The Grand Duel (The Grand Men #4)

Chapter 48

FORTY-EIGHT

Lissie

T he record player is playing a soft, gentle song, the singer bleeding her heart out with her words. I’m lay on the sofa, wrapped in the blanket Charles threw at me after he came downstairs from his shower and stripped me of my T-shirt and then bent me over the sofa.

He’s now at the kitchen counter, continuing the dinner prep for tonight which he interrupted when he came down the stairs.

I’m completely and utterly in love.

So much so, I can almost forget the rotting feeling inside of me in these sacred moments and just be.

Him and me.

Almost. Until the guilt I feel for hurting becomes impossible to ignore.

I apologised to him for overreacting yesterday, but with the way I feel at times, I’m worried it will happen again.

I cried in bed last night, thinking he was asleep, my emotions catching me off guard and getting the better of me. He wasn’t asleep, and the panic I felt when he rolled over and pulled me into him, wrapping me up in his arms and kissing my neck…It made me feel like I’d failed him. That my sadness over this situation, and the fact my family life is a mess right now, is more than I can manage.

But I can manage it.

I am managing it.

I don’t know if he knew I was crying, but I hope that he didn’t. That I did a good enough job hiding it.

“I hope that beautiful mind is lost on me and nothing else, Lissie girl.”

I force my smile and stretch. Daisy and Luna stir, jumping up from the sofa.

I stand, pulling the blanket tighter as I walk to the kitchen island. I lean into him, and he drops the knife, letting me burrow into his bare chest—his warmth.

I breathe him in. The smell of him. The softness of his skin.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, kissing my hair. “More.”

Lifting my head, I let the worry and fear go, just being here with him in the moment.

Because this moment is the only thing I can control.

The song changes on the record player, and he starts to sway.

I smile and then chuckle when he takes my hand. “What are you doing?”

“Dancing with you.”

“Naked?”

“I have boxers on.” He palms my ass through the blanket. “I’d say you’re more naked than I am.”

I nod. “I’m pretty sure your cum is running down my thigh, so I have to agree.”

He drops his head back and laughs, a deep rumbling sound that makes my insides warm. When he rights his head, he sobers his features. Or tries to. His cocky smirk still lingers.

“Need me to come scrub you clean, baby?”

I shake my head. “I need you to prep the dinner before your friends get here.”

“ Our . Our friends,” he corrects. He flicks his head to the side. “Go and get changed. We can take the dogs down to the woods before everyone gets here. Burn off some energy.” He kisses me.

“Hmm,” I groan against his mouth. “I can think of better ways to burn off energy.”

He smiles against my lips. “I was talking about the dogs.”

I chuckle and pull away. “Oh.”

He turns back to the worktop, picking up the knife again, his smile still there.

I head upstairs and quickly shower, excited to have everyone over for an evening.

It feels like a very grown-up, couple-y thing to do.

I walk from the bathroom into the walk-in wardrobe with a smile on my face, my towel wrapped around me as I search for the chunky warm hoodie I’m looking for. When I don’t find it on my side of the room, I opt to search its original home on Charles’s side, presuming he’s stolen it back.

With no luck, I frown, eyeing the washing basket.

I start burrowing through it, locating it near the bottom. “Shit.” I push it back in with the intention to find a clean one, but my eyes catch on the suit jacket that’s now hanging half out of the washing basket. Or more so the piece of shiny paper poking out from the pocket.

I know what it is without needing to look, but I do. I reach into the jacket pocket and pull the scan photo from inside.

Sometimes I don’t really believe in happiness. Not with the way it can be there, in all its trickery, so full and loud, and then without warning, without care for the excitement and joy, it’s shattered. Shattered and gone.

Sadness, I can believe in.

Sadness always shows back up.

I allow myself to look at the little life in the photo, my hand shaking as tears fill my eyes, and then I get dressed, a little numb. A little lost. A million questions running through my mind.

When I eventually take to the stairs, ready to walk the dogs, Charlie is at the bottom waiting. “It’s okay, baby, we have all the time in the world.”

I force a smile. Or I try to.

I grab my wellies from outside and slide them on, noticing my shaky exhale as I stand, the way my heart feels like it’s too big for my chest.

