The Duchess Takes it All

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Christian sat at his desk, his quill in hand. His stomach churned, but…what choice did he have?

He had spent his whole life being the dutiful son, then the dutiful nephew and heir. No matter what was asked of him, he gave it. And why? For what? In the hopes that his sacrifices would erase the turmoil his parents’ marriage and then deaths caused?

Going against his uncle’s wishes…it could be more than an upset. Too many lives had already been lost in the conflicts between his country and their neighbor. Spurning their princess to marry a commoner—title by marriage notwithstanding—was not something he could do. But neither could he marry this princess and say goodbye to Tamsin forever.

Marrying the princess, accepting his birthright, the path that had been laid out for him his whole life, doing what was expected of him, required, needed. He knew that path. Was comfortable on it, if not happy.

Could he really walk away from that, from all his responsibilities, his duties, to chase his own happiness?

There was a solution. A way to be with Tamsin. But it would require great sacrifice on his part. And perhaps an even greater sacrifice on the part of another. How could he ask it? It was selfish. Against everything he had always strived to be.

But the reward would be Tamsin. If she would have him.

He put the quill to paper and wrote the words that would change the very course of his life…

Christian paced back and forth in front of the fireplace in the library of Feldhagen’s newly rented house. Again. He’d been doing so for so many days now that he was surprised he hadn’t worn a path in the floorboards. Frederick watched him, his face creased with the same concern that he’d shown since Christian had stormed inside after the audience with his uncle.

“I don’t think that is helping,” he finally said.

Christian shot him a glare, but this time Frederick didn’t back down. It wasn’t the first time his friend had tried to calm him or defuse the situation. But this time it seemed Frederick’s patience had reached an end.

“If you are this upset, then do something about it! Don’t just stand there letting your uncle dictate the rest of your life.”

Christian turned and stared at his friend, not sure if he was more surprised that Frederick had spoken to him in such a tone or by what he said.

“I am not just standing here, Frederick. I have already done the only thing I can…” He closed his eyes, trying not to think of the letter he’d frantically sent off in the middle of the night. There was one chance. Only one. It was a desperate, despicable plan that he had little hope of coming to fruition. Until he heard for certain…well…

“There is a reason I am wearing a hole into the floor. But I would love to know what exactly you think I am supposed to do about this situation. Because, even putting aside the alliance my uncle made, even if we had nothing to consider but she and I, every option I come up with leaves one or both of us heartbroken or facing consequences neither should have to face.”

Frederick pinned him with a piercing stare. “Some things are worth the consequences you have to face.”

“I agree,” Christian said, trying to keep his frustration from boiling over on his friend, who he knew was just trying to help. “And if it were just me, if I were the only one who would have to deal with the mess we’d leave behind, I would do it. But without my uncle’s consent, she would have no protection. What kind of choice is that? For either of us?”

Frederick sighed and sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know, mein Freund. I suppose the only question that matters is if it is a choice you’re willing to make.”

Christian took a deep breath and blew it out slowly while he sank onto the couch. “I don’t know. My heart is fairly screaming yes. For her , yes. I would destroy everything in my life for her. But then I would have nothing left to offer her.” He leaned his head back against the sofa. “My whole life has been about duty and honor, doing what is best for my country and my people. I have never given any thought to not doing so.”

Then Christian scrubbed his hands over his face and gave a mirthless laugh that turned into a frustrated roar. He pushed back to his feet and began pacing again. “Why am I acting as if I even have a choice? I would always choose Tamsin. Always. No matter the cost to either of us because I am so desperately in love with her, I can barely breathe when we are apart.

“But if I turn my back on my duty, what becomes of the marriage contract my uncle has entered into on my behalf? There is a princess out there waiting for me to come back and marry her. And God forgive me, I would destroy her, too, if it meant I could be with the woman I love. But it won’t just destroy her. Because my uncle, in his infinite wisdom, used my marriage to make an alliance with a principality we’ve been in conflict with for generations. If I say no, reject her…”

A knock sounded, and a footman opened the door, stepping in to announce a visitor.

But he didn’t have to.

Christian’s jaw dropped as the last person he ever expected to see walked in the room.

“Conrad?”

His little brother smiled at him. “Hello, Christian.”

Christian pulled him into a quick hug before staring back down at him in shock. “What are you doing here?”

Conrad tapped his hat against his leg, the only sign that betrayed he was at least somewhat uncertain about what he was going to say.

“I received your letter.”

Christian stared in shock, hope and fear and shame warring within him. “When I didn’t get a response, I assumed…”

“I had some thinking to do,” Conrad said with a wry grin.

“And after thinking for so many days, you came anyway?”

Conrad snorted. “I felt your proposal warranted a personal conversation.”

Christian just shook his head, truly stunned his brother had not only come but was willing to discuss his mad and desperate proposition.

“It was a proposal I should not have made.”

“On that, I will agree.”

