The Hollow Gods (The Chaos Cycle #1)

Chapter 38

Chapter

Thirty-Eight

MIYA

Miya had never seen Kai look so raw. He was rattled, the nightmare whittling away the last of his defences. He didn’t seem like someone who feared loss, but perhaps Miya was na?ve to think that. No one was invincible.

His mouth was on hers so fast that she barely had time to think. There was a feral hunger to him, and for the first time, she saw how deep it ran. It was more than just appetite, more than a taste for vices like alcohol and sex; it was a gnawing emptiness—a loneliness that cut to the bone. Perhaps he’d gotten a glimpse of what it would mean to have his solitude salved, and the prospect of returning to that void ignited a fervent need to slake his hunger.

Miya’s limbs wrapped around him without her say-so, her body commanding her to meet the weight of his hips on hers. Her breath caught when she felt his arousal against her naked thigh, but he was completely unabashed, a low groan rolling through his chest as he took her bottom lip between his teeth. They’d haphazardly fooled around earlier, their touches playful, exploratory, absent of any investment. Now they were both scalding, and neither of them seemed keen on tempering the heat.

Suddenly aware of her own blood pumping furiously through every vein, Miya fisted Kai’s shirt with both hands, equal parts nerves and excitement as she swallowed the lump in her throat. The pain in her arm had subsided. Despite the haunting that’d nearly bested them mere moments ago, Kai’s expression was calm as he took her in with those molten eyes—waiting, appraising. His hands rested against her thighs, thumbs smearing some of the blood that’d soaked through her clothes. She gave a small nod—permission—and he reached for her bra clasp.

“Wait,” Miya stopped him, realizing how close she was to complete vulnerability. “You first.”

His composure suffered a hairline fracture as he broke into a smile, his nose nudging her cheek. He rolled back onto his knees and stripped off his clothes, tossing his t-shirt, jeans, and boxers to the floor next to the mattress.

Miya sat up and pressed her back to the wall. She thought getting him naked would even the playing field—make her feel less exposed—but alas, she was a fool. Her eyes travelled over his torso, lingering on every line, then stopped at the inevitable. She’d already seen him unclothed—bloody and enraged under the willow—but she’d avoided looking below his waist in the name of some brittle veneer of propriety. Now, she couldn’t stop staring, a cocktail of anxiety and anticipation swirling violently through her gut.

Kai, for his part, seemed completely nonchalant. He canted his head, eyes never leaving her as he evaluated her state. “You going to be all right, Lambchop?” There was teasing in his voice, a balmy smile ghosting his lips.

“Yeah,” she croaked. “I just don’t really know what I’m doing…comparatively speaking.” She figured honesty was the best policy. He was clearly more experienced, and even though he already knew her history—or lack thereof—she had no intention of fibbing her way through a sexual encounter with him.

She half expected him to decide it wasn’t worth the effort, but he showed no sign of giving a shit. He closed the distance between them and placed his hands on either side of her hips. Nipping along her jaw, he hooked his thumbs over the band of her panties and tugged them down, lifting her just enough to yank off the garment.

“Do you know what you like?” he asked without ceremony as he cast her underwear aside, then removed her bra.

Miya was sure her heart was straining to get blood to every part of her that needed it. Her face went hot as a kiln as she realized his meaning, her lack of clothing suddenly the last thing on her mind. She may have been green with other people, but that didn’t mean she was clueless about her own body. Her mouth went dry, but the answer bubbled up regardless.

“Yes,” she said when she finally recovered.

His lips curved into a smirk. “Let’s stick with that then.” His eyes dragged up her naked form before seizing her gaze. She saw that hunger there again, laced with the shameless certainty that she would listen when he said, “Show me.”

Miya froze as the words crept into her, years of feminine socialization sending her reeling at his demand for candidness. “You want me to—” she nearly choked on each syllable, “show you…like, show you…what I do?”

Kai’s brow arched, his eyes lighting up with something between smugness and amusement. “If it’ll make you feel better, I can go first,” he offered blithely, then ran his hand up the length of his cock, his thumb skimming across the head as though it were the most casual gesture in the world.

Miya wanted to throw a brick at him, but his confidence was intoxicating, calling to the side of her that yearned for the same reckless abandon that’d landed her there.

He wants you , she reassured herself. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be kneeling there on display.

Drunk on his brazenness, Miya succumbed and did as she was told. She pressed her back into the cool cabin wall as her hand wandered down to the apex of her thighs. She watched as he languidly stroked himself, the reciprocation motivating.

