Stealing the Show (PolyAm Fam #3)

Chapter 25

twenty-five

raine

Bonnie wasn’t exactly dragging me over to see Danielle, but she had certainly guilted me into it. I put on my period panties, groaning when the cramps just didn’t want to die down, even after ibuprofen and a heating pad. My one solace was that Cynda probably had some sort of magical remedy I’d never even heard of that would fix me up in a heartbeat.

The drive over to the house was quiet. Bonnie knew better than to force me to talk, plus she probably realized I needed to save my words for Danielle. But she was a good friend, forcing me to get out.

In the quiet time, my mind swirled with emotions I didn’t want to claim as my own. Regret, yes, but it wasn’t regret for getting involved with Leo and Maggie.

Oh, no. It was very clearly regret that I wasn’t pregnant.

There was this tiny part of me… I was pretty sure I never allowed myself to fantasize about it because I knew it could never become true. But an eensy weensy tiny part of me couldn’t help wondering what it might be like for us all to be together. For me to have with Leo and Maggie what they had with each other, which was, from everything I’d witnessed, serious relationship goals. They supported each other, were exceedingly loyal, always thought of the other before thinking of themselves, and they just knew how to have fun and be themselves around each other. Their relationship was so easy, so effortless.

How could I not aspire to that someday?

But it wasn’t just that I wanted a relationship like theirs.

I wanted their relationship. Big difference.

I wanted to be part of it. To be one of them. And that tiny voice in my head I’d been trying to ignore was singing a beautiful song about how having their baby might give me access to their world in ways just being their girlfriend might not.

But that was crazy, right?

Because I was so much younger, and I had my own life to live. I had a career ahead of me that would take me away from Bloomington, Indiana—sooner rather than later.

And I didn’t deserve that kind of love anyway. My own mother couldn’t even stand the thought of me! She gave me away and wanted nothing to do with me. I was a mistake.

A drunken mistake.

“We’re here,” Bonnie broke me out of my weird alternate reality where I oscillated back and forth between dreams and nightmares. “You coming?”

I sighed. “Yeah, sorry. In my own little world again.”

“It’s understandable,” Bonnie said. “I know this is going to be hard for you, but I wanted you to know I think you’re brave for coming over here and supporting Danielle when you’re hurting.”

Wow. It was like she saw right through me.

“Thanks, Bonnie. You’re a good friend.” I gave her a watery-eyed smile, and she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t get all sappy on me just because you’re perioding over there.”

We both laughed as we climbed out of the car and headed up to the porch. Bonnie knocked on the door, and Cynda answered seconds later, a beaming smile on her face.

“Welcome, welcome! Dani will be so excited to see you. Come on in!” She ushered us inside to the aroma of cinnamon and apples.

“What is that delicious smell?” Bonnie gushed as we made our way inside. We both waved to Dani, who was laid up on the couch with her feet propped on an ottoman.

“I made apple turnovers,” Cynda said with a sly smile. “Would you like some coffee and a turnover? They’re just cooling for a few more minutes.”

“I’m pretty sure if there’s a heaven, it will smell like this,” Bonnie said. “Yes to coffee and turnovers for me. Raine?”

I nodded. “I mean, you had me at coffee, but turnovers are a nice bonus.”

While Cynda went into the kitchen, we both joined Danielle in the living room. I took a seat next to her on the sofa, and Bonnie sat across from her in the armchair.

“Well, look who it is!” Danielle exclaimed, her gaze landing squarely on me. “I thought you were mad at me for some reason.”

“No, not at all. I was just busy finishing up my thesis project, and then I had vicious PMS.” I sighed and rubbed my lower abdomen, which was just now starting to feel a little bit better.

Her face scrunched up with an unreadable expression. “I don’t know how to respond to that. I mean, the finishing up your thesis is amazing, congratulations! I’m sorry about the PMS though. You’re sure it’s not just early pregnancy hormones, right? I thought I just had PMS at first too.”

“Nope, started bleeding this morning. And cramping. Damn, I miss being on the Pill,” I admitted. “Guess I could go back on it now if I wanted to.”

“Wait, what?” Danielle looked shocked. “I thought you were Leo and Maggie’s surrogate?”

I huffed out a big sigh. “I pretty much told them I couldn’t do it.” While I waited for her to process my statement, I promptly changed the subject: “So, how are you feeling? How’s the baby? Where are Aris and Noah?”

