The Marine (Black Hawke Security #3)

CHAPTER THIRTY

brIAR

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I don’t have a plan . All I know is that I have to get away. Like a madwoman, I stuff clothes into my backpack, toss it over my shoulder, then run downstairs after locking up my apartment.

I’m half expecting Kael to be downstairs but thank god, he’s not.

My phone will be blowing up but it's back at the wedding venue.

I need another one, so I jog down to the local store, withdraw cash from the ATM outside it, and then buy a cheap iPhone.

I’m super aware that I didn’t have time to change and must look strange in my bridesmaid dress, heels, and a backpack.

Don’t care.

Once I have the phone, I wave down another cab and spend the drive to my destination loading up my apps so I’m connected again.

I silence the phone as I don’t want to see or hear the notifications from social channels once people know I’m missing.

I know I should tell Alice and Trina...and everyone, but I think I’m going through an early midlife crisis.

Or some kind of crisis.

A crisis of the heart.

Maybe a crisis of my soul.

I throw my head back against the seat and let out a long and loud sigh.

“Change your mind?” the driver asks.

I lift my head. “Sorry?”

“The wedding?” He meets my eyes in the mirror and there’s zero judgment. I guess he’s seen this before as a taxi driver.

But it’s not what he thinks.

I’m not the bride.

“Oh. No.” I glance at my dress and shake my head.

But I am running from my husband and from the man I love.

I can’t face Aidan’s rejection.

I can’t face Kael’s dominance and abuse.

I can’t face my mother’s ranting and manipulation.

I can’t face any of them.

I’m so done with it all. I need space to think and decide what I want in my life. Me. I need to hear my thoughts, not anyone else’s.

The driver pulls up at Casa de Venice and I smile at the building. Happy memories start to fill me, and I know this is the right place to be.

“Thank you.” I tip the driver as I climb out, then walk into the hotel. I’m honestly surprised it’s still here.

I had no other plan, so thank goodness.

“Do you have any available rooms?” I ask the woman behind the desk.

“Let me check.” She taps at the keyboard and then lifts her head, smiling. “We had a cancellation an hour ago, so if you are happy to just stay for three nights, then it’s yours.”

I nod.

I guess she’s thinking the same thing as my taxi driver because of my dress, but I’m not in the mood to explain.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

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A N HOUR LATER I might not be curled up in a ball, but I am soaking in a tub full of bubbles and have shut out the world. No one knows I am here, and it’s the most peaceful I think I’ve felt in my whole life.

I’m safe.

Temporarily, at least.

I mean, isn’t that what everyone wants? To feel safe, secure, and loved? Some are lucky to be born into a life where they never have to crave it. Many are not.

I don’t know how I’m going to create a sense of security in my world, but I damn well am.

Starting right now.

Day by day I will make the choices to ensure nobody ever hurts me again. Smarter choices. Saying no to anything that even resembles abuse.

Physically or mentally.

I brush my hand over the big white bubbles and let my mind wander. How do I do that without pushing away everyone I love?

I don’t want to shut down and become cold.

That’s not a happy life.

But I need to work out who are the people I can trust. Who the people are that I can’t? It’s not as simple as it seems.

But I’m not going to be a damn victim. Not anymore.

It’s not okay to hurt other people.

My father had no right to do those things to me.

My mother had no right not to speak up for me.

I am so damn angry with her I want to scream!

Twenty-eight damn years of anger come pouring out of me as the tears start.

Three nights.

It’s just the start of this healing journey, and not nearly enough time, but at least I’m starting.

Tomorrow I’ll think more.

Tonight I cry.