The Dirty Saint (Dirty #1)

5. Chapter Five

5

Chapter Five

Before/After

EZRA

January 6th, 2018

Dear Diary,

I have been waking up every morning, screaming, sweating, feeling Caleb deep inside me. It is a haunting feeling. I hate it. I keep hoping it will go away with time, but it’s been two weeks, and the pain is still lingering.

I haven’t told anyone. Not my friends. Or family. I feel like if I keep it a secret, then somehow it will be like it never happened.

Caleb and I haven’t had contact since that day. I see him in school, passing by in the hallway, but we avoid eye contact at all costs. I don’t even know what we would talk about anymore. He fucking ruined everything.

I feel so dirty. I shower every day, trying to scrub his whole body and scent off my skin. But I still feel so gross. Hideous. I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.

He touched me. I had never been touched by a man like that before. It was gentle. Tender. And sweet. How could it have gone so horribly wrong?

A few days ago, I started cutting myself. I’m not suicidal; at least, I don’t think I am. I guess I just needed something to help relieve all the pain and angst. I don’t know if it’s been working, but it’s something to keep me distracted. Suck up my time.

I know I probably shouldn’t feel bad for myself. Far worse things have happened to people. But still. It isn’t fair.

One day, I will make sure Caleb Santo pays for what he did to me. And one day, I plan on hurting him just like he hurt me.

Present Day

I stand naked in front of the mirror, examining all the parts of my body. My towel has dropped to the floor, and I didn’t care enough to pick it up, so here I am, exposed fully to myself.

I trace a finger over my C-section scar. God, what a special day that was.

Next to it lies the aftermath of what I was forced to survive.

I don’t regret how I kept myself alive because, for whatever reason, my ways worked. I made it out. Maybe not with all my previous pieces intact, but at least I’m not sharing hell with Caleb Santo.

I take another glance at my stomach. Noah . I should have been smarter for my son. That is the only guilt I will grow with as the years go on.

Deciding to head into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat, I wrap a towel around myself. I hear Noah playing with his toys.

“Hey, bud, what are you—”

I immediately freeze in place when he and I lock eyes. My heart suddenly bursts into a screaming fit.

The man grins.

“Hi, Ez. How’ve you been?”

During

JOEY

Killian Morago has always been a jealous little prick. Even as young kids growing up in the same town and at the same school, he was always causing some form of trouble.

He thought he was invincible because his dad was some wealthy, powerful drug lord who could get convicted criminals to crumble under his stare.

But Killian, on the other hand, didn’t quite inherit his father’s ‘charm.’

“So did she say anything?”

“About Caleb,” I shake my head.

The only reason Killian is on my team is because Michael told me I had to otherwise I wouldn’t be getting a penny for my services.

I’m still surprised we haven’t managed to kill each other yet.

The smug bastard rolls his eyes. “What a fucking cunt. She’s lucky I don’t strap a knife to my dick and take her from behind with it.”

An uncalled-for wave of protectiveness washes over me and nearly pushes me off balance. I send Killian a nasty look, but the prick is too much of a moron to put two—and—two together.

“I’m just saying: we need to up our game if Ezra Maya is going to confess.”

“And we will,” I say. “But fucking her in the ass with a knife is not the way to do it.”

When it comes to torturing someone, you have to be strategic. You have to have a plan.

A good plan.

“Hey, Killian,” I turn to him. “Wipe that pompous look off your face before I come over there and fucking cut it off,” I snap.

That finally seems to shut him up.

“Can I at least have another stab at her, boss?”

I cough up a groan.

Guess I spoke too soon.

* * *

“Would you like to talk now,” I ask.

Ezra shakes her head. “There isn’t anything to talk about, Joey.”

“You really expect me to believe that?”

“Believe me or don’t,” she says. “I couldn’t care less. But you aren’t just here to watch me, so what is it you really want?”

I walk over, and she doesn’t even flinch when I come within inches of her.

“I think we both know what I want,” I whisper.

She looks up at me, not an ounce of emotion in her eyes.

“Your boy already took care of that.”

I take a step back, confused.

“What are you talking about?”

Ezra returns the puzzled look.

“Oh, so you’re telling me you’re not the one who put him up to it? How stupid do you think I am? Wait. Don’t answer that.”

When I don’t say anything further, she looks at me, a bewildered expression written all over her face.

“You really have no idea, do you?”

“If I did, would I be asking?”

Ezra nods, clicking her tongue.

“Killian came into the cell around an hour ago, where he raped me.”

Anger suddenly ripples through me like electricity.

“He started from top to bottom. First, it was my mouth. Then it was my vagina. The finisher was my ass.

“Now, he can tell you all he wants that it was consensual, but the last thing I would ever do is willingly be intimate with that man.”

I cannot explain why, but the outrage I feel seems strong enough to turn my bones to complete dust. I swallow the sour taste that has crept into my mouth.

“Did he do anything else,” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“Nothing that hasn’t already been done before.”

“Jesus.”

I have to look away from her.

“So if that’s what you want,” Ezra says to me. “Have at it. I’ve been through this enough times with men who wouldn’t have gotten it if they didn’t just take it themselves.”

“I didn’t come here to rape you, Ezra,” I take a step back so she’ll know it’s not a lie. “I came here to talk about Caleb Santo.”

“And I told you I wasn’t saying anything. Look, I don’t know what you think you know, but—”

“You killed him, didn’t you?”

Ezra runs her pointer and thumb across her lips.

“Like I said, I’m not talking. Try all you want, though. Hell, send in the old guy to have some fun with me. Because I can tell you that whatever answers you’re hoping to find, I promise they won’t be coming from me.”

* * *

“My father went on a business trip there an—”

I grab Killian by his shirt lapel and slam his face onto the table.

“Did you rape her,” I bark. My men are all looking at me, but I don’t give a shit. I’m fucking furious right now. “Answer the damn question! Did you, or did you not, rape Ezra?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Outraged, I take a small knife out of my pocket and start to carve an E into Killian’s skin, ignoring his screams.

“Wanna talk now,” I hiss. “Because if not, I’m happy to spell out the word until you do.”

Killian spits on me.

I inch my face closer to his.

“You do that again, and your days on earth are numbered.”

We do not rape anyone. That is not how we get people to talk. I despise rapists with everything I have and will sure as fuck not have one on my team.

“Fine. If that’s how you want to play the game, then that’s how we’ll play it. Dom, mind grabbing me an extra set of chains? It’s time I teach this son of a bitch a lesson.”