The Fall Of Snow: Guard Your Heart

29. Twenty-Nine

Twenty-Nine

The Burn of Betrayal

B efore I have time to begin processing what this means, boots crunch into the snow as Huck approaches the tent. I grab my ripped tunic and vest from the ground and hastily throw them over myself, not wanting to be left any more vulnerable than I already am. My mind is spinning with this revelation. Of what it means. All this time, he knew who I was. He knew exactly who I was the moment he first saw me. The moment he saw me in the cabin, he recognized me from his contract and he said nothing.

I've been wanting this since the moment I met you.

His words from last night sear my soul. Was it all a lie? From the very moment we met? Is that why he agreed to let me stay? I couldn't have made it any easier for him. There was never any hunt for me. I showed up inside his home, making it so damn easy for him. So w hy am I still alive?

Tears prick my eyes, and I savor the sting as it dissipates. He pulls open the curtained blanket at the cave entrance, slipping in quickly and turning to close it once again, not wanting the cold air to enter with him. When he turns to me, I watch as his eyes scrunch upon seeing my stare, then drop to the parchment in my hand. I watch as his entire face falls, putting the pieces together.

"Snow . . ."

"Don't." I toss the paper at him as I stand and begin to dress.

"You have to let me explain." I can hear the panic in his words. When I feel his hand graze the inside of my elbow as I yank on my pants, my body fights to recoil.

"Don't you dare touch me." My voice barely sounds like my own as I growl the words at him and pull my elbow back, seething. I stuff my feet into my cold boots, the heat from my anger warms them instantly.

"Snow. I'm sorry." The softness in his words nearly kills me. How is it possible for my body to both want to beat him senseless and yearn for his comfort?

I haul my cloak over my shoulders before exiting the cave. The cold air steals my breath. I hadn't realized how warm the cave was until I was out of it. I don't let the shock of crisp air stop me as my boots sink into each step into the melting snow. I hear his steps behind me.

"Please, Snow. Would you just talk to me?" Without stopping or turning around I reply .

"The time to talk was before you slept with me." Now I only hear the sound of one set of boots crunching through the snow. It seems my words have stopped Huck in his tracks and I am shocked at how easy it was.

But it doesn't last long. I only make it a few feet before I hear his strides gaining behind me.

What did he expect me to do? Sit down with him and hold his hand while he told me the story of how he met my mother, made a deal with her, and then pretended not to know exactly who I was when we met?

No, he never expected me to find out. He was just going along until he found the exact right time to end me, use me until it was time to collect his reward from my mother. The thought makes me sick.

How could he touch me the way he did last night knowing it would end in bloodshed? How could he share the most intimate part of himself with me before thrusting a dagger through my chest? What kind of person could be that ruthless?

"Snow." He's right behind me now, I can practically feel his warmth on my neck. "I didn't know you then. I never would have—"

My fist throbs as it connects with his steel jaw, a technique he taught me himself. I watch with sick satisfaction as his head cocks to the side. Blood wells from where my ring cut his jawline. The pain shooting up my hand was well worth it. Even if I barely made a lasting mark, it was worth it to see him struggle to maintain the illusion of being unaffected by my actions. He grasps his jaw as his head turns to me.

"I deserved that and more." I try not to appear too smug before turning on my heels again. But something stops me. A nagging thought that doesn't add up.

"Why train me? Huh?" I shove him in the chest, chasing that feeling I got when I gave him a right hook. "Was it to ease your conscience when you delivered the final blow?" I shove him again, harder now. "You wanted me to be able to at least put up a fight?" I shove him again, gaining on him as he stumbles back a step. And another. He's letting me overpower him. I know this but I do not care. My anger needs an outlet and he's taking it like he should. He doesn't fight me or resist. He takes every blow that I give him as my fists pound against his chest.

"I don't deal with weakness well." His voice is barely a whisper in the wind.

"You have no weaknesses, Huck." I spit the words at him. "You're all stone walls and iron." He steps forward toward me with purpose, his eyes ablaze.

" You are my weakness. I have no defenses for what you do to me."

Tears have begun to stream down my face now, wild and wet. I'm certain I have completely lost my mind, but I pound away at this stone of a man, letting my rage and sorrow loose. Letting it pour out of me from a place deep within. I let him in, really let him in, and look where it got me? I dropped the shields guarding my heart to the man who was hired to rip it right from my chest. My mother has managed to continue to ruin my life from miles and miles away.

I will never be free of her.

A cry escapes my lips as I lose my footing in the snow. Huck catches me, which only frustrates me further. I don't want his help. I don't want to yearn for his touch. I want to hate him.

