The Light in Us

6. Fallon

6

Fallon

“ F allon?”

I turn. Rory is in my room again. We came back to the dorms after the funeral, my body and my heart too tired for anything else.

I glance down. I’m only in my underwear, the black dress discarded on the floor behind me. I’ve lost weight in the last two weeks. A lot of weight. “I’m not dressed.”

My voice sounds empty.

“I know.” His words are soft as he crosses the room toward me. “Doesn’t bother me. You don’t mind, right?”

I shake my head. I don’t particularly care about anything. Rory cups my cheek, his grip tight as he angles my head.

“Talk to us,” he breathes. “You’re so quiet, baby.”

He hasn’t called me that before.

I try. I try to find words as he stares down at me. But there’s nothing there .

“I feel so empty, Rory,” I whisper finally.

My mom is gone. So is my dad. And all that’s left behind is me, and I feel as if I’m unraveling.

My fault.

They came for me.

Soon, there will be nothing left of me at all.

I’m alone.

I don’t realize I’ve said the words aloud, but Rory’s eyes darken as he scans my face. “You’re not on your own. You have a pack now, Fallon. We’re going to take care of everything, okay?”

I startle, a small spark of… something , flickering to life inside me when his lips press against mine. They feel… wet, papery. Rory pushes his tongue between my lips before he pulls away.

His arms are tight around me as he moves to my neck. “You’re ours, Fallon. We’re going to take care of you. Give you everything you need. Let us fill up those empty spaces inside you.”

For the first time in days, I can feel .

And it doesn’t feel right.

They don’t feel right.

But at least I can feel something.

And feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all.

Isn’t it?

When I tilt my head back in silent acceptance, Rory groans, deep in his throat. I feel lips press against my shoulder, turn my head to see Ellis and Shaun behind me.

My pulse begins to pound beneath Rory’s tongue.

Not right.

Not right.

But I force the thoughts away, embrace the feel of something – anything – as they step up to surround me. The whine that slips out holds more emotion that I’ve managed for the past fortnight.

Fear is better than nothing.

None of them mention the cloying scent that fills the air around us. If anything, they push closer.

I press my lips into theirs with increasing desperation. “I need—,”

I need to feel.

I need to not feel like this .

Need something else. And it’s easier to let them take over, to be what they need instead of looking inside, at the pain and the grief.

They’ve been good to me. I can give them this, whatever part of me is left.

Let them have it.

Let them have me.

Hands on my skin. Shaun’s voice in my ear. “You’re sure?”

“She’s sure.” Rory answers for me, his hands buried in my hair. “You want us to take care of you, Fallon?”

I nod.

And later, when I’m lying between them, our bodies tangled together and sweat cooling on our skin, I don’t flinch when Ellis cups me, his hands tightening over the bruises of their fingerprints. “No going back now, Fallon.”

My body aches. I stare up at the ceiling.

“Part of the Smith pack.” Shaun’s lips feel as cold as his eyes. But I don’t mind that. It matches the ice inside my own heart.

“Sleep now.” Rory’s voice sounds sharp, and my body tenses. He strokes a hand down my back. “I don’t want to use my bark, but you need rest, Fallon. Close your eyes.”

When I do as he says, I feel a rumble of approval from the three of them, and the tension loosens.

Easier to do what they say.

Easier to not think at all.

My dad would be so—

I cut that thought off.

He’s not here anymore.

And I can’t do this by myself.

So I curl into Rory’s embrace, and both of us ignore the tears that soak his skin as I do as I’m told.

And my light – the little piece of my soul, the light that my parents cherished and guarded and fought for…it flickers inside my chest.

And goes out.