Succeeding Love

The Dinner

Feighlynn

“Perfect!” I smiled as I pulled the lasagna out of the oven. “Absolutely perfect.”

“Who are you talking to?” Preston asked, watching me from the breakfast bar. He’s on his laptop with headphones in. I didn’t know he could hear me talking to myself.

“You,” I said, lifting my chin stubbornly.

“Sounded like you were talking to the food,” he smirked.

“Was not.”

“Was too. You were using your Kevin voice. Praising the noodles for being perfect.”

“Well, look at it.” I angled the pan so that he could see. “It looks perfect, does it not?”

He laughed at me, nodding along. “Yeah, sure. Perfect pasta.”

“I know!” I placed it down merrily, removing my oven mitts with pride.

“No one gets excited about cooking like you do.”

“I only get excited when the food looks this good.”

Preston watched me as I meticulously checked every corner of the piping hot lasagna to ensure it was cooked to perfection on the way through. I couldn’t stop myself from doing a little happy dance at the bubbling cheese. I had already made the garlic bread and salad. I just had to pull the salad out of the fridge and the bread out of the warming drawer to serve.

My excitement died a bit, checking my watch. Jessie should be here with her father any minute.

If he’s eating here, I wonder where Arlene is having dinner. Should I offer to let her come over too?

No. It’s none of my business. I don’t have to go that far for my ex-husband and his new partner. That would just upset Preston, too.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Preston heard it, judging by the sudden frown on his face, but he made no move to answer it.

I sighed loudly. “Be nice,” I whispered after lifting one side of his headphones from his head. “He’s still your dad.”

Preston rolled his eyes, but muttered, “Yep. Got it.” He’s a good kid. He’ll keep his comments to himself, if only for my sake and for the sake of his sister.

After another deep sigh, I put on a smile and opened the front door. But instead of seeing Nick with Jessie, Kevin was standing there. Human Kevin, with a large flower bouquet in his hands.

“Human Kevin?” I said, not meaning to say the ‘human’ part out loud.

“Human Feighlynn,” he chuckled. “Mom wanted me to bring this to you. Happy Birthday.”

“Oh, wow. Tell her thank you for me,” I hurried to take the heavy-looking vase from his hands. My hand accidentally brushed against his, shocking me, almost causing me to drop the arrangement on the tiled surface.

“I got it,” he said, easily catching it. “Where do you want it?”

“Oh, um,” I frantically looked around for somewhere to set it. “How about here?” I motioned to the entry table, moving a pile of mail out of the way.

He set it on the center of the table, turning it to display the ribbon in the middle. “Looks good,” he said, stepping back to admire his work.

“Your mom grows the prettiest flowers.” I smiled at the arrangement. “She’s the sweetest.”

“She has her moments.” He crossed his arms nervously, oblivious that it was making his chest flex and strain against his shirt. Are all military men built like him? “She, uh, shouldn’t have said those things about your personal life, though. I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” I waved away his concern. “She wasn’t trying to be malicious.”

“No, but I know how much those kinds of words can sting.”

I smiled gratefully. “Thank you, human Kevin,” I patted his arm, taking a split second to appreciate the firmness. I looked up quickly, then a ferocious blush painted over my skin. By his small smirk, I could tell I’d been caught ogling his muscles. I dropped my hand quickly, holding both of them behind my back and feeling so embarrassed. I know I’ve been feeling lonely lately, but it’s completely inappropriate to fawn over my neighbor’s muscles.

“Smells good in here,” human Kevin said, taking mercy on me and changing the subject, cutting through the awkward tension. “Spaghetti?”

“Lasagna,” I corrected.

“Ah, lasagna,” he smiled. “I love Italian food. Smells amazing.”

“Have you eaten already? Would you like to stay for- “

KNOCK KNOCK

Two quick knocks on the door, followed by the front door swinging open, interrupted my invitation to human Kevin.

“Mom!” Jessie sang out, then startled back when she saw me standing in the foyer already. She looked nervously at Kevin, then back at me. “Um, hi,” she whispered, acting shy.

“Hey, sweetie!” I pulled her in for a hug. “How was shopping with your dad?”

“Exhausting, but fun,” Nick said as he struggled through the door, several shopping bags in his hands. He stopped short when he noticed Kevin, too. Kevin was quite taller than Nick. It was almost comical seeing Nick look up to study Kevin’s face. “Uh, hello. Who’s this?”

“This is Kevin. Our new neighbor,” I smiled warmly at Kevin, who was now stuck in an awkward situation because of my daughter’s shy demeanor and Nick’s hard stare. “This is my daughter, Jessie, and her father, Nick.”

“Hello,” Kevin waved awkwardly. “I’ll, uh, get out of your hair for now. Enjoy the flowers, Feighlynn, and happy birthday.”

“Thanks for bringing them over, Kevin. I’ll see you later.”

Nick’s eyes stayed glued on my new neighbor the entire time he was walking out the door and shutting it behind him.

