The Duchess Takes it All

Chapter Twenty-Two

They didn’t speak much on the way home, as the young duke had fallen asleep in his nursemaid’s arms. Once they arrived, as had become their habit, Christian and Tamsin went into the library, though neither of them closed the door.

“What did you and my father speak of?” she asked him.

Leave it to his duchess to get right to the point.

“He does not wish any harm to come to you. Or your reputation. I assured him I would do all in my power to prevent any harm from befalling you.”

She nodded slowly, her gaze locked with his. “Is that all?”

He drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. “I also implied that I would be back to speak with him again. Once I had settled a few matters.”

Her eyes widened slightly, and he knew she understood his meaning. He expected her to be angry that he was discussing asking her father for her hand before discussing it with her first. After she’d repeatedly told him she would never marry again. But he needed her father to know his intentions. Wanted her to know them as well. That he was willing, if she ever was. If he could get the permission he needed from his uncle. If he could make her his wife without ruining all she had worked for.

She finally gave him a soft smile and moved toward him. He held still, waiting with bated breath to see what she would do.

“I believe I shall retire early this evening,” she said, rising on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I shall be in my chambers, if you have need of me.”

Oh, he needed her. So badly his body ached for her.

“Tamsin…”

“I know it is a line you have been trying not to cross,” she said, her voice soft and quiet. “I appreciate that. More than you know. But I also wish to be the master of my own destiny, my lord. Let me be so.”

She backed away slowly, her eyes beckoning to him, before she finally turned and left.

Christian closed his eyes, his heart and head warring inside. But he was so weary of the fight. For once, he just wanted to choose himself. Choose happiness. For however brief a moment.

He waited a suitable amount of time, pacing in the library, until he felt it safe to also retire to his rooms. Servants usually knew everything that went on in a household anyway, but there was no reason to make it easy for them. A world of more grievous sins had been forgiven because of discretion.

He’d planned to wait in his room for another space of time before quietly slipping into hers. But when he opened the door to his bedchamber, it was to find his duchess standing inside. She was still clothed, but her hair was already unbound and flowing in ringleted masses around her shoulders.

“I thought perhaps you had not understood,” she said, with only a slight tremor to her voice. “Or that you had changed your mind.”

He came to her, sinking his fingers into her hair as he’d longed to do so many times. “Never,” he assured her. “I merely tried to give the servants a bit of plausible deniability. Running up here on your heels would have been a little too obvious.”

She smiled softly. “I suppose you are right. Though if you had taken much longer, I might have come looking for you.”

“My formidable duchess,” he said, tilting her face up to his for a kiss. She rose on her toes to meet him, and the kiss he’d meant to be a tender caress turned into something deeper, more heated.

He broke away, dragging in a ragged breath. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” she answered, without hesitation. “I’m tired of living for others’ expectations. I have followed the rules my whole life, done what everyone has asked of me, behaved in every way that has been expected of me. Except on occasion with you,” she said with a laugh. “But you seem to be the exception to all my rules. And despite following those rules my whole life, I am still not accepted by those who I have been told my whole life I should endeavor to emulate. They do not care for me or my happiness. Why should I forfeit my happiness for them?”

She rose up on her toes to kiss him again. “I want you, my lord,” she murmured against his lips. “And I am tired of pretending I do not.”

He sealed their lips together in another kiss and walked her slowly backward until they neared the bed.

“I know you are not a novice,” he said, trying to be as delicate as possible. “But it has also been some time for you. If at any point you want me to stop, or if there is something you do not like…”

She laughed. “Have you ever known me not to voice my displeasure, my lord?”

That set him laughing as well. “I suppose not.”

She cupped his cheek. “I still thank you for the consideration. It is not something I have been afforded in the past.”

He frowned, not wanting to leave her statement alone. But before he could question her, she kicked off her shoes and turned her back.

“If you please, my lord,” she said, smiling at him over her shoulder.

“With pleasure.”

He made swift work of the small hooks and laces and carefully eased her gown from her shoulders, helping her step out of it before turning to her petticoat and stays. Why did women’s clothing have to consist of so many layers?

He left her in her chemise while he removed his own clothing, leaving only his breeches. His duchess seemed quite sure what she wanted, but that didn’t mean she needed to get it all at once. Having an extra barrier for a few minutes might also help keep him from rutting her like an overeager boy with no control. He had wanted this woman from the moment he’d stepped through her door and their activities of late had only made that worse. But this needed to be good for her. And he was determined to make it so.

