The Geography of Happiness (Mackenzie Country)

Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Tuesday 9:30 p.m.

Terry

Spencer Thompson can’t come to the phone at the moment. Please leave a message. If this is an emergency, please hang up and call the Oakwood Clinic. If the clinic is closed, you will be transferred to the veterinarian on call.

“Don’t make me promise to call and then not bloody well show up.” I stabbed the red button to end the call and shoved the phone back in my pocket. Then I headed to the counter of the small hospital after-hours café to order three more coffees, three dry-looking chicken salad sandwiches, and a half-dozen chocolate chip biscuits to go.

I’d left Judah and Morgan holding the fort in Hannah’s room while I took my first break in hours. I’d been too scared to leave in case the staff came looking for me, and Hannah’s surgery taking longer than expected hadn’t helped my anxiety one little bit.

The osteotomy hadn’t gone as smoothly as Pauline had hoped. The damage to Hannah’s joint from her JIA had made realignment of the bony structures around it more difficult than predicted, and the added complexity meant Hannah hadn’t returned to the ward until almost eight o’clock.

The good news was that Pauline was delighted with the end result, even though it had taken her twice as long to get there. “It’s as good as we could hope to get,” she announced happily. “The rest is down to how Hannah’s body heals and adjusts to the new norm. Fingers crossed for a smooth post-op recovery. But since it wasn’t straightforward, I want to keep a close eye on her. Five days in hospital, not the three we talked about, okay? And once she’s discharged, I’d prefer you hang around in Auckland for another couple of days before you go north where you’re an hour or more from the nearest hospital. Can you manage that?”

I’d nodded. “I’ll make it happen.”

“Good.” Pauline stroked Hannah’s forehead. “She deserves a little bit of luck.”

When Pauline left, I settled in to watch Hannah slowly come around. But again, it wasn’t straightforward. Hannah was complaining of a lot of pain, which wasn’t responding well to the charted medication. It wasn’t only the surgical pain, but her whole body ached from the position she’d been locked in for hours while they worked.

If Judah and Morgan hadn’t been there to calm me down, I might’ve lost my cool completely... and unfairly. Everyone was doing their best, and I knew that. But I hated seeing my daughter in pain.

The nurse in charge eventually called the anaesthetist back to take another look. He charted a stronger analgesic regime and finally Hannah could sleep. By then I was wrung out and desperate to hear Spencer’s voice. For all that I had my two best friends at my side, it was Spencer I wanted, and I was done pretending that I could cut him out of my life as easily as I thought.

I’m falling in love with you too . . .

Every time I remembered Spencer’s words, the rush of warmth to my heart made me smile. He was such an arsehole, telling me that and then hanging up knowing I couldn’t or wouldn’t call him back. I should’ve been panicking at his confession, not to mention his audacity to assume I felt the same... even though I did. But instead, I’d felt oddly calm. Like it was inevitable. Like I’d been fooling myself trying not to give him any more of my heart than he already possessed.

Because Spencer was right. We were falling in love. The idea both terrified me and made my heart sing. It would also make the inevitable truckload of hurt headed our way a fuckton harder to deal with.

My phone vibrated and I quickly fished it out of my pocket. But when I saw my mother’s name and not Spencer’s, my heart sank.

Spencer bloody Thompson, where the fuck are you?

When I refused to leave Hannah overnight, the staff wheeled in a La-Z-Boy chair for me. Hannah might’ve been fine on her own, but I wouldn’t. I needed to be there just in case.

Judah and Morgan hung around until midnight and I was so damn grateful for their support. When Judah saw me struggling to thank them before they left, he hauled me into his arms until I was done making a sobbing fool of myself, kissed my cheek, told me he loved my stubborn arse, and that they’d bring breakfast in the morning. None of that hospital crap.

The new analgesics worked their magic, and the few times Hannah woke—mostly when they were checking her vitals or giving medications—she reassured me she was doing better. Colour slowly returned to her pallid face, but she looked so tiny and fragile under the mound of hospital covers that I wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and ferry her away until that beautiful smile returned to her face.

