The Coast is Clear (Breakaway Shores #1)

Izzy

Best Friend

I lay beside Christian and tried to remember when he got so big. His body was all long limbs, and it had to have been just the other day that he was a tiny baby. He held his Daddy stuffed animal to his chest, and his chest rose and fell steadily. He was asleep, I hoped. I’d been lying here for the past fifteen minutes. Zander had spent the day with us, giving in to every whim that the boys came up with.

First, they insisted that he play football with them. Then, we stomped through the house as dinosaurs and went down to the beach. We’d been to the beach every day for the last few days, and I was sure there was a few pounds of sand in my car. Zander had sold the boys on the idea of a dinosaur movie night with popcorn, and there was no changing their mind. Kingston had gone to bed without any complaints; we’d tired him out.

I began to move out of Christian’s bed, the wood squeaking underneath me. “Mommy,” his little voice whispered.

“Yes, baby?” I stopped moving, my eyes on his face. He looked so much like Jack.

He kept his eyes closed. “Do you still love Daddy?”

My heart leaped at the question, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get a handle on this. “I will always love Daddy. He was my best friend.”

“Like I’m your best friend?”

I smiled, placing my hand on top of his, “Yes, just like you’re my best friend.”

A moment passed before he said, “Is Zander your best friend, too?”

It was something impossible to explain to your six-year-old. Someday, we’d be able to talk about it and share with him how hard it has been. “He might be, yeah. He’s a really good friend.” It was true. Zander made me feel taken care of. He made me feel wanted, and like I was more than just a mom. He made me laugh again.

“I like him. He’s good at football.” I loved the way a child’s mind worked. They didn’t see things with so many qualifications as adults. They didn’t go down every avenue of what could go wrong. Christian just knew that Zander was good at football and that he liked him. “Why does Kingston call him Daddy Z now? ”

Another hard one. “Well, your brother never met Daddy. We talk about him all the time, but Daddy died before Kingston was born. So, I think Zander is his best friend and he sort of thinks of him like a dad. Does it bother you?”

Christian kind of grunted and then rolled over. “Should I call him Daddy Zander now, too?”

“That’s up to you, babes. Whatever you want to do is fine with me. But you don’t have to just because Kingston does.” He rolled back over, and I scooted off Christian’s bed before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you. Daddy loves you. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

I left the room, closing his door quietly and slowly. Zander sat up against the wall, his phone in his hand. He looked up at me and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Eavesdropping?”

“Didn’t mean to,” Zander chuckled and twirled his phone around.

I extended him a hand, and he stood, intertwining his fingers with mine. We walked down the stairs and into the living room. The TV was still on, and the kids' cartoon dinosaur movie was playing. I turned the volume down and sat on the couch. Zander sat next to me, pulling my legs over his. “You know that you have an out, you know? I don’t want you to take it, but we haven’t really talked about what you’re going to do yet.”

His hand stiffened on my leg, and he eyed me seriously, “An out?”

I regretted saying it. It was stupid after the conversation we had a few days ago. “You’re moving…” I let the words drift off.

“Right,” he nodded.

“Right?” I asked.

Zander let his head fall back onto the top of the couch, his finger slowly making circles around my knee, where the bare skin showed through the hole in my jeans. “I said I was going to, yeah. But that was before…”

“Before I messed up your plans?” I tried to have the words come out playful, but I didn’t know if I hit the tone right.

His eyes flickered up to mine. “I don’t even really know what my plan was. I’ve just kind of been floundering since Dee left for school. So much of my purpose is gone, and now I just can do whatever I want. But it doesn’t feel as free as it probably should.” The movement of his fingers felt like fire on my skin.

“What makes you happy?” He glowered at me like he knew where I was going with my question. “I’m serious. You don’t have to ever work again, I’m assuming. But if you had to do something, would you want it to center around football? Start a foundation and run camps for kids around the country. There, problem solved. Or host that show with your friends. Boom.”

Zander laid his palm over my knee, and my insides missed the light touch of his fingers. “Those aren’t bad ideas.”

“I don’t have any bad ideas,” I joked, feeling the tone of our conversation lighten .

“I don’t want to overstep though. This was your big move, your fresh start with the boys. I want to be here, though. I mean, I really like my house, but I’m still willing to let you guys have it. So long as I’m welcome. I’m all in, Iz.” Zander’s words came out rushed, his eyes stuck on mine. I felt like I didn’t have any breath to answer. He wanted me. He wanted my kids, too. I’m not sure there was anything that could have made me want him more in that moment. I swung my leg over him, straddling his lap, and his hands found their place on my hips. “This feels familiar.”

“I want to be here with you, too. I really do,” I answered, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips into mine.