Kai braced an arm against the wall by Miya’s head and encouraged her with a ravenous kiss, his knuckles grazing her skin as he positioned himself between her legs, spreading them wider. He was so painfully close, yet she didn’t dare touch him as she let her fingertips press against the small bud of nerves at her centre. Desire seared through the pit of her stomach, sinking lower, urging her to grind her hips towards him as her pleasure swelled.

Every now and again, a jostle in her chest—that persistent prickle of anxiety—wrenched her out of the moment, but Kai was there to distract her, his lips keeping her occupied, coaxing her to enjoy herself. Their bodies touched—just barely—his warmth and bare skin hovering like a wild temptation to which she was too afraid to surrender. But as she slipped a finger into her cleft and felt how wet she was, some of the trepidation finally abated, hurtling into the abyss beyond Kai’s cabin. She pushed back against his kiss, deepening it until a low growl reverberated in his throat. His arm slid from the wall, and he tangled his fingers in her hair.

Remembering that she too had another hand, she ventured over his abdomen and chest, allowing herself to feel every groove sculpted by adversity. Then, she meandered lower, trailing the sharp angle of his hip bone before their hands brushed. Kai twined his fingers with hers, then let her take him in her grasp. Her fingers closed around him, hard as hell but somehow still soft to the touch. The weight of him in her hand felt good, and the way his breath caught as his teeth snagged her lower lip emboldened her to savour having some power over him. Her anxiety faded as she slipped another finger into her wetness.

Miya’s pulse quickened, desire overrunning inhibition as her arousal mounted. She felt Kai smile against her lips, knowing, before his head dipped to her neck, and he peeled her from the wall. He left a trail of fire over her skin, pausing at her breasts to run his tongue over the erect peaks. His hands smoothed over her back as he dragged her under him, and her hips rose when he kissed lower, fixing himself between her thighs. Relieving her of the task he’d given her, he took her wrist and sucked off each of her fingers, then plunged his tongue inside her with an appreciative moan.

The sensation sent her writhing, and she instinctively reached down to touch herself, but he swatted her hand away without looking—damn his freakish senses. When he glanced up, his red-tinged eyes gleamed with something predatory yet playful.

“Capitalizing on my hard work?” she quipped, and his laugh rumbled against her pelvis, sending a satisfying shudder through her spine.

“I’m learning ,” Kai said emphatically, reminding her of his earlier comment.

I’m a fast learner .

His tongue flicked over her most sensitive point as he replaced the vacant space where her fingers had been with his own, and that alone nearly sent her cascading over the edge.

He definitely noticed, his grip on her thighs tightening as he drew a slow circle with his tongue, teasing around the very spot she needed to finish.

“You’re an ass,” she hissed, fingers knotting in his hair as her frustration intensified.

“Since you think I’m a freeloader,” he murmured, “I wouldn’t want you to feel cheated.”

Being touched by another person was nerve-wracking, but thrilling when it was welcome, and it dawned on her that his two fingers didn’t even approach what he would feel like. His tongue rived her from the thought, swooping lower. Increasingly feverish, Miya ground her hips against him—his hand, his mouth—aching for release.

Finally, Kai obliged. No longer teasing her with fleeting touches, his mouth descended on her where she most wanted it, his tongue sweeping over her clit. Her breaths grew wild, her pulse thundering in her ears as the crescendo surged over her, one hand lost in Kai’s dark hair while the other raked up his arm. Her legs squeezed around him, but he pressed his palms to the undersides of her thighs and pushed her legs up, spreading them wider. Pleasure erupted from her core and rippled across every limb, the aftershocks leaving her in a state of rapture.

“Holy shit,” she breathed out as the tremors slowly faded, her eyes fixed on the crumbling ceiling.

Kai released her legs, and she stretched them out as he half climbed on top of her, his hardness greeting her shin. Wiping his mouth, he sucked off the side of his thumb and ran his tongue over his lips. Miya’s heart leapt into her throat at the bald-faced display, all insecurities about how she might’ve tasted soundly put to rest. The fact that it’d taken twenty-one years for her to get this far with anyone had been such an uncalled-for source of shame.

Make sure you give it away to someone special , everyone had said. But as her friends’ first loves crumbled into wasted time and painful regrets, it became clear there was nothing all that special about the first time . What was there to give away, really? While her classmates stumbled through bad teenage sex and pregnancy scares, Miya stayed at home, hidden beneath her bedsheets as she quietly explored her body, learning every crevice and wondering if she still counted as a virgin. She figured her time would come eventually. Someone would sweep her off her feet, and she’d have a sweet but awkward first encounter. She imagined it would be some steady suburban boy who liked comic books and indie rock concerts.

