That Emerald Vow (The Crimson Creed #2)

15. Chapter Fifteen

L ily and I spend the whole car ride trying to process what just happened, but it takes that long just to share all we both learned during the conversations.

“How on earth did we find the two guys in this city who are also moonlighting as vigilantes?” I ask as I put my key in my front door. “Talk about fate.”

“It says a lot about this place and how horrific it is. Three kids from the same high school going through their own hell. But it makes sense that we were drawn to each other then and again now,” Lily says, walking in and turning to face me.

I stick my tongue out at Lily. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t rub it in that I didn’t know you all your life. You’re right. Like calls to like though, sometimes unconsciously,” I say, lost in my thoughts of how easily I am drawn to Damon. His laugh and comforting presence are like my own personal siren call.

Lily smiles at me—the first real one since we walked up to the Crimson Creed shop sign earlier. “I didn’t really know Damon well though. Sounds like you may know him better than me,” she says, winking at me.

I narrow my eyes at her. “Shut up.”

She chuckles. “Anyway, it seems all the situations were pretty intertwined. Ade’s dad was a creepy ass which got me and him on that path. You and Damon had your own shit with your respective families. D got pulled in through Ade and needing support with his mother. And you and I happened upon it that one day.”

We make our way to the kitchen, and I pull out all my takeout menus, needing some comfort food. “Well if I didn’t already think you and Ade were meant to be, I definitely do now.”

“Now you can shut up.” She smirks at me.

I’m glad they didn’t end up being traffickers like we thought. Killing my best friend’s ex may have been a bit complicated, especially when she is so clearly in love with him. But I’m happy for her.

“What about you and Damon?” I can feel her eyes boring into my face, but I bring my focus down and stare intently at the menus as I flip through them—not processing a single written word.

“There is no me and Damon,” I say, but even I don’t fully believe it.

A petite hand blocks my view and slams the menus into the granite countertop of my kitchen island. “Bitch, that is such a pile of horseshit. I’ve never seen two people click so fast. Not even Adrian and I did that. Our love stemmed from years of friendship. Yours stemmed from . . . I don’t know. Fate or whatever the fuck you said earlier.”

I grab her hand gently and move it away from the menus. “While I believe that fate brought us all together—that you and Ade are endgame, and that we can now all work together to end X— I am just happy with my best friend and two other friends I can kick ass with. I don’t need that ‘run off into the sunset with a happily ever after’ fairytale. I don’t want it. Especially not with Damon.” Those last words feel like razor blades coming out of my mouth.

“Really? That’s not what we spoke about literally the other day. Was that a lie? You all making googly eyes at each other the other day was a lie? Was the clear pain across your face earlier tonight also a lie?” She straightens up and stares at me, deadpan .

Putting the menus down—having given up on them—I put on my best fake smirk. “Do I want to fuck him? Sure. He’s hot and looks like a good time. Was I upset earlier? Duh, we were becoming friends. That’s. All.”

“Mm-hmm. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

Lily actually looks pissed. Leave it to my best friend to not take my shit. But I’m not ready to admit that today re-instilled the fear I’ve had since my ex. Damon is breaking through my walls, but I refuse to let them crumble to dust. I need to protect myself.

I continue. “Two broken people like that can never truly trust enough to be together in a real way.” Lily opens her mouth to argue. “And, no, as you pointed out. You and Ade have a lot of history—a foundation to build off of. I’m not interested in that shit. I’m here for a good time, not a long time when it comes to romance.”

“Char . . .” She moves towards me, her voice growing more gentle. “I don’t buy that.”

“Well, I do. Now let’s eat. I’m starving.” My chest feels like it’s being crushed with the weight of my own lies. I throw the menus towards Lily. “Pick something. I need to use the bathroom.”

I don’t let her say a word as I walk upstairs to my bedroom, closing the door and walking into the master bath. I close that door as well—needing the security of distance. If anyone can see through my bullshit, it’s Lily. And right now, I need a second to come back to my senses.

I walk to my vanity, seeing my reflection. Everything looks as pristine as when I left earlier. Mother taught me well. But I can see that broken girl if I look long enough at my reflection. I think that’s what scares me most. Damon pays so much attention to my eyes—looking straight into my darkened soul. He won’t like what he finds.

“No one will ever love you, Charlotte. You are unlovable.”

“You’re just a good lay for them. Nothing more. ”

Bending over the sink, I turn the water on and take my makeup off with micellar water as I wait for it to get really cold. I grab my cleanser and use the water to wash away my emotions from the long day. By the time I’m done with my nighttime routine, I feel more like myself. Or at least the version of me that I wear as armor—protecting me from feeling.

“I ordered us some Chinese,” Lily says as I walk back to my kitchen, where she sits on the bar stool.

“Thanks,” I say and go to grab us some drinks. “Iced tea? Water?”

“Water.” There’s a pause before she continues. “Okay. I want to push. But I also want to respect your needs. So I will ask you, and your ass better be honest. Push or pass?”

Push or pass is something we started using to challenge each other when we’re being stupid but also be respectful to not push too far too soon. We’re pretty attuned to each other, but sometimes we don’t know which option is best.