“I see what you’re trying to do, and I’m going to answer your questions, but then we’re going straight back to you.” She wagged her finger at me, and Bonnie gave a little chirpy laugh as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’m doing fine, just bored and restless. I did go to the doctor this week for an ultrasound, and everything looks great. The baby is very active and seems pretty happy. No, we did not find out the gender, so don’t ask. It’s not important to us, and we’re not doing a gender reveal or anything.”

I raised my hands, palms out, sensing this had been a sensitive topic. “That’s all good news. And your men—are they working today?”

“They’re actually out looking at some houses.” She held up her phone. “They’ve been texting me photos.”

“It sucks that you’re not able to go with them,” Bonnie said.

“I trust them to pick out the best house for us. They both have exceptional taste.” She winked, and we all laughed.

Cynda walked in carrying a large bamboo tray filled with adorable teacups and small plates with tiny rainbows on them. “Like my new Pride dishes? Darth and Jason got them for me for my birthday.”

“Those are so cute!” I gushed as she set them down on the coffee table.

“I overheard you say you started your period, and you’re having cramps.” Cynda lifted one teacup off the tray and handed it to me. “So I made you my special tea. If you want some coffee after, I brought you that too.”

Bonnie shot me an “I told you so” look from across the room.

“Thank you, Cynda. You’re the absolute best, and these turnovers look amazing.” I sipped the tea. “Wow, this is really good too. I mean, it’s not coffee, but really damn good.”

She beamed. “I’m glad you like it. Now dig in, everyone. Eat as many as you like because, once all the guys get home, you know these are gonna disappear like that.” She snapped her fingers to indicate how quickly it would happen. “It’s kinda nice to have a girls’ day.”

“It definitely is,” Danielle agreed, but then her head whipped toward me. “Now, we were discussing Raine and her surrogacy agreement with Leo and Maggie.”

Cynda sipped her own tea, daintily holding the cup by its delicate handle. “Are you sure it’s just a surrogacy agreement? You all looked rather cozy in the camper during the Fourth of July party.”

“We were…” I wasn’t expecting this whole conversation to center around me, and I felt like I was in the spotlight. The spotlight was more Danielle’s thing, being an actress and all. As a costume designer, I only strived for the spotlight for my designs. Not me.

Bonnie ganged up against me too. “Just tell them what happened, Raine. C’mon. You know Cynda will have the perfect advice anyway.”

I sighed. “Fine. But I know you’re all going to judge me, and probably make this out to be a simple misunderstanding. It’s not. There are some fundamental issues, and I don’t think we can get around them.”

“Well, you’ve got to lay all your cards on the table,” Cynda said. “I can’t make sense of it if I’m only getting bits and pieces. So first, tell me this: was this just a casual sexual relationship, or was it a surrogacy agreement?”

She had a way of distilling things down to their simplest components. But, like I said, this wasn’t that simple.

“It started off as me dating Maggie,” I explained. “We danced at The Barn, and then we went on a date. And we were making out, but then Leo came home and watched. And he seemed interested in me too, and then he came to me with a proposal.”

“What kind of proposal?” Cynda interrupted. “To be their surrogate?”

I nodded. “Yes. He and Maggie have some fertility issues—well, the issues are with her. She can’t conceive or carry a baby due to some genetic and physiological issues. They found out it was going to take six months to get an appointment with the surrogacy agency. So…maybe I would like to do it for them? And they’d pay me, of course.”

“So, after that, your relationship became strictly professional?” Cynda asked.

“Well…no…not exactly.” I thought back to what happened after I agreed to be their surrogate. “Nothing really changed as far as our dating was concerned. But I did sign a contract, and they did start to pay me a monthly stipend.”

“And…you were okay with that? Taking money from them in exchange for getting pregnant and carrying their baby?” She didn’t ask it in a judgmental way, just in a curious way.

I folded my hands in my lap, trying to figure out the best way to answer her question. “I was more than okay with it because I thought I had a huge debt to pay the university—long story. And because I don’t have a job lined up after graduation. I figured it would help me make ends meet until I find a job.”

She leaned forward, absorbing every word I said with the utmost attention. “I see. So, what was the plan for after the baby was born?”

“Um…well, I figured I’d have a job by then, probably someplace far away from here: New York, LA—Chicago would probably be the closest place for me to work as a costume designer.”

“So, the plan was for you to have their baby, leave the baby with them, collect the rest of your surrogate fee, and then ride off into the sunset?” Again, not a shred of judgment in her tone.

Well, shit. When she put it like that, it did sound pretty unrealistic, didn’t it?

