Stuck With My Christmas Crush (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jason

I ’m annoyed. The physical exertion of shoveling snow is helping but still, I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed at the snow. And irritated by Charlie. Well, that may be a little unfair. I’m just embarrassed because she overheard me telling Rocko that I like her. And it’s true. I do like her. But there’s no way I want her to know that. Not now, in the cold light of day, that shows up all our differences in stark contrast like snow on dark branches. She’s all shiny and glittery and I’m all practical and serious. But last night, in the warmth of the fire and candlelight, I stupidly let my guard down. And that’s why I’m annoyed. Somehow, she has broken through what I thought were my impenetrable defenses. And so easily. With her laugh, and her sparkly blue eyes, and her lips that I just want to kiss all the time. And with all that pink glitter that’s still everywhere.

I scoop another shovelful of snow. The metal scrapes the asphalt sending juddering vibrations up my arms. I’m getting too warm in my jacket, so I take it off and hang it on the gate.

But mostly, I’m annoyed at myself. I mean, she only wanted me to join in her game. And I couldn’t even do that. Yes. Making snow angels looked like fun. And, yes, part of me wanted to jump around in the snow like we’re starring in our own cute Christmas romcom. But…

I stop shoveling and watch Charlie throw a stick for Rocko. She’s so pretty. And alive. Watching her hopeless stick-throwing skills warms my heart and makes me laugh. What is happening to me?

For a minute, I picture us living here. Happily. Together. Where did that come from, soldier?

I shake the thought away and shovel some more snow that is turning to mush by the minute as the day warms up. And I remind myself that I’m a lone wolf. That’s it. Me, myself, and I. And Rocko, of course. And, besides, there’s no room for anyone else here in the gatehouse. We would end up tearing each other to pieces in such a small space.

Or we could be the happiest people in the world. I gulp. The shovel drops from my hand and clangs on the hard wet driveway.

Charlie looks over and laughs. Then she throws the stick for Rocko again.

I feel overwhelmed with blissful serenity. As if I want this moment to last. I want Charlie here with me. She makes everything beautiful. Even a life-threatening situation of being snowed in was kind of fun because of Charlie.

I give myself a shake, then pick up my shovel and survey the cleared path, banked up either side with gritty grey melting snow all the way to the gate. I snort clouds of steam like a dragon.

I don’t want to be grumpy. But it’s the only way I know how to be. Perhaps Charlie can teach me to lighten up. Maybe it starts with snow angels. But I guess I’ve missed that opportunity. I’ve missed a simple fun thing and now it’s too late. I pause my shoveling again. What is wrong with me? Why do I think I need to change? I don’t. But then… Suddenly I’m sad and anxious.

Charlie has got under my skin, alright. For the first time in a long time, I’m conflicted. I don’t know what I want anymore. This is intense. I don’t even know why. My guard has been up for so long I’m not even sure it can come down. Or if I want it to.

The driveway is clear to the gate. I pull the chain through. The gates creak as I pull them open. The snow on the road up ahead is melting, but I’m aware that as the sun goes down, the surface water will freeze over like a skating rink, making the drive to town impossible. I check my phone for road conditions and travel updates.

“If we’re going, we’d better go now,” I shout over to Charlie who is doing her best to run around in my hiking boots with Rocko in the winter sunshine. She stops running and turns around, combing hair out of her eyes with her fingers.

“Okay,” she says looking back at me.

We stand still facing each other for a moment. I wonder if Charlie is thinking the same idea as me, that maybe I don’t tow her back home today. We have enough food and firewood. And what if she stays for another night here with me? Maybe it will snow again, and I’ll have another chance to make a snow angel on the front lawn. And I won’t be so grumpy. And maybe I can tell her that I like her and that I remember seeing her at a kid’s birthday party in the summertime. And how I thought she was pretty then. And that she’s pretty now .

I’m hoping Charlie will say something like, ‘Do I have to go? Can I stay here with you and Rocko?’ But she doesn’t. Charlie drops her gaze and walks to the gatehouse and out of sight.

Rocko gives me a look that says, “See what you’ve done, idiot? It’s all your fault.”