The Damaged Hearts Bargain (Tetherington Hearts #2)

Chapter Thirty

L ucy’s eyes felt like they’d been scalded with hot teaspoons. Her nose was stuffed up, and her throat was raw. It didn’t help that Billy was looking at her like she was some kind of wounded war hero.

“What about tea then?” he asked.

“Fine, yes, tea,” said Lucy, as much to get rid of him for five minutes than for anything else.

He went off into the kitchen and she sighed as best she could with a stuck nose.

It hurt, of course it hurt. Not that she’d really had a break up before, but she’d always imagined that they were painful. You come to love and trust someone and then those feelings are up-ended and tangled up with recriminations and regrets.

Not like this though, she thought to herself. Not this kind of soul pain. This had to be different. This had to be something worse, more severe.

She’d cried the whole walk home and had only tried to contain herself once she got to the front door, knowing that Billy would be home too. It had done no good though, he’d taken one look at her and gone into Mother Hen mode.

The problem was that her head understood everything. She got what Cal was talking about. Logically, she could understand why Cal would want to call things off. Not that things had ever been permanent. Her heart, on the other hand, seemed to think that it had been punctured by various small, sharp knives and was bleeding to death inside her chest.

“Here you go,” Billy said, putting a cup of hot, sweet tea down beside her. It seemed out of place in the sunny garden, on a small wooden table between two striped deckchairs.

“Thanks,” Lucy said numbly.

Billy sighed as he sat. “I know it hurts, Luce. But sometimes you have to realize that relationships end. In fact, not just sometimes. All the time. Every relationship ends, one of you dies or one of you leaves, that’s the way of things.”

“Helpful, thanks.”

He smiled at her. “I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I’m just…” He cleared his throat and tried a different direction. “Why are you so upset?”

“Because Cal doesn’t want to be with me. Because for a second there I thought that maybe I’d found my person.”

“Someone that you’ve known for all of a couple of weeks?” Billy asked gently.

“What does time have to do with it?” Lucy asked right back. “If you know, you know, right? And we fit together so nicely.”

“It’s not all about the physical side of things.”

“I wasn’t talking about sex,” Lucy said. She picked up her tea and stared dismally into it. “I meant that we fit together all the way. She made me feel comfortable in a way I haven’t felt comfortable before. It’s hard to explain.”

Billy sipped at his own tea. “You were very determined to find someone,” he said carefully. “It was important to you to pair off this summer.”

“What of it?”

“Are you truly upset because of what happened? Or are you upset because this didn’t end the way you wanted it to end?”

Lucy felt herself growing warm on the inside. She could honestly say that she’d never been angry with Billy before. Not with sweet, helpful, lovely Billy. But just at this second she could cheerfully murder him.

“Of course things didn’t end the way I wanted them to end. If I went into every relationship thinking that I’d get dumped then I wouldn’t get into any relationships at all, would I?” she snapped.

“So you are angry because things didn’t go the way you wanted them to,” poked Billy, a strangely even look on his face.

“I’m angry because it’s not fair,” Lucy said, almost shouting, the anger boiling up in her stomach. “I’m angry and hurt because none of this is fair, because it shouldn’t go this way. Not for me, but for her. I’m angry for Cal. Because it’s so unfair that something that happened almost two decades ago has scarred her so badly that she can’t let herself be happy now even for a minute.”

Billy just looked at her.

“I’m angry because I could do this, Bill. I could do this and be happy. I know it, I can see it. We could be together and we would be happy, without all of this drama hanging over Cal’s head. I’m angry because I can see our future the way it could be and because I want nothing more than to see her smile, Bill, is that so wrong?”

Billy wiped his face and then shook his head. “No, Luce. No, it’s not wrong at all. In fact, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone heart-broken for someone else.”

Lucy calmed a little. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that sitting here and crying and complaining about the lack of fairness is all par for the course,” Billy said. “But being upset because someone else can’t have the happiness that you think they deserve, that’s…” He bit his lip and shook his head. “I’m sorry if I implied any different, Luce. You really love her, don’t you?”

