The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

49. Carys

CARYS

T ommy and I are dancing to Otis Redding halfway through the reception when Cooper cuts in. “Hey, Tommy. You think I could dance with Carys for a few minutes?”

Tommy looks at me, and I smile and nod. “Save one for me later, okay?”

“Okay, Carys.” He starts to walk away when Chloe grabs him to dance with her.

The band’s horn section hits their part beautifully, and Cooper spins me around the dance floor. “Have I told you that you’re the most gorgeous woman in this room?”

I blush, and the band switches to “When I Fall In Love.” It’s like the freaking universe is conspiring against me. “No, you haven’t. But no one here tonight holds a candle to your sister.”

My skin lights up with heat at the touch of his hand against my bare shoulder blade.

“My eyes have only seen you all day, Carys.” The hand on my waist tugs me closer to him.

“Coop... Be careful. What if someone is watching?” I glance around, but no one seems to be paying any attention to us. This wedding is gigantic compared to Aiden’s. There are at least four hundred people here, and that does make it easier to blend in.

“What if I told you I don’t care if anyone is watching?” He’s got that stubborn look in his eyes that I know well.

“I’d say even if we were at that point, your sister’s wedding isn’t the place to make an announcement like that.” I slowly slide my hands up his arms, taking in the feel of his muscles under his jacket, and savor every second in his hold. “You smell good.”

Cooper chuckles. “Soap and water, baby.”

“It smells really good on you.” I take a risk and lay my head against his shoulder for a moment, inhaling his uniquely clean scent, then step back. “We can’t do this. Not here. Not now.” The band switches to an older song I’ve heard before. “True Companion.” I think it was originally by Marc Cohn. And it’s like they’re trying to rip my heart out.

I turn and grab a glass of wine from a passing server and walk outside. The country club where the reception is being held is on the beach, one town over from the houses. I walk away from the man I’ll always love, down the stone path through the grass, planning to go sit on the beach for a while until I’m called over to where everyone is sitting on crisp white, Adirondack chairs around a beautiful stone firepit. Nattie is in Brady’s lap, glowing. Sabrina sits on my brother, as does Lenny on Bash. My heart hurts for a minute that I’m not allowing myself to have this. If I wanted it, it would be mine. If I was willing to do that to Cooper.

Chloe sits by herself and yells over to me. “Come on, Carys. You can sit on my lap.”

I join the group and sit down on the arm of Chloe’s chair just before I spot Cooper walking outside, looking for me. I clock the minute he finds me with our family, and his entire body changes.

Loosens somehow.

Relaxes.

And maybe that’s what I was looking for.

He’s relaxed with them, but what I’m doing isn’t fair. I’m hurting him.

The chatter around me continues as music pumps out from the open doors.

Nat smiles from her place on Brady’s lap, her long white dress covering both their legs. “Pretty sure I need to thank Chloe and Bash,” she laughs. “If it hadn’t been for the two of you, I may never have gotten Brady’s attention.”

“Oh, sweetheart. You had my attention the first second you walked into that kitchen.” He kisses her, and we all groan and then turn as one to look at Cooper, waiting for him to say something the way he’s always teased the two of them. But how does he do that, now that he’s been hiding what we’ve done from his best friends? As that thought crashes down around me like a violent wave, I hear him.

“What?” Coop asks. “I can’t yell at him for kissing her anymore. He married her.”

I’ve done this to him. I’ve asked him to lie to his friends and our family.

I’ve ruined so many things, but I can fix it.

Chloe grabs my hand in hers and squeezes it reassuringly.

She knows how much this hurts.

Nattie’s head pops up. “Do you have to go back tomorrow, Cooper?”

“You know I do, Nat,” Coop tells her solemnly.

I need to get out of here. Standing up, I turn to the group. “I’m going to check on Mom. See if she needs help with Callen.” I feel Cooper’s eyes burning into me as I hear him.

“I don’t fly out until tomorrow night. Who wants to sunrise surf in the morning?”

They all groan.

The singer announces the last dance of the night, and I peek over my shoulder to see them all lift their glasses in a toast. “To the new Mr. and Mrs. Ryan.”

“To the Ryans” is echoed back before Nattie adds, “To family.”

Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” drifts through the open doors, and I hold in the sob that catches in my throat.

I leave my room unlocked when I go to bed.

Knowing I shouldn’t but praying he checks.

Like he did last night.

I lie on top of my bed in his old t-shirt, wishing it still smelled like him, knowing this is it and trying not to cry as my heart fractures further.

It’s not long before the door cracks open and his eyes lock with mine. I nod my head and Coop slips inside. His gray suit coat is thrown on the chair, and we don’t speak. We don’t need to. We both know what this is.

Cooper’s hands skate over my skin as he lifts my shirt gently over my head, and I fumble with the buttons on his shirt. I’m not as gentle when I rip his white dress shirt from his muscled chest, desperate to feel his skin against mine.

He lifts me from my feet, and my legs lock around his waist. “Coop...”

“Shh, baby. I’ve got you.” His lips graze mine, and my skin pulses at the electricity coursing through it. “I’ve always got you, Carys. Always.”

I yank his belt from his pants, then shove them and his boxers down his legs.

