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35. Ava

CHAPTER 35

AVA

Jo is fast asleep in the kiddie corner of the waiting room. I watch her brow furrow in her slumber. I have the best foresight of anyone I know, having predicted the success of many startups over the years–even to the point where I was begged to be on Shark Tank–but I did not see this coming. Jo’s reaction caught me so off guard that I could hardly argue with her in the moment. I was sure that what I was doing for her was right, but her words cut deep. She didn’t only accuse me of being selfish; she cruelly laid bare my agonizing inability to maintain close relationships. Is that what she thinks of me? And is she right?

The cup of coffee I’m pouring spills over onto my hand as I stare at her. I mutter to myself as I clean up my mess. One of many.

Carol walks in from the hallway, kindly pretending that she didn’t witness my coffee disaster. Instead, she looks at Jo.

“You did the right thing,” she tells me.

“It doesn’t feel like the right thing.”

“You didn’t have a choice, Ava. It was best to start fresh.” She pats my shoulder. “I swear, even you could’ve sunk your entire fortune into that thing. God knows Roger did.”

“He did? ”

“Oh my, yes. He put us into credit card debt for a while,” she says. “He went to every mechanic in the county and wore them all out of favors. But he loved that thing to death, so I supported him.”

“You’re a great partner,” I sigh.

“And you are, too, Ava. Jo’s just… having trouble seeing it.”

“I don’t understand why,” I say. “I’ve given her my all. And then some.”

Jo stirs in the corner and Carol and I freeze, but then she’s back to grumpy sleeping.

Carol ushers me to the hallway. “Come on, they’ve got better snacks out here.”

I follow her down the brightly-lit hall, buzzing with patients and nurses, to two vending machines. They’re each poorly stocked with nothing but Cheez-Its and Mountain Dew. I deduce that this is not in fact why she brought me here.

“Your and Jo’s relationship reminds me a bit of mine and Roger’s when we first started out,” she tells me. “Crackers?”

“Uh, no thanks,” I say. “How so?”

“When Roger moved back to Harmony Springs,” she puts some coins into the machine, “I wasn’t so sure of him at first.”

“No?”

“Nope. I was… dating someone else.” The crackers slingshot out of their compartment. “Named Leah.”

“Oh.” I never even assumed Carol might be something other than straight. And then it hits me.

“Wait, Leah from Sweet Foundations Leah?”

“Lovely Leah Betteny. We were dating off and on for a while before Roger came back to town.” She bends down to grab the cheesy treat from the machine. “My story is a lot like yours, but in reverse, if you will.”

Oh . “You were…?”

“A full-blown lesbian? Yep. ”

“Wow,” I laugh. I love the way this little town has kept me on my toes.

“When I met Roger, he cracked my stubborn sense of self wide open. I had a clear path set out, and falling for him wasn't part of it.”

I sigh. “That sounds somewhat… totally… familiar,” I admit. “What did Roger think?”

“My hesitation certainly troubled him,” Carol relays, “He wanted all of me, but I was clinging to an old version of myself.”

“How did you know the new version of yourself was the right one?”

Carol chuckles. “I realized there's rarely a ‘right’ in life, just paths we choose. Following my heart mattered more than any plan I had made, and it turned out that gender mattered less than love. Roger loved me more profoundly than anyone before, and reciprocating that was all I wanted.”

We start walking back down the hall as I process Carol’s story. When we reach the entrance to the waiting room, she turns to face me.

“I think,” she chooses her words carefully, “Jo is living in fear. About a few things, if we’re being honest, but you’re at the top of that list right now.”

Carol is trying to help, but she’s voicing what I’ve been worried about this whole time. My presence in Jo's life is a negative one. I've been grappling blindly for control–over my company, my future, my identity–and all I've done is project my inner turmoil onto Jo, who deserves so much better.

Jo still sleeps, the furrow gone from her brow. She seems at peace.

Carol watches me. “All is not lost,” she says, like she’s reading my thoughts.

Before I can correct her that actually all is lost, and that’s probably how it should be, a doctor walks into the waiting room. “Fisher family?” she calls .

“That’s us!” Carol shouts. Jo starts, nearly falling off her chair.

“You’ve got a very special Christmas present waiting for you,” the doctor says.

“I’m a grandma!” Carol exclaims as she bolts through the doors. Jo brushes off the sleep and follows her down the hall, not even a glance in my direction.

“Are you joining?” the doctor asks me.

“No,” I say. “I’m not family.”

I stare out the window of the private jet as Max snores quietly next to me.

“We’ll be landing in Los Angeles in about fifteen minutes. Skies are clear and it’s a beautiful seventy degrees…”

I hate the cold, but I’ve never wanted anything more than a cold winter’s day and my love to cuddle up with.

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