“I think it’s going to rain.” He turns to look at me. “Should we get those towels in off the washing line before we go?”

I frown, not being able to fully focus on him. “No. No, it’s fine.”

The dogs set off towards the road, and all I can think about is that they should be on leads. That he puts too much trust in them when we walk to the woods, and that I wish he’d listen to me more.

“Dais. Lu,” he calls.

I continue following him across the road, over the bridge, towards the woods, my throat and eyes burning.

“Lu!” he calls, my heart going too fast. “Wait.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “I’ve not worn you out already, have I?”

His smile catches me off guard, his happiness. Because that should make me happy, shouldn’t it?

I shake my head. “No.”

He turns, walking on.

I always lag behind on our walks, normally because I like to see the three of them in front of me. Safe and with me.

Right now, I’m lagging behind because I’m scared. I’m scared to look him in the eye because I’m pretty sure he’s hidden this from me.

My hands are sweating, my heart pounding, but I try with everything inside of me to keep my voice casual when I ask, “Has Emily had any scans recently?”

His boots scuff along the ground, his head not turning, not until he’s thought it through.

The time it takes to answer should be answer enough.

I stare at his back, my heart in my throat.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

My feet come to a stop.

My world comes to a stop.

He flicks his gaze over his shoulder, probably wondering why I’ve not answered. He double takes. “Lis?” he asks, stopping and turning fully. “What’s wrong?”

The distance between us feels colossal. Even as he starts to close it.

He lied to me.

He lied to me as if it was nothing.

“What’s the?—”

I shake my head, turning. I run back through the entrance of the woods, hearing his feet follow, hearing him shouting my name. Hearing him shout for the dogs who are running in the other direction.

I manage to reach the front gate of our home before his arms come around me. “Stop!”

Tears fill my eyes, the feeling inside of me making me want to run a million miles away from him.

He turns me in his arms, looking down at me whilst keeping me in his grasp. His face is pale—terrified. “I knew it was too much. God, Lis, you don’t deserve this. It’s not fair what this is doing to you.”

I push out of his hold, my anger igniting. “It’s not that. It’s not the situation, it’s you.”

His face falls as if I’ve slapped him. “Lissie.”

I shake my head, wanting to go back to this morning. Wanting to start this day all over again.

“I can see you’re hurting, Lis. I heard you crying last night. Do you think I don’t know that you’re struggling?”

“You lied to me,” I say, my voice breaking. I pull the scan photo from my pocket. “It’s not that you may or may not be having another woman’s child. It’s the fact you’re a liar. That you want to hide this and everything else relating to it from me.”

He stares at the scan photo, his eyes shooting wide. “Lissie?—”

“This is dated weeks ago. Weeks . Were you ever going to show me?”

His eyes grow glassy.

“What happens when the baby comes? Have you thought about that, Charles? Are you planning on living two lives, keeping me separate from it all?”

He shakes his head. “No!”

“One where you’re daddy, and the other where you come home and fuck me.”

“I just wanted to protect you! I didn’t want to hurt you with this. With everything you told me about your?—”

“You’re hurting me now! You’re hurting me by keeping this from me!” I turn and walk towards the house, my breath growing short the more worked up I get.

“Wait.”

“Leave me alone!”

“No,” he says, voice rising, panic making it unsteady. “No, stop.” He reaches for me, grasping my arm, but I snatch it away. “Lissie.”

“Don’t touch me. I don’t want to be near you right now,” I tell him, my tears not waiting and falling freely.

“You can’t keep doing this. You hide away from me every time you get upset and then wonder why I keep things from you. Jesus Christ, Lis, I’m literally only thinking about you in all of this. About how I keep this from hurting you.”

I turn on him at the door. “I don’t want you to keep it from me! Yes, it’s hard. Yes, maybe I get upset sometimes. But I’m human. I’m human, and I’m here . I’m here because I chose to do this with you no matter the outcome.” I shake my head as tears continue to flow down my cheeks, hating that he can see them. “I asked you to tell me, and you didn’t, and then you lied to me about it.”

He locks his jaw.

“Where are the car keys?” I ask.