But it never happened, and by the time she was halfway through college, she’d discovered that virginity was no longer an appealing trait. The men she met found it a bother. According to them, virgins were clingy or too much responsibility, and they didn’t want to have to coddle someone through sex. One guy had even told her that he wanted a confident but classy slut—whatever that meant. As if Miya was some sexless, wilting flower because she’d never had a dick inside her.

So, she withdrew altogether, having lost her appetite for relationships. In the end, she grew to resent the very men whose affection she’d longed for.

Still, she never expected this . Not a house party with a childhood friend or a college dorm with a drunk frat boy, but a cabin in the woods with a man who looked like he’d take gunshot wounds on a dare and use the bullet casing as a shot glass. He’d probably seen and done more than any of the shitheads who’d rejected her for being too innocent.

Miya felt his arousal as he shifted his weight, his lips grazing her stomach. Now that she’d had a taste of Kai, she burned to know what the rest of him was like.

“I still want to have sex,” she blurted out before the words died in her mouth.

He lifted his head, his expression unnervingly mild. “Wasn’t sure you’d be up for it.”

“What would you do if I wasn’t?” She wiggled her ankle to prod him between the legs.

“I’d jerk off,” he shrugged, then added with a roguish grin, “and give you a show.”

Miya choked on a laugh. “I think my head would explode like a tomato in a microwave.” She propped herself up on her elbow, a storm of unpleasant memories still percolating under her skin. “I want to know what it’s like. With you, I mean.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’ve never fucked me, so I’ll let you be the judge.”

His crassness and lack of pretence had grown on her, and while it may have caused trouble in some contexts, it now made her simmer with want. Apparently, romance was overrated.

Kai pushed himself up, reached over the side of the mattress, and rifled through his jeans until he found what he was looking for. As he turned back towards her, the sight of a condom dizzied her with relief. She’d been about to ask, her brain kicking itself for her lack of forethought.

Kai tore the package open with his teeth and rolled the condom on like he’d done it a thousand times before. Miya’s stomach tightened with apprehension as she watched.

He glanced at her, catching whatever bewildered look she was giving him. “Don’t worry, I’m clean,” he said quietly, like her stare had hit a sore spot.

Guilt crawled up her chest. She was thinking about how many people he’d been with—how many detached, impersonal encounters had led to this moment. And he’d sensed it.

“How do you know?” she asked carefully.

He shuffled over to ease himself down next to her, his brow knitting as he struggled to get the words out. “I can smell when someone’s sick,” he said at last, “but I don’t fuck with anything that needs a prescription, whether it’s antibiotics or an abortion. I just break the condom dispensers in public bathrooms and take what I need.” His eyes trailed down her body, stopping at her stomach. “In your case…” He patted her beneath her belly button, then gave her a weighty look.

“Right…” Earlier that day, he’d rudely declared that she was ovulating. “Not a bad ability to have—that nose of yours.”

He shrugged. “It can be distracting, smelling everything from the clap to a bad diet.”

Miya wrinkled her nose. “That sounds…unfortunate. And not very sexy.”

“Trust me. Bodies smell pretty rancid when they’re infected with something.” His arm snaked around her midsection, reeling her in as he rolled onto his side. “I can tell you eat the occasional vegetable.”

She snickered and turned to face him, her palm finding his chest. “I try to eat something green at least once a week—like kale or whatever.”

Kai made a face. “Fuck kale.”

“What did kale ever do to you?” she asked, tracing lines over his torso.

“Kale’s just a weed skinny rich people decided to turn into a fad. I’d rather eat asphalt.”

Miya’s eyes widened as she sucked in a breath and pressed a hand over her mouth, her face lighting up.

“What?” Kai asked flatly.

“I just thought of a dirty joke,” she mumbled through her fingers.

He raised a hand and gestured for her to hurry along. “Don’t leave me hanging, Lambchop.”

Her cheeks began to hurt from beaming behind her little shield. “I was going to say,” she nearly squeaked, “that you’d rather eat pussy.”

Kai blinked. His lips pursed, and his brows shot up in disbelief before he erupted into laughter. He spun onto his back and slapped her thigh, the light sting jostling her into a yelp as she grabbed his hand, her face scorching with embarrassment and mirth.

He pounded a fist to his chest, hacking, and took a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m so proud of you,” he feigned admiration, caressing the inside of her leg in approval.

“How’s uh…how’s that boner doing?” she asked meekly, unable to stop grinning from ear to ear.

He lifted his head and looked down the length of his body. “Still kicking,” he reassured, then sat up and flipped himself on top of her in one smooth motion. “I guess we should probably do this in missionary,” he mused aloud as he leaned on an elbow to keep his weight off her.

