving a small amount from your mother, much less than when you drain a halfsoul. The sound would be the faintest of whines. Similar to what you heard from Stirling. Maybe even less now, since your mother is so weak.”

Callum’s grip on my sleeve tightened, and he moved close to my ear, a warning look in his eyes. “Kasten, we should proceed slowly. Cutting off the vitality your body has been used to for fifteen years could be dangerous, especially if it’s done abruptly. We don’t know what side effects there might be.”

Lyrason cleared his throat, making us turn to him. “He’s right. You need that vitality if you hope to defeat Kollenstar. If you wish to remain the war hero your entire identity rests upon. Your mother would understand. Your father too. They both made sacrifices for this. Now, I want to call in the debt you owe me. A life for a life.”

I frowned back at him, impatient with his games. “Explain.”

“I kept my promise to your mother. I kept her alive and hidden even when she was no use to me. Today I was tempted to put her out of her misery to weaken you. But I didn’t, and it cost me everything. You owe me. Spare my life like I spared hers. I can help you. I can give you all the haemalcomy secrets you’ll need to defeat Kollenstar. How else will you keep Kasomere safe? How else will you keep Sophie safe? The kingdom has been weakened by the coup, the troops are in disorder. Do you really believe Kollenstar won’t take advantage of that?” He strained on his bonds to meet my eyes as well as he could. “Your father turned to haemalcomy to save Stirling. Your mother did it to save you. It’s normal to use it to keep Sophie safe. She’s the only one you care about, correct?” He strengthened his voice. “You need me to keep her safe, Kasten.”

I didn’t reply; I just glared at him as his words rattled around my skull. I felt disjointed inside as if nothing was real. I turned to Callum. “Stay here. Don’t let Sophie come after me. And don’t let him get inside her head.” I jabbed my finger at Lyrason before striding from the room.

This was something I needed to deal with alone.

I sat on the cold stone floor of Lyrason’s parlor, the door to the cellar behind me, and pressed my head to my knees. I’d chased off the servants and guards, and now I needed to get my thoughts straight before I saw what had become of my mother.

Lyrason was right. We were more vulnerable against Kollenstar than ever. The only weapon we had of worth was…me. And if Sophie’s life was in danger, I had to protect her. I had to.

I was a protector, not a killer. But when you were required to kill to protect, the line became too blurred.

Kept alive by haemalcomy, I had become harder to kill and much more resilient. I could even use the starstone to wipe out the armies of Kollenstar single-handedly. But what would be the cost?

‘I don’t want to be your excuse for acting like a monster.’ Sophie’s words bit into me just as hard as when I’d first heard them.

Sophie really did believe I could be something better. But it would be so easy to take my father’s path, allowing haemalcomy so I could protect everything I knew and loved.

Sophie would hate the haemalcomy if she knew about it. She would hate it if I went on a killing spree through Kollenstar. Those soldiers wouldn’t stand a chance. But I had to stay strong enough to protect her when she didn’t recognize her own self-worth enough to keep herself from danger. If she ended up hating me and viewing me as nothing more than a monster, it might still be worth it to keep her safe.

I tightened my grip on my hair as the decision crystalized before me. The world, my parents, and circumstances all conspired to make this choice for me. But it was still my choice.

I hadn’t wanted Callum here for this. I hadn’t wanted to see his pleading eyes. I remembered his words nonetheless.

‘I will stand beside you no matter what. Because I don’t think it’s just Sophie that makes you a good person.’

I swore. Loudly.

Before I could change my mind, I stood, opened the cellar door, and ran down the steps.

I ignored the screams from behind the first door, which I assumed held the Originals, and tried to forget that Gregane had locked Sophie in there. If only I could kill him all over again.

Lyrason’s voice intruded in my mind. ‘You need me to keep her safe, Kasten.’

“Shut up,” I growled aloud. Maybe I was finally going mad. This was day two with no sleep after all, and the stress and pressure I’d been under were immense.

I clenched my fists before using my fansifold knife to melt the lock on the final door. I hesitated and closed my eyes for a moment before opening it.

A small woman lay on a plain bed with only dimmed kryalcomy lights. A young maid sat reading by the bed, a pile of soiled blankets in one corner. She almost fell over in shock as I entered. I ignored her, my eyes fixed on my mother.

The frail woman on the bed looked far older than a woman in her late forties or early fifties should. Her hair was grey and spread out around her in uneven strands. She wore a stained shift. Beside her bed was some sort of feeding tube and liquid broth. She was so thin, she was skeletal.

