The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

54. Cooper

COOPER

A knock on the door later in the day pulls me from the thoughts running rampant in my sedated brain. A doctor glances at me and moves to pull the curtain between Trick and me closed. He stands next to my bed with a tablet in his hand. “Petty Officer Sinclair, I’m Dr. Bennett. I was the general surgeon on call when you came in.”

“When can I get back in the field, Doc?” I know my abdomen will likely take a few weeks to heal, but I don’t have a few weeks to wait around.

Dr. Bennett’s dark eyes give away what he’s thinking before he says it, and it’s not going to be good. “We’re going to need to talk about that...”

“Doc, my brain is kinda fuzzy right now. I must have heard you wrong. Can you say that again? What’s there to talk about? Just give me a date.” Then I begrudgingly add, “Maybe a little slower.” If I didn’t think it would split my skull in two, I’d try to shake the fog free from my head, but I don’t think my brain can handle the movement yet.

“All concussions are considered TBI’s. Traumatic brain injuries. You suffered a grade 3 concussion. I’ve brought in a neuro consult, and we’ve got reason to be concerned. You’re scheduled to have another MRI later today. We’ll know more after that. Until then, I can’t give you any kind of estimate about if or when you’ll be able to return to duty.”

I want to argue with him that I’ll be returning to my team, but my eyes grow heavy from the pain meds.

He checks something on the machine next to me, then steps back. “No lights, no electronics, and no excitement for the next twenty-four hours. Give yourself time to heal, Sinclair. We’ll know more soon.” He turns on his heel and leaves the same quiet way he came in, while I’m left trying to focus on the door he just walked through and the one word I can’t shake.

If .

He said if or when I return to active duty.

He’s wrong.

I’m a goddamn US Navy SEAL. I will return to duty. To my team.

I have to. It’s who I am. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be.

I have to help my team figure out what the hell happened.

And what fucking part Axel played in it.

Fuck. I want to say there’s no way Axe would have turned on us, but Rook and Ford both said it. They’d never have gone there if they weren’t certain. I try to remember... try to force my brain to work, but it doesn’t.

Instead, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep as a flash of Axe taunting me last week about Carys pushes through my mind.

“You gonna marry my baby momma, Sinclair?” He drops his tray of food on the table in the mess hall and sits across from me.

“Fuck off, asshole. She’s not your baby momma, and she never will be.” Fuck, if she has it her way, she won’t be mine either.

“We’ll see.” The asshole smiles.

He was always being a dick, but he was never serious.

We stood side by side for three years against the rest of the world.

I trusted him with my life.

A trained killer who I never thought would turn his training on us.

A knock on the door jars me from my dream, and the nurse from earlier—Denise, I think— walks in with my dad and Carys behind her.

Tears stream down Carys’s beautiful cheeks, as she rushes past Dad to stand next to my bed. An old hoodie of mine engulfs her small body, and I ache to feel her skin against mine.

To take away the shadows and fear from her gorgeous green eyes.

I want to kiss her and convince her I’ll be fine, even if I don’t know that yet.

I want to hold her in my arms and tell her I’m never fucking letting her go again, and I don’t give a shit what she has to say about it.

She’s mine.

Period.

But I don’t do any of that because my blendered brain is focusing on one thing. Axel betrayed us. If I was shot—which judging by the pain in my stomach and the giant fucking bullet hole there—there’s no denying it. There’s only one man who could have done it.

The man on top of the roof with me.

The man who may already have a slightly unhealthy obsession with this woman.

The traitor to our team who got away.

Fuck.

She lays her hand on top of mine before I jerk it away.

My mind starts racing as my pulse riots.

She can’t be here. It’s not safe. “What are you doing here?”

“Cooper . . .” she pleads, but I don’t respond.

I can’t let her see how much I want her.

How much I need her like the fucking air I breathe.

I push a button on my bed, and a different nurse appears in the doorway. “Petty Officer?”

Carys’s breath catches in her throat, and I wish I could help her breathe easier. I wish I could joke with her and ask her why it took me being shot for her to figure out what mattered. Because the look on this woman’s face tells me she figured it out and finally realized just how wrong she was. But that’s not how this is gonna play out.

Not now.

It can’t.

Instead of doing any of that, I look at the older nurse. “I want this woman removed from my approved list. I don’t want her here.”

“Cooper,” my dad barks.

No matter how much I wish it was different, her words on the beach from months ago tickle my brain. I need to break us now, so I don’t destroy us later. She’ll forgive me for this when it’s over. She fucking has to.

A tear falls down Carys’s cheek and hits my hand.

I force all the warmth from my face when I look at her again. “Get out.”