“Relax, Dad. I’m okay,” her last words before I finally caved and curled up in the chair to grab some sleep.

I hadn’t expected to do more than doze on and off for a bit, so when the relentless beep of an empty intravenous pump had my eyelids fluttering open hours later, I was pleasantly surprised.

Four fifty in the morning. With Hannah sleeping through the alarm, I checked my phone. Texts from Leroy, Kane, and Judah’s mother sat unanswered, but not a peep from the one person I was waiting for.

I’m falling in love with you too . Well, the man had a funny way of showing it.

The strip of light leaking through the partially closed door suddenly widened and Amy, Hannah’s nurse, crept in on silent shoes to change Hannah’s intravenous fluids and check her recordings. At her touch, the infernal beeping stopped and I nodded my gratitude. Amy smiled and disappeared back into the hall just as silently as she’d come.

I yawned and circled my head to unkink my neck, then pushed out of the chair and stretched the rest of me before walking to the window to stare at the lights of Auckland glittering in the darkness like a Christmas tree. I sighed and rested my palms on the cold glass, watching a stream of red taillights snake along the motorway toward the harbour bridge. As I watched, the door behind me opened once again, lighting up the room.

“Did you forget something?” I turned, expecting to see Amy, but found myself pulled into a tight hug instead.

“Yes,” an achingly familiar voice whispered against my hair and my knees almost gave way.

Spencer. Oh god. Spencer was here.

“You.” Spencer leaned back to look at me. “I forgot you. But that’s one mistake I intend to correct.”

“But—” My brain told my heart it wasn’t possible, but when Spencer pulled me tight against his chest, I caught a whiff of antiseptic, lanolin, and that woodsy cologne, and I knew my brain could go to hell. “How...? You’re supposed to be in Adelaide.” My arms slid around his waist and I melted against the heat of his body as we rocked in place.

“I belong here with you, not in Adelaide. But we can talk about that later.” He kissed my hair and anywhere else he could reach before finally finding my mouth. And when his tongue slipped between my lips and his taste exploded over my tongue, I almost wept.

We kissed hungrily, like our lives depended on it, and somewhere inside me a damn broke. A rush of emotion coursing through my body as I crushed myself against him, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. His hands slid up and down my back, then landed on my hips to pull me up on my toes so he could delve deeper into my mouth, his tongue igniting the fire I’d been craving for over a month.

When we finally pulled apart, Spencer glanced to where Hannah lay sleeping and cursed softly. “Shit, I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away.”

I turned his face back to mine and kissed him hard. “Don’t be sorry. She’s been out for hours.” I hesitated, then figured what the hell. “She also knows about me... about us. So, we’re good.”

Spencer studied me in the dim light. “What exactly does she know, and how is that for you?”

Smart man. I glanced at Hannah and sighed. “She knows that I’m bi, or whatever, and that you and I are maybe more than just friends, or that we’d like to be. I’m okay with it. I should’ve talked to her a long time ago. She almost gave us away to Judah.”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“It’s okay. I fixed it. But she’s a smart kid.” I pulled Spencer into the corner of the room and lowered my voice. “She saw us hugging in Oakwood Clinic. Then there was all the calling back and forth. It wasn’t hard for her to guess something was up. I told her it was complicated.”

Spencer slid an arm around my waist. “Ain’t that the truth. So, how’s she doing?”

“Better,” I answered, running my hands under his shirt to find his skin and smiling when he shivered. “She was in a lot of pain at first. It nearly did my head in.”

Spencer pulled a worried expression, those gorgeous brown eyes, coal-black in the semi-darkness. “How bad?”

“Bad.” I grimaced at the memory of her crying. “They eventually got it under control when the nurse called the anaesthetist back to re-chart her analgesia.”

Spencer crept to the side of Hannah’s bed and looked down at her, his brow creased in worry. He brushed a messy tangle of hair from her face and sighed. “She looks so damn helpless. I don’t know how you can bear it.”

I joined him, slipping an arm through his. “What choice is there? Every parent signs up for this.”

