The Christmas You Crash (Going Rogue #2)

Chapter 40

forty

LEXI

Ryder has been gone for three days, and I’m grumpy as hell.

My roommate, Sarah, has been blissfully busy with her classes and part-time job, and I almost consider calling and picking up more waitressing shifts. It would give me something to do besides studying and scrubbing the bathroom today.

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my jeans pocket as fast as possible. I don’t want to miss a text from Ryder.

Except, it’s not my boyfriend.

Mom

Sweetheart, are you going to call me back? I’ve been trying to reach you all week. I miss you.

Guilt gnaws at my gut, but I don’t answer. Instead, I stare at the message and try to figure out how to appease my mom without being dragged to a dinner with Jeff. I love my mom. She did her best to make sure I didn’t feel my dad’s absence throughout my childhood. Every softball game as a small child, every play as a teenager, I could always count on her being right there in the front row, cheering me on. And I don’t even blame her for ditching my dad and finding someone who will pay attention to her and be there when she needs him. I just wish she’d left dad and then found a replacement. As it is, the awkwardness of how she and Jeff met weirds me the hell out.

I know I need to get over it. I’m just not there yet.

Me

Sorry, Mom. I’m out with some friends right now. Talk soon?

There. Hopefully, that buys me some time.

My phone vibrates again.

Mom

Oh, yeah? What are you girls up to today?

Dammit. I’m not a great liar.

Me

I wanted to see that new rom-com that just came out in the theaters, so I dragged my roommate along with me.

Mom

That sounds like fun, sweetie. Just one question?

What’s up?

If you’re out at a movie, why is your car here?

Three rapid knocks on my apartment door have me shrieking. I press a palm to my racing heart. “Shit.”

A familiar voice cuts through my moment of panic. “Alexis Genevieve Cross, I know you’re in there. I heard you scream.”

Well played, Mom. Well played.

Head hanging, I shuffle through the apartment and steel myself with one deep breath. And then I open the door to let my mother in.

Kelly Cross sweeps in with her blonde, shoulder-length hair perfectly styled in loose waves, a full face of tastefully done makeup, and her hazel eyes narrowed on me the way only a mother can. She looks good, but she always does. She may be fifty-two, but I swear the woman doesn’t look a day over forty. I can only hope I inherit her genes. She dyes her hair to maintain the blonde and ward off the grays she occasionally complains about, but even if she let them grow in, they wouldn’t detract from her beauty.

I’m happy to see her. I am. Unfortunately for my mom, I’m also living up to Ryder’s nickname for me.

“What are you doing here, Mom?” I stick my head out of the apartment door and into the hallway, looking for Jeff. My shoulders sag with relief when I don’t see or hear him. “Where’s Jeff?”

Shrugging out of her cherry-red pea coat, my mom rolls her eyes. “He’s at home, watching some game. You know how I feel about sports, so I had to get out of the house. And since I haven’t seen or heard from my daughter since Christmas, here I am.”

Shit. Has it really been that long? Guilt wiggles through my gut like a handful of earthworms. When my mom drapes her coat over the back of the couch, I close the distance between us and pull her into a hug. Her hair muffles my voice when I say, “Sorry, Mom. I’ve been busy.”

“Sure,” she says wryly. “And it has nothing to do with my boyfriend?”

I so don’t want to talk about Jeff right now. My mom deserves to be loved, and even though I don’t like how they met, the man seems to make her happy. I can even admit he’s nice. Despite his awkward attempts to play dad. I roll my eyes before pulling away from our hug so she doesn’t see.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, young lady.”

Jesus. Does she have eyes in the back of her head? Are all moms practitioners of the dark arts, and that’s what allows them to know what their children are up to at all times, even when said children are trying to be sneaky? Grinning sheepishly, I pull away. “Sorry.”

Mom sighs, her cheeks twitching as she fights a smile. “It’s okay, Lexi. I just miss you.”

“I know. I miss you too.” I move into the kitchen. “Tea?”

“Sure, sweetie.”

We fall into silence while I fill the kettle and put it on the stove. Readying two mugs with peppermint tea bags, I turn back to my mom, who has settled in at our little dining table. “So, how was Christmas with Jeff and his family?”

A genuine smile overtakes my mom’s face. She practically lights up. “It was great, actually. His sister and her husband were there with their kids. They have a boy and a girl about your age. You’ll really like them. And Jeff got me the prettiest little necklace.” She gently tugs at a white gold chain around her neck, revealing a diamond pendant tucked beneath the collar of her cream-colored sweater.

“Wow,” I say. “It’s really pretty, Mom.” She beams. “Sorry I wasn’t there.”

Mom grabs my hand when I sit across from her and smiles ruefully. “No need to apologize. I know it’s strange. Though I do hope you give Jeff a chance at some point.” Her hazel eyes go distant. “I love him, you know? And he really loves me, Lexi. I forgot what it felt like to have someone love me like that.”

My heart squeezes. My mom did a good job putting on a brave face and hiding the worst of her loneliness from me as a kid. But now, as an adult? I no longer see my childhood through rose-colored lenses. For all intents and purposes, my mom was a single parent. Sure, my dad paid the bills and made enough money that we didn’t lack for anything, but he was never present. He didn’t tuck me in past the age of five or so, didn’t kiss boo-boos or make lunches. He didn’t do any of the mental and emotional labor. And he neglected my mom in every way, outside of his financial provision.

As annoyed as I get when Jeff calls me kiddo , I can tell he adores my mom. And she deserves to be adored.