“Uh, Jess, why don’t you go take your things up to your room,” I said, helping her out of her backpack so that she could shrug out of her coat. I hung her coat up while Jessie took her backpack and only two of the bags her dad was holding up to her room with her. Nick set the rest down against the wall, then shifted back and forth on his feet, just watching me as I hung up the coat in the closet. I then made sure my new flowers had water, trying to ignore his observant stare. The flowers were really gorgeous. I’ll have to send some cookies, or maybe even a whole pan of lasagna, over to Velma and her son later to show my thanks.

“So,” Nick spoke, still looking awkward. “New neighbor?”

“Yeah, he just moved in today.”

“And he already knows it’s your birthday, and he’s bringing you flowers?”

I could be vindictive and let Nick assume whatever it is he’s assuming right now, but that wouldn’t be fair to Kevin. “He just brought them over as a favor to Velma Trude. You know how careful she has to be now that she’s having all that trouble with her memory.”

“Oh,” Nick frowned, eyeing the flowers suspiciously. “Yeah. I guess. So, what did you mean by ‘I’ll see you later’?”

I shrugged, walking towards the kitchen. “I’ll be seeing him later, I guess? We are neighbors. Speaking of, did you get the booster club email from Kently Ferguson from next door? Her son’s band still needs sponsors and your firm has done it in the past.”

I hurried to change the subject, not wanting to wallow in awkward tension when entering the same room where our son was sitting. I understand Nick’s curiosity, because I’m becoming pretty curious about human Kevin too, but Preston will use Nick’s questioning to start a fight in my defense. Plus, Nick really isn’t in the position to ask me anymore about neighbors and such. I’m sure he and Arlene have neighbors they can discuss if they choose to.

Preston stayed pretty quiet throughout dinner, but he didn’t pick a fight, which I took as a good sign. He nodded or shook his head when someone asked him a question, and snuck food to Kevin under the table when he thought I was not looking. Nick would always get upset when any of us fed the dog at the table, and I suspect Preston was only doing it to make his dad mad, but Nick never said a thing.

Jessie talked non-stop about her father taking her to the mall and all the stores they went into. She was a daddy’s girl when she was little, and has regressed back into that mindset ever since we announced our divorce. I appreciate Nick always going above and beyond for her, paying more attention to her than ever before. It made what could have been a messy divorce so much simpler, because I felt I could trust him with my daughter’s fragile emotions. When he insisted on all weekends, and going 50/50 during summers and holidays, I didn’t fight him. I think that shocked him, but I would rather our kids have a dad that wants to be there more than have to suffer years of custody battles, especially since they are already in their teenage years, anyway. It would make co-parenting so much harder.

I can’t change what happened between Nick and myself, but I can control how I react in the future, and my reactions should be positive for my kids. That’s where my head has been throughout this.

“So,” Nick wiped his mouth, clearing his throat after finishing his tiny sliver of lasagna, which I knew he still hated, and all of his salad and garlic bread. “I told Jessie earlier, but hadn’t told either of you yet. I just closed on a condo downtown. I’m moving into it next week, but get the keys tomorrow.”

“Congratulations,” I said with a smile, though I was wondering why he would suddenly purchase a condo when he was already living in one with Arlene.

“By yourself?” Preston asked his first question of the night.

“Uh, well, no. Not really. I’ll have a room for you and your sister, and a spare room I plan on turning into an office.”

“Tell them the best part,” Jessie said eagerly.

“What’s the best part?” I felt a little more energized seeing her enthusiasm.

Jessie and her dad exchanged a look, both of them barely containing their grins.

“It’s in the high-rise close to the library. The building that is right next to the garage we would park in when we went to watch the Christmas parade. Skyland Heights,” Nick said proudly.

“The one overlooking the river by that pizza spot we like?” Preston sounded impressed.

“That’s the one,” Nick grinned.

I knew exactly what building he was talking about. I felt like a knife had just been stabbed through my heart. That was the building we had talked about buying a condo in for forever so that we would have a place to stay in the city after the kids grew up, and I didn’t need to be at home as much. It was a dream we talked about all the time, every time we went to the city, and even late nights in bed. It was a five-year goal we had, and we even talked about it the last Christmas that we were together.

He crushed that five-year goal along with all my other lifelong hopes and dreams when he told me he was leaving me, but I guess it didn’t have to be crushed for both of us.

“I’m happy for you,” I said softly, piling up my dishes to take to the sink. “I think you and Arlene will be thrilled there. It’s a beautiful building.”

I pushed myself up from the table, fighting to keep my smile in place. If I just smile, I can get through this. I can bottle this up to unpack later tonight when I’m all by myself.

I took a few deep breaths at the kitchen sink where no one could see me, and I regained my composure. It was stupid to get hurt by something as silly as real estate. Good for Nick for sticking with a dream. I thought it was ours, but that doesn’t mean he can’t keep that dream alive by himself, or even with Arlene. It has nothing to do with me.

I had thrown a store-bought chocolate pie to thaw out in the fridge since our simple dinner turned into entertaining a guest, too. I went to get it out but saw a cheesecake sitting on top of it. An entire cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory. I opened the top of the box and caught the delicious scent of lemons and tangy cream. It was lemon meringue cheesecake. My favorite.

“Jessie said you asked to skip your birthday this year, but I wanted you to at least have a cake,” Nick said from behind me. I didn’t even notice he had walked into the kitchen.