“Is that what this is?” Lucy asked, choking back a sob. “Because if this is what love feels like it’s really, really fucking over-rated.”

Billy put his cup down and took her hand. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I truly am. I wish I could do something to make you feel better, but I don’t think anyone can. If this is the end of things, then it’s the end. You can’t go through life trying to get people to change their minds all the time. If Cal thinks that she can’t do this, then you have to respect that.”

Which didn’t help at all. It just made the hole that had been opening up in her stomach get wider and deeper.

“I was going to wait until later,” Billy said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out an envelope. “At least until George was home. But I think maybe you could use this now. George and I got you a present.” He handed the envelope over.

Lucy opened it and stared down at the contents.

“It’s a train ticket to London,” Billy said. “We thought you might be a bit nervous about the whole residency thing and leaving and going some place that you don’t know that well. So we’ve booked you a weekend away so you can get used to things. The tickets are there and the Art Institute is happy to have you stay and look over the amenities for a couple of nights.”

Lucy’s lip was wobbling again. She sniffed as hard as she could to stop the tears coming back again. “Thank you, Billy,” she said. She’d never had someone be so considerate of her, someone to do such nice things for her.

“Just so long as you come back,” he said. “We don’t want you going for good. If you’re going to be a famous artist then you can’t forget where you come from.”

“I don’t come from here at all,” Lucy reminded him.

“Oh, but you do now.” He leaned forward. “You’re a part of the town, Lucy. We’d all be lost without you. And it would be a huge loss if you left and didn’t come back. This is your home now, please don’t forget that.”

A home.

How odd that a small little word like that could mean so much.

She was wrapping Billy in a tight hug when her phone rang. She dropped him like he was hot because it could be Cal, couldn’t it? Maybe she’d changed her mind.

Billy rolled his eyes and picked up the tea mugs to take back into the kitchen as Lucy realized that she didn’t recognize the number calling at all.

“Hello?” she said tentatively .

“I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think that the whole town was falling apart without me there. It’s sort of flattering, really,” Pen said in a crackling voice from the other side of the world.

“Pen?” Lucy said, collapsing back into her deckchair.

“I know, I know. But Billy told George and George told me and I can’t leave you sitting there all sad by yourself,” said Pen.

“George told you?” Lucy asked. “He’s forbidden all of us from any contact with you whatsoever, says you need privacy on your honeymoon.”

“Well, he’s been texting twice a day,” Pen laughed.

Lucy relaxed a little. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

“I wouldn’t let you do this alone, Lucy, you know that. Now, George has given me all the dirty details, whispered in secret by Billy over the phone when I assume he was making you hot, sweet tea because he’s English. And I don’t have all the time in the world, so let’s get down to business.”

“Right,” Lucy said.

“You’re sad and hurt and all the rest of it,” Pen said. “I need you to be honest now. Is there even a little bit of relief that this is over?”

“Not a shred,” Lucy said immediately.

“And I assume Billy has covered the ‘every relationship ends’ speech?”

“He has.”

“Alright, then I’m here to tell you that you’re a big, brave girl and nobody does things without your consent. If this is not an ending for you, then you should act on that.”

“What? I need to chase her down at the airport, that sort of thing?” asked Lucy, confused.

“Is she going to the airport?” asked Pen, more confused. “Where is she going?”

“No, I mean, never mind. What did you mean?”

“I mean that we all make bad decisions for ourselves everyday. Maybe your Cal has made a bad decision for herself. I’m not suggesting that you stalk her. I’m just saying that if it’s within your power to change things to make yourself happy, then you should do whatever it takes.”

“Right,” Lucy said unsurely.

“If it’s not, it’s not. If this is an ending, then the hurt will fade over time. But we all get to write our own endings, Luce. Just look at me.”

“Right,” Lucy said again.

“And if I don’t go now, Ash is going to be the color of a lobster out there on the beach by herself. Look after yourself, Lucy. I mean that most literally.”

And she was gone.