“No. Not every parent.” He cupped my face in his hands, his gaze so gentle on mine. “Don’t ever assume that the man, the Dad you are, isn’t special. I’m in awe and so bloody proud of you. You’re the best kind of father. The kind that I would’ve given anything to have.”

I closed my eyes and let his words sink in, because what the hell did you say to something like that? My heart ached for Spencer’s lost childhood, but it had taught him something I struggled to see in myself. And when I opened my eyes, he was watching me. “I guess I haven’t done too shabbily then, right?”

He chuckled and pulled me against him. “Not too shabbily at all. Hannah is a lucky girl. And I want to hear everything, but right now—” He led me away from the bed and back to the darkest corner of the room. “—I really, really need to kiss you.”

I looked over my shoulder, but Hannah was still asleep with her back to us, the click of the machinery and the noise from the hall loud enough to cover any small indiscretions on our part.

“We need to be quiet.”

“As a mouse.” Spencer brushed his lips over mine, then slid his tongue inside, teasing and tasting and drawing out every scrap of pleasure he could as we reconnected after a month apart.

He took his time, his fingers in my hair, a soft hum of appreciation rumbling up his throat. And just like that I was back in his Oakwood home, his hands on my body, the shock of delight on my lips, the craving for more. The same craving I’d pretended hadn’t kept me awake for weeks. Back in his arms was like coming home. Spencer Thompson felt like home.

And when the hell had that happened?

As fast as it started, it was over, and we pulled apart, panting, clinging to each other in a much softer embrace, his lips at my ear, whispering my name, how much he’d missed me, and that he was sorry he hadn’t answered my calls.

Which dropped me back into the present with a depressing thud.

I stepped back and thumped him on the chest, whispering, “Damn right you should be sorry. What the hell was that about?” I swallowed hard, wiping at my ridiculous eyes, which had suddenly decided it was time to leak again. “I thought... well, I didn’t know what to think. Not after you’d just told me you were falling”— thump —“in”— thump —“love with me.” Thump . “You’ve got a funny way of showing it, arsehole.” Thump . Thump .

“Ow, ow, ow,” Spencer mouthed, shooting a glance to Hannah who luckily hadn’t moved, before grabbing my hand and pulling me in for a quick hard kiss. And then another, softer this time. And another, feather tender, until I was jelly-legged and woozy in his arms.

“That’s not fair,” I whisper-grumbled against his smiling lips. “I’m too damn tired to fight you.”

“Do you want to fight me?” He pulled me against him, stroking my hair.

I didn’t resist. I also didn’t answer.

“I thought I’d fucked up,” Spencer whispered in my ear. “Telling you I was falling in love with you. I thought you’d shut me down again.”

“So... what?” I returned his whisper, tipping my head back so I could see the outline of his face in the dim light. “You decided you needed to fly back and explain, or maybe take it back? Yeah, I can see how that would be your first thought rather than simply picking up your phone.” I rested my head back on his shoulder. “Jerk. All you had to do was call and tell me you weren’t ready or hadn’t meant it. I understand.”

He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him, then dropped his voice even lower. “Not a chance. I meant every word. I am falling in love with you, Terry, and I’m not here to take anything back. I’m here because this is where I want to be. Wherever you are is where I want to be. Hannah too. And I’m so damn sorry it took flying three thousand kilometres and a come-to-Jesus moment with Zach to wake me up to that simple fact.”

“Zach?” I frowned. “What does—” I stopped myself. “No, I don’t want to know. Because whatever you two think you’ve cooked up, it’s wild thinking. Even if I was falling in love with you too, which I am. Even?—”

He pinched my lips together to shut me up. “Can I just enjoy the whole falling-in-love-with-me-too part for a moment before you go and ruin it with a whole lot of silly reasons why it can’t happen?”

I lost myself in his laughing eyes and wondered how I thought I could ever live without those in my life. “Mmmot mmmilly.” I argued around his fingers, which were still holding my lips together.

He chuckled. “You are too cute.” He released my lips and pressed a light kiss to them instead. “You were saying?”