He shakes his head, panic flaring on his face. “You’re not leaving.”

“Where’s the keys?” I ask again, my voice breaking.

He steps into me, bending to look into my eyes. “Lissie, please?—”

I push him back. “Give me the fucking keys, Charlie.”

He snaps his mouth closed, his eyes wild as they watch me. He dips his hand into his pocket and pulls out the keys to the house and Jag.

I take them and turn, not wanting him to see me in this moment. Knowing what’s about to unleash and needing to be away from him when it happens. I unlock the front door and then walk towards the car.

“Lis.”

I shake my head, rushing to open the door.

“Don’t leave.”

My heart feels like it’s broken.

“Lissie, please don’t leave.”

I shut the door to block him out and try to start the engine, but my hands are shaking, and I drop the keys. “Shit.” I wipe at my face, trying to clear my eyes.

The door is pulled open, his hand reaching past me before I can stop him.

“Charlie,” I protest, trying to push him back.

“Stop!” he snaps, and Luna barks at his back.

He finds the keys on the floor of the car and then turns, throwing them into the trees on the other side of drive.

“What are you doing?”

“Get out of the car,” he says, breath ragged. “Now. Get out of the car.”

I meet his stare, his face red and angry and terrified all at once.

My eyes fill again, my chin wobbling. I frown, knowing I have to be better, knowing I need to try harder to hold it together.

But I can’t.

I can’t because it’s killing me inside. And I think he knows it.

I cover my face as a sob racks through my entire body, his chest meeting the backs of my hands a moment later, his strong arms wrapping around me.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

My shoulders shake in his hold, my resolve broken.

He lied to me.

I lean back, needing space.

“Lissie, I’m sorry, please.”

I climb out of the car, nodding as I walk into the house, the dogs following behind me.

“Let me explain properly.”

“I want to be on my own.” I cover my mouth as I run up the stairs, my face wet with tears. “Please just leave me alone.”

Charlie

I trudge through the grassy area on the opposite end of the driveway, my eyes scanning the ground as I try to locate the keys.

The chances of finding them are slim to none because I’m not even really looking. But sitting on the front porch contemplating how much time Lissie might need to herself before I find a way for her to forgive me, knowing it’ll probably be infinite, seemed like the perfect way to drive myself senseless.

The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt her. It’s the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do—and that was before I knew what she’s been through.

She doesn’t deserve this.

She doesn’t deserve it, and yet I’ve somehow driven the knife that much deeper by trying to shield her from it.

I’ve stood up and told my friends what absolute idiots they are for making certain decisions in their relationships, cold calculations and reckless judgement, and yet here I am, wondering at the depths of my selfishness.

How much longer I’ll let this go on.

How much longer I’ll watch her wilt.

I’m not sure who I’d be without her—not anymore. But the person she is because of the man I am today isn’t someone I’ve loved like I promised I would.

And how fucking dare I treat her that way.

Who am I to hurt her ?

I tip my head back and look up through the trees.

Selfish . That’s who I am. What I embody in this moment. Because as I cross the drive and walk towards my home, our home, I know only two things. One: Lissie Elton would be happier without me right now. And two: I’d never survive the reality of that fact.

So, I’ll beg and pray and fight—I’ll fight for us.

When I push open the front door, I find her rounding the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes are red and puffy despite the obvious effort she’s made to cover them.

I can’t help but stare at her, every inch of my body achingly aware of her pain.

When her eyes gloss over, I contemplate stepping forward to hug her. The fact I don’t know if it’s what she wants hurts more than I can put into words.

“I’ll put this right, Lis. I promise.”

Her eyes dart around my face, the composure laced in her stare not something I knew could be possessed. Not with the way they tore through me only an hour ago. Not with the way she broke in my arms.

“I promise, Lissie. I’ll?—”

“Hello!”

Lissie dips her head, quickly rounding the stairs and walking off to the kitchen.

I turn and look down at Nina as she ushers Ellis into the house, Mason trailing in behind them with Ave in his arms.

I swallow and clear my throat. “Hi.”

“Auntie Scarlet saved a life today!”

I force a smile and duck down to Ellis’s height, taking off his jacket. “Auntie Scarlet is a superhero, that’s why.”

