Thawed Out (Merry Everything #4)

Chapter 5

5

F lynn owed him one.

When Kiren got out of bed the cabin was freezing. He added pellets to the stove and lit a few logs in the fireplace. Flynn hadn’t even stirred when he started a fire in the little pot belly stove in the bedroom.

He’d had breakfast and lunch; the cabin was toasty now and, although he’d been up for hours, he was glad that Flynn was sleeping in. Flynn could sleep all day for all he cared; his husband obviously needed the rest.

They had power back since it had stopped snowing, and the solar panels were doing their jobs, so now it was just a matter of waiting for the plow. That could take a day or two, but he was okay with that. They had good news for the kids when they could get out, and until then, Flynn could rest, and Kiren would feed him until he popped.

“Mmm…you started the fire.” Flynn wandered out, looking like a mummy. “What time is it?”

“Um…” He looked at his watch. “About four.” He got up, setting the book he was reading down on the coffee table. “Cold?”

“I guess?” Flynn came right to him, searching his eyes. “I didn’t dream it, right?”

He shook his head and smiled. “No, you didn’t dream that. Hopefully you dreamed lots of other good things. You slept right through lunch.”

“I only eat once a day if that, but I hate that I missed the time with you. I need to get us home for Christmas Eve. I need our babies to be with us.”

“If that? Since when? No wonder your jeans are falling right off you. I’ll make you a dinner you can’t refuse.” They would see the kids soon, but barring a miracle, it wasn’t going to be today.

“I just…haven’t been hungry.”

Which was why he’d wanted Flynn to see a therapist, dammit.

“Yeah, well, you burned up some calories last night.” He steered Flynn over to the couch to sit. “The snow stopped this morning, but the radio says the road is still not passable. Maybe tomorrow.” Hopefully tomorrow. He didn’t want to miss Christmas.

“I’ll get us down, if we have to snowshoe to the road and snowmobile the rest of the way…”

“We can’t snowmobile all the way home, baby, we need at least one car. Relax. We’ll get there.” Until then, they had uninterrupted time to snuggle and deal with their shit. He didn’t see a downside.

“Right.” Flynn reached for him, holding him close. “I just don’t want to disappoint you or the kids.”

“The kids are little. If we miss the actual day, I’ll tell Mom to say the next day is Christmas. They won’t even know.” He kind of liked the idea that any day could be Christmas.

Flynn chuckled softly. “Ho ho ho, Santa Daddy?”

He snorted. “How did you manage to make that sound so dirty?”

Flynn chuckled, the sound low and husky. “I’m pure sex, doncha know?”

“Oh, I know.” He nuzzled Flynn’s neck, inhaling the scent of man and lovemaking. “I very much know. I’d forgotten for a minute, but I won’t again.”

“Oh.” That earned him a surprised blink that melted into a warm, pleased little grin.

“So I’ve been thinking while you were sleeping.” He pulled Flynn to the couch in front of the fire. “Do you have more time off after Christmas? Or are you going right back to work?”

“Shit, I’m lucky if I have a job after this. I’ll just have to take shifts, but this next semester?” Flynn shrugged and offered him a little grin. “I’m working for free, for the most part, but I have a job offer starting as soon as I pass my boards. Eight to five, Monday through Friday.”

“Okay, well that’s good in a way. I was thinking that we should sit down after Christmas and work on our schedules so we’re on the same page. You know, family calendar and all that. If it’s about taking shifts at the hospital, then we’ll figure out the couple of times that you really need to be home so you’ll know when it’s all good.” They got off track because they were so busy they didn’t communicate, and Flynn was killing himself over it. He didn’t want that to happen again.

“It should be easier, right? When we’re both on the same basic schedule?”

Kiren nodded, then tilted his head. “Where are you going to work?”

“I got offered a position at a general practice—mostly the day-to-day stuff, but I will get to know my patients, and I’ll have the opportunity to come home. I can even do video visits from home.”

Wow. That sounded…great, actually. “Hey, that sounds like a good opportunity. So you took it?”

“Yeah. I mean, I have to finish this semester, pass my tests, but…yeah.” Flynn shrugged and smiled. “It’s why I went back to school, right?”

“It is. And you’re smiling about it now, so I like that better.” He kissed Flynn’s cheek. His husband was so handsome when he smiled.

“It was killing me. So much money and time, and I was scared I was going to fail…” Why hadn’t Flynn told him?

“I wish I’d known.” That sounded better than ‘why did you say something’ right? Maybe? “I could have helped.”

“I was ashamed, and then it was too late…”

What? “Too late? When did it become too late?”

“Well, once we started fighting, I guess?”

He sighed. “I’m not ashamed of you. I have never been. You shouldn’t be ashamed to be honest with me. Okay? Please?”

“You know that I’m not the best at school. I have to try a little harder than some of these folks, but I’m doing it. I did it. I did the schooling part. I’m going to ace the practicals.” Flynn squeezed his hand, holding on tight.

Kiran squeezed back. He wanted Flynn to understand. “I’m proud of you. I knew you could do it. I didn’t know it was so frustrating for you, though.”