A stubborn glint appears in her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest, refusing to budge.

“Miss, I have to ask you to leave. Your presence here isn’t good for him.” I see when Carys wavers. She’d never want to hurt me, even if she already ripped out my fucking soul. What kind of fucked up karma is it that now I’m doing the same thing to her?

I close my eyes when she reaches for me and turn my head as she runs her finger along my temple. “I’ll go for now. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. I love you, Cooper, and I’ll be back.”

She’s saying all the words I wanted to hear. But I can’t now.

They don’t change anything.

She takes a step away, before I stop her. “Carys...”

This beautiful girl turns her head back to me, full of hope.

“Don’t bother coming back. We’re done. You made sure of that two months ago.” The words are bitter as they leave my lips.

Hard to say.

Even more hard to watch her hear them.

A sob wrenches from the depths of her throat as she leaves my room, more broken than when she entered. And like the asshole I am, I watch her go.

Dad curses under his breath but holds his ground next to me.

The part of my heart that fractured a month ago riots at the idea I’m causing her pain. But until I know what’s going on with the team and Axe, it’s better this way.

Once the nurse follows Carys out, Dad turns to me, utter exhaustion settling deeply in the lines of his face. He drags a chair across the worn tile floor and sits down next to my bed. “How are you feeling, son?” I know he’s got more to say, but he doesn’t... yet .

He takes my hand in his, in a way he hasn’t done since I was young, and squeezes it.

“Like I’ve been shot,” I try to joke, but judging by the look on his face, it falls flat. “Too soon?”

“We thought you were captured. We thought you were dead.” His face pales with his words. “So, yeah... Too soon, Cooper.”

His words hurt more than the pounding in my head. “Sorry, Dad. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“I don’t need an apology. I just need to know you’re okay. Jesus...” he groans. “You’ve taken ten years off my life during the past forty-eight hours. What happened?”

There’s no way I can tell him what’s going on, even if I remembered all of it.

I’m still a Navy SEAL, and there are rules for a reason.

It takes me a minute to get my thoughts straight. “I’m not sure what happened, Dad. But there are things going on with the team. I need you to take Carys and leave Germany. Go home. It’s safer for both of you there.”

“Safer?” he questions. “What are you talking about? Are you still in danger, son?”

I close my eyes and try to fight back the nausea churning in my stomach. “I’m not sure what’s going on yet. And I couldn’t tell you even if I knew. The thing is, I need you safe, so I need you to leave.” I close my eyes and lean my head back against my pillow as I breathe through the dizziness and nausea that are hitting me hard. “I need you to take Carys home.”

“Carys is an entirely different conversation, Coop. Why would you hide that from us?” Even with my eyes closed, I can feel the disappointment radiating off him in waves, and I suddenly feel like I did when Nattie and I were ten years old and were about to get in trouble. Except Declan isn’t here to save me.

“Dad...” I struggle to find the right words. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but?—”

“You didn’t tell me at all,” he barks roughly, and my eyes shoot to his. “She stood up to the entire family and demanded to come here because she’s in love with you. And let me tell you, your sister and Murphy didn’t go easy on her. But she did it anyway, so she could be here. With you . And you just threw her out.” Dad’s voice might still be full of love, but I can’t miss the judgment in his words.

I’m not sure whether it’s anger or hurt or a mixture of both.

“I raised you to be a better man than that, son.”

“Then keep her safe until I can do it myself, and I promise to show you what kind of man I really am.” I grab his arm. “Please, Dad.” My vision blurs as I think about what kind of shitstorm we’re all walking into once we can finally all walk again. “Take her home.”

“I think you’re doing the wrong thing, Cooper.” He stands from the chair, and I’m pretty sure he’s telling me no. “I’ll check her in at the hotel, but neither of us is leaving until I’m sure you’re going to be okay. Don’t bother fighting me.” He leans down and kisses my head the way he kisses Callen. “I love you.”

“You need to go back to Kroydon Hills, Dad. It’s safer for everyone that way. Me included. I can’t take care of the shit I need to handle if you’re here.” My frustration grows with every minute he pushes back.

His eyes soften. “I’ve got news for you, kid. You’re not handling anything for a few days. Not in the shape you’re in. Get some sleep.” He takes a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Cooper. I’ll try to keep Carys away, but I’m not making any promises.”

The door closes behind my father, and Trick opens the curtain between us with some kind of remote. “You’ve got to keep her away. We have no idea what Axe’s up to. And seriously man, he’s already infatuated with your girl. Better to piss her off now and fix it later than to put her on his radar any more than she already is.”

“If he wants us, she’s my biggest weakness.” I lean my head back and close my eyes, wondering how we got here.