The Duchess Takes it All

Chapter Sixteen

Tamsin poured the tea, her eyes flickering to her friends every now and then as she passed everyone’s cups around. No one had really spoken a word since Lavinia, Georgie, and Kitty had arrived on her doorstep that evening. But every glance her way was full of curiosity. And amusement. She knew they were near to bursting wanting to pepper her with questions about what had befallen the night before. Tamsin was frankly surprised they hadn’t started speaking over one another the moment they’d entered the drawing room. But instead, everyone waited, politely sipping their tea, their eyes meeting each other’s and flickering to her and then back to one another’s.

Tamsin had thought to put them out of their misery, but it was far too much fun to watch them all watching her. Plus, she wanted to see how long it would take before one of them broke. And who it would be. Her money was on Georgie. She was the most outspoken by far. Then again, Lavinia was the one with the most experience with men of the three. But Kitty was the one to whom they turned for gossip, so she was just as likely as the rest to speak fir—

“All right, I cannot wait any longer,” Nigel said, coming fully into the room.

They all glanced at him in surprise.

“Lord Bainbridge,” Tamsin said, rising to welcome him. “Do come in. I’m sorry, I hadn’t realized you’d arrived.”

“Yes, yes,” he said, waving at her to sit back down as he dropped into a chair. “I told your footman not to say anything. And then beat him to the door so I could keep him from doing so. I was hoping to catch a bit of juicy tattle before announcing my presence, but for some reason no one seems to be talking about that which we all want to know the most.”

Tamsin raised her brows. “And what would that be?”

“What happened last night?” he said, nearly in unison with everyone else.

Tamsin glanced around at her friends, who all sat on the edge of their seats staring at her.

Now that the moment had come, Tamsin found herself more than a little reluctant to share the details of her escapades. At least with so large a group. It just wasn’t seemly to speak of such intimate moments.

Though she wanted to, desperately. Lavinia, and apparently Georgie, though she would never ask her, had much more experience in this area than Tamsin, even though she was a widow. What did it mean? She wasn’t so naive to think that Christian had never kissed anyone before. He was a man. A wealthy, very handsome, and well-traveled man. He likely had a string of mistresses all across the Continent.

And if that was the case, then perhaps what had occurred between them the night before didn’t mean as much to him as it had meant to her.

But…oh, it had seemed to. The way he had looked into her eyes. The way he had kept her pressed so tightly to his chest. Surely, it wasn’t just sport for him?

Perhaps Nigel was the best one to ask, despite how utterly inappropriate that would be. But he would certainly have more insight into this particular situation than the women did. Not that she ever could actually ask him.

“Your Grace?” Lady Kitty said, her amused smile making Tamsin realize she’d been sitting in silence while her mind had been spinning.

“I…” She cleared her throat, her cheeks flushing hotly. “Nothing occurred last night.”

A chorus of protests erupted, and she chuckled into her teacup. “That I can discuss in polite company,” she added.

Nigel snorted. “I can assure you, Your Grace, our company is the furthest thing from polite, at least in this instance, as one could wish.”

She met Lavinia’s gaze, silently begging her for help. Her dear friend smiled and put her cup down. “All right, everyone. I think we’ve encroached on our dear duchess’s hospitality enough for one day.”

There were plenty of groans and sighs, but her friends all stood and said their goodbyes. Tamsin rose to walk them to the door. Well, most of them. Lavinia stayed in her seat.

Nigel glanced over his shoulder, his eyes going wide as he saw Lavinia. “Well, that’s hardly fai—”

“Come along, Nigel,” Kitty said, taking him by the arm. “You can ride home with us and leave your horse for Livy. I’m sure she’ll be along shortly.”

Lavinia waved to him, laughing at his incredulous gasp, as Tamsin closed the door. She could hear him arguing all the way through the foyer to the front door.

Tamsin retook her seat, chuckling along with Lavinia, before letting out a deep sigh and settling back in her chair.

“So. What really happened last night?” Lavinia asked.

Tamsin shook her head. “I truly do not know.”

Lavinia gave her the look that statement deserved, and Tamsin let out a quick laugh. “I mean to say, I do know…but I do not know what it means.”

“Hmm, yes, that is difficult. Though I would perhaps know more how to counsel you if you would share what passed between you.” Lavinia gave her a wry smile, and Tamsin laughed again.

“Forgive me. I’ve never had anyone with whom to speak of such things. My mother wouldn’t have considered it a topic of polite conversation. But…surely women do speak of these things, between one another, at least?”

“And by these things, you mean…”

Tamsin threw up her hands. “Oh, very well, then, he kissed me. He came upon me staring at the moon and crying like an absolute ninny and he pulled me close, wiped my tears away, made me feel as if I were the most cherished person in the world, and then he kissed me and made me feel things that I…that I…”

Lavinia leaned forward and took her hand, eyes wide. “That you what?”

Tamsin let out a long, tremulous sigh and slumped back against the sofa. “That I have never felt before. That I didn’t even know it was possible to feel.”

Lavinia grinned at her so widely Tamsin nearly laughed. “Oh, I’m so glad,” she said, pulling Tamsin into an exuberant hug. “As a friend, though,” she said, releasing Tamsin, “I would be remiss if I didn’t caution you against engaging in such…activities in so public a place.”

