The Grand Duel (The Grand Men #4)

Chapter 49

FORTY-NINE

Lissie

I lie in our bed watching the rain lash against the window, my pillow becoming saturated beneath my cheek as another tear rolls over the bridge of my nose and drips onto the fabric.

He left me.

He waited until his friends had gone, put me to bed, and left.

After weeks of trying to be what he needed, I cracked, and because of that, he left.

I knew I was too much.

I learnt from a young age what showing too much emotion can do to a relationship, and the anger I originally felt when I woke up to an empty bed this morning is now directed solely at myself.

Because I know better than to give so much to one person.

And I gave Charlie Aldridge everything I had.

I didn’t just exist. I existed for him.

I sniffle, my nose blocked from the onslaught of emotions I’ve felt in the past twelve hours. Luna groans and crawls up the bed, resting her head on my arm.

How can he leave them?

How can he tell me to stay here in his home and leave the dogs?

Where has he gone?

Where will he live for the next six weeks?

Tears begin to fall again, and I pull back the covers, needing to feed the dogs. I pull on my oversized cardigan and make my way downstairs.

He said he’ll come home once Emily has had the baby. Once he knows if it’s his.

What kind of woman would I be if I stayed and waited for him?

If I let him have me again after the storm passes?

Am I not worth weathering?

Was there nothing important enough to stay for?

I’ve had my feet on the ground this entire time. My heart ironclad. I was willing to stand by him, eyes wide open, and he’s given up.

He doesn’t think I can handle it, and that’s okay because I probably can’t, but I have more self-respect for myself than to sit here and wait for the world to be okay again before he wants me.

After I’ve fed the dogs, I sit out on the porch with them for hours as they dash around in the rain. Nina, Scarlet, and Lucy all message me throughout the course of the morning, but I don’t read any of their messages, exhaustion taking over.

When Nina starts calling me just after lunch, I know if I continue to ignore her, she’ll drive out here, and that’s the last thing I want.

I wait for the call to ring out and then pick up my phone, swiping open their texts.

Nina

Please call me if you need me. We’re here for you, Lissie.

Lucy

Can I please come and cuddle you?

Scarlet

We’ll be having roast dinner at two-ish today. Charlie can’t make it, and we don’t want you to be alone. I know you’ve got the Jag, but I can come and get you if you’d rather.

Better yet, there’s plenty of spare rooms here—the dogs are welcome too.

I wipe under my eyes, looking to the porch roof as they fill.

He left the car?

I just presumed he’d taken it.

I reply to Nina first.

Thank you. I just need some time.

I stare at Scarlet’s messages, wondering how a group of people can be so kind to me after knowing me for only a matter of months.

I can’t help thinking that Charlie has told them to reach out. That he can make dinner today but would rather see that I’m not on my own.

Where is Charlie?

I send the text and lock my phone, my toes rolling in my slippers.

I hate not knowing where he is. If he’s at a hotel. Staying with one of the guys, or at Mason’s place in the city.

Scarlet

I won’t lie to you, Lissie. He left for the airport early this morning. He never said where he was going. We weren’t sure if you’d know.

I place my hand on my chest, my heart feeling like a knife has been jabbed through the centre.

Is he visiting his parents?

Where is he going?

I close my eyes as my shoulders shake, my emotions slipping out from under me. I feel a wet muzzle nudge against my head, soft at first and then harder, until I lift my head and look down at Daisy. She turns and sits down between my legs.

After a while, I take both dogs inside and bath them, lighting the fire after so that they can dry off. With my eyes red and sore, my body drained, I lie down on the sofa with a blanket and close my eyes.

Three days later…

Mason’s name flashes on my phone screen, and I stare at it, knowing I should answer but not having the energy.

He calls me every day at six p.m., like clockwork. He asks me how I am, if I need anything, and then tells me that Charlie’s fine, that he’ll be travelling back to the UK soon.

What that’s supposed to mean to me, I have no idea.

He didn’t show up at the office on Monday morning, but Edna quickly informed me she’d had a phone call to “explain everything.”

I went to my office and cried after she told me that.