Miya balked at him, and he asked slowly, “Unless you…have a preference?”

She quickly shook her head, and he shrugged, his fingers casually stroking over her opening. His lips tugged into a half-smile as he looked down at her. “Still wet for me, huh?”

Miya’s heart somersaulted as a pleasant tingle ravelled down her spine and swirled in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t have the courage to tell him how much she loved his brazen honesty, his utter shamelessness with her body. At least, not yet.

“Guess you don’t need my confirmation,” was all she could muster, and his smile widened into a grin, like he knew she was withholding. His fingers curled inside her in a teasing motion, and she rolled her hips up with a slight gasp before he pulled out.

Kai spat in his hand and reached between his legs. Miya grimaced, her face flinching back.

“What?” he chuckled. “Did you bring lube?”

She tried to lock down the laugh, but it only resulted in a hiccupping snort. “N-no,” she said through a snicker.

“Well, I sure as fuck hope you’ve got more juice left in you then.” He grabbed her thighs and yanked her lower so their hips were aligned.

“And I sure as fuck hope you have enough nerve endings on your dick to know if there’s chafing,” she hissed back.

His shoulders shook as he tried to suppress a laugh. “I’ll let you know. But feel free to jump in if there’s, you know, pain or something.”

She whacked his arm, but it only served to propel him into full-blown glee. He pulled her into a hungry kiss as his tip nudged her opening. She tried to relax, sighing against his lips as she let her muscles sink into the mattress. As if feeling her slacken, he pushed in, pausing when she tensed. His thumb caressed the side of her neck, and his tongue coaxed a soft whimper from her.

As her body gradually loosened again, he slid his free hand beneath her. Pulling her hips up, he gently rocked forward, burying the rest of his cock inside her. The sensation was foreign but pleasant, accompanied by a dull ache that radiated through her abdomen.

“You good?” he asked, his hips flush with hers as he let her adjust.

She nodded. “Not the first time I’ve had something up there, though it was…admittedly smaller.”

His eyebrow arched as he smirked. “Sex toy?”

“Bought one on a whim when I moved out to live on my own,” she confessed.

“Such a rebel,” he said dryly, sending her skittering into laughter.

Miya grasped his forearms and tugged him forward, yearning for the warmth of his skin. She crashed her mouth to his when their bodies met, her previously idle hands now running over his arms, his shoulders, his back. Kai growled against her lips, the vibration sending a euphoric shudder through her. His hips pulled back—mercifully, not too far back—before he thrust into her slowly, though less tenderly than before. The ache subsided, and she coiled her legs around him, offering an encouraging squeeze. His mahogany eyes flitted to hers, ensnaring her before he thrust in again, harder this time. Miya’s breath caught, the fullness below her belly gradually morphing from something unfamiliar into something welcome. Every time he withdrew, she found herself craving the feel of him inside her.

Kai buried his face in her neck, stifling a groan as his fingers pressed into her thigh, his grip tightening. His breath was fire on her skin, and she snaked her arms around him, fingers knotting in his hair as she pulled him closer, her back arching. His teeth scraped along her shoulder and neck, nipping and kissing in ways she was certain would leave a mark—testament to what’d happened between them. Her gasps only made him wilder, and she briefly wondered what he was like when he wasn’t holding back or being gentle.

Kai pushed himself up, his breaths heavy. He peered down at her with unrestrained hunger, eyes roaming over her body. His lips pulled back into a rakish smile, and his calloused hands smoothed along her every curve. “It’s too bad my furniture’s shit.”

“Why’s that?” Miya asked between the thuds in her chest.

Kai dropped to his elbows, his mouth on her ear as he whispered, “Because I’d break the table fucking you on it.”

Miya’s heart hammered up her throat as the image flashed through her mind, and for a fleeting moment, she wondered if she’d ever wanted anything more in her life. Screw the journalism degree .

“A new table might be a good investment,” she said quickly, earning herself a breathy chuckle as Kai took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her face towards him.

Sex on a sturdy enough table would mean doing this again. And doing this again would require something that resembled constancy. Whatever snarky quip Kai had planned, he’d clamped down on it as if realizing the commitment was premature. Instead, he crushed his mouth to hers, devouring her lips when he couldn’t say whatever he’d originally intended. He tugged on her hips, his fervour mounting, and a low, feral sound rumbled in his throat as Miya’s legs encircled him. Feeling coy, she locked her hips and pushed him back for sport, constricting his movements.