My insides feel like they’re melting away, the way I could simply run a million miles from myself making my skin burn.

It feels like my soul is tied to the woman on the other side of the room, and instead of the rope feeling taut, strung tight by our usual insanity, it’s slack, piled in a heap of my mistakes on the floor.

“Something smells incredible!” Nina sings, stepping past me.

Ave throws her arms out at me, and I take her, knowing Mason’s eyes don’t miss what Nina’s did.

He doesn’t comment, following his wife into the kitchen.

I watch as Lissie pulls Nina in for a hug, holding on to her tight. Watch as she leans in and hugs Mason. And I hate it. Not that she has them now—that, I wouldn’t change for the world. But the way I can’t give her what they can, the love she needs to fix the pain I inflicted on her… I look away, my teeth clenched tight as I turn.

“Charles.” Scarlet’s soft voice catches me off guard.

She frowns, watching me.

“Scar,” I say, my voice betraying me. I clear it. “Sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t be.” She gives me a small, sad smile. “Shit, isn’t it.”

My eyes burn, and I don’t answer. I can’t.

“Love,” she confirms, huffing a somewhat sombre laugh. “Spoiler, it doesn’t ever get any easier.” She passes me, offering me a sympathetic look before she joins the others in the kitchen.

I have only seconds before Elliot and Lucy come through the front door.

I greet them numbly, robotically. I walk with them into the kitchen, my eyes on Lissie, waiting for hers to look my way.

Elliot must say something to me, and everyone laughs. I look between them and then offer a forced smile, not even hearing them.

“Lis,” I say across the kitchen island. “Can I do anything?”

She meets my eyes and then everyone else’s, the tension between us echoing into the concrete at our feet. Into the very foundations of us.

“No.” She blinks, looking down at the chopping board. “I’ve got it handled. Why don’t you get everyone set up in the dining room.”

I stare at her, needing everyone to leave.

I need them all to go home.

“I made a crumble,” Scarlet says, stepping up beside me and cutting through the silence in the room. “Everything looks beautiful, Lissie.” She grabs my hand at my side, squeezing it.

I force my gaze from Lissie, looking down at the lavender-haired woman at my side.

She twists her head to the side, lightly shaking it, pleading with me.

I let go of her hand and sigh, turning to lead the way into the dining room.

“What a feast.”

Lissie smiles at Elliot across the table.

“Truly,” Nina agrees at her side. “Lissie, it’s delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

She reaches for her wine and takes a sip, her every movement laced with pain. Or at least it feels that way. “I mostly used cookbooks in my teens. My parents worked away a lot, so I’d cook for my sister and me.”

“What was it you said your parents did for a living?” Lucy asks.

I reach across the table and pick up the half-empty bottle of red wine. “More wine?” I say, filling Scarlet’s. “Lucy, you’ve not told us about the new house yet.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful. You’ll have to come out and…”

She continues to speak, but I tune her out, glancing over to Lissie. Her eyes flash to mine, holding for no more than two seconds before she focuses back on Lucy.

“The entry is the star of the show, though. It’s like a fairy tale.”

“Fit for a princess.” Elliot winks at his wife.

Lissie smiles, looking down at her barely touched plate of food.

“Where’s my fairy tale castle, Mase?” Nina says, teasing.

“You want a castle, baby?” Mason throws back, letting Ellis down when he slides from his lap.

He walks to Lissie’s side, tapping her arm, the conversation continuing around the table.

She twists, looking down at him with a full smile.

When he looks towards her stomach, my heart sinks. “Where’s your baby?”

Her face fractures.

“Ellis!” Nina snaps.

“My baby?” Lissie asks, her voice almost a whisper as she looks down at the little boy.

“Uncle Elliot told Nanny Frey.” He looks towards Elliot and then at me. “Uncle Charlie is having a baby.”

“Oh, no, Ellis,” Nina explains at the same time Mason says, “Ellis, come and sit down. Now.” He pushes back his chair and rounds the table, picking up his son. “Sorry, Lissie.”

“It’s okay,” Lissie tells them. “It’s…” She stalls, the table quiet and waiting for her to finish.