Because why couldn’t he pick up the phone and call me?

Why can’t he explain it to me?

When he failed show up on Tuesday, I took my laptop back to the cottage and worked from the sofa with the dogs curled up around me, not wanting anyone to see how much of a mess I was.

It’s now Wednesday night, and after a day in the office with Edna acting like I’m made of glass, I’m sat on the sofa again, the dogs by the fire, leaving me feeling pathetically alone in the silence.

I let Mason’s call ring out and then switch my phone onto Do Not Disturb, not wanting to speak to anyone.

I pick at the blanket, my eyes burning as I think about all the nights I’ve spent on this sofa with Charlie. The way he’d wrap me up and talk to me all night long about anything and everything.

I probably should have known it was too good to be true.

That the way I felt with him, in his home, wasn’t something I should bet my heart on.

I snap my eyes towards Luna when she bolts upright, her little eyes trained on the door. My heart jars at the sound of keys twisting in the lock a moment later and sit up in the seat.

Is he…has he come back?

He’s the only other person with a key.

It builds in me, emotion on emotion on emotion. That feeling of them coming home. That feeling of knowing it’s not just me anymore. Hope, want, need, sadness—burning, aching sadness.

I swallow, clenching the blanket in my hands, my eyes welling at the relief.

But then my sister walks in through the archway with Willow in her arms, Charlie at her back with bags clutched in both hands, and my world stops spinning completely.

“Jove?” I whisper in disbelief, standing and rounding the sofa.

My gaze goes between them all, settling eventually on Charlie as my head tries to catch up with my racing heart.

Guilt. It’s what he feels at his core. I can see it. Beneath heavy shoulders, red, tired eyes, and days of no sleep. He stands with his guilt pouring out of him.

And I hate how much I need him to not feel that way. How much it hurts to see him so broken.

He doesn’t hold my gaze, not managing more than a couple of seconds of the sight of me before he places down the bags and turns to walk out of the house.

His house.

Our home.

I watch him leave, the tears sliding down my cheeks burning into my skin.

My baby sister’s arms wrap around me, hugging me in a way only she ever could, and I fall apart in the safety of them.

Charlie

I kick off my shoes with Ave held in my arms, her sleepy body warm against my chest. I settle back into the nook, my eyes drifting closed as I let the weight of the precious life in my arms comfort me.

I’ve been travelling for the past three days, and I’m exhausted. I’ve not slept for more than five minutes—quiet moments where my eyes have grown too heavy to stay open.

But Jovie is home. Lissie has her sister, and she isn’t alone.

She can meet and spend time with Willow.

She can heal.

And I can figure everything else out.

I can go back to her with a reality.

I knew Lissie would be home and likely struggling, but locking eyes with her, seeing her raw and hurt, it tore me apart.

One look, and I questioned it all.

One look, and I thought maybe I was wrong, that this is the wrong thing for us both.

The makeshift bed dips as Scarlet climbs into the nook, her eyes heavy. “I didn’t hear her crying,” she whispers, lying down beside me.

“She wasn’t,” I tell her.

She sighs. “Are you going to tell us what happened? Mason and El are worried.”

The door creaks and we both look towards the sound, finding Nina poking her head into the room. She spots us in the nook and pads across the room. “What time is it? I didn’t hear Ave, sorry.”

Scarlet shakes her head, but I’m not sure Nina even catches it. She climbs in the nook, kisses my shoulder, and then both women are settling in beside me.

There was a time Nina would sleep in here with Ave every night. A time when Scarlet wasn’t able to be a mother on her own. It was Nina who not only filled in for her on those nights but dragged Scarlet out of bed to do it with her. Because of that, she never missed a second.

“A problem shared is a problem halved,” Scarlet eventually whispers.

I swallow, looking up at the fairy lights on the low ceiling.

“I think everyone is just a little confused. We thought Lissie was being supportive?”

“She was,” I tell them. “She is.”

“You had a fight?” Nina asks.

I sigh. “I hid a scan photo of Emily’s from her.”

Both women lie in silence.