…

Tamsin had tried not to sulk when Christian had left her in her chemise. He’d likely done so in order to give her some degree of modesty, if she needed it. And while she appreciated the sentiment, she wanted to feel his skin against hers. Had been dreaming of it from the moment he’d first touched her. Having decided on this course of action, she was not going to be deterred any longer. Especially as she watched him undress, revealing a muscled, corded body her hands ached to touch.

He took a step toward her, and she pulled the ribbon at her neck, letting her chemise fall to the floor. He stood stock still, his eyes round as he looked at her, his gaze taking in every inch. She shivered as if it were his hands that were trailing over her body.

“Mein Gott,” he breathed. “You are more beautiful than I have ever imagined.”

She quirked an eyebrow up. “Have you been imagining me, my lord?”

His mouth pulled into a half grin. “More than I’m willing to admit,” he said with a chuckle.

“Then will you… May I…” She stopped, knowing what she wanted, but unsure how to verbalize it without sounding like a wicked, wanton creature.

His hand brushed across her cheek again. “You can say what you are thinking, Tamsin,” he said. “I want to know what it is you desire.”

She let out a nervous laugh. “And I wish to tell you. Though it seems it is more difficult to do than I anticipated.”

The smile he gave her made the ache low in her belly deepen, and she sucked in a tremulous breath.

“Perhaps the more you practice articulating what it is you desire, the easier it will become,” he said.

He actually made a fair point. She blew out a breath and looked him up and down, slowly, letting him see her do so.

“I have disrobed for you, my lord,” she said, taking a step closer to him.

“Yes, you have.” His eyes roamed over her again, and his breath caught in his throat on a quiet groan that nearly made her knees buckle. “And I shall be grateful for the honor for the rest of my days.”

She didn’t know if he truly meant it or if he was merely trying to bolster her confidence. Though he never said what he did not mean, in her experience. Which only served to bolster her further.

“Then are you willing to return the favor?” she asked, shocked by her own boldness while she also reveled in it.

That sensuous grin of his widened. “Anything for my duchess.”

He kept his gaze locked with hers as he unfastened his breeches and pushed them from his hips. Her mouth ran dry when she could finally see every long, delicious inch of him. She had only seen her late husband completely disrobed a few times. And what she had seen hadn’t made her eager to see more. But the man before her was entirely different. Every inch of him exuded strength. Safety. Sanctuary from the world and those who meant her ill. She wanted him to wrap himself around her and show her everything she’d been missing, everything she’d ever dreamed of. And everything she’d never dared to dream.

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, and as if that were a signal, he closed the distance between them. He wrapped an arm around her waist and hauled her to him, his other hand framing her face. He nipped at her bottom lip, his nose rubbing against hers as if he were scenting her. The feral energy that burned beneath his surface bled into her, spiking her already racing heart.

“My lord,” she gasped out.

“Call me by my name,” he said, his voice a near growl.

She grinned. “If that is your command. Christian .”

He groaned and crushed his mouth to hers, his lips moving over hers with a frenzy that she immediately met with her own. He picked her up, her legs automatically going around his waist as he carried her the rest of the way to the bed. He climbed on the mattress while she clung to him and crawled with her to the middle of the bed before laying her down. His thigh settled between hers, and she arched beneath him, trying to bring all the most sensitive parts of her body into contact with his. She needed him to touch her, so desperately she nearly sobbed with it.

He broke away for a moment and looked down at her, his hand smoothing her hair back from her face. Then he began to kiss his way down her body. She threaded her fingers through his hair, gripping tightly when he paused at each nipple, sucking them one at a time into his mouth. She gasped and pressed him to her, wanting to hold him captive there. And yet wanting even more. Things she couldn’t even name but yearned for.

All her previous experiences had been rushed, fumbling. Tamsin had never felt anything close to the sensations that were coursing through her body as Christian kissed, licked, and caressed his way down her body. She had also never felt any of the emotions that were coursing through her heart. And those scared her more than anything else.

If it were just a matter of finding pleasure in their bodies, she could shut the rest of the world away and give herself over to it. But despite her best intentions, this wasn’t going to be a mere dalliance. They had barely begun, and she already knew nothing would ever be the same again.

This man had come into her life, turned it upside down, aggravated her, commanded her, amused her, forced her to examine her past, and her present, and to think about the future. And while she wasn’t sure yet just what she wanted that to hold, she couldn’t help but want him in it.

