The Christmas You Crash (Going Rogue #2)

Chapter 41

forty-one

LEXI

“Does your father know?”

My face screws up in a look of pure how stupid do you think I am? “Fuck, no!”

Mom scowls. “Language, Alexis.”

Banging my head on the back of the chair, I groan. “Mom. I’m twenty-three. I can say fuck .”

“Don’t try to change the subject, young lady.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You started it!”

“Tell me everything,” my mom says. A severe frown mars her pretty face. And to think, I was worried about my dad finding out about Ryder and me. This may be worse.

So, I tell her everything. Well, not everything . She doesn’t need to know that Ryder saw my nips and nub within two minutes of meeting me. Or that I’ve never orgasmed harder than I do with him. Really, I avoid the topic of sex altogether. But I tell her plenty of other things.

Like how Ryder was the epitome of sweet and respectful. How he never pushed my boundaries or tried to take advantage of our situation. I tell her how he cut down a Christmas tree for me and decorated the cabin. I tell her how pissed he was on my behalf when Dad called him before contacting me on Christmas Day.

My stories soften her, but nothing I say can overcome the one glaring fault that may forever define Ryder in my mother’s eyes—he’s a hockey player. And on my dad’s team, to boot.

“You know what they’re like,” Mom says. Her tone is gentle, but her body is stiff and unyielding. She thinks I’m an idiot for falling for a hockey player. Especially a pro-hockey player.

I shake my head. “No, Mom. I know what Dad’s like. Ryder isn’t like him.”

“You can’t really know that yet, can you? It’s only been what, a month and a half?” Her shoulders slump, and suddenly, my mom looks tired. “Everything’s new, sweetie. He’ll be on his best behavior. I’m sure he calls and texts often right now, but a year or two down the road… After you’re married and raising a baby on your own and trapped in a life you never thought you’d have to navigate alone, who’s to say those calls won’t stop? Who’s to say he won’t just appear and disappear in your life whenever it’s convenient for him, like some kind of emotional poltergeist?”

I try not to flinch when she makes the comment about being trapped with a baby, because I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me. But damn. It still stings. She loves me and she’s always been there for me, but the sensation of being an obligation to both parents is like being stabbed in the gut.

But I also feel so sad for her. Sad for the young woman who married a man she was head over heels in love with. Sad for the woman who had big dreams for her life, only to watch them wither away into dry, brittle husks, then break apart on the wind. And maybe, for the first time, I feel a pulse of thankfulness for Jeff in all his awkwardness. Because it’s clear that he makes her feel loved and wanted. I can’t imagine how my dad’s neglect ate at her over the years.

I suppose I don’t even blame her for projecting those issues and fears onto me and my relationship with Ryder. But I don’t like the way a tiny splinter of doubt lodges into my heart. It’s understandable that she’s projecting, but it’s not fair.

“Oh, Mom.”

Blonde hair forms a curtain around her face as she hangs her head, resting it in her palms. “I just don’t want to see you hurt by another man who will pick hockey over you.”

The splinter digs in deeper.

“He’s not Dad.”

Her eyes are glassy when she looks up and meets my gaze. “I sure hope not.”

“He’s not.” Rubbing at my chest, I think about all the things Ryder has done to make me comfortable. Although he’s not crazy about keeping our relationship quiet, he’s never guilt-tripped me or tried to convince me to change my mind. He’s sworn his teammates to secrecy. He’s reassured me on more than one occasion that I’m important to him. “I actually think you’d really like him.”

Even under the scrutiny of my mom’s attention, a smile ghosts across my lips when I think about Ryder. I really like him. A lot. And I trust him. Trust doesn’t come easily to me. Which apparently runs in the family. Not even that pesky splinter of doubt can erase that trust.

“Does that mean things are serious enough that you want me to meet him?”

Are they? I haven’t really let myself go there, but I would like my mom to meet Ryder. I want her to see how good he is. “Yeah, Mom. I think they are.”

She blows a breath out through her nose. “Okay, then. You tell me when, and I’ll meet him.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

My mother reaches across the table and pats my hand. “Of course, sweetie. I just want you to know that, if things don’t work out with this boy, Jeff’s nephew is still an option.”

Right. Wonderful.

RYDER

God, I’ve missed her face. Lexi and I have talked and texted, but we got back to the hotel late last night, and she was asleep by the time I tried to video call. Yes, it’s only one night, but apparently, I’m addicted to this woman. I need to see her every single day.

“Hey, beautiful.” I flop back onto the too-hard hotel mattress and grin widely. It’s late, so I’m not surprised to find Lexi in bed, her blonde hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, her skin bare and glowing from whatever moisturizer she uses. She looks beautiful. Tired, but beautiful. Possibly a little stressed. “How are you?”

“Hi,” she murmurs with a hint of a smile. “I’m okay. How are you? That was a close game tonight.”

My chest expands. “You watched?”

“Course I did. Gotta cheer on my man.”