They’re waiting for her to finish, but she can’t.

“I’m going to get that crumble,” Scarlet says, standing. “Where can I find the dessert bowls, Lissie?”

She blinks her eyes closed momentarily and then opens them, pushing back her own chair.

I follow the two women from the room.

“Lis,” I say, catching up to her.

Scarlet walks into the kitchen and goes straight to the cupboard where we keep the bowls.

“Baby—”

She turns and shakes her head at me. “Not now.” Her eyes are wide, forced open to put a stop to what lingers behind them. “Not now, Charlie.”

I run my hands through my hair, watching as she carries on, taking the cream out of the fridge and then picking up the stack of bowls. Scarlet walks past me with the crumble, and I wait, hoping Lissie will at least look at me as she passes. That she’ll give me something. Any indication of what she needs.

She gives me nothing.

We sit back down at the table, the conversation flowing between our guests as they eat and drink.

I watch Lissie the entire time, wondering how long the shine in her eyes will stay there before a tear leaks free. Wondering if she’ll simply wipe it away and carry on like she always does.

Wondering if being selfish is fair anymore.

Wondering if tomorrow will be as impossible as I think it will be.

She sits at the table until everyone’s bowls are empty, quietly excusing herself and taking all she can carry from the room.

I should get up and help her.

I should get up and do something.

But I’m glued to my seat, the conversation quietly fading around me as a new reality settles on my chest.

My eyes burn, my heart…my fucking heart.

I turn my head an inch, side-eyeing Mason.

His face is hard—grim.

Because he knows.

Maybe they all know.

“Coats on, fuckers.” He stands. “Night’s done.”

My friends file out of my home, their reserved chatter haunting—nothing like them.

I walk from the dining room and up the stairs to the main bedroom.

I ease the door open and let my eyes fall on her. She’s pacing the room but stops when she sees me, her hand lifting to cover her mouth, her other held out. “Sorry.”

I shake my head as her tears spill over, everything inside of me throbbing at the sight of her. At the sight of her anguish.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs.

Three strides, and she’s in my arms, her body slumping.

I close my eyes as her shoulders shake, knowing her heart is breaking at my hands, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.

“I’m so sorry,” she chokes out, her cries only worsening. “I tried—I’m trying so hard.”

“Baby, no.” I screw my face up, the flash of anger that flares through my chest meant for me and me alone. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her. “You’re everything to me, Lissie. Everything.” Tears fall from my own eyes. “You’ve done nothing wrong, baby.”

I hold her. I hold on to her for hours on our bedroom floor, telling her over and over again how much she means to me, how much I love her, how none of this is on her.

When she falls asleep in my arms, her body finally free of her sobbing, I carry her to our bed and lay her in it. I pull the covers up over her and lean in to gently kiss her forehead.

And then I pack my bags, and I leave.

Lissie,

My beautiful, stubborn, girl.

There are few things I never thought I’d do in my life. Moving out of my penthouse was always one of them. Not needing the club was another. And falling in love? Simply unimaginable.

But then I met you.

It’s crazy to me that you not only came into my life in the way that you did, but that you chose to stay.

The few things I never thought I’d do in my life changed when I met you, Lis, and yet here I am, doing those very things, too, as I walk away from you.

I don’t want to leave, but I know that deep down, past the very defiance I love, you know it’s the right thing, too. Not because we don’t belong together—nothing could convince me of that. But because there is no want or need loud enough inside of me to ever warrant ignoring the pain I’m knowingly putting you through.

I love you. More than you’ll ever know. And I will come home.

I’ll always come home to you, baby.

But right now, I’m messing up the one good thing I’ve ever known.

You deserve a man who can offer his life to you, be that as a father or simply a man, and right now, for the next six weeks, I don’t possess that.

The house is yours.

The dogs wouldn’t know themselves without you.

If you never choose to forgive me, Lissie girl, know that you changed me in ways I never knew possible, and I’ll forever be thankful to you for that. You made me a better man and a happier one. And if you do choose to forgive me when it’s time, know that I’m terrified. Know that I’m writing this utterly terrified of the man who may come back to you.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be what you deserve, but I will always come home.

Then. Now. Tomorrow.

Forever.