Tempted By a Rake (Wicked Widows’ League #21)

Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lavinia told herself that this was for the best. Seeing Demetrius in London would just be too difficult. Except, she would at least see him.

She had also thought to live here when not in London for the Season. Could she do so now?

She found happiness at Sea View but would that be ruined if she returned next summer, after the Season ended, to find that Demetrius was no more than a stranger living next door and no longer interested in her. Or would they continue to be lovers only when she was here?

She would not want that. She may have enjoyed this holiday and learned so much about herself and found happiness, but that would all be tainted if she continued to carry on in such a manner when not required to be with her family, and eventually the servants would notice and those in town would talk.

“Mr. Valentine has arrived,” Mr. Trenton announced.

“Thank you.”

Lavinia took a deep breath and smiled. She would not let him know that their parting distressed her. They were never meant to be a forever, and she would simply need to keep reminding herself or her heart may very well shatter into a million pieces.

“Good evening,” he greeted though she noticed some sadness in his brown eyes, but before she could inquire, dinner was announced.

There was little conversation throughout the meal, unlike all the times before. When they did speak, it was stilted and she wasn’t certain if it was because they had come to an end and Demetrius was just waiting to tell her or because the servants might hear them.

“Would you care for brandy?” It was the same question she always asked after they had eaten.

“Not tonight, Lavinia.”

Her heart squeezed. He was going to eat and then leave.

She anticipated this happening but she was not ready.

Still, she smiled and said nothing and hoped that her pain was hidden.

“I thought we might walk.”

Likely so that they could talk in private, which she understood.

“I will be but a moment.”

Lavinia made her way upstairs for her cloak. Then she took a deep breath and willed herself to be calm and to not react emotionally to anything that he might say.

Demetrius was waiting for her by the door leading to the terrace and then escorted her outside. There was a breeze and it was cool. Her pelisse would have offered better warmth but she was not going to go back and change it now. She needed to get whatever conversation they were about to have over with.

“I did not come to my decision lightly,” he said quietly.

“I am certain that you did not.”

“I am needed here.”

“I know.”

“I will recommend a good and trustworthy solicitor to His Grace so that you are not forced to take on yet another duty.”

“Another poor man that I will need to correct,” she offered with sadness.

Demetrius chuckled. “You would make an excellent solicitor, Lavinia.”

His words of praise warmed her heart. “Thank you. It is a shame that I was not born male.”

“Thank God that you were not or this holiday would not have been nearly so enjoyable.”

“No, I suppose you are correct.” She wanted to be offended that she was no more than a bed partner, except that is how all this began. She had wanted a lover to learn if pleasure and passion existed, and she had thought him perfect for the experiment since she had believed him to be a rake. She had been no better than a man who seeks a lover with no intention of commitment.

“If only you resided next door instead of visiting.”

“Before I learned of your plans today, I had intended to return after the Season to spend the summer and only be with my family in the spring and during Christmas. I enjoyed being free of them, or perhaps, I enjoyed simply being free without duty.”

“Then I may see you again.”

She stopped and turned toward him. “No, Demetrius, you will not.”

“Why?”

“Because if I returned, it would not be the same.”

“Why could it not be?”

She shook her head. “Several reasons.” Lavinia turned to walk again. “You might marry, which would be very awkward if I arrived intending to indulge in the passions you have shown me.”

He snorted. “I have no intention of marrying.”

Perhaps that was what hurt the most. He enjoyed her body and Lavinia had no doubt that he cared for her, but it was not love.

Oh, if only he would have fallen in love with her as she had him then everything could be different.

“You cannot know the future,” she finally said.

“Neither can you.”

“Yes, but it wouldn’t be the same or would it even be right for you to wait until summer for me to return and then we would share four months of passion only for me to leave again. Is that truly fair to either of us?”

“If you fear that it is because I will find a substitute for you when you are not here, I can promise that would not happen.”

While it warmed her heart to hear his assurance, if she really were so important, then he would want her with him permanently.

“I came here for a holiday to discover something for myself or determine what I wanted. I found it, even if it can only be mine for a short time. I am not sorry that I did, and so thankful that you were here too.”

“As am I, Lavinia,” he said as he stopped and faced her before giving her a gentle kiss. “But our time is not yet at an end, is it?”

She looked up into his deep brown eyes. “Not yet.”

Without a word, Demetrius then led her into his cottage, and up to his bedchamber where he slowly removed her clothing and loved her with such tenderness, almost worship, that he nearly brought her to tears when they joined. He then held her until she almost drifted off to sleep, which could no longer be allowed, then silently escorted her back to Sea View.

“I do have one concern,” he said when they reached the terrace. “Something I should have considered a few days ago before now but did not because all I wanted was to be with you.”

“What would that be?”

“What if you find yourself with child?”

A chill swept through her because it was something that she had not even considered. “I…um…”

“You will tell me, Lavinia,” he instructed before she could find the words for a proper response because she had no idea what would become of her. She certainly would not be able to go into Society and would need to hide away for the rest of her life.

“Yes, of course.”

“My child, if there is one, will have my name, as will his mother.”

She stared into his eyes. Perhaps Demetrius should have claimed that he would not marry unless he got a woman with child, but she did not want him if it was the only reason he would marry her. Yet would she really have a choice?