All at once it became too much, and I fell to my knees by her bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t want to feel this. I didn’t want to feel the impact of what she had done. But I did.

I took her hand, her skin impossibly soft. “Why? Why by the kingdoms did you do this? I never asked you to do this for me. I didn’t even know.”

Mother didn’t move. I held her hand, unable to let go. With the other, I fished in my bag for a small bottle of stimulant Sophie had given me in case I needed it when fighting. I rubbed the paste on her gums, hoping it would wake her.

The maid had run from the room, leaving me in silence yet again. I could feel all the layers of rock over my head, hear the distant screams of the Originals as the maid passed. How could she have been down here for a decade?

I angrily wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I’m a monster, aren’t I? I did this to you. I’m no better than the king.” And worse, I had considered leaving her like this so I could stay strong and protect what I loved.

But I could choose not to be a monster. Even if it meant my death. Even if it meant leaving Sophie vulnerable. I could find that goodness inside myself that was separate from her.

Kingdoms, why was this so hard . I knew the right thing to do, it was just terrifying to face the potential cost.

I shook my head. We would find a new way to stop Kollenstar. And if I was too weak to contribute, I would trust Annabelle to find a way.

This is what Sophie would want. What I wanted.

With trembling fingers, I slipped the kryalcomy bracelet around Mother’s wrist, wondering if I would ever be strong enough to make it out from this terrible room again.

At once, I felt strange. My limbs felt weaker and moved slower as if they had weights attached to my wrists. A wave of dizziness lasted for a few seconds. My body was so dependent on stealing another’s life force, it was shocked to work without it. Was there any way to tell if I still had damage from that poison I had consumed a lifetime ago?

I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands into fists. Slowly, I stood, waiting for my body to adjust. I drew some strength from my reserve and the weakness became less pronounced, my feet finding their balance. My body still felt strange. Unfamiliar. Clumsy.

I turned my hands over in front of me. Was I dying now? Without mother’s vitality, would the damage from the poison slowly kill me all these years later?

I wanted to live for Sophie, to give her everything she deserved from life. But I knew she wouldn’t want me to do that at the expense of another.

I just wished…

My mother stirred. I staggered to her side, my feet not moving as I expected, and sat her up in my arms. She responded to the motion, but her eyes stayed closed. I gritted my teeth. I needed to get her back to Highfair and summon the royal physicians. How I would explain to them what was wrong with her, I had no idea. But between them, Sophie, and Callum, I hoped that she’d recover.

I’d never ever wanted to be the source of her death.

I scooped her into my arms; her body was incredibly light, for which I was grateful, but I still had to draw on all of the energy left in my reserves. I positioned her carefully and started the difficult climb up the stairs, each footstep slow and unsteady. Kingdoms, I hated feeling so weak. It made me vulnerable.

The stairs were far harder than I anticipated. My muscles ached to the point of pain, and my chest struggled to pull in enough air as I pushed and pushed and pushed. But it felt like my penance, and with every step, I grew more confident that my decision was the right one.

As I stumbled out of Lyrason’s front door, my legs felt so weak, I almost fell down the steps onto the drive below. I collapsed into a sitting position, needing a rest. The last time I had paused here, I’d been ready to burn the place to the ground. The clouds cleared, and the sun shone directly on Mother’s face. She stirred again.

“Kasten?” Her voice was so weak and hoarse, it was almost unintelligible.

I looked down at her in surprise. How could she recognize me? She had been unconscious for over a decade and probably hadn’t seen me for sixteen years. “Mother,” I managed. My voice sounded distant and emotionless.

She was studying my face with eyes squinting in the sunlight. I staggered to my feet and lifted her again, ignoring the screaming protest of my muscles. I carried her down the steps to the shade of the nearest lime tree before sitting down more carefully. The grass was cool beneath me and autumn leaves rustled down the driveway in the wind, no servants sweeping them away.

Mother lifted her hand, and it didn’t quite reach my face. “I had…always hoped to see you again. Well.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and I clamped down on my lips, looking away. Mother lifted a trembling hand slowly to my face. “My boy. You’ve had to be so strong. I’m sorry. I’m glad I could give you some of my strength, even though I wasn’t with you.”

I was sobbing freely now. Everything I’d ever known shattered inside me. I shook my head in anger. “You shouldn’t have done it. It’s made you sick. My life wasn’t worth you throwing yours away.”

She smiled, a thin, weak, beautiful smile. “You were and are worth everything.”

“I stole your life, Mother.”

She shook her head. “No, it was a gift. You never took a thing. I merely gave. And I don’t regret it. It meant a part of me could be with you, nourishing you, always.”