I suck in a deep breath and chastise myself. I need to do better. It’s not my place to judge my mom for how she and Jeff met. He’s clearly not going anywhere, so I will make an effort. Mom deserves to be happy. I give her hand a squeeze. “Sorry, Mom. I will, moving forward. Promise.”

The way her whole face illuminates at that sends another pang of guilt through me. Damn. I need to do better.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me. Jeff’s family always does a big Valentine’s dinner. They serve steak and fancy deserts. I’d love it if you come, honey.”

My mind goes to Ryder. I have a boyfriend now. And they don’t have a game on Valentine’s Day. I know because I checked. But I can’t tell my mom that. “Um, is it on the actual date of Valentine’s Day? Because I’m not sure I can make that work.”

“Why not?” Hazel eyes narrow at me.

“I have plans, Mom.”

She stares at me, waiting for me to elaborate. When I don’t, she shakes her head. “No, honey, it’s not on Valentine’s Day itself. Dinner will be the weekend after.”

“Oh. I should be able to swing that, then.” Please don’t dig into this, Mom.

“ Did you meet some boy at school?”

Not at school, no. “ Nope.”

“You’re being weird, honey.”

That makes me laugh. She’s not wrong. “It’s just a strange situation, that’s all. I’ll get used to it.”

Her face softens. “I know it is. And I’m sorry if you’ve felt like you have to be in the middle of things between your father and me.” She pauses. “Have you seen your dad at all lately?”

If anyone understands the depths of my disappointment with my father, it’s the woman sitting across the table from me. The woman whose disappointment forms a deeper chasm than my own.

“No. No, I haven’t.” Neither of us speaks for a couple of minutes, because what is there to say? Nothing that hasn’t been uttered before. And nothing that will alter the state of things.

“You know, Jeff’s nephew is an engineer. And he’s single.” A devious twinkle sparks in my mom’s eyes. “He’ll be at the Valentine’s dinner.”

Oh, geez. Here we go. I’m relieved when the tea kettle screams at me from the kitchen so I can give Mom my back and hide my expression. “Mom, no.”

“He’s cute, Lexi. Blond and tall. Almost six feet, I think.”

I try not to chuckle. Almost six feet doesn’t have the same impact now that it would have had a couple of months ago. Not that she knows that. “I’m not interested, Mom.”

“Jeff showed Henry your picture, and he thought you were pretty. Henry is his nephew’s name, of course.”

“Mom. No.” Exasperated, I pour steaming water into the two mugs. Even still, my lips twitch as I repress a smile. “I don’t want to be set up.”

“Oh, but honey, the two of you would be so cute together. Come on, just give him a chance. One date, and if you don’t like him, that’s okay.”

Laughing, I roll my eyes at my mom over my shoulder. “I’m not going on a date with him. But thank you for telling me it’s okay if I don’t like someone. I feel so much better now.”

“Alexis, really. You’re a beautiful woman. You’re smart, driven, and fun. Even if you are a little macabre, what with your obsession with murder mysteries.” That part, she says more to herself than me. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I grin. “Henry could stab me in the heart while we’re out on some mediocre date, carve it out of my chest, and eat it in lieu of dinner?”

My mom stares flatly at me. It’s her why are you the way you are look. It makes me laugh so hard that I take a whole minute to calm myself enough to carry the two steaming mugs over to the table without spilling them on my hands and scalding myself.

“Sometimes I worry about you.”

“And that’s why you’re trying to set me up with strangers who could murder me?”

“ Alexis .” She shakes her head. “Seriously, honey. Henry is a nice man. He’s sweet and cute, and I don’t see any good reason you can’t give him two hours of your life to see if you’re compatible.”

I love my mom; I do. But annoyance is quickly replacing the humor I found in this situation. Which is why I blurt out, “How about because I have a boyfriend? That’s a pretty good reason not to go on a date with a rando, isn’t it?”

Oops.

My mother’s eyes go wide, her mouth drops open, and her fingers twitch around her mug. A million thoughts per second are flying through her head, and I can practically see them. Excitement that I have a boyfriend, hurt that I didn’t tell her about him, worry that he’s not good enough, and a brief moment of wondering whether we will choose a spring or summer wedding.

Then her wide eyes narrow and pin me in place. “What do you mean, you have a boyfriend?”

I sink into my chair. “Um, I thought the statement was fairly self-explanatory?”

“Don’t sass me, young lady. You have a boyfriend and didn’t tell me? When did you meet this man?” Momterrogation mode initiated.

Oh shit.

My shoulders bunch up to my ears. “Over Christmas break?”

She arches one eyebrow. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling. I met him over Christmas break.”

“Where?”

“Uh, up in Two Harbors.”

That has her gaping at me. “You went up to the cabin for Christmas? Alone? Alexis, there was a blizzard . You could have been in danger.”

Oh, man. This is not going to go over well

“Yeah. It definitely could have gotten hairy. But I wasn’t alone.” I watch my mom, who is silent, press her lips together in a firm line. “I mean, I went up there alone, but there was someone in the cabin.”

“What?” My mom’s shout rings out through the apartment.

“It’s okay, Mom, it’s not a big deal. It’s just that Dad had given the keys to one of his players to stay there for the week. And he showed up while I was out in the hot tub.”

Mom leans forward, her elbows on the table. “Alexis Cross. Tell me your boyfriend is not a player on your dad’s hockey team.”

I shrink down in my seat so only my nose and eyes are visible above the surface of the table. Clearing my throat, I say, “Sorry, Mom. Can’t. He’s one of the players on Dad’s hockey team.”

Here we go.