The Geography of Happiness (Mackenzie Country)

Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Monday, Adelaide

Spencer

I glared at the almost empty baggage belt, willing my luggage to make an appearance. Everyone, bar three or four irritated stragglers like me, had already collected theirs. Dammit. I quashed my frustration and took a calming breath. My pissy mood really wasn’t about the luggage at all, and I knew it.

I checked my phone for the millionth time but still no text or missed calls. Fuck. Terry and Hannah were overnighting at the same hotel they’d stayed the week before since Hannah had to be at the hospital by eight the next morning for the afternoon surgical list. I’d asked Terry to let me know when they arrived so I could stop worrying, but he’d seemed cool about the idea. His mood had been cool full-stop ever since the doctor’s appointment the previous week.

The fact it was Hannah who’d first broken the news both pleased and surprised me. I’d been on my way back from a difficult case of bloat in one of Jules’ heifers and had to pull over. I knew just how hard the news must’ve hit Terry, but I had to wait another hour before he’d settled Hannah with room service and a movie and found somewhere quiet to talk.

When I finally saw him on camera, I’d swallowed a cry. He’d looked... devastated and more exhausted than I’d ever seen him. I wanted to crawl right through the phone and hold him, tell him everything would be okay. His worst fear was coming to fruition and I could see it was killing him.

Ten years Terry had been doing the parenting thing on his own and I wanted nothing more than to help him bear that weight for a little while. To support him and look after him, look after them both. But those protective walls he’d lived behind for so long were already firming up. He struggled to meet my gaze. His answers rang curt and crisp, his expression guarded.

Terry was locking down. He was going into survival mode. And I wasn’t being invited inside. It stung and I didn’t know how to break through.

“I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart,” I’d said when he explained the risks, the endearment accidentally tumbling out.

Terry’s gaze shot to mine but he’d let it go.

“I’ll change my plans. I want to be there.” I did. I so fucking did. “Especially since your mum and dad are staying back to look after the store and Gabby. I don’t want you there on your own.”

“No.” He’d quickly shut me down. “You need to go to Adelaide. It’s important. I’m fine . We’re fine,” he lied straight to my damn face. He was so obviously not fine that his insistence to the contrary was just plain laughable. “There’s nothing you can do here,” he continued. “The surgery will go fine, and then it’s just a time thing while we wait for Hannah to recover.”

That made three fines, and my hackles rose.

But he wasn’t done. “And Judah and Morgan will be here for the first two days, so I’m covered. They’ll look after me.”

Words that had set my teeth on edge. I didn’t care a jot about Judah and Morgan. I wanted to be there. And I believed Terry wanted that too. But he was too damn stubborn to admit it. Too stubborn to let me in. There had been little point in arguing, but I didn’t let that stop me and we’d gone back and forth until I’d finally thrown up my hands in defeat and hung up on him, angry as all hell.

Fifteen minutes later, when I’d got over myself and remembered this was about what Terry wanted, not me—go figure—I tried to call him back. He didn’t answer, because of course he fucking didn’t. I’d had to settle for texting an apology and said I’d be there for whatever he needed. That I cared about them both and that I was sorry for being an arsehole.

Two hours later I got a reply. You’re not an arsehole but thank you. Please understand things are stressful right now. I have to focus on next Tuesday. I’ll let you know when we arrive in Auckland on Monday. Have a good flight.

In other words, don’t call me, I’ll call you , along with zero mention that he might care for me too. And he clearly wasn’t too stressed to lean on Judah and Morgan. At which point I’d thrown my phone at the wall and cursed my stupidity.

But I respected Terry’s wishes and left him alone, focusing on the chaos of my own house and the four brothers it contained. Thankfully, Hannah kept me up with the play by dropping a few texts my way over the weekend. She mentioned nothing of Terry other than to say he was holding things together. Which wasn’t nearly enough.

Terry had shut me out, and I’d flown to Adelaide licking my wounds like the dipshit that I was.

My bag finally made an appearance on the belt and I made it through customs shockingly quickly. I’d almost hit the exit when my phone rang in my pocket. My hopeful heart raced at the sound, but it wasn’t Terry. It was Zach.

I answered with a smile I didn’t quite feel. “Spencer Thompson, Airport Efficiency Consultant.”

“What?” Zach’s confusion made me chuckle.

I explained, “I’m in Adelaide, remember? And I’ve been waiting over forty minutes for my bags. Hang on a minute—” I squeezed past a woman scolding her children for not staying close, then pushed through the automatic doors onto the busy concourse and made a hard left heading for the taxi stand.

“Can you hear me now?” I checked.

“Yeah,” Zach huffed. “And I know you’re in Adelaide, Matt enlightened me, surprising as it was since Hannah is having her surgery tomorrow and I thought you’d have postponed so you could be up in Auckland for that. Silly me.” His tone dripped with sarcasm and brought me to a stop for two reasons. One, because that was exactly what I did want. And two, how did he know?

“She texted me yesterday and I called her right back,” he answered before I could ask. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Someone bumped into me from behind and I apologised and got out of the way. “You know what I’m doing, Zach.”