“I was losing my mind. I swear to God, between the kids, school, the hospital, and our fights—I wanted to give up a few times.”

“When I showed up before the storm, you looked like you had.” He’d never seen anyone looking so thin and exhausted. “You’ve made yourself sick.”

“Yeah.”

No argument. No bullshit.

Just ‘yeah’.

He nodded and pulled Flynn closer. “Yeah.” What else was there to say? “I’m not going to let you do this again.”

“Okay. I can live with that. I just want to be able to spend time with all y’all.”

“We’ll just start over, that’s all. We’ll rebuild it, you know? Just…begin again. Fresh. New.” But with kids and a house.

“I can come home?”

Oh, God. How was that not clear to Flynn already? “Baby. Yes. God, yes.”

“Thank you.” Flynn let out a huge breath, his eyes closing. “I’m coming home.”

“You are home. This is home too. We have so many good memories here, don’t we?” He shifted and slid off the couch. “You know what you need? Food. Tell me what you’re craving.” He had one more day to feed his husband before they could head back to the kids, and he was going to use it well.

“Honestly? I would give about anything for your spaghetti. I dream about it, sometimes.”

“I can totally do that.” Maybe he could do a fakey garlic bread with some toast. “You should not need to be dreaming about food. Was money really that bad?”

“No. Yes. Sometimes I fed the kids and ate at the hospital.”

Shit. He’d been fine for money, and he’d had help from his parents with the kids. Flynn probably would have gotten some alimony, but…well. He was glad they didn’t have to go there anymore.

“Extra meatballs for you. Or whatever I can find.”

“There are hamburger patties in the cooler outside.” Flynn winked at him, gaze embarrassed. “I’m going to make good money once the summer’s here. I’m going to make good money, and there isn’t any debt from the school, so?—”

“We’re okay. I can get us that far. I just want you to focus on your boards and the kids.” And sleeping. And eating. And if he had to ask his parents for a little boost, he just would. They would understand, especially his mom. She adored Flynn.

They’d be okay.

“Are you dressed under there? Grab the beef for me?”

“Mmhmm.” Flynn winked at him. “I guess I can do that. You want another beer? There are four left.”

“Yes, please. Definitely. It’s not like we’re driving anywhere.” Which reminded him, he needed to call Mom.

He started the water boiling and got out some seasonings for the meatballs, then dialed Mom, putting the phone on speaker.

“Oh, thank goodness, Kiren. I was getting worried. Are you almost here?”

He rolled his eyes. “No, Mom. We’re still snowed in. I think we’ll be able to get out tomorrow.”

“Son! Should I call the state police? Are you all right? Is Flynn?”

“We’re fine, Mom. We have lots of food and wood. We’re good. And I mean… we’re good too. Flynn and I. You’ll see us both tomorrow.”

“What?” That was pure shock, and it made him chuckle. “Both? You mean…are you saying you’ll both be here to pick up the children?”

“I am. We’ll both be there tomorrow, and we’ll both be going back to the house.” He glanced up to find Flynn listening in. “Flynn is right here. Say hi, Mom.”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Flynn? Honey? Are you well? Are you ready for Christmas?”

“No? Yes? I just want to come home.”

“I’m so glad we’ll be seeing you. I hope Kiren is taking good care of you.”

“Mom!”

“What? I want you both happy and whole. Do you want to talk to the kids?”

“Yes,” he and Flynn said at the same time. He took the hamburger from Flynn and winked at him.

“Say hi to your daddies.”

“Hi, Daddy! Hi, Dad-Mom!”

“Hey, guys!”

“Are you snow—snow—snow-ded?”

“Snowed in,” Mom corrected gently.

“We are, but we’re together and safe. We miss y’all like crazy!” Flynn lit up. “Cr-aaaa-zy!”

“Cr-aaaa-zy!” The kids echoed. Kiren loved the way it made Flynn’s smile even brighter.

“Are you being good for Gramma?”

“Jas had to sit on the stairs.”

“Cas won’t take a bath!”

Mom sighed. “We’re fine. Don’t you two worry about anything. Just get back here safely tomorrow. Promise?”

“I’ll get him home. I swear, Mom. I’ll get him home.” Flynn chuckled. “You hooligans be good for Granny, do you hear me?”

Cas quickly said, “Yes, Daddy!” The raspberry in the background sounded like Jas.

“Jas, you need to take care of Gramma for me. Be a big boy okay?”

“Okay, Dad-Mom.”

“Okay. Good.” Mom chuckled. “I think I better make dinner; they’re getting hangry. We’ll see you tomorrow. Night, boys.”

Mom hung up, and he put his phone down.

“Those two.” He shook his head and got to work making meatballs.

“They’re amazing. What did you get them from Santa?” Flynn sat on one of the little rickety chairs.

“I got them bikes. Jas’s is a crazy bright green, and Cas’s is one of those balance ones that doesn’t have pedals. It’s cute.” Jas had been begging for a bike. “How about you?”

Flynn rolled his eyes. “I got them bikes. One green and one purple.”