“You’re ridiculous.” I kissed him back and let him hold me. “I was saying that even if I wanted the same thing, to be with you as well—and I do—look at our lives, Spencer. We don’t even live on the same island. I have a daughter and a business to run up here, and you have a clinic and a life down there.”

“So?” Spencer’s brows rose in challenge. “As a wise shepherd once told me?—”

“Oh god,” I groaned. “Not Zach again?”

Spencer put a finger to my lips as Hannah murmured something and rolled over onto her back. I tiptoed over to check but it seemed she was still asleep. I untangled her IV line, pulled the covers up to her chin, and returned to where Spencer waited in the shadowy corner of the room.

He slid an arm around my waist and pulled me close, keeping his voice low. “Just hear me out before you rip holes in everything, okay?”

I sighed but nodded. “Go on.”

“All Zach did was point out the obvious. He said that I’m going to a hell of a lot of trouble to shift to Adelaide when, if I felt as strongly about you as I do, I could put in the same effort to just stay in New Zealand and find a way for us to be together.”

I gaped up at him. “That’s—” I hesitated before the word ridiculous popped out yet again and ran his words through my brain a second time. The idea wasn’t... terrible. Not terrible at all. “—an interesting take on our situation.”

He grinned like the cat who’d got the cream. “Right? Pretty deep for a high-country shepherd.”

I huffed in amusement. “Now I know you didn’t tell him that.” I angled my head to better study Spencer’s face as I asked, “Does that mean you want to give us a chance more than you want an exciting new adventure in Adelaide? What happened to spreading your wings? Taking a break from the predictable hum drum of life? Wanting a new challenge?”

Spencer’s lips twitched. “Damn, you’re a tough nut to crack, although I’m beginning to appreciate that about you. But, to allay your fears, I have zero doubt that a relationship with you and Hannah will have plenty of its own challenges. In fact, I suspect there’ll be times when I’ll look back on the whole hum drum thing with a kind of wistful recollection.”

I snorted. “You’ve got that right. But what about the university? They flew you over and you were barely there a day before leaving. They can’t be happy.”

Spencer shrugged. “They know the basics around why I came back related to me wanting to be here for you after Hannah’s surgery. I had time with the staff and saw enough of the clinic setup to answer my questions. I spent all of Monday afternoon and most of yesterday there before catching the evening flight back to Auckland—which was why I didn’t answer your calls. I also haven’t given them my final decision. That’s because the next step is yours, sweetheart. If you decide that giving us a try isn’t what you want, then I’ll go ahead with my original plan. They’re a great group of people and keen to have me join.”

My hope withered. Falling in love or not, I couldn’t be responsible for holding Spencer back. I wouldn’t.

“Stop that right there.” Spencer turned the corners of my mouth up from the frown they’d settled into. “Nothing I saw or heard in my tour of the university changed my mind one little bit. None of it holds a candle to the chance of being with you, not even close. But that wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, so here I am.”

It took me a minute. “So, you’re serious then? You want me... like that? Like having a future... together? A couple? Long-term?”

Spencer chuckled. “I thought that’s what I said, but just to clarify, yes, all of the above. I want us to be that couple in our rocking chairs on the deck watching our grandchildren play. But I’ll settle for making it to the moving-in-together part first.”

Grandchildren? Moving in together? I blinked. Holy shit. The idea was crazy but Spencer didn’t look crazy. He looked... deadly serious. And it was so damn tempting. He was so tempting. It was a future I’d never dreamed possible. But I still didn’t get how we could make it happen.

I leaned in and hissed, “I have six words for you, smarty pants.”

He snorted. “Just six?”

I narrowed my gaze and pulled him down so I could whisper in his ear. “ One blow job. One hand job . That’s all we’ve done together. I’ve barely seen you with your clothes off, for fuck’s sake, and we’ve never slept in the same bed.” I pulled back and arched a brow. “Do you snore?”

Spencer waggled his brows. “First, that’s way more than six words. And second, yes, I snore but so do you.”

