The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

55. Carys

CARYS

I try to hold my head up and put one foot in front of the other as I walk down the hospital corridor, but my heart breaks a little more with each step that takes me further from Cooper.

I did this to us. I broke us then, so I wouldn’t destroy us later.

That’s been my mantra.

It’s what’s gotten me through the tsunami of regret I’ve been drowning in for months.

I pushed him away, thinking I was doing the right thing.

I’ve never been so damn wrong about anything in my life.

Never.

But Cooper was right about one thing, and shame on me for not realizing it now.

I should have fought harder for him. For us. My heart cracks when I realize I gave up on us so easily. I thought I knew what was best. I didn’t. It only took one moment of thinking I’d lost him forever for me to accept what I already knew deep down. I fucked up, and now I need to fix it.

Even if it’s the last thing I do.

Once I get back to the waiting room, I take a seat in the far corner and pull up the photo app on my phone. This has been my favorite form of self-torture for a few weeks, but it feels different now. I’m not longing for what could have been, like I’ve been doing. Now I’m looking at the images of us, determined to figure out how to repair what I’ve broken.

After a few minutes, I switch over to my text messages and open my chat with Jessie.

Carys

Are you coming to Germany?

Jessie

No. Ford told me to stay put. How are you doing? How’s Cooper?

Carys

Cooper’s pretty banged up. Coach is with him now. I’ll be okay once I know more.

Jessie

Can I do anything?

Carys

Do you have a time machine? Because he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Jessie

I don’t believe that.

Carys

He sent me away, Jess. He didn’t even want me in the room.

Jessie

Don’t give up. Our men have to believe they’re invincible. It’s part of their DNA. They don’t do well with being reminded they’re human and break like the rest of us. He’ll come around.

Carys

I hope you’re right. How’s Emerson?

Jessie

She’s refusing to get out of bed. But I’ve got her. You take care of our guys, and I’ll take care of our girl.

Carys

Love you, Jess.

Jessie

Love you too, Carys.

I stare at my screensaver. It’s a picture of Coop and me from New Year’s Eve. A selfie I took as we huddled under the blankets while the fireworks over the ocean lit up the night. I’m looking at the camera, but Coop... Coop’s looking at me. His blue eyes are filled with nothing but love. Such a far stretch from the hate I saw in them today.

It might not be easy, but I know I can fix this.

It’s a good thing I’ve never been scared of hard work.

I must have fallen asleep because I’m startled awake and nearly scream in Coach’s face as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest. “Oh my God. You scared me, Coach.”

“Sorry, kiddo.” He offers me his hand and pulls me to my feet. “Come on. Let’s go get checked in at the hotel.”

“How is he, Coach?” My voice trembles a little, even though I try to maintain the control I’ve been fighting for.

Coach looks back in the direction he came from, hesitating. “He’s tired. But he’s going to be okay.” I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince himself or me as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me toward the door. “They were taking him down for an MRI when I was leaving. I’ll come back later tonight to check on him.”

Another fissure rips through my heart.

He’ll be coming back alone.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but the anguish I feel at the reality nearly takes me to my knees.

Cooper doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t forgive me.

T he hotel is a short walk from the hospital under a cloud-covered gray sky.

Fitting for my mood.

Once we’re inside, it takes no time for us to check in under the reservation Mom made. Thankfully, she was thinking ahead.

We push through the door of the two-bedroom suite, both of us exhausted.

Emotionally and physically.

The space is bigger than Coach and I need. A living room and kitchenette sit between two bedrooms with a large window overlooking the street below. I cross the room and push the curtain aside to see the hospital staring back at me.

I can’t help but think I should still be there.

Coach carries my small bag into one of the bedrooms and rests it on a chair by another window. He stares out for a second, no doubt looking at the hospital like I just did, before turning around and yawning. His dark-blue eyes are rimmed in red with dark circles underneath, betraying a soul-deep exhaustion. He wraps his strong arms around me, and I lose every ounce of strength I’ve fought so hard to maintain.

The dam holding back my emotions finally buckles from the mounting pressure, and big, fat tears stream down my face, soaking his jacket as a guttural sob lodges in my throat.

Coach holds me while sobs wrack my body.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him through a mix of tears and snot.

I’m a mess.

I pull back and wipe my face on my sleeve. “These aren’t all sad tears. He’s alive. I don’t know if I truly believed it until I saw him for myself.”

“I know. I didn’t want to leave.” He rubs soothing circles on my back while I fight to calm myself down. “Everyone tells you it gets easier once your kids grow up, but they’re wrong. At least when they were little, we knew where they were. I’d rest my hand on their backs while they were sleeping, just to feel them breathe.”

I hiccup. “I need to feel him breathe, Coach. I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that, especially after you saw how much I’ve hurt him. But my God, I want to feel him breathe.”

Coach pulls away from me and bends his knees, so we’re eye level. “Listen to me, Carys. Don’t give up on him yet. Okay? Give him some space for now. But don’t give up.”

“How?” The one-word slips past my lips as I cry. “He doesn’t want me here, Coach.”

“There’s always a way, if you want it bad enough.”

But how many odds are already stacked against us?