The Christmas Crush

Chapter 41

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

What’s the worst that could happen? Lawrence asked himself as he waited in the pressing crowd gathered for the tree lighting. Total and complete disgrace for one. No doubt every single person at tonight’s ceremony knew who Lawrence hoped to see running toward him. Sure, he’d told a limited few, but word had a habit of getting around New Hope in no time flat. Well, that was the price he had to pay for what he’d done. Even if she stood him up, he had to be proud of himself for taking the chance, for refusing to retreat into his shell to avoid disappointment.

Too bad Nana wasn’t up to the tree lighting this year. She would’ve stood by him, preventing him from fleeing. On this, her first full day out of the hospital, Nana had opted to rest at home and watch It’s a Wonderful Life on her ancient TV with Trey’s grandpa in the uncomfortable chair beside her.

Lawrence had picked them up split pea soup from the diner and brought them a plate of cookies, including Nana’s favorite: crisp molasses cookies. Nana drank her soup clasped in her working hand; Mr. Simmons helped her dab her mouth with a paper napkin. Meanwhile, Lawrence sat on Nana’s stiff sofa, knees bouncing with anticipation, forcing himself to watch the first half hour of the movie.

With each minute that passed, he tried to shore up some nerve for the night ahead. He couldn’t concentrate on the movie; though he’d seen it many times, the plot confused him. He could barely respond to Nana’s questions. Her voice sounded like it came from deep underwater. Everything seemed distant, like he was watching his own life from a remove, preoccupied with a dozen scenarios of how the night might play out.

Elena happy to see him. Elena standing him up. Elena coming to see him to announce to the entire town how terrible he was. How he would have to change his name and relocate.

Here at the tree lighting, he felt glad the temperature sat at twenty-eight degrees, because then people weren’t chatty. With his scarf wrapped high and his hat pulled low, he could be somewhat incognito, give off the impression he didn’t want to talk. He helped Carm set up a folding table outside the gazebo with cookies for the kids. Every time footsteps approached, he twisted around, expecting Elena.

“Mijo, take it easy,” Carm said, giving a little boy a candy cane cookie. “If you have a panic attack, you won’t be able to enjoy yourself.”

“I have to walk around.” Getting his body moving in the hopes of dispelling some energy was his best option for not dropping dead. He looked to the clock tower where he and Trey had once suspended the poor Santa decoration. Neither had lived that down, but maybe the legend of Lawrence Higgins getting dumped at the gazebo would take its place. Then he’d have to wait another almost decade until some new embarrassment made people forget about him and Elena.

A throng began to descend as the time for the lighting grew nearer. Yep, pretty much every person he’d ever known crowded into the square.

Voices grew louder the more people piled in, and he tried not to be bothered by all the talking, by the people jostling into him. A DJ on the town hall steps fiddled with a laptop, and then “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” blasted from speakers. A tangle of cords trailed down the stairs; the music shook around him.

His poor eyes got a break at least, since the lights were kept to a minimum to make the moment when Santa lit the tree more magical. He tipped his head back to look at the starry sky. Focusing on the points of light in the clear sky, he debated if this had been the worst idea ever. Would she even be able to find him in this horde? Was it too late to change the plan? Of course it was. Without the ability to call her, the odds of finding a way to tell her to meet at his place instead were beyond low.

Giggling children ran by him. One knocked into his left leg as they raced to see who could get to the live reindeer in a pen by the gazebo first. Poor animals. They usually enjoyed a peaceful life at the Christmas tree farm north of downtown. But they more than earned their keep when hundreds of children—sticky with candy, reeking of peppermint—descended on them at this event. He and Trey used to race to the reindeer every Christmas Eve. Thanks to his long legs, Lawrence always won. Maybe he could run through the streets, hope to catch Elena parking.

