The Dirty Saint (Dirty #1)

4. Chapter Four

4

Chapter Four

Before

EZRA

6 years ago

He touched me. I have never been touched by a man like that before.

It is soft. Gentle. The caressing of my cheek with the padding of his fingertips. Butterflies fill my stomach, a warm sensation trickling down into my private area.

Caleb Santo, the son of one of the wealthiest men in the world, wants me. Me. Every girl I know has a crush on the guy, but here he is, standing in front of me, with his shirt torn off and pants unzipped. I giggle as I see the outline of his erection.

My whole life, I have been told that boys and girls can not interact until marriage. My parents’ first kiss was on their wedding day. This little intimate moment I am having right now is heavily frowned upon.

But I don’t care. I am so sick of other people’s beliefs dictating my own decisions.

So, let God punish me. And let him look down on me for finding pleasure in the grace of a man’s hands exploring my skin.

“God, Ezra, you are so fucking beautiful.” Caleb trails a finger along my pelvis, and I arch my back, inching to get closer to his touch.

“And you haven’t even seen anything yet,” I smile against his mouth, sliding my skirt down to reveal my red, lacey panties.

He grins. “You’re wet.”

I take a quick peak between his legs.

Caleb kisses my neck, and I moan, which sends a beautiful feeling running inside my body.

Finally, I am breaking away from the rules that have kept me caged like some violent animal. I don’t have to hide my body or cover my skin; no, now I am free to show off what I have always been told has to be concealed.

“You have protection, right,” I ask, sending soft kisses against Caleb’s jaw. It feels a little foolish, the question almost childlike, but getting pregnant is no way to keep a relationship hidden.

“We don’t need protection,” Caleb slides his hand inside my panties, pulling them down to my knees.

“Wait,” I say, grabbing a hold of his hand.

“God, Ezra, don’t be such a prude. We’ll be fine, don’t worry—”

I place my hands on Caleb’s chest, pushing him away from me so that I can slide out from underneath his body.

“Hey, watch your mouth with me,” I demand, smoothing out my hair. “You’re not gonna be the one tied down to a baby if your stupid pull-out method fails. I am not having sex with you without protection.”

Caleb’s eyes grow heavy with anger, and the gentle, sweet boy who had been so good to me just minutes before vanishes. Lifting a hand to my face, he brings it straight down onto my nose, causing my head to rear back. Blood fills my mouth.

“You son of a bitch,” I scream, tears lining the lids of my eyes. “I, I, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m going home.”

“No,” Caleb barks, pushing me back down with such force it makes my skin burn, “you aren’t going anywhere.”

“Caleb, please, let me go.”

In this moment, I can’t move, can’t think, can’t see. It is as if my anxiety has blinded me.

“Shut up!”

Caleb wraps his hand around my throat, and it is only then that I realize that I had been praying out loud.

“God isn’t coming to help you.”

“You are a sick fuck,” I cry, my stomach churning. “And you won’t get away with this.”

I will myself to look away as Caleb quickly pulls his boxers down, his bare penis hard and aching for action.

“Oh, Ezra, sweet, sweet Ezra,” he whispers in my ear, “I think I just did.”

* * *

After

“It’s nice to meet you, Ezra,” Dr. Safiya says, her hands folded onto her lap.

I look around the room, “You too.”

Dr. Safiya then puts her pen and paper down and sets her eyes on me. “It’s okay if you’re nervous.”

I shake my head. “I don’t get nervous.”

She nods.

“It’s okay if you are, though.”

I pull at my fingers and scrape the dirt from my nails. “Yeah.”

My eyes glance all over the place because, well, I don’t want to be here.

“I am only doing this because the army told me I can’t be re-enlisted without it. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings.”

“Therapy is not easy, so I get it. Really. I do.”

This time I nod my head in understanding.

“Well, why don’t we start from the beginning? Why don’t you start by telling me about your kidnapping?”

I suck on my bottom lip, trying to keep my nerves from getting the better of me.

“I was taken at a funeral. By a man who had been hired to kill me.”

“And why was he hired to kill you,” Dr. Safiya asks.

Because I killed his boss’s son.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I guess some people are just crazy.”

Dr. Safiya scribbles some notes down on the paper attached to her clipboard.

“What about your time in captivity? What was that like?”

It was fucking hell.

I take a breath, unable to meet her eyes.

“I was raped and tortured for over a month, which I know doesn’t sound like a long time, but when you’re living in fear and constantly anticipating death, it feels like a lifetime.”

“What kept you going?”

“My son,” I answer. “He’s the only thing that was worth coming home to.”

A tear trickles down my cheek, and I swipe it away with my finger. Dr. Safiya passes me the box of tissues, but I decline.

Have I mentioned I hate this?

“You sound like a wonderful mom, Ezra.”

I smile. “Thank you.”

Dr. Safiya returns the smile.

“What’s your son’s name?”

“Noah.”

“That’s a beautiful name.”

We sit in silence for a few more minutes, and I watch the time pass. I’ve already revealed more than I would have liked.

“Ezra, I have one more question.”

“Okay.”

“It says here in your file that you lost your husband a few weeks before you were assigned to a classified mission several years ago. Do you mind talking about him?”

My body suddenly fills with a nasty hatred, and I have to steady myself on the couch in hopes of not falling off.

“Christian,” I fill in. “That’s the man you’re referring to. And no, I do not want to talk about his death. I didn’t come here today to talk about him. I came here so I could put in the hours, and the army could give me my job back.”