“It might not even be my child. Why would I show it off? Why would I show her something I know would hurt her?”

I close my eyes when neither of them speaks.

“Lissie practically raised her sister. She’s lived her whole life putting her first and then she met me.” What if I was wrong? What if I made a mistake by leaving? “I just wanted her to put herself first. To tell me what a fucking idiot I am for ever going to that club and putting her in this situation.”

“But what if she doesn’t think that?” Nina asks.

She has to think that.

“Is it so hard to believe that someone could care enough to be strong for you, Charles?”

“She shouldn’t have to be strong for me. Not now and not ever.”

“That’s not realistic,” Scarlet tells me, defeat in her tone. “Of all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you like this—this…afraid.”

“Is that it?” Nina asks, and I feel her eyes settle on me.

I frown, smoothing my hand up Ave’s back.

“Charles,” Nina says softly.

I drop my head to look at her.

“You’ll make the most incredible father. This child would be lucky to have you as its dad, but regardless of what happens, you’re already the best man I know. And no matter what you’ve done, how much you’ve hurt Lissie and even yourself, I know without question that you’ve done it with the best intentions.”

I search her face, knowing she means every word.

Looking back up to the lights, I sigh and close my eyes.

Lissie

I stand in the doorway of the children’s bedroom, watching as Willow rifles through Ellis and Ave’s toys. Charlie wanted to have bunk beds built in their bedroom, four of them, making sure we have enough beds for all of the Lowells, Sullivans, and what we hope to one day be mini-Montgomerys. Ellis and Ave have only stayed over once since we moved in, and we ended up having a sleepover on the living room floor, not even using the beds.

Charlie said we’d make it a monthly routine for them, and it’s things like that which I can’t help but think about now. What he will tell Ellis. How will he explain to a three-year-old, who begs almost every time we see him to come sleep over, that he doesn’t live in his own home anymore?

I feel arms slip around my waist and smile, wrapping my sister in a hug. Her curls bunch at my chin, and I frown, breathing her in.

“She’s like a little hurricane.”

I chuckle. “She is,” I agree, watching my sweet niece play.

We stand in silence for a while, my body growing heavier the longer we remain in the hold.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

I shrug. “The same.”

She nods. “Better that I’m here, though.” She pulls away and studies my face. “You look tired, Lis. Are you sure you don’t want to take the day off? Charlie told me?—”

“We’re busy. I’m not leaving Edna to deal with it all alone.”

She leans against the opposite side of the door. “The house is beautiful. You guys did an incredible job with it.”

I nod, the sting in my chest as fresh and as sharp as the morning I woke up and read his letter. “Will you be okay here? I’ll get everything I need to work from home for a couple of days after today.”

“We’ll be fine. I have some things to do in the city if you could take us in with you.”

Mum and Dad.

I know it’s what she really means.

“Of course I can.”

She smiles, watching me. “I’ll cook tonight. I feel like we have a mountain of things to catch up on.”

I lean forward and kiss her head. “Okay.”

I walk into the room, sitting down with Willow.

“Hi,” I say playfully, nudging her shoulder.

“Hi!” she sings, getting up onto her knees. She has a princess crown on her head, her mousey curls unruly from sleep. “Would you like to play with me?”

“What are you playing?”

“Princesses.”

I widen my eyes, watching as hers light up. “Yes!”

She bunches her shoulders and goes to the toy box, picking up a dinosaur and putting it under her arm. She digs deeper, finding another of Ave’s sparkling crowns.

“You’re the scary princess, and this is your dinosaur. You have to chase me.”

“Oh.” I let my face fall. “But I’m not a scary princess.” I take the crown and put it on, waiting as her shoulders slump.

“No, Lissie, you pretend,” she pleads. “In real life, you’re beautiful.”

I try to keep my lips from twitching, picking up the dinosaur. “But I’m not a scary princess, Willow…” I look up at her slowly, my face transforming. “I’m the evil queen of all dinosaurs.” I inch forward, and she squeals, leaping up and diving into the bottom bunk behind her. “And this evil queen is hungry!”

“Ah, no, Mummy, help!”