That Lexi watched the game at home alone is just as surprising to me as the fact that she showed up at our home game last week. It says a lot about her that she’s willing to support me and watch a game that evokes negative emotions and memories. And rightfully so. Once again, I think about how badly Coach has to have fucked up with her to get her to pull back from him the way she has. Because it seems like Lexi is the type of woman who shows up for the people she loves.

“What did you do today?” Her brows pinch slightly as soon as the question falls from my tongue. I’m not sure why it has my stomach twisting, but it does. Maybe because I’m hours away. If Lexi had a bad day, there’s not much I can do about it. I can’t swoop in and pull her into a hug. Reaching through a phone screen isn’t possible, so I can’t smooth the little furrow between her eyebrows before kissing it better. “You okay?”

“My mom stopped by for a visit. Completely unannounced.” Those pretty green eyes of Lexi’s roll. “I’ve kind of been avoiding her.”

Lexi hasn’t spoken too much about her mom. I get the sense that they’ve always been relatively close, but her mom’s relationship with this new guy seems to have thrown Lexi for a loop. Which I can understand. At the same time—having lost both of my parents—I’d give anything to have my mom show up unannounced at my place.

“How’d it go?”

My girl stares at me through the phone for a moment. A complex cocktail of emotions plays across her features. They’re there and gone in an instant. “I told her about you. About us.”

It’s so hard to keep my face blank. It really is. She told her mom about me? That’s good, right? That has to be a good sign.

Except, Lexi looks stressed. So maybe it’s not.

“And how did that go?” I ask her carefully.

“She was…” Lexi’s gaze dart to the side. As though she’s searching for the right word, and she’ll find it floating in the air beside her. “She’s not a huge fan of hockey players.”

Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. It sucks, but it doesn’t surprise me. Of course, Coach’s ex-wife feels the same sort of hesitation surrounding my sport that his daughter does. Hell, it’s likely she has even stronger negative feelings about it. It’s not ideal. Coach will probably kick my ass when he finds out I’m dating his daughter. In a perfect world, I’d at least have the support of my girlfriend’s mom. I’ll just have to do my best to win her over.

“I told her you’re a great guy. She thought it was sweet that you woke up early on Christmas morning to decorate the cabin.” Lexi worries at her lower lip with her teeth. “She just doesn’t want to see me hurt.”

Understandable. “I wish I could promise that I’ll never hurt you,” I say solemnly. “But no relationship is perfect or painless. I’ll screw up at some point. It’s inevitable. But I can promise I’ll do my best to be the man you need. I promise I’ll be there for you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you or let you down.”

“I know,” she whispers. She’s solemn. Serious. “I don’t want to hurt you or let you down, either.” Lexi pauses just long enough to tug her comforter up around her. “My mom doesn’t talk much about what it was like being married to my dad. I think she doesn’t want to pit me against him or anything, you know?”

I nod.

“But she said some things today that made me realize she was probably much lonelier than I ever realized. And that she felt my dad’s neglect well before it ever hit me that he wasn’t there most of the time. It’s difficult to look past your own personal experiences in a situation like that.”

“Don’t worry, OTG. I get that.” And I do. I don’t love it, but I get it.

“You broke past my preconceptions, though.” The furrow between Lexi’s brown eyebrows smooths out. “I’m sure you’ll be able to do the same thing with my mom.”

I really hope I can. Some part of me—the orphaned part—always dreamed that when I found the right woman, her parents would love me too. And I am really starting to believe that Lexi is the right woman. It’s probably too soon to be thinking that way, but right now, when she’s thousands of miles away, it’s becoming painfully clear that she’s already begun to feel like home .

Nowhere has felt like home since my dad died.

The closest I’ve come is being on the ice with the Rogues, but that’s not the same as having a place of rest to call my own. Home sure as hell isn’t the apartment I share with my teammate, Aaron. He’s a great guy and a solid roommate, but he’s got his own friends and family. When I first moved in with him, I had this idealistic fantasy that we’d become best friends and do everything together. But that hasn’t come to pass, and it never will. Some of the more senior guys on the team have taken me under their wing, and they’re including me more as the season goes on. Still, it’s not quite what I’ve been searching for, even though it comes close.

But Lexi. Something about Lexi feels so familiar. She calls to me. Like her soul holds a missing piece of my own, and the restless, searching thing inside my chest settles in her presence. It’s so much more than physical attraction. And yeah, Lexi’s beautiful. I’m constantly hard around her. When she welcomes me into her body, it’s practically a spiritual experience. And yet, even if something happened and I could never touch her or taste her again, I would still choose to be with her. Because I’m pretty sure she’s it for me. She’s my person.

So, I want her mom to love me. I want Coach to accept our relationship and support it. The idea of having parents in my life again—even though no one could ever replace my own—is something I long for. Probably more than even I realize. Maybe that’s not in the cards with Lexi’s parents.

But I’m willing to work for it. Especially since I know how painful it is to lose your parents, and I don’t want that for Lexi.

My beautiful girlfriend’s lips twist with worry and nerves. “Think you’d be up for having dinner with my mom and Jeff when you’re back home?”

I don’t even hesitate.

“Of course, OTG. I can’t wait to meet them.”