That didn’t seem possible unless they married. Not long term. And that was one thing she knew beyond a doubt she did not want. She had freedom, money, custody of her son. For the first time in her life, she was under the control of no man. As much as Christian might like to pretend he had some degree of control over her. Though even when he was throwing around his orders, he did not truly seek to control her. Guide her, perhaps, in a bit of an overbearing way that both amused and infuriated her.

But where her husband and her father would have locked her away for her disobedience, Christian laughed and met her volleys with his own. They seemed to be a perfect match. Made to challenge and complement each other. If ever there were a man who tempted her to put herself in such a vulnerable position again, it was him.

Yet even for him, it was a risk she wasn’t sure she could take. But she could, at least, enjoy what little time she did have left with him. She wasn’t going to push him away any longer. He was hers , for however long he would allow it. And she wasn’t going to waste a moment of it. She’d already wasted far too much.

When his lips finally found her aching core, she nearly came off the bed. He chuckled, the movement only making what he was doing more intense. Every press of his lips and lick of his tongue had that unbearably wonderful sensation that she had felt the last time he had touched her so, building again. Only this time she knew what it was, and she knew how to chase it.

This time, when that wave of pulsing pleasure crashed over her, shattering her world, she held on, letting him draw it out in wave after wave as she cried out his name.

Christian climbed back up her body, his mouth capturing hers.

“Now, Christian. Please. I need you now,” she said, wrapping her legs around him.

He kissed her again. “Slowly, love,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. Please. I need you now, all of you.”

He stared into her eyes for a moment and then surged forward, sheathing himself to his hilt.

She gasped at the momentary burn while her body accustomed itself to something much larger than she had ever attempted before. Christian continued to kiss and stroke her until the discomfort ebbed. When he began to move again, she trembled beneath him, her hips rising to meet his.

With every stroke, every kiss, every touch, her world somehow righted itself. And she knew beyond a doubt that if this man ever left, she would never be whole again. Even if she were left in a million shattered pieces, it would have been worth it.

…

Christian moved as slowly as he could, wanting her to feel nothing but pleasure. She may not be a virgin, but it had still been a few years since she had been with a man. And from the look on her face when she’d seen him, he seemed to be larger than her former husband. So he took his time as much as he could, letting her get used to the feel of him within her body. When she began to move restlessly beneath him, needy whimpers escaping her throat, he finally let go and began to move in earnest. He watched her face as he dragged himself out slowly and pushed back in, his heart thundering in time with hers.

Her breathing grew more erratic, and she brought her knees up, wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. Her arms encircled his back, clutching him to her. He leaned down to capture her lips again, never wanting this moment to end. If he could live the rest of his life wrapped around this woman, their bodies entwined, he would live and die a very happy man.

She had been changing his world one corner at a time from the moment he’d met her. But this moment, this time, he knew he was lost. No matter where he went or what happened in his future, he belonged to her heart, body, and soul forever. Nothing else was ever going to be the same.

He didn’t know when it happened, and he didn’t know what would come of it, but he knew he would do everything in his power to be able to call this woman his own. If she wanted marriage, as he hoped she did, he would move heaven and earth in order to make it happen. Change whatever laws he needed to change or break whatever laws he could not change. And if she did not wish for marriage, then he would happily be her lover until the moment she sent him away. And then he would spend the rest of his life pining for her.

“Christian,” she gasped, clutching him harder.

Her body tightened, her inner walls fluttering around him, and he reached between them, finding that spot that would push her over the edge. And this time, when her release found her, she took him with her. He wrapped himself more tightly about her, pledging himself then and there to this woman for the rest of his life.

“ Tamsin ,” he roared, his climax barreling through him in wave after wave of an ecstasy he had never imagined possible. She held onto him, her body tightly wrapped around his, until he finally let his head drop to hers. He dragged in one ragged breath after another, his heart breaking one little piece at a time.

God, he loved this woman.

He kept his weight on his elbows so he could stay above her, entangled for a few more moments. Maybe if he held onto her tight enough, he could imprint the memory of her in his arms enough to last him for the rest of his life.

He softly kissed her and then brushed her hair from her face so he could look into those deep brown eyes of hers. “My duchess.” He kissed her again, and Tamsin’s face softened into a smile so brilliantly beautiful he would gladly spend the rest of his life trying to make sure it never went away. If she’d only let him. “Meine schone Herzogin.”

“My Christian,” she said, kissing him gently.

Then she wrapped her arms about him, and he buried his face in her neck, falling with her far past the point of no return.