Her playful resistance only spurred his intensity. Kai tangled his fingers in her hair, firmly gripping at the roots as he lightly jerked her head back—tit for tat. Her lips parted in surprise before she cursed at him, the choice words reaping a devilish smile as he relished their game.

Miya had no idea what possessed her then—perhaps his boldness was contagious—but in that moment, all inhibition melted away as she dragged her nails down his back and said, “God, you’re so fucking hard.”

She saw his throat bob as he suddenly swallowed, his eyes widening a fraction before his breath caught.

“Fuck,” Kai rasped, the word strangled as his control slipped. He released her hair, fisting the edge of the mattress as he slammed into her one final time.

Kai bit back a snarl, muffling his climax into Miya’s neck. His shoulders went taut, and he released a long breath, his limbs slackening as his weight slowly pressed down on her. After a moment, he raised his hips just enough to remove the condom and fling it aside.

“Sorry, I couldn’t finish,” she said sheepishly after a protracted silence, their limbs still entwined and their bodies lying flush.

Kai lifted his head like it was made of bricks and squinted at her. “I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“Really?” she squirmed under him, shifting to examine his face.

He reached down and stroked her clit, the sensation jolting her out of her skin. “Still out of commission,” he remarked, then flopped on his back.

“It’s a little oversensitive, yeah,” she said through a laugh.

His head lolled to the side as he studied her. “Did you enjoy it?”

She nodded, still reeling from the novel sensations.

“That’s all that really matters then. Besides,” he nudged her with his foot, “you already came on my tongue. Don’t be greedy, Lambchop.”

“I just thought you’d be upset if I didn’t finish during sex.”

Kai snorted. “I’ve fucked enough women to know not to place my bets on this guy.” He pointed below his hips.

Miya wondered how many women qualified as enough women . “So, you always wear condoms then?” she asked evasively, his history still a burning question in her mind.

“With strangers, yes. With you…” He paused, his eyes drifting to the ceiling. “I guess that depends on how often you want to do this.”

His declaration about the table flitted through her mind, and not without the accompanying image—one she was sure would occupy her fantasies for days to come. He’d stopped short when she’d suggested getting a new one, but something told her it wasn’t the financial expense. She suspected that his sexual encounters up to then had been largely casual, free of any entanglements.

“Wouldn’t it also depend on whether anyone else is involved?” she asked, dodging the question.

Despite her caginess, he caught on, cracking a smile as he repeated his earlier sentiment. “And wouldn’t that depend on how often you want to do this?”

She supposed he was right. If they were only hooking up occasionally, then it would be strange to demand commitment. “Not…infrequently…” Miya stuttered, the acknowledgement snagging on its way out. “I mean, I’d like to be friends…”

He turned onto his side to face her. “Are you asking me to be your special friend?” he asked wryly.

“Yes.” Her gut twisted with trepidation the moment the admission left her.

He scrutinized her as she squirmed, evaluating something only he was privy to. “Okay,” he said finally, his tone revealing nothing.

Taken aback by his nonchalance, Miya blinked away her stupor. “So…does that mean I get you to myself?”

He settled on his back as she gingerly tucked her head in the crook of his arm. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” she mumbled warily, though she sensed no resistance in him.

“I assume I get the same,” he said after a short lull.

Miya huffed dramatically, some of the stiffness leaving her. “No way. I’m starting a reverse harem.”

Kai’s breath halted before he barked out a raucous laugh. “Please, you’d come crawling right back.”

“What makes you so sure?” Miya sputtered at his blatant arrogance.

He snatched her wrist and hauled her high enough to press his lips to her neck, tracing a path to her ear. She felt a momentary prickle as his mouth passed over what she knew was a raging hickey. “I’m sure,” he murmured, “because you’re still thinking about that table.”

Her eyes widened, and she felt his lips tug open against her skin, teeth grazing with feather-like softness.

“Don’t think I can’t hear your heart trying to pull a prison break on your ribcage,” he chided.

“Okay,” she squirmed against him, “but that was really hot.”

“Mhm,” he hummed like the compliment meant nothing—or like he already knew and was simply agreeing.

Miya wedged a leg between his knees and plastered herself against him, melting into his warmth. She’d never been naked with anyone—had never known the comfort of feeling exposed skin against her own. For all of Kai’s edges, she was grateful he didn’t mind a little affection and pillow talk.

The tumult inside her finally quieted. The earth hadn’t shattered even though everyone kept telling her it would. She was still the same person, and if anything, she felt good for the first time in a long while.

“Have I worn you out yet?” Kai asked with a light squeeze.

“Plenty…” She’d been so reluctant to sleep, but her body felt almost liquid now. Her eyes drifted shut as fatigue overcame her, and everything faded to black.