The Dirty Saint (Dirty #1)

15. Chapter Fifteen

15

Chapter Fifteen

After

EZRA

“How are doing, Ezra,” Nadia Odeh asks while she finishes making dinner.

“I’m okay,” I answer. “Just trying to get through the day one step at a time.”

Nadia nods, her eyes unable to look up at me.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “For everything. I should have known what my son had gotten himself involved in.” She wipes a tear. “I really thought I had raised him better.”

I grab Nadia’s hand and squeeze it lightly.

“Mom, can you— Oh, fuck, sorry. I didn’t realize you two were having a moment.”

I grin as Santi Odeh, Joey’s youngest brother, makes his way into the kitchen.

“You came at the perfect time,” I assure him.

“So then I said, ‘Honey boo bear, there’s no reason to be so sad. We all gain a little weight.’”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“Little brother, are you aware of your stupidity?” Manni Odeh, Joey’s oldest brother, asks as he cuts up his son David’s grapes. “I mean, seriously, how did you think your girlfriend was going to react?”

“I thought I was being helpful. Hey, what would you do?”

Manni looks at his pregnant wife, Eva, and smiles before brushing a soft kiss against her lips.

“I would say she’s beautiful and leave it at that.”

“Whatever.” Santi crosses his arms and slumps in his chair.

Suddenly, David jumps out of his seat mid-chew.

“Davi—”

“Hey, Noah, I just got the new Minecraft game. Wanna play?”

Noah’s eyes light up, and he looks at me for approval.

“Please, Mom. I ate my food. See?”

He shows me his empty plate.

“You have to thank Mrs. Odeh first. Then you can go off with David,” I say.

Noah smiles and gives Nadia a big hug. She kisses him on the top of his head.

“It was delicious, Mrs. Odeh. Thank you so much for having me over.”

Nadia grins, “You are very welcome, Noah. And please, call me Nana.”

The two little boys run off, squealing and giggling.

“You have quite a lovely son, Ezra,” Eva says.

“Thank you. That means a lot. ”

She smiles. “I’m glad you two came into our family. Even if the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal.”

Manni Odeh shoots me a look.

“Looks like little brother did well.”

* * *

“Hey, bud, why don’t you go wash up, and then I’ll read you a story?”

Noah nods and makes a beeline for his bathroom.

I smile and then begin rummaging through stacks of mail before a voice rips through me. I immediately retrieve my gun, pointing it at my—

Mother.

“Jesus, Mom, what the hell are you doing,” I snap. “I could have shot you!”

Giselle Maya crosses her arms over her chest and crosses her ankles, left over right. “You wanna tell me why you didn’t show up for family dinner?”

“I forgot,” I answer, setting my gun down, my hands still shaking. “Noah and I were invited to the Odehs and—”

“Oh, you mean the family of the man who abducted you?”

I shake my head as I tear open a few envelopes of spam mail and throw them in the trash can, “Did you just come here to insult me? Because if you did, you could have done that on the phone. Gives the exact same effect.”

My mother gets up from my couch, finishing her glass of wine, “I’m simply looking out for you, Ezra. I don’t want my grandson— or my daughter—to be around psychos who breed psycho children.”

I walk to the fridge. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“What more is there to know,” my mother shouts.

I turn around, my back pressed to the countertop.

“You wanna know the real reason why I skipped out on family dinner, Mom? It’s because of you. ”

“Oh, come on, Ez, the dramatics now? Really?”

I chew my bottom lip before continuing. “You think I want to sit around the table and listen to you judge every one of my decisions? You don’t like how I’m raising Noah who, by the way, is my son. You have issues with who I bring him around, even though the people he is around care about him.

“You break into my home just to tell me I’m not a good mother. Then again, how could I be when my role model was you?”

The room goes silent.

I wipe away a speck of dust from the corner of my eye. “When was the last time you called me just to say hi or that you loved me? When was the last time you appreciated me?”

“You are punishing me for stuff that happened years ago, Ezra. I’ve changed .”

“Sure you have,” I say. “You’re right. That’s one thing about you, Mom; you are always right.”

“There is no need for sarcasm, young lady.”

“Let me ask you something, Mom. When you found out I was taken, did you even shed a tear?”

“Of course I did. You are my daughter !”

“Then why didn’t you do everything you could to get me back,” my voice cracks.

“I was locked away for almost two months. Fifty-two days, to be exact, and in that time, I experienced the absolute worst things you could imagine.”

I take a deep breath, collecting myself.

“Look, Mom, I’m glad you care about Nathaniel and Aurelia and Beatrice and Jude. It makes me happy. Really. But don’t you think for two seconds that I don’t recognize how different a mother I got than they did.”

Years of abuse I suffered at the hands of the woman who was supposed to love me and protect me.

“Oh, and you wanna make jabs at the Odehs,” I sneer. “Go for it. I can’t stop you. But I will tell you that they embraced Noah and me with open arms. In fact, Joey’s nephew David calls me Aunt Ezra, and Noah calls Joey’s brothers and sister-in-law Uncle Santi, Uncle Manni, and Aunt Eva. I didn’t make him. No, he did that on his own because he recognizes that they are now family.

“And that he and I are theirs.”

Giselle Maya’s lips have formed into what appears to be a neutral expression, but I know my mother.

She’s fuming.

“If that’s the case,” she smoothes out her blouse, “then that would make the Santos family, too. So, should I call up Nancy and schedule a plan? Or would that be inappropriate?”

“You are such a bitch ,” I bark. “Bringing up those people in my home. Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Doesn’t feel good, does it, Ezra?”

I shake my head, mere seconds away from blowing up.

“Do you get enjoyment out of this?”

“It’s like trying to convince a damn plant ,” my mother mumbles.

I roll my eyes.

“I should have let Killian kill me when he was on the phone with you and Dad. Maybe then you’d feel empathy towards me.”

“Do not talk about that,” my mother snaps.

“Why,” I demand. “It happened.”

“Because—” Her voice catches in her throat. “Because I don’t want to be reminded of that.”

“How do you think I feel every day,” I ask. “I don’t want to remember any of it, but I don’t have a damn choice!”

I am gripping my countertop so hard that my knuckles have turned white. Tears are now spilling down my cheeks, but I simply let them.

I don’t have the energy to brush them away.

“But, God, I wish I did.”

My mother bobs her head up and down, not saying a word.

“Aren’t you gonna respond,” I ask.

“What do you want from me, Ezra,” my mother cries.

“I—” I collect my thoughts. “I want you to care. ”

“I do care.”

“But you don’t. You don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keep throwing Caleb in my face. Acting as if he and his family are God’s gifts to the universe.”

Nancy Santo is a fine lady, don’t get me wrong, but she has always hidden behind her husband like a puppy and its owner.

And you all know about Caleb and his father.

“Mom, I get that the Santos mean a lot to you. At one point, they meant a lot to me too. But after everything that has occurred, how can you still respect them? How can you act as if they’re perfect? Especially to me?”

My mother thrums a finger against the inside of her wrist. “I should have fought harder for you, Ezra Evaline.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your father and I discussed sending you away for treatment, but then we decided not to. Now I think we made the wrong decision.”

I huff. “When was this? Right after I was rescued?”

My mother doesn’t utter an answer, but she doesn’t have to. Her silence is more than enough.

“I am a grown-ass adult, and yet you continue to treat me like a child. Figures. You stopped paying me any attention at five, so it would make sense that’s how you see me still.”

Tears gather in the corner of my mother’s eyes.

“Where did my little girl go,” she whispers.

“She grew up. She clawed her way out of the trenches, and she became what no one thought she ever could. She became me .”