I opened my mouth to argue but he shushed me.

“And third—” He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “—after what happened in my study that night, I have zero concerns about sex with you other than I’m gonna need to install a fire extinguisher by our bed.” He snagged my lips in a kiss. “And believe me, I’m as keen to remedy that whole more-of-the-naked bit as you are.” He pulled the neck of my shirt out and pretended to peer down inside. “Mmm, can’t wait.”

“Shut up.” I slapped his hand away and glanced over my shoulder, but Hannah hadn’t moved.

Spencer huffed. “More significantly, I think we’ve pretty much nailed a lot of the important getting to know each other bits, don’t you?” He arched both brows that time. “And can I just point out that I’m the one who’s chasing here? Me. Spencer Thompson. Confirmed bachelor and king of the one-night stands. You do realise my reputation is shot to hell.”

My cheeks flamed even though his confidence in our sexual compatibility secretly pleased me, along with the word our . In our bed. “You’re impossible.”

Spencer’s smile slipped. “You know, I’d understand if you might have concerns... about... well, the sex part. I get you’ve had questions in your life about that before, and trust me when I say there is nothing we can’t work through if we talk about it. I want you , Terry. And that includes whatever you’re willing and wanting to give, nothing more.”

I thought about what he was asking. Thought about how amazing it was that he was open to the conversation. I thought about all those years I hadn’t missed a body in my bed. Hadn’t wanted... much... in that regard at all. And then I remembered Spencer’s study, thought about our kiss just minutes ago, and finally I shook my head. “No concerns... as such... not with you. I guess I’m still discovering that part of me and I can’t answer what I don’t know.”

His arms slid around my waist. “Then we take it slow and see where it leads. Besides, finding a resolution to our geographical challenges is going to allow plenty of time to fill in some of the blanks we don’t know about each other, right?”

“Says you,” I murmured. “But okay, I admit it’s tempting, although I’m not sure how long I could handle the long-distance thing. And neither of us have a lot of spare time to meet up and?—”

He silenced me with a long slow kiss that made my toes curl. “Can we step out for a moment?”

I glanced at Hannah and nodded. “Not too far.”

He led me into the corridor and across the hall into the cramped linen supply room. “This okay?”

“Really?” I chuckled. “You’re putting me back in the closet?”

He pinched my waist. “Are you fully out of it yet?”

That sobered me. “No. But it’s happening soon.” I cradled his face to emphasise my point. “I want to be honest in my life.”

He searched my eyes and then kissed me. “Okay. Well, in that case, I had time to think on the flight over, and I have a few ideas how to solve some of our problems, starting with me staying here with you while Hannah is in hospital. I already have the week off, and when I talked with Matt, he agreed to get a locum for the clinic so I could come back up here over Christmas and New Year.”

“Christmas?” I winced, imagining the commotion that little surprise was gonna cause in the small settlement of Painted Bay.

“ Which I will spend with my brother Derek.” Spencer allayed my fears. “It’s his first Christmas morning on his own since he was a teenager. The kids are coming in the afternoon and I want to be there for them as well. It’s gonna feel really strange for everyone. But once Boxing Day is done, I thought that maybe I could rent a car and drive up to Painted Bay for New Year, but only if that’s okay with you. I could stay a week or two while Hannah is rehabilitating, you could show me around, and I could meet your family and friends. And I can sort out my own accommodation, you don’t need to?—”

“Like hell.” I fisted his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss. “You’ll stay with us.”

Spencer grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that. And I figured we could see how things looked by the end of that time, how Hannah’s recovery was going and what the decision about Nolan was and so on, and plan from there.”

I frowned. “But what about the clinic long-term? We’re not going to have things between us sorted out in just a couple of months. What do you think Matt will say about it?”

Spencer shrugged. “When I explain things, I think he’ll be ecstatic just knowing he won’t be losing me altogether. I figure he’ll be more than happy to plug my absences with a locum where it’s needed while you and I work things out. And now that Connor’s fully qualified, he can take over some of the domestic pet work.”