“Don’t sass me,” he snapped.

“Calm down.” Luke’s voice of reason.

“No,” Zach argued. “Someone has to say something. Everyone can see it except for Spencer. None of us here want to lose him and he doesn’t really want to go. Problem solved.”

“What makes you think I don’t want to go?” I countered sharply. “The job is perfect for me. I love the Mackenzie, but I’m bored with the same old, same old.”

“No. You’re. Not.” Zach said smugly, raising my hackles. “You love it here and you love your work. What you are is worried that this might be all you amount to, and for some reason, the idea terrifies you. You’re looking for the next shiny thing to lose yourself in, like all those men and women you fuck just so you can pretend you’re living some kind of exciting life. But what if you’re looking in the wrong place?”

“Tell him what Gil told you,” Luke piped up in the background. “That when you try to fill the hole inside you with the wrong things, it’s never gonna make you happy.”

“Oh, so now you want to be involved,” Zach snarked to Luke. “What happened to leave the poor man alone ?”

“Gil?” I fired up. “What the hell? None of you know shit about me.”

“We’re your friends,” Zach argued. “Not that you make it easy, Mister never-open-up-or-invite-anyone-to-his-home Thompson.”

“That’s not—” I was about to say true before biting my tongue and pivoting. “That doesn’t make me a bad person... just private.”

“Of course,” he agreed. “But it does make it damn hard to move from being a casual friend of yours to a good one.”

I scrunched my eyes shut and breathed through the urge to just hang up because... was I really that bad? “I... well, I didn’t know you’d want that.”

Zach sighed. “Jesus, Spencer, you’re a good man. Of course I’d want more. You kept my secret about being gay for years. And then when I came out, you made it your mission to take me under your wing and educate me in all things alphabet city. You even saved Jules’ life last year. And you come every single time I call you about a dog and don’t even charge me half the time. But you have to let people in, Spence. It can’t be one-sided.”

“I’m sorry.” And I meant it. “It’s a hard habit to break.”

Zach went quiet for a moment. “I know, but all that secret-squirrel stuff hasn’t stopped me learning a lot about you over the last ten years or so. For starters, I know that look of pure happiness on your face when you’re working in our shed, the one that tells me you’re home. That you’re doing exactly what you should be in life and where you should be doing it. I know it because I feel the same with my dogs.”

I leaned back against the outside wall of the terminal and closed my eyes, listening to his voice, remembering the times I’d watched him train his dogs and seen that look he was describing. And I knew he was right.

“I also know the sound of that dreadful voice of yours when you arrive at the station with your windows down, singing to one of those bad-taste pop groups you seem to love.”

I snorted. “They’re not that bad.”

“They’re horrendous. But I digress. I know you go out of your way with every client to make them feel special, and they love you for it. I know there isn’t a better vet in the entire Mackenzie, and I’m betting you’ll never find a place you love more to call home. But most of all, I know the hurt I saw in your eyes when Terry left that day. I know it because I’ve felt it too.” Zach’s voice grew husky. “Even if it was me doing the walking away that time.”

“Oh, baby,” Luke whispered in the background. “Come here.”

“But above all that”—Zach’s words sounded muffled and I pictured him in Luke’s arms—“I know how much you mean to Hannah, and I’m guessing you feel the same way about her, and Terry, based on what she told me.”

“And what was that?”

Zach’s tone softened. “She said that you talk to her and her dad almost every day. Imagine my surprise at hearing that. Every day, Spencer. Every. Day .”

Oh god.

“That’s not just any friendship. Come on, admit it. You like him and he likes you. I saw it. Gil saw it. Matt saw it. So why the fuck are you still moving to Adelaide? What if Terry is the right place to be looking for that life change you want? Terry . Not some new job. Not a new city or country or a string of new hookups. A relationship... the right relationship. Because let me tell you, it doesn’t get any more exciting and satisfying than that.”

Zach’s voice muffled again and I had to smile. “Leave him alone, Luke.”

The man laughed. “Not a chance.”

“It’s not as simple as all that, Zach.” I tried to make him understand. “Terry’s life is complicated. He’s committed to being wherever Hannah is and that’s exactly how it should be. And in case you’ve forgotten, that’s not where I am. And just so you know, I did offer to go up there, but he turned me down flat. It could be years before he’s ready to try... something ... with me. Being friends is the best we can do for now.”

Zach groaned. “Christ on a cracker, give me strength. If you want to talk about complicated, then how about all those complicated plans you’re making to uproot your entire life, get a locum for your business, and a sitter for your house, all so that you can run away to?—”

“I’m not running away,” I ground out.

“All so that you can run away —” Zach emphasised the words. “—to Adelaide and set up a brand-new life thousands of miles away. A new place to live. New bank. New car. Taxes. New friends. All that shit. You can do all that, and yet for some reason, that big brain of yours can’t figure out how to just stay here and work out how to see more of Terry. How to be in each other’s lives. How to give things a chance with the one person in your life who’s ever tied you in knots. Jesus. Are you fucking crazy?” His voice slid into the realm of hysteria.