I grab the covers, mimicking a dinosaur as I roar.

“Slay her!” Willow pleads, her giggles making my “evil queen of dinosaurs” facade slip a bit.

I laugh, grabbing her ankle and pulling her down the mattress, pretending to nibble on her toes.

She kicks and tugs away from me, her screams laced with her joy. I let her free, and she dives on me, wrapping her arm around my neck.

“Careful, Willow,” Jovie warns.

“I’ve got her! I’ve got her!”

I roll to the side, the tiny human dropping off my back and onto the bed.

“I’m going to get breakfast started,” I hear Jovie say. “Any requests?”

Willow jabs her foot out, catching me in the rib.

“Ow!”

“Evil queen on toast!” she tells her mum, coming back at me full force. I catch her and fall back to the mattress.

I look up through the bunk bed, finding Jovie at the door still. “Pancakes, please.”

She smiles at me, and it’s as good as a hot cup of tea.

There’s a reason I never drove the sparkling Mercedes my parents bought me when I passed my driver’s test at nineteen. One, it felt like hush money, and two, people are fucking crazy.

I dropped Jovie off at our parents’ house after she tiptoed around where she was going. I might not respect my parents very much, but I’m not going to see her walk when I’m able to drive.

The roads are busy being so early, and I don’t make it into the office until nearly ten a.m.

“Morning, Ed.”

She looks up from the reception desk. “Good morning, Lissie. I didn’t think you’d be in today?”

I look past her towards the corridor that leads to our offices. “Well, I am.”

And he will have to finally face me.

“How are you? Charles said your sister is home from Australia. You must be over the moon.”

I smile as I remove my coat. “Yes, it’s so nice to have her back. She should be here for a couple of weeks, so if you don’t mind, I may take some work home again.”

She waves her hand at me. “I do hope you’re not asking me.”

I dip my head to my shoulder. “You’re the one who hired me, Ed. I respect you.”

She pops a brow. “Well, then yes. You can work from home. In fact, you can head home today. An order.”

I huff a laugh. “Nice try.”

I hang up my coat and walk to my office, setting up.

My heart feels as if it’s twice the size since walking through the front doors. Although, I think it has all morning if I’m being honest. The idea that I’ll see him today after four days of nothing is making me a nervous wreck.

After last night, the way his eyes looked as if they hadn’t seen the inside of his eyelids in days, I need to see him.

I need to see him, and for him to see me, and then I need an apology and for him to come home and love me for the rest of our lives.

Four days of this silence has opened up a deep hole in my chest, and yet he thinks it’s better that we spend the remainder of the pregnancy apart.

What will be left of me by then?

How big of a void can I be before I cease to exist?

I thought all night long about what I’ll say to him when I see him, a million scenarios transpiring in my mind.

I lift the lid of my laptop and click onto our shared calendar, preparing for the day.

Three notifications pop up, one after another.

The first one is from last night. Eleven forty-one. A reminder that was sent to me via the calendar with an action labelled home with the note Lowerwick Estate .

I lift my hand to my throat, trying to ease the burn. Sitting forward, I click onto the next notification, a nine thirty meeting with a client.

I open the note.

HQ

My brows gather as I look towards my office door and the offices beyond. He’s not here? I push back my chair and walk numbly, heading down the corridor.

I push open his office door, my heart jarring when I find his desk cleared.

He’s working from headquarters permanently?

I grit my teeth, my hands fisting at my sides as tears gather in my eyes.

How can he be so thoughtful and sweet by letting me know where he is, only to clear his office out that same day because he can’t work alongside me?

“Lissie, love,” Edna calls, walking into the room. “Scott’s here, darling. Are you okay?”

I turn, not being able to hide my emotions. I force a smile and shrug, looking away.

“Why don’t you leave visiting today? Charlie wouldn’t expect you to go all?—”

I shake my head. “I need to go. I won’t be able to stay as long today because I have Robert Muller coming in after lunch. Could you maybe find his file for me? I’m behind this morning, Ed. I’m sorry. Traffic was a nightmare getting in.”