Parking. Dread sank his stomach. Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner? It became a complete nightmare parking for the ceremony. She’d end up spending the whole night looking for a spot, give up and go home. He wouldn’t be able to call for two more days, since he couldn’t get to the city for a phone until after the holiday. Stupid, stupid. This whole plan sucked. He’d gotten hung up on the idea of how romantic it would be to see her as the tree came to life, and he’d forgotten all the logistics.

Music wailed from the DJ booth, and he saw Mayor Montgomery taking a microphone. “Friends, neighbors, and visitors, New Hope welcomes you to our annual tree-lighting ceremony,” the mayor said. Frantically, Lawrence looked around, desperate to catch a glimpse of Elena. He saw a young woman with dark hair, but when she turned to listen to the mayor, it wasn’t Elena. Trying not to trample anyone, he pushed toward the gazebo. People ducked away from him when they saw him marching forward, a singular purpose plain on his face.

“We’re going to count down now. Kids, close your eyes. We need your magic to make this work. Eyes closed? Good. Now, please, make an extra-special wish to see Santa before he flies off in his sleigh to deliver presents,” Mayor Montgomery said. She turned to a village worker in tan coveralls, nodded. “Lights, please.”

The entire square went pitch dark; the music lowered, as he’d known it would. Somehow, he’d expected he would’ve found Elena before this moment. That fate would lead them together. Let him hold her hand and see her face when the lights came on. She loved holiday lights.

“Ten, nine, eight …,” the mayor and the crowd chanted. The only illumination now came from the fire truck as it crawled down a closed street to the center of the square. Children shrieked when they saw Santa in the swirling red lights. Applause broke out. Lawrence used the advantage of his height to try one last time to find Elena. Rose to the balls of his feet, stretched his neck until the muscles pulled.

Nothing.

No one.

Although he’d been a bundle of nerves, he’d still believed deep down that she would be here. He wished he’d had time to pump Pamela for information on how the cookie bouquet delivery had gone. Had the bouquet been discarded uneaten? No. He’d seen Elena with desserts. Even if she didn’t want to forgive him, she wouldn’t let good treats go to waste.

Santa waved to the crowd and mounted the steps to the gazebo, pausing to catch his breath on the second one. If Santa collapsed, even greater chaos would break out and he’d lose all hope of finding Elena. Not to mention the trauma for the children.

The man in front of Lawrence lifted a little girl with pigtails sticking out from her knit hat onto his shoulders, effectively cutting off Lawrence’s view. Lawrence wove around him, stubbed his toe on a loose cobblestone.

“One more countdown now that Santa is here,” Mayor Montgomery boomed. Lawrence knew they liked to whip up the audience with a second countdown, but he needed the lights on already to get a good look around.

His heart beat in his ears with each number. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six … Was this taking way longer than usual? Hurry up, let me see her . More clapping, cheering, loud as a stadium during a play-off game. Five, four …

Where are you, Elena?

Three, two …

One.

A gloved hand took his and the lights burst on, filling the square with color and warmth. He looked down and there she was, looking at him with big, dark, hopeful eyes. Everyone forgot the cold, cheering too loudly for Lawrence to be able to say any of the things he’d planned for days. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were red from the cold, and he put his hands on her face to protect her from the chill. To feel her again.

She reached up, wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her up and in. He didn’t need to say anything, and neither did she. What could either of them say that could say more than this kiss? Frosting-sweet lips on his. Many times in his life, he’d lived the magic of the tree lighting, buying into it less as he got older. This time, it felt truly enchanted in a way it never had before. He’d been wrong about a lot lately. For the first time, Elena in his arms, body against his, he realized he’d been wrong about New Hope. With Elena back beside him, it was a fantasyland. Better than the best dream.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Not as sorry as me.” She couldn’t possibly be as sorry as he was, or as happy. No one had ever been this happy. No one else had ever gotten to hold Elena like this, see the colorful lights flickering in her bright eyes.

“I missed you,” she murmured, her breath warm in his ear.

“Not as much as I missed you.” In truth, he had never missed anyone more. He breathed her in. He didn’t have to miss her anymore, or ever again. She was here, here in his arms. To stay.