I stared at him, stunned. “You’ve really put some thought into this. But none of it solves the fact that I still have a business to sort out, and I’m either going to be living in Painted Bay if Hannah’s recovery has any glitches or in Wellington if she goes to Nolan.” Or she could board like she so desperately wants to a small voice reminded me.

“I didn’t say I had all the answers.” Spencer stroked my cheek and I realised how negative I’d been sounding. “Only that I’m willing to work with whatever creative solutions we can find. Maybe I’ll still take that year off and put a locum in Oakwood. Maybe I can find my own locum work close to Painted Bay or in Wellington. We have options.”

I gaped. “You’d really do that?” I couldn’t believe my ears.

He cupped my cheek. “Of course I’d do that. I’m way more flexible in where I can move than you are right now. It might still mean some time apart but we’d be a lot closer to each other. I’d be okay with that if you are. Plus, did you forget the part where I was about to pack up and head to Adelaide? It’s a geographical switch, nothing more.”

I sent him my best you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look and he pulled a face.

“Yeah okay, so it might be a bit more complicated than that, but the point is, you matter enough to me right now to say no to Adelaide. Imagine how I’ll feel in six months if things really start to hum between us.”

God, this man . I had no words and I was done pretending. I cupped his cheek, his heavy scruff coarse on my palm, and all those tears I’d been holding back, grief at the thought of never having him as mine, began to fall.

Spencer leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to both my eyes. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s all this?” He brushed our noses together. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m all in here, baby. Falling in love? In love? It’s a fine line at this point. I want this, Terry. I want you . And I’ll fight as hard as I can to make it happen.”

Spencer’s face swam in my vision, tears clouding those gorgeous brown eyes. I’d been fighting this, fighting him ever since we first met, but as I read the honesty in his gentle expression, those last walls finally crumbled. “I want all of that too,” my trembling voice barely audible in the quiet of the small room. “And I’ll fight hard for it as well.” He made it sound like a promise. I went up on my toes until my lips were almost on his. “Because you’re worth it.” I kissed him and his eyes lit up.

“That’s . . . Jesus, Terry . . . that’s . . . damn!” He grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off my feet.

“Hang on.” I laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. “Put me down, you crazy man.”

He did but kept me close.

“My agreement is conditional.” I told him.

Curiosity burned in his eyes. “All right, I’m listening.”

I cleared my throat. “ If we’re going to do this, there’s no way in hell that you’re going to be the one making all the sacrifices. You’re also not the only one who’s been thinking.”

His brow peaked with interest. “Is that right?”

“It is.” I smiled smugly. “I might not have got as far as you in admitting what I was feeling to myself and coming up with solutions, but I have been... reconsidering my all-or-nothing knee-jerk reaction. But all of my possibilities depend on Hannah’s recovery.”

Spencer’s smile broadened. “It’s nice to know it wasn’t just me.”

“It was never just you.” I stepped into him, bringing our bodies flush. “So, Mister Thompson, are we really doing this?”

He tucked an errant lock of hair behind my ears, his eyes shiny bright in the light from the hall. “Yes, Mister O’Connor, we’re really doing this.” He lowered his mouth to mine, and as our lips touched something in my heart broke free and took flight: one wing elation, the other nervous trepidation. My quiet, safe world was about to be tipped on its head. Everything was going to change. And I couldn’t have been more excited about it.

When Spencer was done feasting on my mouth, he leaned back and licked his lips. “I was planning to stay with Derek in case this didn’t go well, but I’m wondering now—” He ran a finger down my nose and throat all the way to the waistband of my jeans. “—whether that hotel bed of yours might be big enough for the two of us to snuggle and continue this conversation?”

I pretended to consider his suggestion. “Well, I suppose we could push the two singles together, although I’m not sure that’s strictly needed for a conversation .”

Spencer’s mouth curved up in a devilish grin. “True. Then again, I was also thinking that maybe after that particular conversation, we could begin working on improving the number of times we’ve seen each other... naked.” He shrugged. “Just saying.”

A huge smile split my face. “You have the best ideas.”