Christian swallowed hard, not surprised at his brother’s answer, though it still cut him to the quick. “I’m surprised our uncle allowed you to come.”

Conrad gave him a mischievous smile. “Our uncle is, at the moment, too busy to notice one wayward nephew slipping away for a few hours. But I do not have long. And we have much to discuss,” Conrad said, taking a seat.

“We do?”

“Yes. If you are still interested in the offer you made,” he said gesturing to the letter.

“I…” Christian sucked in a quick breath, a tiny spark of hope flaring in his chest once again. “Yes, I am.”

“I will leave the two of you to your discussion,” Frederick said with a bow to each of them. Before he left the room, he turned back to look over his shoulder. “I hope you find a solution, mein Herr. I’d hate to have to replace the carpeting so soon,” he said with a wink.

Christian shook his head, and Conrad’s lips twitched into half a grin. “I see Feldhagen hasn’t changed much.”

Christian snorted. “If anything, he’s worse.”

Conrad huffed out a silent laugh but sobered quickly. And then he pulled Christian’s letter from his pocket and laid it on the table between them.

“Does our uncle know you are prepared to give up your throne?” Conrad asked.

Christian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Now that the words had been said aloud, he realized just how momentous it sounded. How impossible.

“If he knew that, he never would have let me leave the audience chamber.”

Conrad snorted again. “That is true enough.” He looked at Christian, his eyes searching his brother’s until Christian had to fight to keep from squirming under his gaze. “I cannot let you do this,” Conrad said quietly.

“I would give up much more than a throne for her,” Christian said. “And if I were giving it up to you, it’s not much of a sacrifice after all. At least for our people. You would be a much better ruler.”

“Well, I cannot disagree with that,” Conrad said, attempting a smile, though the expression did not reach his eyes.

“So you would have agreed, then?” Christian almost didn’t want to know the answer. Wasn’t sure he could stand the disappointment. Which he would feel no matter what his brother’s choice would have been. Disappointment if Conrad had planned to say no. Worse disappointment if he would have said yes…because Christian could no longer offer what was no longer his alone to give.

“Do not answer,” he said, unable to bear it if he heard yes only to have to say no himself. “It no longer matters.”

“And why is that?” Conrad asked, a small frown puckering his brow.

“If you know of my conversation with our uncle, then you know of my impending betrothal.”

“Yes,” Conrad said, sitting back in the chair and resting his arms on the arm rests. Looking for all the world like a king on his throne.

“I cannot give up my throne without breaking the betrothal. And to do so could be catastrophic for our people.”

Conrad shrugged. “I will just have to marry the princess, then.”

Christian sat, stunned. “You what?”

Conrad just looked at him.

“You once swore you would never marry,” Christian said.

Conrad shrugged again. “Because I have no heart left to give. Luckily, this marriage does not require my heart. It is an alliance. A treaty. All it requires is my consent and my signature on the marriage contracts. The princess will probably be thrilled to have a husband who has no interest in her. I can’t imagine she’s any more eager to bind herself to a complete stranger for the sake of kin and country than I. But that is our lot in life. It needn’t be yours.”

Christian stared at his brother and shook his head. “Why would you do this for me?”

“You mean aside from becoming the next ruler after our uncle? That is no small prize.”

“Conrad…”

His brother sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands before him. “I lost the woman I loved because of our damnable marriage laws,” he said, his voice still raw with pain, though it had been several years. “Perhaps that was a blessing. If she had truly loved me…” He stopped and shook his head, his eyes closing briefly before his composure slipped back into place. “You still have a chance for happiness, mein Bruder. Take it.”

Christian sucked in a shaking breath. “And you?”

Conrad gave him a crooked grin. “I will take your throne and your princess. It seems a fair enough trade.”

Christian echoed his smile but reached over to grasp his brother’s hand. “And what of your happiness?”

Conrad’s smile faded. “I lost that a long time ago.” His brother turned haunted eyes to him. “Don’t make my mistakes, mein Bruder. Go find your duchess and don’t look back.”

…

Tamsin stared at her friends in shock. “What are you all doing here? The ball is tonight. You should be home resting and getting ready.”

Georgie smiled at her and took her hands. “We don’t give a fig for the ball. We care about you .”

Lavinia nodded. “If you don’t go, we don’t go.”

Kitty stepped up as well. “Those harpies at the ball will learn one way or another that you are a force to be reckoned with and every bit as good as—well, frankly, superior—to them in every way. And they will treat you with respect and friendship or they will be cut off from all of us.”

Tamsin looked around, her throat burning with unshed tears. What had she done to deserve these wonderful people in her life? The gossip had started spreading the moment the invitations had been delivered, and while Tamsin was hardly the only person who hadn’t received one, she was the most surprising. After all, it was now known that Prince Heinrich’s nephew was her son’s co-guardian and the trustee of his estate. A close enough tie that her invitation should have been without question. The fact that one had not been forthcoming had spewed the most hateful and outrageous gossip. Everything from a falling-out to an illicit affair gone wrong.