Not if she wanted her family to avoid another scandal.

“I understand,” she said.

He then leaned in and pressed his lips gently against hers. “Goodbye, Lavinia.”

“Goodbye, Demetrius.”

With that, she left him standing, entered the cottage and made her way to her chamber. Once there and safe in her own bed, Lavinia allowed herself to cry for the first time since her mother had died when she was six and ten.

He dreaded the day that Lavinia would leave, but she was correct that it wouldn’t be right to be lovers for part of the year and apart the rest.

It was unfair to her, especially if she found someone that she could love, and someone who was worthy to love her back.

It was probably a mistake to even continue now knowing that it would soon come to an end, but Demetrius was going to take every moment he was allowed.

It was also all he could do not to beg her to remain, but her family relied on her and he had no doubt that if she didn’t return to London after Twelfth Night His Grace would come to Seaford and that was a meeting that Demetrius did not want, though it would be convenient in telling him that he could no longer be his solicitor.

He snorted as he settled into the chair and tossed a ball for Max.

Now that the servants had returned to Sea View, he was no longer free to call on her in the morning and remain until it was time to retire. Instead, their time was reduced to dinner and evenings, unless Lavinia chose to take a stroll.

But, as the day wore on, she never appeared. He spent far more time outside with Max and Cal because Max would be the very first to know if Lavinia stepped from her cottage, but he never barked, nor ran in that direction and as it neared time for dinner, Demetrius returned inside to wash and dress then made his way to her cottage.

The door was answered by the butler and, without a word, Demetrius made his way to the parlor where she waited with a glass of brandy.

She looked radiant with her mahogany hair pulled back with small ringlets about her face, wearing a blue gown that only emphasized her breasts.

He looked up into her eyes and though she smiled with her lips, sadness lingered in the blue depths and his stomach tightened.

“How was your day?” she asked as she pressed the brandy into his hand.

“Uneventful unless you consider throwing a ball to Max to fetch was productive.”

“Max likely believes so,” she chuckled.

“Is all well, Lavinia?”

“Yes, of course,” she answered just as Mrs. Trenton announced dinner.

As the night before, their discussion was strained and Demetrius knew that he was losing her. She had not said the words, but her demeanor and even the way she held herself was reminiscent of the woman he knew in London, not the one that he had come to know in Seaford.

When they returned to the parlor, she poured him a glass of wine.

“Will you find a space for an office in town, or will you work out of the cottage?” she asked politely.

It wasn’t the question he hated, but the tone. It was one used for an acquaintance.

“I had not given it consideration.”

“What of a clerk? I have never asked. Does a solicitor employ a clerk or secretary to assist?”

“I have not, though given how many times that I have had to redraft contracts and agreements for His Grace, it should be something I consider.” He tried to tease, but she did not respond.

“As you will no longer be working for my brother, I do not believe it is any longer necessary.”

“No, I suppose it will not be.”

“What is on your mind?” he finally asked.

She set her wine aside and drew herself up. “I think it is best that I leave Seaford.”

She had always intended to.

“Tomorrow.”

Demetrius was certain that his heart seized and for a moment he could not breath because of the pain. “Why? You were going to remain until Twelfth Night.”

“I was, but I do not believe it is necessary.”

“Why is that?” he asked slowly.

“I came here for me, as you recall. To discover why I was dissatisfied.” She looked down and a small smile graced her lips. “I learned more than I could ever imagine, and discovered myths can be true.” She looked up and met his eyes. “I found happiness and friendship, but it is now time that I return to my life. My family needs me and I could tell from Octavia’s letter that she was worried by my sudden departure from the family.”

“You will be off to Kent where they are?”

She shook her head. “No. I want to take time in London, alone, to ponder what I may do next, and before they all return.”

“You cannot ponder such matters here?”

He did not want her to leave. Not yet.

Not ever.

But he always knew that Lavinia could never truly be his.

“Thank you for everything, Demetrius.” Her eyes watered with her sad smile. “I will never forget this holiday or the hours I spent with you.” She lifted a finger to wipe away a tear. I hope that you will always know just how special you are and how much I admire and respect you.”

He pulled a handkerchief from inside his coat and handed it to her, which she used to wipe her eyes.

“If you find that you do not like being a solicitor in Seaford, I am also certain that Leopold would once again welcome your counsel.”

“I wish you were not leaving yet.”

“It is for the best.”

Perhaps she was correct. He was so deeply in love with her that he was already hurting and it would only get worse.

Demetrius set his glass aside and stood. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning,” she answered.

She stood and he assumed it was to walk him out.

“I would like to thank you as well. I have discovered what I needed.” He tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. “It appears that we found not only the answers we needed but so much more.” With that he leaned in and kissed her gently. “I will always remember this holiday fondly and with happiness and it is because of you.” He kissed her gently again. “I will miss you, Lavinia.”

“And I you, Demetrius.”

He stared into her blue eyes, fighting all the words he wanted to say, but she clearly had made her decision that what they shared had come to an end. “I wish you safe travels, and I do hope that you come back and visit on occasion.”

Her smile was watery as she dabbed another tear.

He offered a nod, turned and walked out of Sea View for the last time, leaving his heart behind.