Tamsin sighed and nodded. “Yes, I know. It will not happen again. We were just…overcome, I suppose. It just happened.”

“Hmmm, yes, that sort of thing does have a tendency to occur.”

Tamsin blushed furiously, and Lavinia laughed. “So you’ve never felt such things before?” Lavinia asked. “With your husband?”

Tamsin frowned slightly and shook her head. “Rupert was…kind enough. But he never touched me in such a way that Lord Rauchberg did. He was…” Her brow furrowed, trying to find the right word to describe her relations with her husband. “Efficient, I suppose would be the best word.”

Lavinia’s mouth dropped open, and she quickly snapped it shut, nodding her head. “I see.”

Tamsin sighed again. “With Rupert, it was something I endured. Not that he ever hurt me or treated me ill. But he was old enough to be my grandfather. His visits were certainly not something to which I looked forward. I never dreamed that something as simple as a kiss could make me feel so…so…”

“Alive? Wonderful? Excited?” Lavinia helpfully supplied.

“Yes! Any of them. All of them.” She covered her mouth with her fingers, quickly sobering. “Am I horribly wanton, then? Sinful?”

“What? No!” Lavinia took her hands and leaned forward to look Tamsin in the eye. “You are not wanton. And enjoying the company of a handsome gentleman is not sinful, no matter what the vicar might tell you.”

Tamsin nodded, but her brow remained creased. “We are not wed, though. Nor even betrothed. Nor will we ever be.”

“And neither are men with the great many women most of them consort with, yet no one chastises them for their dalliances.”

Tamsin still frowned, but she did have to agree with that.

“And besides,” Lavinia continued, “you are no virginal girl. You are a widow, a mother. You have done your duty, married, and given your husband a child and heir. And now that he is gone, I see nothing wrong with you finding a little happiness and pleasure in your life. As long as you are discreet,” she added with a grin.

Tamsin covered her face with her hands and nodded before looking at her friend with an embarrassed grin. “Lesson learned. Though…”

Lavinia cocked an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.

“I’m not all that sure it will happen again. Or if it should.”

“Whyever not?”

“What if someone else had seen us? I might not have been in such dire straits as a maiden, but it would still cause quite the scandal. Especially with me still in half-mourning. Marrying me might not even help, if he’d even agree to do so. And even if he did, I do not have any wish to remarry.”

“Ever?”

Tamsin thought about it for a moment. Before Christian had arrived, she wouldn’t have hesitated to answer that question. But now…

“I’m tempted. And that is dangerous,” she hurried to add, trying to keep Lavinia’s delight in check. “Now, I am free. Aside from Lord Rauchberg’s incessant rules and opinions and insistence on following me about, that is.”

Lavinia laughed. “Yes, I can see that becoming taxing after a time.”

“But I have no husband to insist that I obey him. My father has, so far at least, let me be. My son is too young to demand more than my attention, which I happily give,” she said with a soft smile. “My money, my property, my time, is all my own. Why would I give that up?”

Lavinia smiled and gazed at her with eyes that weren’t really seeing her. “For love?”

Tamsin laughed quietly. “Not all of us are so lucky as you, my friend,” she said, taking her hand. “And there are many others who give their love unwisely and gain nothing but misery in return. And how do you know if you’ve done so or not until it’s too late?”

Lavinia sighed again. “You do not. But if you love each other enough, truly love each other, you put your faith in each other and hope for the best.”

Tamsin nodded and patted Lavinia’s hand. “I understand that. And a part of me even wants it. But a larger part, I think, fears the worst.”

Lavinia squeezed her hand. “Well. It is nothing you need to decide just now.”

“I will have to decide soon. His time here is not unlimited. He must return home soon.”

“That may be true, but you needn’t rush into anything. You are still getting to know each other. And, again, as long as you are discreet, and careful, there is no reason you can’t explore those other feelings you’ve discovered,” she said with a wink.

Tamsin grinned and then cocked her head. “Careful? What do you mean?”

“Being a widow means you don’t have to worry about protecting your maidenhead for some future husband, but finding yourself with child again would present a host of complications. So you must take care not to conceive unless he does indeed intend to wed you.”

“I…I did not realize that one could prevent such a thing.”

Lavinia’s eyes widened before understanding dawned on her face. Tamsin’s mother had not been alive when Tamsin had wed. And even if she had been, she might not have known or shared such information.

“Of course not. How could you?” She patted her hand again. “Do not worry, my dear. I’ll make sure you know what you need to. Just in case you decide to…explore your options.”

Tamsin’s smile grew, along with her desire to see Christian again. It was unwise. Foolhardy. Reckless, even. Even if they managed to be discreet enough no one discovered their liaisons, what could ever come of it? Christian must return to his own country soon, and she wouldn’t be able to go with him.

But…perhaps that made Lavinia’s suggestions even more perfect. She could discreetly explore a side of her she’d never been able to explore before with a man who wouldn’t expect more of her than she could give because his ability to give was similarly limited. Christian knew she didn’t wish to remarry. Just as she knew he must marry, and soon. She had her son to raise in this country, and Christian had a life in another far away. She had plans for her future, plans that required her to stay where she was. And Christian had duties and obligations that would take him far from her.

All the more reason, perhaps, to enjoy his company while he was here.