The fact that much of the gossip was close to the mark only made matters worse.

But the ball was still the event of the Season. She had never expected, nor would she have ever asked, her friends to abstain from attending.

“However,” Georgie said, “should you wish to go to the ball…”

Tamsin laughed. “Even if I did, and was somehow allowed in, the ball is this evening. I would never have time to get a ballgown made, and I couldn’t attend in just any old thing. Not only is this the grandest ball of the Season, hosted by the Prince Regent himself, it is honoring Prince Heinrich. And I would never let that man see me in less than my best. Nor would I shame Lord Rauchberg by doing so.”

The women just smiled. “And that is where our surprise comes in,” Georgie said as she hurried to the door. She opened it, waving to someone waiting in the hall.

Jane entered with a huge grin, carrying a rather large box in her arms.

“What is this?” Tamsin asked, glancing around at each of her friends, who were all smiling at her so brightly it was almost blinding.

Jane placed the box on the bed and dropped a quick curtsy. “I’ll be in your dressing room if you require assistance, Your Grace,” she said, leaving Tamsin to her friends.

“This, my dear duchess,” Georgie said, “is a gift from… Well, let’s let that be a surprise as well.”

Tamsin regarded the box with unveiled suspicion as she stepped closer, resting her hands on the lid. “If I lift this, and some terrifying creature jumps out at me, I shall be very cross.”

The women just laughed. “That would have been supremely amusing, and I shall keep it under advisement for the future,” Lavinia said. “But alas, it is a mere inanimate object that I am sure you will love anyway.”

Tamsin wasn’t so sure, but there was only one way to find out.

She opened the box and stared down in shock at what was inside.

“Oh, do pull it out and let us see,” Kitty said, clapping her hands.

Tamsin glanced back down at the most beautiful gown she had ever seen nestled among the tissue paper. The blue-gray silk had a lavender undertone that reminded her of a twilight sky before a storm, the brilliants embroidered across the gauzy overskirt twinkling like stars. She pulled it halfway out so she could better see the bodice and realized that the brilliants were indeed embroidered into clusters of stars that encrusted the bodice and trailed along the puffed sleeves and down the skirt. The design on the gown was impeccable, luxurious but subtle, and breathtakingly beautiful.

“This is exquisite,” she breathed, nearly overcome with emotion. “How did you do this?”

The intricate beading and color were too bold for mourning. After all, her year was not quite up yet, and truly she should not be attending such a ball anyway. But, if she was going to flout convention by attending the ball, she might as well cement her rebellion by abandoning her black for good.

“It may go a bit against etiquette guidelines,” Georgie said with a grin. “But then we were never fond of those anyway.”

Tamsin laughed, a few tears finally escaping as she held the dress up to herself. “This is more than I could’ve ever dreamed. It is simply beautiful. Thank you so much, all of you.”

Lavinia grinned like a cat that had gotten the cream. “We are most happy to take your thanks, my dear. But it was not our doing. We are merely the messengers.”

Tamsin looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?” she asked, though her heart had already begun to pound. She knew what she meant, even if she couldn’t quite believe it yet.

“I believe this should explain all,” Kitty said, handing her a letter.

Her heart stopped when she saw the handwriting on the parchment.

“ Christian ,” she said, her voice very barely more than a whisper.

She started to shake her head and take a step back, but Kitty stopped her. “Please,” she said. “At least read the letter.”

Tamsin didn’t want to. Well…that wasn’t true. She did want to. Desperately. And that was what frightened her so much. There couldn’t be anything in that letter but more pain. For them both. Yet she reached for it anyway, unable to stop herself.

It was brief, only a few lines. But every one of them carved itself into her heart the moment she read it.

My dearest Duchess,

Time is of the essence, my love, and I only have a moment to ask, nay beg… Please extend your trust and faith in me once more. If you love me as I love you, please accept this invitation and come to the ball this evening. I will anxiously await you there.

Your servant,

Christian

Tamsin’s gaze shot up and looked around at her friends, who all wore cautiously hopeful smiles.

“But what does this mean?” she asked.

“It means,” Kitty said, “you have a ball to get ready for.”

“Kitty!” Lavinia said. “She hasn’t yet said if she wishes to see him again.”

Georgie scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Look at her face. She obviously loves him.”

“Yes,” Lavinia said. “But that does not mean the situation has changed. Their love wasn’t the problem.”

Georgie took a deep breath and blew it out through her nose. “ Do you love him?” she asked.

Tamsin’s breath caught in her throat at the blunt question, though she appreciated bluntness. In fact, it was far preferable to the usual innuendos and half statements that abounded amongst societal conversations.

“Yes, I do. But…”

“And do you still have trust and faith in him?”

She took a deeper breath because this was the one that made her pause. Her heart screamed yes , but her head urged caution.

Truth be told, she was heartily sick of listening to her head.

“Yes.”

“Then it looks like you do have a ball to dress for, Your Grace,” Georgie said.