Dr Safiya unfolds her hands, her eyes steadily focused on me.

“Ezra, my job is to help you work through what has happened as a whole. Not just the kidnapping.”

I scoff.

Like, I give a shit.

“My husband is an off-limits topic. Not because I’m sad or in denial, so you can stop writing that on your damn notes sheet.

“Look, Dr. Safiya, you don’t need to put me back together piece by piece. I’ll never be who I was before, and I’ve accepted that. So should you.”

“I want to help you, Ezra. If you’ll let me, I’d like to help you.”

“You wanna know what I’d like?” I ask. “I’d like to have everything I have ever lost.”

Dr. Safiya looks at me with sadness in her eyes, like I’m so fucking broken and too far gone.

“It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling,” she says. “It’s normal.”

I scorn.

“Really? It’s normal to be in so much pain you can barely think straight? It’s normal to wake up in the morning and pray to God that you find the strength to make it through the day? It’s normal to fantasize about being in that basement again, all chained up and starved and being violated every time you opened your fucking eyes just so you can have another moment with the man you loved?”

I shake my head.

“That doesn’t seem so normal to me.”

During

JOEY

I hear her cries all the way from my bedroom. She tries to hide them and cover them in silence, but she fails.

After tossing and turning, I realize that sleep is not going to be coming along anytime soon, so I decide to hop out of bed and pay a visit to the soldier.

“How are you doing?” I ask, dumping out her piss bucket in the sink.

“I’m fine.”

She says it with so much clarity that I almost buy it.

“Ezra—”

“I’m fine,” she repeats.

I shake my head, sitting down next to her. She scooches away from me.

“You don’t have to lie,” I assure her.

Ezra turns to look at me, and I catch a glimpse of the humanness in her eyes.

“What benefit is there for me to lie,” she shakes her head. “Lying isn’t going to keep me alive.”

“Here.” I toss her a chocolate bar, but she lets it fall to the floor.

“I don’t take candy from strange assholes who take me hostage,” she hisses.

“Just eat the damn bar, Ezra.”

Though adamant, the Lieutenant picks up the chocolate and unwraps it. She plops a singular piece on her tongue and then swallows.

“You’re not getting a thank you from me, by the way.”

“Noted.”

“Oh, and you can keep trying to get me to fess up to whatever you think I’ve supposedly done, but I’m not telling you shit.”

I clear my throat.

“I think you forget who has the power here, Ezra.”

“Who chains people up in their basement? Is this some new fetish I’ve never heard of before?”

“What? No,” I say, slightly disgusted. “Where the hell did you even come up with that?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m not ashamed,” I snap.

Ezra makes a face.

“Sure looks like you are.”

I roll my eyes.

She’s like a fucking child.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying? Like to your face?”

Ezra crumples up the chocolate wrapper and places it in her piss bucket, doubling it as a garbage can.

“I bet women are disappointed and bored when they have sex with you. Like, they see you, and they think you’re probably skilled enough in bed, but then they have one of the worst experiences of their life, and they can’t explain why.”

I close my eyes, hoping that if I click my heels three times, I’ll get transported out of there.

Someone please come and shoot me.

“By the way,” Ezra beams, “I can see your dick sticking up in your pants.”

Mortified—“What?” I take a peek at my front section.

It takes me a moment to figure out the fucking trap I just walked into.

You have got to be kidding me.

“That wasn’t funny,” I bark.

“Maybe not to you.”

Before I can say something else, Dom strolls into the cell with two of my other men.

“It’s good to see you, Ezra,” he says.

“Can’t say the same,” she grins. “Now, who have you brought with you today?”

Dom signals for the men to come over to her. One crouches down and starts to unbutton Ezra’s pants.

“You lay a finger on me,” she breathes, “And I will snap it like a fucking twig.”

Dom glances over at me, watching as my men touch her body.

Ezra then grunts, kicking at them with as much force as the restraints will allow.

“The more you fight, the harder you’re making this for yourself.”

“Fucking son of a fucking bitch; get off of me,” she screams. “Psycho pricks!”

Dom, grinning, rests his head in between her legs, brushing his lips along her inner thigh. “You’re so beautiful, Ezra.” Tears sting the rim of her eyes. “It almost makes me feel bad for what I am about to do to you.”

“You fucking monster,” she roars.

When Dom’s finger lingers over her lips, Ezra bites down, blood filling her mouth.

“Fuck. You stupid bitch.” He slaps her across the face. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

She turns away for a moment and then turns back towards me.

“You want a turn?”

I cross my arms over my chest, ignoring her taunt.

“What do you know about Caleb Santo?”

Ezra’s sexy smirk suddenly turns to a nasty, hate-filled frown.

“Answer,” Tono yanks on her arm, “The question.”

“Bite me,” Ezra breathes before flipping him off.

Without much time to react, Tono grabs Ezra’s hand, bending back her middle finger until we all hear a snap. Ezra lets out an earth-shattering scream.

I repeat my question, losing patience.

“What do you know about Caleb Santo?”

Ezra coughs, “I know that he’s a male, but that’s it.” Fucking smart ass.

“Anything else?”

She holds up her broken finger and grins.

“I’m also presuming he’s dead by the way you’re talking about him.”

I make my way over to her.

“And you’re sure that that’s all,” I ask.

“Oh,” she perks up. “I must have left out the part where he has a small cock, just like the four of you.”