Of course. Because they listened to their kids, and that’s what they would have done if they’d been together. “Yep. Purple. It’s her favorite color.” He grinned and Flynn grinned back, and then they were cracking up, laughing together like that hadn’t in over a year.

He shook his head, still chuckling. “I’ll return mine. We need more presents. We better stop on the way home tomorrow.”

“Are yours put together? Because mine aren’t. I was going to do it Christmas Eve…”

“Oh. No. Actually, I was going to do it yesterday, but—” He laughed again. “Nope. I guess we have some work to do tomorrow night.”

“It’ll go faster together. We can share a bottle of wine and play with tools.”

“I’m not sure it will go faster with wine, but it will be more fun at least.” He put the meatballs in a pan, and they started sizzling. “We are ridiculous, huh?”

“I think you’re amazing. I want you to believe that I am too. I need that.”

“I meant all the fighting; that was ridiculous. I do think you’re amazing, and I tried to prove it to you last night. We just have to—talk. Talk more. Be honest. Ask for help. Say our feelings are hurt. Whatever, you know? So we don’t end up here again.”

Flynn nodded to him. “I think you’re right. I think we have to be…vulnerable to one another. Open.”

Open. Yeah, that was the right word. And he needed to take better care of Flynn. He wasn’t going to say that out loud, but he knew. He’d known it when they were married, but with the kids and money and time…he’d forgotten. He’d forgotten how happy it made him when Flynn was happy.

“I can do that. Can you?”

“Yes. And if I don’t, ask me. I want us. I need us.”

He stepped around the kitchen island and pulled Flynn into a hug. “I love you. I’m not going to let this happen to us again.”

“Okay. I believe you.” Flynn held on tight, lips on his jaw. “I believe in us.”

He took a kiss that went on longer than he’d intended and pulled away with a smile. “Pasta. And then we should get on the radio and see when they plan to get us out tomorrow.”

Not if. When.

“Right. There are bicycles to build, and babies to kiss on.”

“How long do cowboys call their kids babies?” He teased as he stirred the meatballs around and put the spaghetti in the boiling water.

“Until the cowboys are in the grave.” There wasn’t a hint of hesitation.

He rolled his eyes. “So dramatic.”

“Yep, but it’s true. My momma still calls me her baby.” Flynn grinned at him, winked. “And I’m getting up there in years.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re a whole month older than I am. You’re ancient. A fossil.” Flynn loved to say he was old. Or maybe he just loved to hear Kiren tell him he wasn’t.

“Oooh. A fossil. Is that why I’m so hard?” Flynn waggled his eyebrows.

“No, that’s just your natural state when you’re around me because I am so sexy.” Kiran waggled his eyebrows and posed stupidly, making himself laugh.

“You so are.” It was amazing, to be watched like Flynn saw him.

“Okay. Set the table, find some candles, and we’ll do this up right.”

“Yeah, the solar lights aren’t going to hold up long, are they? We’ll be romantic.” Flynn dug out a set of candles, lit them, and put dishes on the table. “I’ll pull in a bucket of snow to melt for dishes after too.”

“Sounds good. The power’s been on and off if you want to charge your phone.”

“I’ll charge it in the truck tomorrow. It’s dead-dead, but the sat phone’s good.”

“Cool. My cell’s working obviously, we had power when I woke up.”

“Yeah, we got enough sun to charge us for a bit.” Flynn was so much more at home up here in the cabin than Kiren was. He’d spent every summer up here until he was grown. Then he’d been with the rodeo, traveling and doing sports medicine.

“Does it ever bother you, that you’re not traveling all the time? That you have a house, a job, a family?”

Flynn shot him a look. “Lots of rodeo jobs have a home, a day job, family, you know. And no, I did all this work to be with you guys more .”

“I just know you loved it. You probably miss all the action.” Flynn had started changing his whole life after they’d decided to get married. It was a lot to ask of someone.

“I missed being a part of something. I hated being always on the bottom rung of the ladder at the hospital. It was demoralizing as fuck.”

“I’m sorry. I wish you’d told me more, but I get it, I guess. We want to feel like we can handle things. Sometimes we can’t, you know?”

“Sometimes we can’t.” Flynn met his eyes. “I was so jealous of you. It felt like you were so together, and I just kept fucking up.”

“Looking like I have it together is my superpower.” Sometimes he did, but mostly he put on a good show. He was lucky; he had help. Flynn didn’t. “You kept trying, and you did it. That’s not fucking up, baby. That’s winning.”

“I am a good nurse. I’m really good. My patients are going to love me.”

“There you go. See? You’re amazing.” He’d gotten lucky in a way, deciding he wanted to teach. He just got a job, and he was doing it, and he loved it. The kids seemed to love him too. “It’s good to have that confidence and also that validation.”

“Well, part of it is hope, but the fact that I already have a position lined up is super positive.”

“Hope is good. So is spaghetti and meatballs. Sit, baby, let me feed you.” Kiran carried the bowls to the table and pulled out Flynn’s chair.

That was what they both needed. Some comfort food, and hope.