I wiped my face on my shoulder and looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. “Where is the haemalcomy pole on my body? Can’t I take it off?”

She winced. “It’s in your stomach, Kasten. Too big to pass into your intestines, too heavy for you to vomit up. I…I’m sorry that you never had any choice in this.”

I gritted my teeth. “This bracelet blocks haemalcomy poles. You don’t have to give me your vitality any more, but you’ll have to always wear it so you can recover.”

Her eyes squinted as she studied my face as if only half listening. “My beautiful boy. You have become a fine man. I..I love you.” Her words faded away as her eyes closed, and she didn’t open them again. Her breathing deepened, and she seemed peaceful as she slept. I paused to catch my breath, leaning against one of the lime trees that lined the drive. Even when I was sitting down, she felt heavy in my arms, despite weighing next to nothing.

I sat and wept, rocking my mother backward and forward. All the emotions I had suppressed for years came to the surface, and I trembled with the weight of them.

“Kasten, let me take her. She needs a healer.”

I blinked at the voice and looked up. Callum stood with his hands raised, palm up, as if in peace. Behind him, silent as a statue, stood Tara, her black hair gleaming in the sun as she lowered her head to give us privacy. She looked so much like Meena. I wanted to finally be able to grieve for her too.

I scowled at Callum, even as my whole body sagged in relief to see him. I knew I couldn’t carry Mother any farther. “I told you to stay at Highfair.”

Callum knelt beside me, his manner calm and gentle but firm. It was rare to see this side of him. “You did, and I gave you space. Now let me take her.”

“Sophie?”

“She’s awake and seemed well, just tired and…sad that you weren’t there. I didn’t tell her what Lyrason said or where you’d gone. I thought it best that those things came from you.”

I nodded and let Callum take my mother from me. I felt lighter, and not just from the relinquishing Mother’s weight. It was as if the tears I’d finally shed released a weight that had been pulling me down for a lifetime. I’d never been who I thought I was. I’d never just been a problem that needed to be removed. My life was a gift that had been fought for. And now I had Sophie, Callum, Kasomere, and a good queen. I had a reason to use that life well.

I hadn't truly reflected on how precious life was before. A protector only killed when he absolutely had to. That was where my father and Lyrason had gone wrong.

Callum returned to my side. I looked up to see Tara carrying my mother away. I leaned back against the tree. The sun had moved farther than I’d thought possible. My tears dried, forming itching, cracked lines down my face. I was utterly drained.

Callum handed me a leather flask of water as he sat down beside me. I drank even though I didn’t feel thirsty. “How do you feel without her vitality?”

I drank deeper from the flask. Callum being here made me feel a little more like myself again. “Weaker. But I don’t think I’m about to drop down dead,” I said dryly.

Callum grunted and shook his head slowly, taking a drink from another flask. That one didn’t smell like water. “You realize you’re the most powerful man in existence, Kasten. It’s just that nothing ever dampens your pessimism.” He patted my back. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. You should do it more often.”

I attempted a scowl, but I was so exhausted, I wasn’t sure if the muscles in my face were responding normally.

Callum rolled his eyes. “Kasten, draw on the power of the starstone. Let it fuel you like you would a reserve. Draw on it a little bit constantly. You’ll need to practice.”

I frowned at him. “Isn’t that precisely what you told me not to do? You said it was too dangerous.”

He pursed his lips. “Well, somebody once told me he was very, very good at self-control. And you’re not going to be surrounded by people antagonizing you anymore. Just…be careful, all right? Don’t keep drawing more and more. It's a dangerous power, but your body is used to receiving constant vitality. It’s been drawing on it for most of its life. It will be used to regulating a slow trickle of power.” He grimaced. “I wouldn’t say this to anyone else in the world, but I think you can manage this.”

Despite his words, Callum stood up and took a few steps back, his feet spread wide as if prepared for anything. I raised an eyebrow, and he merely shrugged. “If you lose control and need to let out some of the power, aim for Lyrason’s house, not me.”

I sat forward and closed my eyes, shutting everything else out. I drew on the power until it buzzed quietly down my limbs. I wanted more. I wanted so much more. But I resisted. I let it die to a low hum, in case I accidently released an arc of power. And it reached a level where it felt…normal, as if it had always been there. When I was sure I could keep the level constant despite my exhaustion, I stood. Already, my limbs felt stronger. The air was freer in my lungs. I couldn’t help a relieved smile. I felt…normal.

Callum grinned. “Come on, Kasten. Annabelle’s getting very impatient waiting for you and Sophie at the palace. We had better get washed up.”