The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

45. Cooper

COOPER

I spent the night staring at the wooden palm-leaf ceiling fan spinning and feeling like I’m doing the same damn thing. I know I fucked up last night. She’s running away, and instead of forcing her to stay, forcing her to talk, I gave her another way to avoid me. Sex wasn’t the answer. It was a Band-Aid, a fucking phenomenal stalling tactic that solved nothing.

Just before sunrise, I give up on getting any decent sleep and decide to go for a run. But on my loop around the resort, I slow as I come up to Carys’s hut, and without overthinking it, I knock on her door. I stand there, leaning against the door frame, waiting. Muffled noise comes from the other side, so I know she definitely heard me.

When she cracks open the door, I realize just how early it is and remember Carys is not a morning person. Too late now.

“What do you want, Cooper? It’s six a.m.” She’s dressed in black lace boy-cut panties and a matching black lace-bra thing that kinda looks like a tank top but shorter. And way sexier. Damn. Her hair’s a mess around her face, and those emerald-green eyes of hers are glaring daggers at me for waking her up. All I want to do is kiss her, but she’d probably break a lamp over my head if I did.

“We need to talk, Carys, and I’m not giving you a chance to run away this time.” I take a step forward, and she begrudgingly opens the door further to let me in.

“Fine.” She grabs a tee out of her suitcase and throws it over her beautiful body, which certainly helps me concentrate. I’m strong, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to have this conversation with a half-naked Carys. Although, when she turns around, I force back the groan caught in my throat. One of the few things better than a half-naked Carys is her half-naked in my shirt. My inner caveman roars to life at the vision in front of me, seeing her in one of my old Kroydon Hills Prep football tees with Sinclair and my number across the back.

“Nice shirt.”

Her delicate hands grip the hem, tugging it down while she looks to see what she’s wearing and then blushes. “It’s comfortable,” she shrugs. “What do you want, Cooper? What do we have left to talk about?” She crosses her hands over her chest, and the five-year-old shirt lifts with her, grazing the tops of her thighs.

I mimic her stance. “How about we start with why you pushed me away?”

“I told you?—”

“You didn’t tell me anything. Just said you needed space. I need more than that, Carys. I deserve more. We deserve more, and you know it.” I force myself to stay put and not cross the room. To not go to her the way I want to. “What happened to us?”

“Cooper...” The way my name leaves her lips... It’s a sigh of exhaustion. She drops down onto the small sofa and tucks her feet up under herself. “Can’t you please just accept that it’s over and leave it at that?”

“No, I can’t. I refuse to. We were fine. We were making plans, and everything was fine. I know I said I wanted to talk to the family about us. I wanted us to be open with everyone. But when you pushed back that you weren’t ready, I promised to give you time. What the fuck happened after that to cause this? Because I love you, and I’m pretty damn sure you still love me too, baby.”

Her eyes flare on my last word as they shoot up to meet mine. “It doesn’t matter, Cooper. None of it matters anymore.”

“Why?” I push, needing better answers than she’s giving me. “Why doesn’t it matter? Because you’re sick? What kind of man would I be if I backed away because of that?”

Her hands fly up into the air, pissed off. “I’m not sick right now, Coop. I’m living with lupus. I have good days and bad days. Sometimes bad weeks, but I’m not always sick.” Some of her anger subsides as she lowers her voice. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t complications that I don’t want you to deal with. This is for me to live with. Not you.”

“Who are you to decide what I live with? I love you. I want to live with you. I want to spend my life with you. I don’t care about the rest. Who better to lean on when you need support than the man who loves you?” I stand my ground, staring down at this beautiful woman who must have no idea what she means to me. “Where the hell did I fuck up? Why don’t you believe that I love you enough for us to get through anything?”

Carys stands up and pushes at my chest. “Because I don’t want you to have to get through this, Coop.” She turns her back to me for a moment, gathering her composure. Her finger tightens into fists at her side before she spins back to me.

“I love you, Cooper. Part of me always will. But I can’t give you what you want. I can’t give you what you’ll need, and I’d never forgive myself for robbing you of that.” Her green eyes fill with unshed tears. “We have no idea what the next twenty years are going to look like for me. I could have issues neither of us has even considered. But it’s almost guaranteed that I’m going to have issues having a baby. I was going to have complications before this diagnosis. And now...” The first tear falls. “Now, it could be catastrophic for me or the baby.”

I step into her and gather her in my arms as she cries, pressing my lips against the top of her head. She grips my shirt with her fists and sobs. Long, deep, gut-wrenching sobs. “Let it go, baby. Let it all out.” I hold her tighter and let her cry, rubbing her back... her hair. Soothing her any way I can. Then I pick her up and sit down with her small body tucked against me.

We sit there for a long time as she calms down.

The two of us holding each other.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me earlier? I don’t care. We can adopt. There’re tons of kids out there who need good homes. I don’t care if we can’t do it the traditional way. And I’m not even thinking about kids right now. I just want you. I’ll stand with you every step of the way, Carys. We’ll get through this together.” I lift her face to mine and gently press my lips to hers.

“You’ll care one day, Coop. What if I’m sick and they won’t give us a baby? I’ve read horror stories online. It’s not as easy as you’re making it sound. There are so many possible complications.” She runs her thumb over my cheek, and I know before she speaks what she’s going to say. It’s plain as day in her eyes. “I can’t do that to you, Cooper. I won’t. I refuse to let you make those decisions now for the both of us, only to regret it later. I don’t want to live like that. I can’t.”

Carys climbs off my lap and tugs her shirt down. “You deserve more than that, and so do I.”

“Fuck that.” I stand in front of her and grab her hand. “You hate when people make decisions for you. You fucking hate when people treat you like they know what’s best. That’s what you’re doing now. You’re not listening to me.” I lift her hand and lay it over my heart. “I don’t care about any of that if it means I don’t have you. You’re it, Carys. You’re everything.”

Her face softens. “I wish I could believe that.”

“But why can’t you? When have I ever given you any reason to doubt that? To doubt me?”

“You haven’t,” she whispers. “But I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, Coop. I don’t know what to think or how to feel. Just as so much of my life is coming together, a whole different piece of it is falling apart.”

“Let me help you. We’ll deal with it together.” It’s crazy how much a year can change things. I can’t imagine my life without this woman standing next to me. I’d fight any battle, wage any war if it meant I got to keep her.

“I’m moving home, Coop. I’m taking a year off of school and moving back to Kroydon Hills so Chloe and I can concentrate on the business. My doctor in Philly is the best in the country, and I’ll be close to Mom if I need her.”

“That doesn’t change anything. None of that does.” I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers. “I’m home for Nattie’s wedding and have to fly back to Coronado the next day. We leave for our six-month deployment right after that. When I come back, I’m transferring to Virginia Beach and Bravo Team. I did that for us, baby. So we could be closer to our family. To our friends. It can all work out.”

She closes her eyes. “I don’t know, Cooper. I want to believe it can all work out, but I’m just not there yet.”

“Yet. You’re not there yet . But you can get there. Don’t doubt me. Don’t doubt us. We’re worth it, Carys. We’re worth the risks. We’re worth the hell. Together. You and Me. We’re worth it all.”

She walks willingly into my arms and rests her cheek against my chest. “Just give me time, Cooper. I’m not making any promises, but I need time.”

“Don’t shut me out, and I’ll give you whatever you want, baby.”

I’ll fight forever for this woman, whether she wants me to or not.