I just stared at her, blinking back tears. It was truly na?ve of me to think it could actually work like that. But that was why I backed out. Because I knew it was a shitty plan. For everyone involved, but mostly for me. They would still get everything they wanted. I’d just have the money and a broken heart.

“Well, I’m not doing it now anyway.” I looked down at my laced fingers, down to the silver filigree ring with a garnet stone I wore on my right hand. My adoptive parents gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday, and I still wore it.

“So, you figured out you’re not a robot, then?” Cynda smiled as she asked me the question. “You figured out that expecting yourself to behave as though you’re in a relationship with a man and a woman, bear their child, and then turn around and leave the family unit you’d just created behind, while having zero emotions about it, was a bit of an unrealistic plan?”

“Well, not exactly…”

“Why did you back out of the agreement?”

I noticed Dani and Bonnie had remained completely quiet during this little therapy session. They were both mindlessly munching on popcorn, completely absorbed by the little show playing out—except, instead of popcorn, it was apple turnovers.

All the emotion hit me at once. It was like a sledgehammer striking the back of my head, and all the feelings I’d been trying to manage for the last couple of months just exploded out of me. Tears welled in my eyes as my throat clogged with despair. I dropped my head into my hands as a sob shook my body.

Dani was right there, pulling me into her embrace, hugging me firmly to her body as I wept. Bonnie came over and got on her knees in front of me, and Cynda came next to me on my other side. These three women wrapped me in their warmth and love as I fell apart in front of them, tears and snot pouring out of my face as I rocked back and forth in a helpless, hopeless state.

When I finally came up, gasping for air, my eyes met Cynda’s wise, perceptive gaze. She took my hands into hers and squeezed. “Tell us what’s happening in your heart right now, love.”

“I wanted to be pregnant,” I choked out, scarcely believing the admission was coming out of my mouth.

But it was the truth.

“I think a part of me…” I tried to catch my breath as another sob racked my body. “A part of me pushed them away because I thought I was unworthy of their love.”

Bonnie handed me a tissue, and I blew huge blobs of snot out as I tried to formulate my thoughts into coherent words. Dani kept her arm around me, and Cynda continued to hold my hands.

I gestured between the three of them. “Like this…this love…unconditional love and acceptance,” I finally articulated, “I’ve never had it before. My birth mother abandoned me and now wants nothing to do with me. My adoptive parents split—my adoptive dad didn’t want a relationship with me. He provided financial support, but he never cared about me . And my mom—it was like every word out of her mouth was a lecture on what not to do so I wouldn’t end up like her, jaded and alone. She had me so convinced that being myself would repel people, that I never thought I deserved to be loved for who I am.”

Spitting out those words caused another wave of tears to erupt, to have their way with me as they attempted to flush my emotional pipes clear of this heartache, this misery.

Because life without Leo and Maggie was just that: heartache and misery.

“Everything was so easy with Leo and Maggie because they just let me be who I am. They didn’t expect me to be anything or anyone I wasn’t. And they were willing to take whatever I would give them. Leo went to the trouble of calling in a favor from a friend to try to get me out of the money I owed the university. Maggie was always there for me, showing me what being a strong woman looks like. Right before she met me, she had her dreams obliterated when the doctors told her she’d never have her own baby. But she picked herself up, started researching the next step in how she could become a mother, and then they met me.”

“Do you think you still have a chance to work things out with them?” Cynda asked. “It sounds like you regret walking away and breaking the contract.”

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “They both texted me every day for a week straight…telling me that we could forget the surrogate thing. That they missed me. That they wanted me just for me.”

I slowly rose from the couch cushion, my legs trembling and knees wobbly, as I realized how badly I’d fucked up. I walked toward the kitchen before turning back around. “I kept telling myself they were only in it for the baby.”

“But what if they meant it?” Cynda’s eyes followed me as I paced back and forth between the kitchen and the living room.

I shook my head. “I pushed them away. They probably think I’m too flaky and immature at this point.”

“You’re making excuses again,” Danielle pointed out, and Cynda nodded. “You’re belittling yourself, selling yourself short.”

“Maybe you could talk to them?” Cynda suggested. “Maybe you can talk about what the future might look like and how you might be able to navigate it with a baby and your career?”

I shook my head again, stray tears flying off my cheeks. “I just don’t see how it could work for me to stay here with them. Not if I want to work in costume design?—”

The doorbell rang, effectively cutting off my rambling excuses. “I’ll get it. I’m the one up.”

Cynda nodded. “Thank you.”