He grabs my wrists gently, looking me in the eyes.

"Snow. Listen to me. Once I met you, there was never even a second thought about your mother. That contract was null and void." I try to stare back at him through watery eyes. I bite my tongue to stifle another cry, to harden my emotions once again. But I feel defeated in a way that makes me only have enough energy to stand here and listen as he holds me up.

"Before I met you, I thought I needed your mother. I was a different person then. I knew that when I first saw you, it was about to become messy. I tried to hate you, Snow. I tried so hard not to complicate things, not to listen to you breathe while you slept, not to watch you as you sip your coffee, not to find any reason at all to be near you. I tried so hard to fight what you make me feel. I tried to remind myself what my task was, but it didn't stop me from falling for you. I knew I couldn't go through with it no matter how many times I tried to push you away. No matter how hard I tried to hate you, I couldn't. I knew that the deal I struck with your mother was binding. I knew what was on the line and still my heart beats for you." I watch as the words tumble out of him, but still, I cannot believe them .

"I hate that you make me feel. You make it harder to be who I need to be for my unit. I tried to tell myself lies, tried to hate you, but I can't. I can't because you own me. You own my soul. Whether you know it or not, you hold it in your hands and I can't get it back. Even if I tried, I don't want it back. It's yours."

The words he speaks swirl around me like a tornado, so fast I can hardly comprehend them. He is giving me his heart when he should be taking mine.

"What did my mother offer you in exchange for my heart?" The words come out stern when I feel anything but. I press my lips into each other not wanting my face to reveal any emotion other than anger. But I know my eyes have long ago started glowing that bronze color. I could feel the change as soon as I punched him. Something ignited within me that I no longer cared to contain.

"She said she would take Coy’s curse away." His words are thick with despair and shame and I deflate with understanding. The fight drains out of my entire body in one swift moment. Of course it was for Coy. Of course, Huck would only agree to such a deal for the benefit of his friend, and I can't even blame him. Huck would never kill an innocent for coin.

I can't imagine what turmoil he went through to finally come to this decision.

If I were in his position, feeling the weight of responsibility every day, making sure Coy’s curse is never discovered, lest he gets thrown out of camp, I might do the same. Of course, if there were a way to help Coy, Huck would do it. That’s who he is.

But that doesn 't excuse his actions after he made the deal or excuse what he was willing to do to help Coy in the first place. It doesn't excuse what he did last night. It doesn't excuse that he's been lying to me this entire time. But it does explain his sudden changes towards me in the last few months. It does explain why he pulled away, why he shut me out.

"I understand why you made the deal." Hope surges in his eyes at my words. "But it does not excuse that you kept this from me far longer than you should have. It doesn't forgive last night." His shoulders drop at my words like I've physically hurt him. His eyes close as he drops his head, turning it to the side.

"Would you have actually killed an innocent to help Coy?" My words hold so much hope in them, it hurts. Huck shakes his head as he looks at the ground. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Once I fell in love with you, Snow, I didn't want to hurt you by telling you about the deal." He opens his eyes and looks up at me, pleading. "I didn't want you to look at me like you are now."

Our heads snap up at the sound of another set of boots trudging through the snow. Coy is walking through the trees, presumably to tell us all is clear to return to the cabin. I suck back my emotions as he approaches and pray he doesn't pick up on the chaos running between us. Huck straightens when Coy gets closer and I resist the urge to look away. When Coy stops in front of us, he looks between us, clearly sensing the tension in the air. But he doesn't comment on it. Smart enough to know it's not a topic he wants to broach right now.

"Camp's clear. You' re free to return. Our camp was marked as cleared by the guards that came through." I hug myself tighter when the wind picks up, carrying a mist of melted snow with it.

In all the time we've spent together, never have Huck and I been this at odds with one another. I give Coy credit for not faltering, for not addressing the very obvious tension between Huck and me.

"I just need to pack up and I'll head back. Why don't you take Snow back with you? I can handle this."

"Actually, I'm going to stay out here for a while longer. I'll be back before nightfall. Promise." I look to Coy, hoping he can read my mind right now, hoping he doesn't object.

"No. Snow—" Huck tries to protest. I shoot him a look that cuts the words right from his mouth. Coy intervenes, clapping Huck on the shoulder, "Come on, Huck. Snow will be fine. Let's pack up." Huck follows without saying another word but eyes me one last time before I disappear into the tree line.

"Hey, Snow!" Coy shouts across the woods. I turn back to look at him, a head shorter than Huck.

"You sure you're alright?" I smile at his concern, my heart warming just a bit.

"Yeah, Coy. I'm sure."