His big body covers mine until our hearts beat in sync, and I fall a little deeper. I take him in my hand and rub the thick head of his dick against my soaking wet entrance. We both moan as he pushes inside me, and pleasure courses through my veins.

“I need you,” I cry against his mouth as my hips cradle him to me. “Oh, God.”

He drives his hips against mine in slow, deep, loving strokes.

Worshipping me.

Whispering every word I ever needed to hear. And breaking any final remnant of my heart that was still intact before tonight.

His lips are a velvety caress against the skin of my throat as his hands wrap around me, and he sits us both up, never losing our connection.

My legs stay circled around his waist as he holds me impossibly close.

We move as one.

So different from all the other times I’ve been with this man, and I lose myself in him.

I crest on a silent sob as hot come fills me and shatters my soul.

We don’t talk afterward.

Cooper holds me in his arms and doesn’t act like he knows I cry myself silently to sleep.

I know I’m alone before I open my eyes. My hand smooths over the cool sheets in search of Cooper, but he’s not here.

Why would he be? We both knew what last night was, didn’t we?

A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table tells me just how early it is.

I didn’t want to close my eyes last night. I tried to stay awake, to savor the moment in his arms. My last time with the man who’s owned my heart since I was fifteen.

I knew the morning would bring an end to us.

To everything.

But I don’t see any other way, and I’ve tried.

He’s catching a flight back to Coronado today, so he can fly out for his deployment this week. This will be the last time I see him like this. The last time I’ll have any claim to him.

I gaze through the window at the dark ocean and know exactly where he is.

And as much as the guys love him, no one was waking up for sunrise surfing today but Cooper.

I slip a soft black Kings sweatshirt over my head that I picked up yesterday from a chair, and instead of putting it away in Cooper’s room like I should have, I left it in here. Wanting something that still carried his scent, that would envelop me like the man himself has so many times, letting it wrap around me and kiss my skin.

I force myself to remember I’m doing this for a reason.

I’m breaking us on purpose now, so I don’t destroy us later.

Don’t destroy him.

I’ve never been the strong one. It’s always been him. He’ll never let me go if I don’t force him, and I can’t let him do that.

I can’t take his full, beautiful life from him.

I can’t handle the resentment that would eventually come with it.

It’s easy to slip through the sliding-glass doors of my room undetected since everyone else in the house is sound asleep. I follow the well-worn path through the sand dunes and beach grass down to the hard sand and look out at the edge of the stormy ocean. The sky is gray with no sun in sight. But there he is, his bronzed body sitting atop his surfboard, waiting for the perfect wave. He’s got the patience of a freaking saint. Always has.

So I do what I do best.

I watch. Always on the outside looking in.

At least until he’s beside me. Then I finally fit.

If only for a little while.

Coop lies down on his board and starts to paddle as a wave builds in the distance behind him. Thunder crashes overhead, and I watch him one more time.

He’s a golden god out there on his board, a frogman perfectly at home in the ocean.

He’s gorgeous.

He’s everything.

And I got to have his heart for a little while. That has to be enough.

He rides to the shore, unstraps his board from his ankle, and digs it into the sand. His blue eyes sparkle even brighter against the gray clouds overhead as another boom of thunder warns the skies are going to open soon. A relieved grin overtakes his handsome face as he makes his way to me.

“You came.” Never stopping, he grabs my face with both hands and crushes his lips to mine. His tongue licks into my mouth, and my hands grip his biceps with all the strength I have.

Peace is a fleeting sentiment. And peace is what I’ve always felt in his arms.

Tears burn the back of my eyelids as I turn my head away. “I had to say goodbye without everyone around us.”

Cooper stands stock-still, like I just stole his breath. “Don’t do this, Carys. Don’t do this to us.” He grabs my hand and flattens it against his heart. “Feel that, baby. It beats for you. Feel me. I’m yours. We can figure everything else out if you give us a chance. You’re it for me.” He presses his lips to mine again, but I just can’t.

“Cooper.” The tears fall as soon as his name leaves my lips. “I can’t,” I sob. “I just can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to either one of us. You deserve everything, and I can’t give that to you.”

“Baby.” He wipes the tears from my face just as the first fat raindrop falls. “I can live without everything else. But I can’t live without you. How can you even question that?”

I push him back with the hand resting against his chest, my tears coming hard and fast, mixing with the cool rain. “I love you, Cooper Sinclair. I always will. But last night doesn’t change anything. We’re over. We have to be.”

“You’re wrong. Don’t do this to us, Carys...”

I take a step back. Then another. “I have to because you never will. You’re too good, Coop. You’d never hurt me, and that would end up wrecking us.”

“Baby, please... We can work through this.” Fat raindrops cling to those long lashes I love, and the heavens open up with a vengeance as the rain pounds down against the sand, making it hard to see.

I shake my head no because I can’t force the words to come out. “Be safe, Cooper.”

“Don’t do this, Carys.” He drops to his knees, and I know he’ll never forgive me, and I’ll never forget this moment.

It’s already done.

I turn my back on him and walk away for the last time.

My heart shatters completely in the process.

“Carys...” I don’t look back. “This isn’t the end of us.”

He’s wrong.

Cooper Sinclair is the strongest man I know. But he can’t fix this.