“Of course I can. And hey, if you’re not feeling up to it, take your laptop and work from home. I can meet with Robert.”

I meet her eyes and nod. “I’d have to come back for the car anyway, but thank you.”

“Alright, Love. How about I pop down to Dotty’s Bakery before you get back. I’ll get you one of those caramel shortbreads you like.”

I smile and lean into her, hugging her. “You’re the best.”

I pull up to the cottage at six o’clock and stare out through my windscreen, feeling like it’s not the same home as it was a week ago.

The traffic leaving London was as bad as my commute in, and the lack of conversation, which I’ve grown used to when travelling to and from the city with Charles, only made me think about the little moments I shared with him.

The silly jokes and teasing, and the looks he’d give me as if he couldn’t take his eyes off me.

I sigh, pushing open the car door and walking to the house. The smell of caramel instantly melts over me.

“Auntie Lissie!”

I smile at where Willow sits on the kitchen island holding a stick with an apple on the top.

“Oh, it’s toffee,” I say, chucking my bag down on the sofa.

Luna and Daisy jump at me, and I bend to smooth them down.

“Willow couldn’t wait for tea. She’s had hers.”

“It’s fine,” I tell Jovie, the sight of her in the kitchen making dinner throwing me off.

It was always me who would cook out of the two of us. Even when she got older, I’d be the one to do it.

I look down at the dogs, their tails wagging. “I’ll take you out first thing, babies.” I kiss Daisy’s head. “I promise.”

Her sad eyes haunt me, and I know it’s silly because she’s just a dog, but I’m certain she knows.

My throat starts to burn, and I blink, looking towards the fire, knowing it’s the girls’ biggest comfort outside of Charlie.

“I’m going to get some logs in for the fire,” I pass them and head for the back door.

Wrapping my cardigan around me, I step out into the cold night, quickly making my way down the path to the shed. I’m loading logs into the small basket, the torch on my phone my only light, when my phone pings with a new calendar notification.

I pull my phone from my pocket and read the updates.

Home

1 Hyde Park Gardens

Mason’s penthouse.

My chin trembles, and I give in to the ache in my throat, sitting back on the log behind me. I stare down at the notification with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I want to be mad at him. I want to hate him for leaving. But all I can think about is how he might be handling this and if the man who stood in our archway last night was as broken as he looked.

I hate that he’s alone. That he flew to the other side of the world to bring my sister home so that I wouldn’t be by myself but doesn’t allow that comfort for himself.

I want to hug him. To be held by him. I want to shower off the busy day together and then argue over what to have for tea before going with whatever I end up picking and eating it curled up on the sofa.

I just want him home.

I wipe at my face and click on his message thread, reading his last message.

There’s something really important I need you to take a look at in my office.

I smile as more tears fall, remembering the moment that followed.

I knock on the door and poke my head inside his office.

His smile instantly grows.

“What is it?”

He cocks his head to come closer, so I step inside and shut the door. “I’m very busy, you know, Mr Aldridge.”

He turns in his chair, his eyes tracking me across the room until I’m right in front of him. “Too busy for me?”

His hands reach for me, gliding up the backs of my thighs.

I shake my head, looking away. “I’m your assistant.”

“Then assist me.”

I chuckle, biting my lip. “The really important thing in your office…”

“It was on order,” he explains, pushing up the hem of my skirt. “It should be on my desk in a few short moments.”

“Mr Aldridge,” I say, sighing, smoothing my hand over his jaw. His eyes close at the touch. “You look hungry,” I whisper.

His lips part, eyes flicking up. “Starved, Lissie girl.”

I wipe at my face, my nose full as I sniff, trying to clear it.

I’m not sure I’ve ever fitted into someone’s life like I did into Charlie’s. As if I was finally at home. I thought he felt that too.

I could text him and tell him how much I love him still. How badly I want him to come home. How no amount of space will make our situation better.

But if I do that, and he tells me no. If I ask him to come home, and my voice grows needy, and then he tells me he won’t, I wouldn’t survive the rejection.

I’m barely holding it together as it is.

I lock my phone and pick up the log basket, carrying them back into the house.