I wiped my face with the tissue Cynda had given me, then rose on my tiptoes to look through the peephole. The pink hair was immediately recognizable. It was Molly, who used to live here with Jason and Cynda. I’d met her at a couple of events, and she was at the Fourth of July party as well. She’d just gone through the MFA program too, though we didn’t have any classes together. Her specialty was playwriting.

I opened the door, and she burst inside. “Oh my god, you’re all here!” she exclaimed, glancing around from Danielle, to Bonnie and back to me.

“Hi, Molly. Can I get you coffee and an apple turnover?” Cynda rose from the sofa and made her way back toward the kitchen.

“That would be amazing, Cynda, thank you.” She ran her hands through her hair. “I was hoping to chat with Dani,” she continued, “but I’m super lucky to find you all together.”

“What’s going on?” Danielle questioned.

“Did you hear what happened in the theater department?” Molly glanced around at all of us again.

“No, what?” Bonnie questioned.

“They fired Dr. Wharton! There was a huge scandal, and I just got the inside scoop from Dr. Pataski. They’ve tried to keep it on the downlow since fall classes haven’t started yet, but it made the local news!” She made her way into the living room and plopped down on the ottoman.

Feeling numb and more than a little shaken up, I took my former spot next to Danielle again as Cynda returned with refreshments for Molly. “Some hot gossip from the university?” Cynda asked, sitting down on the other side of me.

Molly tore off a tiny bit of turnover and popped it in her mouth. That immediately led to an orgasmic moan. “Oh my god, Cynda, I’ve missed living here so much. This is freaking amazing!”

“So, I wanna hear about this scandal,” I said as it finally sank in. Did that mean she wasn’t on my thesis committee any longer? They were reviewing my thesis right now. “It’s no secret I hated that bitch.”

“Right! Well, the chair told me that a student checked out a costume from the wardrobe department that accidentally had an antique jewelry set in its accessory pack.”

As soon as she said it, my heart kicked up a thunderous beat. Dani looked over at me, and I flashed her a look that said, Let’s just hear her out .

Molly continued, “Apparently, when the owner wanted his priceless, one-of-a-kind art deco jewelry set back, Dr. Wharton accused the grad student who checked out the costume of never returning it. The university charged the student the entire value of the set—twelve thousand dollars—even though she had nothing to do with its disappearance. And the student was going to have to pay it because she couldn’t prove she didn’t steal it or lose it.”

Molly took a sip of coffee, then continued, “But then the police reviewed some video footage from the lab where the costume was being stored, and it showed a costume crewmember came in and took the case the jewelry was in. After further investigation, the costume crewmember was able to produce a text that incriminated Dr. Wharton, who paid the crewmember to steal it. So much drama!”

I gasped, my hands immediately flying to my mouth, I was so shocked at this revelation. That fucking bitch! She set me up!

“When they confronted Dr. Wharton, she said she had been planning to return the set to the owner, but she never did. It had been months since she orchestrated its theft. And they just fucking fired her. A full tenured professor!”

Dani finally burst into laughter. “Oh my god, Raine, you got her fired!”

Molly’s eyes whipped toward me. “What? What do you mean?”

“It was me,” I confessed. “I was the student who was charged for the missing jewelry.”

Now Molly was the one who was shocked. “Oh my god! I knew there weren’t that many costume design MFA students, but I didn’t even think about it being you. I forgot you were a costumer. I didn’t put two and two together.” Then her eyes widened, and a smile curled her lips.

“What is it?” I asked, my curiosity piqued. She looked like she had another secret she was dying to share.

Molly didn’t hold me in suspense. “Dr. Pataski told me they were promoting the university’s head costume designer to Dr. Wharton’s Costume Czar position. So, you know what that means?”

“Um…no?”

Molly shook her head. “Don’t be obtuse, Raine! The reason Dr. Pataski was telling me all this was because she wondered if we have a costumer on staff up at my theater in Indy. IU desperately needs to hire someone really fast for the fall season. Classes start in just a couple of weeks, and right now they have no one. They don’t have time to orchestrate a national search. I mean, it would probably be an interim position for the first year, but?—”

Dani clapped me on the back. “Raine, you have to apply! That would solve all your problems!”

Molly’s brows furrowed. “What problems?”

I waved my hand to brush off Dani’s comment. “It wouldn’t solve all my problems, but it would be a start.”

Cynda smiled. “Well, you know what the next step is, don’t you?”

I nodded. “Yes. Yes I do.”