I turn to face her, gnawing my inner cheek, not knowing what I need. “P-pass.”

“Pass till later, not never. But okay. I’ll respect that.”

I let out a deep, relieving breath. “I love you.”

She leans forward on her arms. “I love you too, you dumb hoe,” she says, shaking her head. “I want to throttle you right now for being stupid. But I’ll allow it because today has been crazy.”

“You’re the dumb hoe,” I sass back at her.

“Well, duh. That’s why we’re soulmates.” She winks at me as I hand her the glass of water she wanted.

Soulmates aren’t just the romantic partners they talk about in all those movies and books. Soulmates are also those friendships that set your soul on fire. They are the person who will forever have your back with absolutely no judgment. Well . . . a little judgment of course. But they’re allowed to because they’re the only ones who’ll make you see reason .

I wink back at her just as we bust out chuckling—diffusing the tension in the room. We decide there has been enough talking and sharing for tonight and settle to watch a romantic comedy classic while we eat. Sometimes you need something mindless to help you just shut off and be in the moment. It’s what we both truly need. Everything else will be tomorrow’s problem.

I must admit, even though the movie is working its magic on me, I can’t help but imagine Damon and me instead of the two leads in some parts—my subconscious trying hard to shove my emotions at me. I’m fucked.

“Morning, babes,” Lily says as she hands me a cup of coffee—light and sweet just the way I like it. “I heard you shuffling around. Figured you’d need your liquid wake-up drug immediately.”

Dragging my feet, I go to take a seat on the couch. “You wouldn’t be wrong.” I take a careful sip of the hot latte, letting it warm me up. Working night shifts so often has completely fucked my sleep schedule, and I’m chronically exhausted. I don’t let people realize how much though by covering it up with my unhinged and bubbly personality. Never show weakness is a quiet lesson I learned from my family. “This is perfect, thank you!”

“Sooooo . . . we’ve both had a good night’s sleep to process,” she says with a raised eyebrow.

I roll my eyes at her. “I just woke up, woman.”

Smirking at me, she says, “Exactly. I’m keeping you on your toes so you can be honest with yourself about your feelings.” She takes a sip of her own coffee, looking all high and mighty.

“Ughhhh,” I groan as I fall deeper into my couch cushions.

“No, ‘ugh.’ You said pass. Now it’s time to push. I told you ‘later, not never’ and later is now,” she says, matter-of-factly.

I furrow my eyebrows at her with fake annoyance. I know I need her to help me figure out all of this emotional garbage, but I also don’t want to. The last two days have been full of more feelings than I’ve had to deal with in years. “Fiiine. But you’re taking me out to my favorite diner after.”

Now it’s her turn to roll her eyes at me. “Done, you big baby. Now spill. You and D. Why are we moving backwards?”

“Cause it’s too hard, Lils. It’s too much. I was wrong before,” I admit as I swirl the latte in my cup so my hands have something to do.

“Bu—”

“There’s no buts. This is a big step for me to want more, yes?” I look up at her.

“Yes.”

“This quickly got too complicated, and right now, I don’t need that. There are so many damn layers to this. I’m not gonna close myself off, but this is becoming too much too fast to also add the love”—my eyes go wide at my word choice—“I mean romantic relationship aspect.”

Love. Is that what I’m feeling?

“That may be why you have more reasons to give it a chance. Bigger risk equals bigger reward. You guys clearly have a connection.”

“We do. It’s been amazing getting to know him, and I’ll continue to do so. But I’m not gonna push it. If things happen in time then okay, but this is too much, too fast.”

“You’re right. I guess I’m just excited for you to be willing to put yourself out there. But it’ll come in time.”

“Exactly. Like, fuck, we all revealed some big secrets. We’re not about to run down the damn aisle.” Do I even see myself getting married? Definitely never did before.

“Haha. Okay.”

“I mean, if you and Ade want to though . . . I’m ready to be your maid of honor.” I playfully shove her knee.

“You’re absolutely too much.”

“I’m just right, baby.” We both start laughing as we embrace in a hug.

“We’ll be okay, it seems.”

I purse my lips thinking of the girls we were when we first met and who we are now. “Yeah, it seems we will.”

“I’m glad. It gives me hope.”

“Couldn’t have made it here without you,” I say as she squeezes me hard, which is all the response I need.

I hear my cell phone chirp over on the coffee table. Turning to look down and see who it is, an unwilling smile creeps up on my face. Damon.

Damon:

Hey, gem . . . Last night was heavy, and I wanted to check on you and let you know I’m thinking of you.

Damon:

Also thank you for listening and not running in the opposite direction. You truly are such a remarkable and precious woman who I’m so happy to have met. Have a good rest of your day.

Looking up, I see Lily trying to hide her grin behind her cup of coffee.

“Shut up!”

She lifts her hands in mock surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

I roll my eyes again as I look back to my phone, grinning from ear to ear even with the heavy pit in my stomach.

Why do people want to fall in love?

The fear of being hurt. The fear of losing someone. The fear of change. It sounds fucking terrible.

The quiet voice in my head says, But it also feels amazing.