“Is this a good time to point out that you also ran away, my little chickadee?” Luke’s smug tone made me chuckle.

“Shut up,” Zach groused, failing to hide his affection.

“Enough.” I took the opportunity to interrupt Zach’s rant. “Can we please agree you’ve made your point and that I’ll think about it? The university is expecting me.”

Luke agreed. “Time to let the man go.”

I could tell from the weighty pregnant pause that Zach wasn’t done, but he managed to keep the rest to himself. “Just call him,” he finished. “Please. Hannah said he was being a pain in the neck, which we all know means he’s worried. Don’t make me come find you.”

I chuckled. “Noted. Are you done?”

“No,” Zach snapped. “Two more things.”

“Oh, dear god.”

Zach ignored me. “One, we love you and we’re always here if you need us.”

A hard lump rose in my throat.

“And two, when you get back to Oakwood, we’re having a cookout at your place, so don’t even try and wriggle out of it. A little bird mentioned you’ve been lying about your cooking skills.”

“Who?” I imagined Hannah or Terry.

“Your brother Derek, when you brought them all out to the station.”

That shocked me silent.

“Mm-hmm,” Zach hummed. “He told me one or two other things of interest as well.”

I swallowed hard.

“Now go do what you need to and then call your man.” Zach ended the call but not before I heard him tell Luke that if their kid ever turned out as dense as I was, they were sending them back for a refund.

I stared at my phone for a few seconds, then pulled up Terry’s number and called. It went straight to voicemail . Dammit.

A few seconds later Hannah called me back. “Dad says to tell you we’re still twenty minutes from the hotel,” she said cheerily. “He says to say we’re both fine and he’ll call you tomorrow after I’m admitted.”

Fine . If I heard that fucking word one more time, someone was going to get hurt. And tomorrow? Like hell. “No deal. Hold the phone to his ear please, munchkin, and no eavesdropping.”

“Okay.” There was a lilt to her voice that implied she knew exactly what was happening. “Go easy on him.”

A smile broke over my face. “You’re way too clever for your own good, you know that, right?”

She giggled. “I know a lot of things.”

And there it was again.

After a bit of back and forth with Hannah, Terry eventually came on the line sounding wary and more than a little cool. “Spencer? I thought you were in Adelaide. I said I’d call.”

“I’ve just arrived.” I dropped my voice. “And you can cut the bullshit, Terry. Stop shutting me out.”

“I’m no?—”

“You are. And I’m telling you to stop it, right now.”

He went quiet and I imagined him glancing Hannah’s direction. “Can’t we do this later?”

“No, because I don’t trust you’ll let me do it then either.”

Terry didn’t argue and I sighed.

“I knew it. Now, I don’t need you to talk, because of Hannah, but you will listen. I’ll keep it quiet, all right?”

Still nothing.

I turned my face to the wall for privacy from the passing foot traffic and lowered my voice yet again. “I’m gonna take that as a yes. Now I won’t bug you again tonight, but I want you to promise to call me tomorrow. Promise.”

“Okay. Okay. I promise I’ll call,” he yielded.

“Good. Now when is Hannah’s surgery?”

Terry sighed. “She’s on the afternoon list. They thought about two o’clock. Pauline said it could take a couple of hours.”

“Right. Then call me as soon as she gets back to the ward so I know how it went. It’ll be mid-afternoon here. And get yourself somewhere private where you can tell me exactly how you’re doing. None of this bullshit fine stuff you’ve been shoving down my throat, got it?”

The line fell quiet again.

“You do realise, I’m not actually asking,” I growled. But when he still didn’t answer I softened my tone. “Let me care for you, Terry, please. For both of you. Let me in.”

I sensed the back-and-forth conflict raging in Terry’s head and the exact moment he surrendered. “Okay,” he finally agreed. “I’ll find somewhere quiet, but only if Hannah doesn’t need me to stay with her.”

“Of course.” Relief flooded my chest and I sagged against the wall. “Now please take care of yourself, and hand me back to Hannah so I can wish her all the best for tomorrow.”

I pictured his troubled face and wished more than anything that I was with him. Why wasn’t I with him?

I waited for Hannah to come back on the line but the next words weren’t hers. They were Terry’s—full of emotion and whisper quiet. But I heard every syllable and my heart tumbled in my chest.

“I miss you, Spencer.” His voice broke just a little. “So damn much. I’m sorry for pulling away. I... I think maybe I’m...”

I tensed expectantly, not daring to hope, but then he sighed and the moment slipped away.

“Just... thank you,” he finished, and the line fell quiet.

It was all I could do not to punch the air, even if I desperately wished he’d finished that damn sentence.

“Are you still there?” Terry sounded worried.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I grinned like a fool. “And yes, Terry O’Connor, I’m falling in love with you too.”

And then I hung up.

A minute later, I was still standing there, shaking in my white Converse and trying to breathe. The odds were ten to one that Terry was already running scared and planning how to avoid keeping that promise he’d made about calling.

Zach’s many, many words rang in my ears.

Fucking bossy know-it-all shepherds.

I headed for the taxi stand and made another call.