“Thank you,” I mumbled softly. I didn’t know how to feel about him giving me a cheesecake today of all days.

He came right behind me, so close that I felt the heat from his body coming off of him in waves. I moved to give him some room as he leaned into the fridge and gingerly lifted the cake, carrying it over to the counter.

“Do you want me to cut you the first piece?” he asked, looking hopeful.

“Um, sure.”

He grinned excitedly, but then a confused look came upon his face. He looked around the kitchen, spinning in a half circle until his eyes landed on the wooden block that holds all of my knives.

I stopped him before he could ruin the cake with my large butcher knife. “Here. Let me get the cake knife instead.”

I cut up pieces for everyone except Jessie, who wasn’t a fan of lemons and would rather have that chocolate pie. Nick stood back awkwardly, and I could tell he wanted to help, but showing him the right way to cut the cake would be more work than me just doing it. I just asked him to carry the slices to the kids instead.

The cheesecake was delicious, and there was plenty left over. I tried to wrap up half of it for Nick to take back home, along with some lasagna for Arlene, but he refused. He muttered something about her eating out with friends tonight.

“So, about the condo,” he said, leaning against the counter and watching me clear the dishes after everyone was done.

“I’m thrilled for you,” I smiled at him. “You’ve always liked that building.”

“So have you,” he said with a serious expression. “That’s why I was thinking, do you want to come with me tomorrow when I go to get the keys?”

I froze for a second, hoping I heard him wrong.

“You could come and see the inside of the place before any furniture goes in. There’s a huge gym, an indoor pool, a rooftop garden, and the condo is on the top floor, so you can see the entire city from up there.”

He’s seriously asking me to go see his new home he will share with Arlene? A condo which used to be our dream? He hasn’t always been this insensitive, has he?

“I really rather not, Nick. I’m happy for you, but I’m sorry. Going there and being happy for you are two different things.”

“But you’ve wanted one of those condos since Jessie was in diapers. I thought-”

“You thought I would want to go with you, my ex-husband, to see it under the harsh reality of you buying it with your partner after we divorced? No, Nick. I do not want to go see it. I’m disappointed you would ask me that.”

“I didn’t buy it to live with Arlene, Fay,” he took a step towards me. “I…. I bought it because I needed an actual home for the kids. Somewhere that is theirs. They don’t have that at her place.”

That’s true. Jessie sleeps in the guest room when she goes over, and the few times Nick has gotten Preston to stay, he’s slept on the pullout couch in Arlene’s office. He really needed a place where the kids could have their own space.

“Arlene won’t be living there at all. We decided we both needed our space. She won’t even have a key.”

“That seems extreme. Why wouldn’t she have a key?”

He shrugged. “What’s the point of getting my own space if I give her a key?”

It sounds like their relationship is regressing, but that is none of my business. I’m sure Nick doesn’t want relationship advice from his ex-wife, and I don’t want to offer any, so I’m choosing not to ask any more questions.

“Would you like me to make a to-go container for you?” I asked again as I moved across the kitchen to the pan of lasagna. I began dividing the remains into sections for tupperware.

“No, thanks,” he eyed the tomato sauce warily.

I smirked to myself. I knew he still didn’t like lasagna. Too bad, because there was a lot of it left over, and tomorrow was Friday. Both kids will be with him for the weekend, so the leftovers I can’t eat will go to waste. I could freeze some....

Or maybe they don’t have to go to waste after all….

“Kevin,” I murmured under my breath, thinking out loud.

“Huh?” Nick furrowed his eyebrows.

“Oh, I was just thinking about taking Kevin for a walk,” I said, embarrassed that I was talking to myself, thinking out loud again.

“I can come with you,” Nick offered.

“Seriously?” I sent him a dubious look. He has never taken my dog for a walk, or gone for a walk at all in this neighborhood since the kids were toddlers.

“Why not?” He had a hopeful glint in his eye that made me feel uneasy.

“I like my walks alone with Kevin. It gives me time to breathe and think. And you are supposed to be spending time with the kids. Preston is probably in the den watching baseball if you want to join him.”

Nick grunted, then stood quietly, watching me as I divided up the lasagna, putting half of the leftovers in a large Rubbermaid container to take across the street, and the rest into smaller containers to freeze. I was dumping the remaining garlic bread into a ziplock bag when Nick spoke again.

“I’d really like it if you could come with me tomorrow, Fay.”

My mind was thinking of Kevins, both canine and human, and was wondering if it would be appropriate to pack a slice of the cheesecake too, given that it was technically a birthday gift. It took me a minute to register that Nick was talking about the condo again.

“I can’t, Nick. I’m sorry.”

“It would only take a few hours in the morning. We could stop at the fondue place you like for lunch and-”

“Nick,” I stopped him, not wanting to hear any more. “I can’t. I won’t. I’m really sorry, but that’s just….. It’s too much.” I stared back at him, imploring him to understand.

“But it was our dream,” he whispered, reaching out to take my hand.

I pulled my hand away as quickly as he took it. “All those dreams died the moment you told me you didn’t love me anymore.”